Chapter 31
MY ARMS ARE GOING TO fall off. Here,” I say, handing my marshmallow stick over to Nora at the fire pit on my back deck.
My parents both drove over to Tipton with a bunch of the other adult volunteers for the spaghetti dinner to go to some kind of outdoor concert.
In other words, they’ll be gone until close to eleven tonight.
I try not to be frustrated that my dad can make time for that and not for the boat trip we still haven’t rescheduled, because at least it means Nora could come over.
“You gotta hit the gym or something, babe,” Nora replies, giving me a judgy look as she relieves me of my marshmallow-roasting duties.
“You should’ve seen all the tables I set up today! They were the heavy metal ones too. Not those plastic ones.”
I spent all morning helping get the hall set up for this Friday, on the latest leg of my guilt trip. I completely lost track of time at Ryan’s house last week and didn’t get home in time to watch a movie with my mom. She said it was no big deal, but she’s been a little… off since then.
Even today, as I tried to pump her up about how great the dinner is going to be, it was like she always had someone else to talk to.
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, though.
Maybe she’s just been preoccupied with making sure this thing goes off without a hitch. I mean, it was only one night, right?
“I’m just saying…” Nora shrugs, pulling me back to the moment.
“I’m strong!” I lift my arm up to flex my bicep in front of her face. She reaches out and clamps her hand around it until I jerk it away from her. “Well, don’t squeeze it. You’ll make it disappear!”
She laughs until her eyes land on my marshmallow, which is now a flaming weapon of destruction. She pulls it out of the flame and frantically blows it out, both of us looking at the little black blob on the end of the stick.
I start to reach for a new marshmallow from the bag when I hear her say, “It’s perfect.”
I turn and look at her. “Oh, so you’re one of those.”
“One of who?”
“The people who pretend to like burnt marshmallows, but really they’re just lazy roasters.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” She drops her jaw open. “This thing right here is cooked to absolute perfection. Just hand over the graham cracker and chocolate and watch.”
I do as she says, then I watch her slide the outer layer of the marshmallow off to create a little cup. Instead of smashing it between the two crackers, she stuffs them inside the marshmallow along with the chocolate chunks.
“Reverse s’more,” she says, presenting it to me and watching eagerly as I bite half of it off.
“Tastes like burnt marshmallow, but I’ll give you points for creativity.”
She mumbles something about my “untrained palate” as she pops the rest of my gooey marshmallow into her mouth straight off the stick.
“I thought you said those weren’t vegan!” I yell, my eyes wide.
“Shh. Don’t tell anyone,” she says with a smirk before getting up to throw two more logs onto the fire. Sparks fly up, drifting into the clear night sky and disappearing into the stars.
She crouches down right next to the pit, rubbing her hands together and then holding them out near the fire, the flames dancing in her pupils. I could get used to nights like this, just Nora and me and something real simple like a cozy campfire.
“Where have you been all my life?” I ask, watching the orange glow dance across her face.
“What do you mean? We’ve been dating for like two years.”
“I mean before that.” I shake my head, thinking about all the time I spent wondering if there was someone out there for me. “I mean, like… forever.”
She comes over and sits down next to me, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.
“I’m here now.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Was there anyone before me?” I ask, nervous to hear the answer.
“Honestly?” She lets out a heavy sigh. “Yes. I did fall for someone once before.”
“Really?” I ask, trying to mask my jealousy.
She nods, staring into the fire. “Her name was Miss Gwen and she was my kindergarten art teacher.”
“Nora. I thought you were serious!” I say, almost shoving her off the wooden bench we’re sharing. She laughs as she rights herself, then the two of us get real quiet as she looks at me.
“Nah.” She puts her elbow up on the back of the bench and pushes my hair behind my ear, sending a shiver down my neck that makes her laugh. “You’re the only girl for me, Stevie Green.”
It’s music to my ears.
I close my eyes and nuzzle my cheek against her hand that’s even warmer than the fire. “I really like you,” I whisper, wondering if what I’m feeling is actually stronger than that.
“I really like you, too,” she replies.
My eyes open for a split second as her lips meet mine, confirming the pine trees surrounding the deck block the view of any neighbors. She kisses me softly, and my hands wrap gently around her neck.
“And I like kissing you,” I tell her, taking a breath as my stomach rises into my chest. She smiles and then slides her hand around my waist, pulling me back into her.
I grab onto the front of her sweatshirt and lean backward until my back is flat on the hard wood of the bench. Her left leg plants between both of mine as she lays her body weight down on me, the fire crackling in the background.
My hand trails from her shoulder blade down to her lower back, pressing her closer to me.
She pulls my bottom lip down with her thumb, her tongue slipping into my mouth and then back out again.
I don’t know what two plus two is right now, but I know I want her to do that again.
I tilt my head toward her, wanting more, but my hips jerk involuntarily as I do and all at once, we both go tumbling off the bench onto the deck with a thud.
“Oh shit.” Nora’s groans turn into laughter as I try to push myself up off her. “I wasn’t ready for that one.”
“Sorry.” I laugh, my cheeks warming. “Umm… that was fun.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Nora replies as we both sit up, leaning up against the bottom of the bench. She checks the time on her phone. “I should probably get going. In case your parents get back early. It’s almost ten thirty.” She drops one side of her mouth into a frown.
“Why don’t you stick around and say hi. I mean, I’m allowed to have friends over.”
“Did you tell them you were having a friend over tonight?”
“Well… no, but—”
“So then they’ll wonder why you didn’t. Look, I haven’t seen your parents since the hospital and it’s late, I should really…” Nora points over her shoulder.
“All the more reason to stay with me, then. What if I hide you in my room? We’ll be really quiet and careful, and I’ll sneak you out in the morning. Please?” I wrap my hand around the inside of her knee.
“Stevie…” She shakes her head. “We can’t. I’m sorry.”
“But… I don’t want you to go.” I force out a pathetic-sounding laugh, hoping she can’t see my glassy eyes. “I hate this.”
“Me too. But it’s too risky. We’ll see each other real soon. Okay?” She puts her arm around me and kisses the side of my head.
“When?” I ask, digging my fingertips into her leg.
“I know you have the spaghetti dinner on Friday, but my mom is heading up north for a farming convention. It’s like the only day of the year she isn’t at home and she’ll be there overnight.
” She turns my face toward her and catches the tip of my nose with hers until I lift my chin.
“Why don’t you come over after, and we can pick up where we left off?
” she whispers, sending a tingle all through my body.
I walk her out to her farm truck parked in the driveway and open the door for her to climb in.
“Here.” She grabs my backpack from the floor in front of the passenger seat and hands it out to me. “I’ve been thinking and I really can’t keep it at my house. I don’t have a great hiding place, and if my mom ever found it… well… it would be really bad. So put it back in your vent. Okay?”
I nod, glad to have it back. I’m having a harder time than usual letting her go. These little secret moments together are starting to feel like not enough. How did we do this for two years? “I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
“I’ll see you Friday night. You better bring me a plate of that spaghetti.” She smiles as she manually rolls her window down.
“I will.” I shut her door but hop up onto the running board, leaning into the window to kiss her again in the darkness of night. “Oh my gosh, this is so lame. I do not want to let you go!” I kiss her again and again. Cheek. Forehead. Nose. Eyelid.
She giggles cutely.
“Good night, Stevie.” She grabs my chin and plants one more kiss on my lips before I finally step back and watch her pull away.
I stand there for a long time in the dark, staring at the point where I last saw her taillights, feeling a little like half of my heart just left with her.
Four days. I can make it four days without seeing her, right?