Chapter 4
Chapter Four
AMbrOS
I stare down at the bar top in a world of my own when I feel a hand on my arm.
I turn and see Nevaeh looking at me with a determined expression on her face. It’s been a month since I buried my sister, and most people have been pussyfooting around me. But judging from the look on her face, that’s about to come to an end.
“How you doing, Ambros?”
I open my mouth to tell her I’m fine, but then remember the conversation I had with Citi not so long ago, finally getting what she means about feeling like my grief should have an expiry date.
“I’ve been better. You need something?”
She sits on the stool beside me and sighs. “I need help.”
“And you think I’m the right guy to ask? It’s barely ten o’clock and I have a bottle of beer in my hand.”
She waves me off. “I also know you’ve been working every day since the funeral, so I think you’ve earned it.”
“You stalking me, Tink?”
“You live a boring life, Ambros. I think if I were going to stalk someone, they’d be more exciting than you. Who’d want to stalk you anyway? Saying that, you need more coffee. And you got an invite to some amateur fighting thing in Seattle.”
I blink, then blink again. “You were in my kitchen? I haven’t even been in my kitchen lately. And you don’t think that’s stalking?”
“Not at all. It’s all part of my community outreach program. The MC is the community, and I like to reach out and…flick people who annoy me, mostly.”
I sigh and shake my head, wondering how many times she was dropped on her head as a kid. “You still haven’t told me what you want.”
“What makes you think I want anything? Maybe I was just being friendly. Did you ever think about that?”
I cross my arms and glare at her. “You just said ‘I need help.’”
“Okay, fine. I want to know what’s going on with my sister.”
“No.”
She splutters. “No? Did you just tell me no?”
“Why does Tink look like she’s about to stomp her feet?” Dice asks, moving up beside me.
“I just told her no.”
“Ah, that will do it.”
“You guys are making me sound like a spoiled brat.”
We both look at her.
“Wait. You really think that?” Her lip quivers, making me sigh.
“Come on, Tink, we don’t mean it in a bad way, but you have to know everyone here would bend over backward to make you happy.”
“I cannot help being awesome, Ambros. It’s a defect I was born with. I’ve tried to make people dislike me before, but it’s impossible. Turns out I’m just an adorable bundle of joy.”
“Do you shit rainbows too?” Dice teases.
“Only when I eat Skittles,” she quips back, making him snort.
I shake my head. “Okay, I’ll concede, you’re pretty awesome. But right now, I want to choke the life out of you.”
“Yeah, I get that a lot.” She sighs before leaning closer.
“I’m not asking you to spill her secrets.
I’m glad she has you. I mean, sure, I wish she’d confide in me, but I get that she doesn’t feel like she can.
I’m just…lost. I don’t know how to connect with her.
But I want to. I’ll do anything she wants me to.
I just want a chance to get to know her again. ”
I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer.
“Gotta have a death wish hugging Tink. You know how Havoc is when another man touches her,” Dice mutters.
I ignore him and lean my chin on top of Tink’s head.
“I know you love her. Citi knows you love her. But what happened to her isn’t something that can be fixed and put away.
She knows this, so she’s learning ways to cope with her new reality.
And yeah, sometimes that means retreating to lick her wounds.
She has to be selfish here, Tink, because if she doesn’t fortify what that bastard broke, she’ll still be trapped. Even without the shackles holding her.”
She tips her head up to look at me. “I get it. I mean, I do and I don’t. I don’t want to push. I just worry. She isn’t returning my texts or calls. I need to know she’s still hanging in there and knows she only has to pick up her phone if she wants me.”
“Want me to go over and check on her?”
“Yeah. I’d go, but I’m not sure I could handle her closing the door in my face.”
“I get it, Tink. It’s hard all around.”
She gets to her feet just as Havoc walks in. He scans the room before his eyes land on Tink, and he heads our way.
“Good timing.” Dice chuckles behind me until I elbow the fucker.
“I thought you had a meeting with Lou?” Havoc says to Nevaeh, whose eyes widen before she glances down at her watch.
“Shoot, Rex. You didn’t remind me.” She jumps off the stool and hurries away.
“She calls her watch Rex?” Dice chuckles.
“She has a Toy Story watch face. You know what? Don’t ask.” Havoc shakes his head. “What are you two up to anyway?”
Dice taps the bar. “I’m heading down to the shelter. Kruger wants me to do a drop-in, see if anyone might have heard from Lil. Then I’m heading over to meet Powers and Midas at the track.”
