Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
CITI
The sound of my cell ringing wakes me. I grab it from my nightstand and answer it without even opening my eyes.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Citi. Ambros asked me to grab some food and bring it over, but he’s not answering the door or his cell.”
I open my eyes and frown. “Con?”
“That’s me.”
“You’re at the door?”
“Ah, yeah.” He chuckles as I sit up and try to shake the cobwebs from my head.
“Okay, gimmie a second.” I hang up and walk to the dresser. I slide on underwear and leggings, then grab Ambros’s hoodie from the back of the door and slip it over the T-shirt I slept in.
I poke my head in Star’s room, but I don’t panic like I did before, knowing she’ll be with Ambros. When I get downstairs, I head straight to the door after checking to make sure it is actually Con outside. I swing it wide and step back, letting him in.
“Morning,” he says with a chipper voice. I squint at his enthusiastic greeting and reach for the sleeve of drinks in his hand with a grunt.
He grins and hands them to me before following me into the kitchen and placing a bag on the table. He tugs the hot chocolate free. “This one is yours.”
I lift it to my lips and take a large sip, grinning in delight.
“And just like that, the human is reactivated,” Con teases me. I chuckle because the man isn’t wrong. “Where is everyone else?”
“That’s a good question.” I sigh, putting my drink down for a second as I head to the living room, where I can hear the TV.
I stop next to the sofa and look down, feeling my heart spasm at the sight.
Ambros is lying down, fast asleep with Star sprawled out on top of him, her head tucked under his jaw, her arm around her unicorn.
“Oh, that’s adorable,” Con says from beside me before I hear the shutter of his phone’s camera.
I look at him and frown before he shows me the image he caught. The words get stuck in my throat at how perfect the photo came out.
“I’ll send it to you.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. You want to wake them or let them sleep? Because I can keep you company if you want.”
They look so peaceful, I’m loath to wake them. “Company sounds good.”
“Awesome. Let’s go eat then. I’m starving, so I bought extra for me too.”
I take a seat at the table and wait as Con moves around my kitchen, grabbing plates and napkins before taking a seat at the table with me. He places a variety of pastries on a plate and hands it over to me. “Dig in. I really did bring plenty.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. You mind if I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I was at the gym when Amity called yesterday.”
“Ah.”
“I just wanted to ask if you and Star are okay?”
“Yeah. We’re okay. Had a fright, that’s all.”
“If there’s ever anything you need, just ask. I’m happy to help with whatever.”
“Thanks, Con, that’s sweet.”
“That’s me.” He winks before digging into his food.
We eat in companionable silence for a while before he wipes his fingers and reaches for a drink.
“So what are your plans for today? I noticed your name wasn’t on the roster at the gym.
“No. I’m not working today, but I will still be coming. I’m sparing with the girls today, if they still want to, of course.”
“Of course they will.”
I offer him a genuine smile. This guy is so easy to get along with. I’m not sure if it’s his youth or his calmness, but he’s the least intimidating of the bunch of them, after Ambros, of course.
“You got a family, Con?”
A sharp look of agony crosses his face before he quickly masks it. “The MC is my family.”
I offer him a smile, not pushing. I know that kind of pain and no way do I want to drag him back to hell. I just hope the MC accepts him as a fully patched brother because something tells me it’s the only thing holding him together.
“They’re a good family to have.”
“The best,” he agrees quietly.
“You know what you said about being there if I need you?”
“Of course. What do you need?”
“You have to know that it goes both ways. You need a friend or someone just to sit and listen? I’m your girl. No questions, no judgment.”
He opens his mouth before closing it again. I wait him out, watching as his face softens, making him look so fucking young it makes my heart hurt.
“Thank you, Citi. I appreciate it.”
“You trying to steal my girl, prospect?” Ambros asks as he walks in, looking all sleepy and sexy. He places a kiss on my temple before stealing the seat next to mine.
“No, sir. I wouldn’t dream of it,” Con says as I offer Ambros a pastry from my plate.
“I’ll get on my way.” He moves to stand, but Ambros holds up his hand to stop him while he chews.
“You on duty?”
“Not until tonight. I’ll have a four-hour shift at the gym later, too.”
