Chapter 3
TEN MINUTES LATER MY VOLVO bounces down the overgrown dirt roads that run along the farthest edge of the Martin farm, where the hundreds of acres of sprawling fields start to give way to the thick, green forest. You can tell no one ever really comes back here other than me, because the weeds crawl so far over the road that they skim the sides of my car, a constant reminder to me that we’re safe here.
I pull off into a small nook, where Mother Nature finally got used to my visits and stopped growing. The moment I step out of my car into the fresh air and hear the rushing of the crick in the distance, I feel lighter.
The sound gets louder as I weave my way through the massive trees, gnarled branches and vines twisting together above my head.
I walk for a hundred yards, until the forest opens up to a grassy bank.
The wildflowers we planted are finally starting to sprout up, all long leafy blades and green buds waiting for their moment to bloom.
And there, sitting among them… is Nora.
The moment I see her, the muscles running up the back of my neck finally relax, through no conscious act of my own, and the layer of anxiety that usually sits underneath every one of my thoughts seems to completely melt away.
I notice a thin purple bra strap hanging out of her white tank top as I walk around a cluster of white birch trees with thin bark peeling away like old paint. I crouch down behind her and slip it up onto her shoulder, my thumb dipping into the hollow of her collarbone.
With one touch, finally, I can breathe again.
I kiss her neck.
Her soft jaw.
Her cheek.
And finally, I trace my lips up to her ear.
“I love you, too,” I whisper, the words I’ve desperately wanted to say back to her since our phone call last night, the ones that have been circling through every thought since.
The corner of her mouth pulls up into a smirk as she turns her head toward me, her lips finding mine.
“Shouldn’t you be crafting nonfat caramel macchiatos?” she teases into my smile. I wrap my arms around her, twisting her tiny ponytail around in my fingers.
“Shouldn’t you be baling hay?” I prod, slipping into our usual routine.
“We don’t even grow hay, genius. And for your information, I’m supposed to be pulling fence,” she replies, but when I lean back I see that she’s serious this time.
“Wait, really?” I ask, the muscles in my body tensing up again. “Nora, I thought you were off today!”
She shakes her head. “Stevie, it’s fine. Relax. I didn’t want to wait, so I got something worked out with Albert. He’s gonna do it today,” she says.
“What do you mean? What’d you tell him?” I ask, picturing nineteen-year-old Amish Albert blurting our secrets as we speak.
“I just asked him to switch shifts. It’s really not a big deal. Trust me.” She laughs to try to lighten the mood as she reaches out for my arm, but I push her hand away.
“You promised me you wouldn’t do something like this. It’s too risky. What if he followed you? What if he figures it out or says something to someone? Or God, Nora, what if your mom finds out? What if she sees him doing your work? She… she’d…” I fall back onto my butt, my hands dropping between us.
“Stevie, stop. Please.” She scoops my shaking hands up in hers, firm, solid.
“I just really wanted to see you today, okay? I’m sorry.
I won’t do it ever again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry,” she says, kissing my hands between each sorry.
She places them up over her shoulders and I lock my fingers behind her neck.
“We’re just… we’re so close. I don’t want to mess it all up now.” We lock eyes and I find myself wishing I could just keep my arms around her, keep her safe forever.
“I know. I’ll be more careful, okay? Please don’t cry.” She tucks my long hair behind my ears and pulls my face toward her. “I’m sorry,” she whispers again, catching the tip of my nose with hers.
Then she kisses me hard, her fingers sliding into my hair.
I close my eyes and breathe deep, taking in the familiar smell of the mud and the grass, her skin in the hot summer air as we kiss.
It would be an understatement to say I haven’t been too crazy about this town the past couple of years, but this particular place, these woods, with the sun shining perfectly through the canopy…
I love it here.
“You think you’ll miss this?” I ask after a while, pulling my lips away from hers.
“I don’t know.” She pauses, rolling her forehead back and forth against mine as the crickets chirp all around us. “Yeah. Maybe a little. Will you?”
I feel a push and pull on my heart. Even with all the things I don’t love about it, I’ve never known any place but Wyatt.
