Chapter 17 #3
“You sure?” I ask again, and this time, she meets my eyes. There’s a look in them that for some reason makes me not want to leave her here all alone.
“I’m sure.” She scratches the cow’s neck as she plops down into her chair.
“Stevie, you coming?” Ryan calls from halfway down the barn.
“Okay, well, maybe we can hang out soon? You’ll call me?” I ask as I take a step past Nora.
“Yeah, totally,” she replies, crossing her legs and turning away from me.
A few minutes later, as Ryan snacks on his paper boat of deep-fried Oreos and I eat all of the crushed peanuts and caramel off the outside of my Granny Smith apple, he tells me about the rides he went on.
I try to listen, to stay present, but my mind keeps wandering back to Nora and why she seemed so… down.
“Hey, there’s nothing going on between you two, right?” I ask Ryan.
“Who? Me and Nora?” He snorts out a laugh. “What gave us away? Our lustful greeting? Our palpable chemistry?” he asks sarcastically. “I barely know her.”
I don’t get it, then.… Why did she seem so upset just now? What could—
Oh. It hits me as we’re walking past a burger stand.
“It’s the cow!” I stop, slapping Ryan in the chest, and he looks at me like I just told him I want to buy tickets for the gun raffle. “Nora. She seemed really down and I couldn’t figure out why, but it’s because she’s vegan.”
“I mean, I know living a vegan lifestyle probably isn’t the most enjoyable, but…”
“No. I mean, she’s selling tickets to raffle off the cow that’s just been lying at her feet all day. She’s probably bummed about having to kill the cow for meat,” I tell him, proud of myself for solving this very inconsequential case. “She did save my life. I wish I could help her save the cow.”
Ryan pops another Oreo into his mouth.
“You could try to win it. And then it can just live on her family’s farm?” he suggests casually, trying to talk over his mouthful of food.
“Would that work? Like you think they could keep it and not kill it?” I ask.
He shrugs. “They have like a million acres, I’m sure there’s space for it.”
“Wait, that might actually be a good idea,” I reply, my eyes lighting up as I put the plastic back over my apple and pull my cash out of my pocket. “I’ve got thirty-three dollars.”
“I’ve got…” He empties his wallet. “Twenty-seven.”
“You don’t have to spend your own money on this, Ryan.”
He shrugs. “It supports the fire hall, right?”
“Are we really about to spend sixty bucks on a chance to win a cow for a girl neither of us really knows?” I ask, but the answer is already clear based on the mischievous look on his face, the one I’m sure is plastered on my own, too.
When we make it back to the animal barn, Nora is gone.
In her place is a young Amish guy with a short beard and a straw hat, the short sleeves of his button-down cuffed at the ends.
I hand him the money and he hands us a string of tickets so long that it drags against the dusty barn floor.
I give Ryan half and we get to work writing my name and phone number on each one.
After we drop them into the bucket, we head outside through the open doors, both of us shaking out our right hands.
“This was really fun. Well, not just trying to buy a cow. I mean the whole night. Thanks for… everything,” I tell him honestly.
“Thanks for coming with me,” he says, looking down at me, the back of his hand brushing against mine as I suddenly remember that this is a date, not just two friends hanging out, even though that’s what it has felt like all night long.
And dates come with certain expectations that even with as much fun as we had…
I’m not at all ready for. But the way he’s looking at me tells me that he is.
I reach down deep to try to pull out that feeling that I always thought was supposed to come when you want to kiss someone. That feeling from the movies where time slows down and lights seem to dim and maybe your chest feels a little floaty.
But even with the bright lights flashing all around us and the warm summer air, it just isn’t quite there yet. I’m sure I just need a little more time. I mean, not everyone kisses on the first date, right? I feel like I’m just finally starting to get to know him.
“Uhh, I should probably find Savannah, I think they’re about to start closing down for the night,” I tell him, even though I know the fair stays open until midnight opening night.
“Oh, sure. Okay. Yeah, I should be getting home too, probably.”
I give him a quick hug, patting him twice on the back before I disappear into the crowd. My heart is beating a mile a minute as I weave my way through an opening and lean up against the cool concrete behind the bathrooms, filled with disappointment.
I thought it would be easier than this. I thought it would be instant just like my newfound love of coffee with hazelnut creamer. I had a crush on him before, so I should have a crush on him now. I’m still the same person.
But where are those feelings?
And why aren’t they coming back?