Ambros nods to the chair. “Stay for a while then.”
Con looks from him to me and swallows. “Really?”
Lord, he’s going to make me cry in a minute. It also makes me wonder if Ambros was listening in for longer than he let on. Before he can answer, Star walks in, her hair a crazy riot of curls sticking out all over the place.
“Hey, baby. You hungry?” Star looks at me and nods before looking up at Con.
He grins down at her. “Hey, pretty girl.”
She holds her hands up to him, and he doesn’t hesitate to pick her up and sit with her in his lap. It never ceases to amaze me how comfortable she is with these guys and how she turns them all to mush the second she reaches for them.
Ambros makes a plate of food for Star first before making one for himself, and I feel the last of my fear over yesterday leave me.
I can’t live in terror all the time. Fifteen years of feeling like my bones would break from how stiff I held myself, and I’m done with that shit.
I don’t want that for me or for my daughter.
“You guys mind if I go take a shower real quick?”
Ambros waves me off. “Go do whatever you need to. No rush. Me and Con are more than happy to have a meal with a princess.”
“Heck yeah, we are.”
With a chuckle, I leave them to it, not needing to be told twice. When you’re a mom, solo showering is a treat.
I step under the warm water and let it soothe away some of the tension left over from the week.
I need to find a way to cope with everything other than letting it eat me up inside, or it will slowly kill me.
I know logically speaking that I’m allowed to be freaked out.
Anyone would be in my circumstances, and given my history, things are bound to be more extreme for me.
But I’m also in an odd position of knowing how to navigate the darkness better than most. I’ve played all the roles I needed to stay alive—the innocent, the vixen, the goddess, and the slave.
I know how to adapt, and more than that, I know how to lie, cheat, and steal to keep both me and Star safe.
I might not be in that house anymore, but it’s no excuse to forget the extreme lessons I learned.
If I let this person weaponizing my trauma against me win, then everything I went through and survived was for nothing.
As I wash myself, I steal my resolve and decide to embrace my fear instead of fighting against it.
As long as I don’t let it debilitate me—and lord knows there have been times it has left me frozen in place as horror ate away at my insides like a parasite—then I can let it fuel me.
Nobody fights harder than someone who knows what it’s like to lose everything, including themself.
* * *
“Yes, Citi, that was perfect!” Amity praises as I wipe my damp forehead. Naturally, the woman hasn’t even broken a sweat.
“How do you look like a goddess while I feel on the edge of death?”
“The drama is strong with you. For a minute there, I thought you were Pippin.”
“How rude!” Nevaeh yells from the floor beside me, where she has her arm flung over her eyes. “We aren’t all machines, Amity. I can’t work in these conditions.”
“You did one push-up and drank a latte while watching everyone else.”
“Exactly. I’m second-hand exhausted. If I’d continued to take part, I’d have keeled over and died. And then how would you feel?”
“Surprised, mostly. We both know you won’t let something as trivial as death keep you from the cake I promised you later if you did this.”
“Damn you for knowing my kryptonite.”
I laugh at them before offering Nevaeh my hand to pull her up.
“Ugh. You did good, sis. Not sure if I’m in awe of you or if I kinda hate you right now.”
I grin at her once she’s on her feet. “I won’t lie, I kinda hate myself.”
She huffs out her amusement as Legs and Delphi walk over.
“That was fun,” Legs says as we all turn to look at her like she’s demented.
“You really need to get out more,” Delphi mutters before looking at me. “You looked awesome out there. Your lessons are really paying off. I’d be jealous if I didn’t feel like I was dying.”
“See? Thank you,” Nevaeh says, making Amity shake her head.
“I won’t lie, Amity is tougher than the guys. She knows she can push me in a way they’re not comfortable doing.”
“Holding back with you because they worry you’ll freak out isn’t doing you any favors.
You need to be able to push past that fear.
Otherwise, it will disable you.” She looks around at us.
“We’ve all been there. None of us is immune to the shit this world has to offer.
It’s naive to think that because we got dealt one bad hand, we won’t get dealt another.
I want you all to be as prepared as possible for when, or if, that moment occurs. ”
None of us is laughing now. The truth is that danger is the dark reality of our lives, especially now that we’re all entangled with an MC.