Chapter 30
THIRTY
brINLEY
In the distance, the bonfire leapt toward the blackened sky, the flames close to kissing the bottoms of the branches that stretched out in a canopy over the front of the clubhouse.
The trees soared to a height that made them appear as if they touched the stars that were strewn into eternity.
Sentries that stood guard over the property, the same way as the riot of men who were gathered around the bonfire did.
Wearing their cuts, beer bottles in their hands, their laughter echoing through the cool, summer night.
There was no missing the fact there was also a horde of women present tonight. No shortage of leather and lace, but I guess I was offering a bit of that, too.
Dressing myself up like my clothing was armor as I stalked my way toward the party.
I refused to cower or hide in Silas’s room after what had happened earlier today.
I was no shrinking violet.
I refused to let the incident be a stumbling block, and I’d be damned if I allowed it to send me tumbling all the way back to five years ago.
I refused to be her, even though I’d been foolish enough to let Silas get a peek of her.
Time to rectify that.
I honestly thought the fear I’d been holding at bay for years would keep its stupid mouth shut since it’d been close to nonexistent every time Silas came in the room.
Desire taking its place.
But for one flash of a second, the terror had sucked me under and panic had hit.
Blackened waters that rose to cover my face.
But somewhere inside, I’d also known I could reach out and find safety.
I knew Silas wouldn’t let me drown.
I thought he wouldn’t notice that flicker.
Really, he shouldn’t have.
It really wasn’t that big of a reaction, and I knew I would have been able to tame it if I’d been given a couple of seconds.
Leave it to the foreboding man to be the one to see right through me.
Like he was an extension of me.
The terror zapping from my nerves and becoming one with his.
It was wild that I found so much comfort in it.
Never once in my life had I felt as secure as I did the moment he was holding me by the face.
His breaths mine.
His care distinct.
Reading a piece of me I never left exposed.
A week ago, the last person I would have attributed those qualities to was Silas Mercer.
From the get-go, I’d deemed him wholly wicked and cruel.
A part of him was.
I wasn’t blind.
I could only fathom what had happened to the man who had tried to kidnap me.
I could feel the violence skimming from Silas’s hands just as sure as he’d been able to feel the horror rippling from mine.
Maybe I had taken a quick jaunt into becoming a horrible person because I wasn’t so sure that I could even count the retaliation as unjust.
“Are you sure this is a good idea? Don’t get me wrong, your girl here is always down for a party. But after what happened today, I’m not so sure my brother is going to be all that welcoming.”
I was jarred out of my spiraling thoughts by Elena who stumbled along at my side, trying to keep up.
You know, since I was basically marching toward my destruction.
“You can go back,” I told her offhandedly, but inside, I was hoping that she wouldn’t.
I needed backup.
A pal.
Or if I really got myself into trouble, a cell mate.
“Ha. You want my brother really mad at me? That is not going to happen.”
She’d dressed up, too.
Wearing a cute floral dress that hit her mid-thigh and white sneakers on her feet. It was a whole lot more country than biker.
Me, I’d gone full biker babe. At least, I hoped that’s what I was pulling off since I didn’t have a lick of leather in my closet.
A short black dress.
Fitted up top and frilly at the bottom.
Hoping to fit in with these other women and no one would really notice.
“Then we’re in this together.” Grabbing her hand, I weaved our fingers together.
I was thankful for the support, even though I wasn’t quite sure what my intentions were other than proving to myself that I could walk out the door without crumbling.
I’d already spent two hours in the shower bawling.
No more of that.
Elena swung our entwined hands between us and sent an adorable grin my way. “So, you basically need an accomplice?”
She nailed it. Spot on.
“Is this a crime?” In innocence, I widened my eyes.
She arched a brow. “Have you met my brother?”
I let go of a shallow laugh. “Unfortunately, I have.”
“Unfortunately?” Both her brows lifted that time, like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and had chocolate smeared all over my face.
Okay, fine, that kiss wasn’t terrible.
Not even close.
If I was being honest, it was wonderful and exhilarating and probably the best thing I’d ever felt.
Because it was raw and unbridled and not muffled by the voices that would forever haunt my mind.
I mean, they’d obviously been there. Lurking in the background and waiting around for the opportune time to gobble me up.