Havoc nods before turning to me.
“I’m heading out to see Citi.”
He looks back at where Nevaeh just disappeared to. “She ask you to go?”
“Yeah, she’s worried.”
“She feels helpless.”
“I know, but the harder she pushes, the further away Citi will land.”
He rubs his hand over his face. “I know. I head over once a week to play with Star so Citi can have an hour or two just to be alone. I don’t tell my old lady because she’ll want to come, and that’s not what this is.
You know what Citi does for that hour or so?
She soaks in the bath and cries. Something I know she refuses to do in front of Star.
But if she doesn’t get it out, it will eat her alive. ”
“It might not seem like a lot, but I know it’s helping. You’re one of the few people she trusts to protect Star. Considering everything, that’s a big fucking deal.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit every time I walk out of here and lie to my old lady about where I’m going.”
“Then tell her the truth. But don’t let her convince you to take her along. Get real with her. Because, as much as I love Tink, this isn’t about her. It’s about Citi. I get that Tink lost her sister, Havoc. I do. But Citi lost herself, and she’s still trying to find her.”
He nods. “Go. I’ll talk to Tink. See if I can get her to understand where Citi’s coming from.”
“Good luck with that.” I slap him on the shoulder, leave my still-full beer on the bar, and head to the door.
“Ambros.”
I turn when he calls me. “I’m not just here for Citi. You feel me?”
I nod. “I feel you.”
I swallow and leave, not ready to go there yet. I want to talk about Ella, I do, but right now it’s too much. I’m still stuck in that loop where I wake up in the morning and for a split second, I forget that she’s gone. And then it all comes crashing back, and I lose her all over again.
I get pulling away, though I have the club there at my back when I need them. Sometimes it’s just too fucking hard to put on my game face and pretend everything’s okay when it’s not.
Not wanting to turn up empty-handed, I head to The Book Nook, knowing Delphi will have something on hand for breakfast. I park my bike and push the door open, finding it quiet, which, given the time, isn’t surprising.
“Hey, Ambros,” Delphi calls out from behind the counter before walking around to greet me. I stay still while she hugs me. She can still get a little spooked, which—given her history—isn’t surprising.
She pulls back and looks up at me. “You here for food, books, or my amazing company?”
I grin. “All three?” She looks at me suspiciously. “Okay, I came for food. I’m heading over to see Citi.”
“Pastries to go?”
“Perfect.”
“You want any drinks with that?”
“I would grab Citi a hot chocolate, but I’m on the bike.”
“Don’t worry, I have something that will work. This is not my first rodeo.”
She bustles back around the counter. I leave her to get on with it, looking around the room and taking everything in. In theory, this kind of place shouldn’t work in a town this size. But it really does, so what the fuck do I know?
“How’s Theo doing?” I call out as I make my way over to the counter.
“Good. He’s on the debate team and the football team, so he’s always busy with something.”
“He’s happy, though. That’s all that matters.”
“Exactly. What about you? I’m not going to ask how you’re doing. I know all too well how hard the first few months in particular are. What I want to know is if there is anything I can do? Need a home-cooked meal or two, or someone to watch brain-rot TV with, I’m your girl.”
I smile, my first genuine one of the day. “Thanks, Delphi. A home-cooked meal sounds great. I’ll let you know when I’m not at work so we can figure something out.”
“No pressure. You can just drop by wherever. You’re always welcome. Hell, if you follow Con home, most days you’ll end up at my house.”
“You adopting another one?” I tease. Most of the old ladies have a soft spot for that particular prospect.
“I think I have my hands full with Theo for now.” She smiles back at me before handing over a bag of goodies. “Ooh. I have something else for you. Gimmie a sec.”
She disappears for a moment before returning with a second bag.
“What’s all this?”
“Books for Citi and Star. I don’t really know what they’re into, so there’s a bit of everything in there.”
“That’s sweet. Thanks, Delphi. How much do I owe you?”
She waves me off. “On the house.”
“You’ll go out of business doing that.” I pull some cash from my wallet, ignoring her protests. When she refuses to take it, I shove it in the tip jar, making her curse.
“Dammit, Ambros, I’m trying to do something nice.”
“You did do something nice. Doesn’t mean you gotta go broke to do it.”
She rolls her eyes at me, but I just grin and head for the door. It opens as I reach it. I take a step back and let the guy through.
“Hey, I’m Delphi. Can I help you at all?” I hear Delphi ask as I leave.
“Yes. I’m looking for books on the history of this town. You have anything?”