Yes, Nora and I can’t stay here, hiding away in this perfect patch of forest forever, pretending the rest of the town doesn’t exist. We both know that, but it doesn’t make it any less scary to leave it all behind.
When most people leave town after high school, they do it knowing they’ll always be welcomed back.
But the fact is that in a few months, Nora and I will be leaving our families and the only place we’ve ever called home. For good.
“Maybe a little,” I repeat back to her. We sit there for a minute, heads pressed together, but then another thought occurs to me.
“You remember that first night we met? We were lying on the floor of the basketball court at my school and all the lights were off, and you reached over and took my hand, laced your fingers in mine.”
“I remember,” she says, sliding her fingertips over my palm.
“Before that, I had never had feelings for anyone. Not even a little. I thought maybe I was just broken or something. It didn’t seem like there was any other answer.
And then you, this girl who I had just met, took my hand.
So simple. And something just switched on inside me that I didn’t know could switch on, and everything finally made sense.
But when I think about it now it almost wasn’t even about being gay or whatever, it was about you. ”
Nora smiles at the memory but raises an eyebrow. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I guess because I just wanted to say even if there are things I’ll miss, I’m not scared to leave Wyatt. As long as I can leave with you. It sounds corny, but I’m realizing that Wyatt doesn’t feel like my home anymore. You do.”
“My little cheeseball.” She smirks for just a second before her mouth falls into a straight, serious line, her growing pupils looking directly into mine.
“I love you,” she says, kissing me again.
“If we do miss it, babe, we’ll miss it together.
Okay?” She shuffles up onto her worn boots and holds her hands out for me to take, lifting me up too.
We start walking down our path. The same path we always take out here, the only one carved out in the thickness of the brush.
I follow her along the crick, over rocks, and around the areas where the dirt has eroded away.
Sticks crackle under our feet, and shadows slide across them as birds swoop overhead.
“Wow. She isn’t even remotely interested in my big news,” Nora says innocently.
I let out an audible gasp and she smirks over her shoulder at me.
“I completely forgot! Spill!” I yell, jogging a couple of steps to catch up to her as she stops and turns to face me. She’s grinning from ear to ear, which has me doing the same even though I don’t know if I’m right about what she’s planning to tell me.
“We got the studio!”
Her smile widens as she watches me process.
“Wait… you mean, our first choice? The one with the green walls and tiny bathroom?” I ask, guarding my excitement until she nods. “Nuh-uh! I thought they went with someone else!”
“I guess it fell through.” She shrugs. “If we can pay first month’s rent and a security deposit by Friday, it’s all ours, babe.”
“Oh my God, we’re gonna have an apartment!
” I throw my arms around her and she lifts me off the ground like I weigh nothing, even though I have almost two inches on her.
This is everything we’ve been waiting for.
The last thing we had to figure out. “So when’s our move-in date?
” I ask as I loosen my grip around her and my feet touch back down to the dirt.
“September tenth.”
“Yikes. That’s cutting it pretty close with the start of the semester.”
“I know, but at least it means we can keep working and saving up a little longer. Maybe we’ll even have enough to splurge on that wooden Ikea island that you’re always—”
“Ooo! Can we!? Can we get it?” I ask, grabbing pleadingly onto the front of her shirt.
“I already have it added to my cart,” she replies.
I let out an excited squeal as I wrap my arm around her waist and walk beside her along the path again.
“I love this feeling,” Nora says as we step over a tree branch together.
“What feeling?” I ask as she smiles up to the sky.
“Like… my life is finally about to start after being on pause for the last eighteen years. I never thought I could look forward to my future so much. I guess I never really thought I’d even have one.
But now, moving across the country. A new apartment.
Maybe someday a house on a farm. A wedding.
Having kids! I mean… it’s so cool that it’s not just possible, but beginning.
And I get to do it all with…” She shakes her head and smiles.
“I get to do it all with you. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? It feels like a dream. Doesn’t it? ”
I make her stop on the trail long enough to kiss her. “You’re cute. Now who’s being a cheeseball?”
“I’m serious.”
“I know. And I love hearing you talk about our future.” I walk into her, making her step back until she’s pinned up against a tree, and then I dip my lips down to hers for a longer kiss. Her hands wrap around my back as I pull away. “You really think we can have kids someday?”