It’d been there with that instinct to freeze, the memories swarming me for a flash.
But they hadn’t owned me the way they normally did.
I huffed. “I guess he’s kind of growing on me.”
She laughed, then frowned, our pace slowing as she peered at me through the wisping darkness that held us in the cover of the trees. “I can’t believe someone got on the property today. That he…”
Grimness gripped her expression.
“I’m fine,” I promised her, probably a little too quickly.
I just couldn’t stand the direction her mind had clearly gone.
Tears blurred her eyes. “It was horrible, Brinley, when they had me. I didn’t think I’d ever get out. If something like that happened to you…”
Her throat tremored.
My spirit flailed in a way that made me want to weep.
Desperation had me squeezing her hand in a vise. “I’m so sorry, Elena. I’m so sorry.”
Memories threatened to rise up and wipe me out like a hundred-year flood.
She shook her head. “I can’t stand the idea of someone hurting you. I hate it, Brinley. I’m so sorry.”
I guess we both were thinking the same.
She swiped at a tear that got free. “And I know my brother is freaking out that someone got to you. That the asshole even got that close.”
“They saved me.” It was a whisper.
Awe.
Confusion.
My mind was boggled because those bikers had fallen into form like they were a trained army. Taking this guy out like they were old pros and not some rag-tag group of thieves running the streets.
Elena let go of a soggy huff. “Of course, they saved you. There was no chance Silas was going to let that creep steal you off this property.”
“Should I trust him? Should I really trust him?”
I realized I was pleading.
Trusting her to tell me the truth.
She looked around, gaze sifting through the shadows, like she was worried we were going to be caught doing something scandalous.
No doubt, in Silas’s eyes, we were totally up to no good.
She turned back to me, her nearly black ponytail falling around her shoulder as she angled her head close.
Eyes the same color as his swirled with emphasis. “There is no one you should trust more.”
It was a punch.
Glee.
Relief.
More of that confusion.
“He’s a criminal.” It was a bare, fleeting argument. “The president of a freaking motorcycle club. And I’m pretty sure that patch they wear on their backs isn’t just for show.”
I’d bet my very meager life savings that if you messed with them, those crows would be dancing on your grave.
Violent.
Brutal.
Savage.
She glanced around again, her chest shuddering, her voice fully a whisper. “You don’t have to be afraid of him, Brinley. Not in that way. He would never hurt you. But I’m not so sure about what he could do to your heart. Those boys have a way of trampling all over them.”
She choked over the last. Eyes shimmering. Opening herself wide to a new source of her pain.
One we were going to have to address later, but there were so many questions whirling through my mind right then that I couldn’t keep them tapped.
“Did they kill that guy?”
Air huffed from her nose. “Is that something you really want to know?”
“Yes.”
I regretted it the second I said it. But it was knee-jerk. Reflex. So I supposed it had to be the truth.
A little scowl twisted up her brow. “I think that’s something you’re going to have to ask Silas.”
I huffed. “Your brother won’t tell me a thing.”
Except I couldn’t block the memory of what he had said.
The gruff, needy words he’d rumbled into my flesh as he kissed me into a puddle.
Admitting that he wanted me the way I wanted him.
In a terrifying, overwhelming way.
But something severe was stopping him.
A darkness that made him look even more menacing than usual, which was saying a whole lot.
Elena tossed me a sassy grin. “Oh, I think you could probably work your magic on him.”
“I think it’s entirely the other way around and it’s him who’s working his magic on me. He’s the one who’s casting spells.”
She shifted and snuggled up to my side as we started to walk again. “So, you’re saying you do like him?”
“So you’re saying you do like Trevan?”
Deflection was the best defense.
She fumbled over a step, heaving out a breath before she slung out what I knew she hoped to be a casual response. “I didn’t say a thing.”
“You don’t need to when your face does all the talking.”
She snuggled closer, her head basically buried in my shoulder as she whispered, “Like I said, these boys have a way of trampling all over our hearts. I think I should probably leave it at that.”
And maybe I could already feel mine breaking as we stepped out from the cover of trees and headed for the toiling group of bodies that appeared as silhouettes and shadows around the firelight.
Because I swore I felt it cracking beneath the pressure as I looked across the flames to the only one I could really see.
Silas Mercer staring back.
What the hell had I let this man do to me?