15. Nova
Katelyn and I don’t finish painting until near midnight. Thankfully, I don’t have to be up and at the inn until nine in the morning, so I’m okay getting home late.
Toast is happy to see me when I walk in, running outside immediately to pee on every piece of foliage he can find until he’s ready to come inside.
I need a serious shower to get the paint off. That’s what my mom always calls it when you get really dirty and have to scrub yourself clean.
I go to the kitchen and get a glass, sucking it down thirstily on my way to my bedroom when a knock sounds at the front door, making me jump out of my skin. I drop my glass of water and the ice is freezing against my toes as I scramble to calm Toast.
“Who in the hell?” I mutter, stepping over the mess and heading to the front door to peer out the peephole.
Reid.
My stomach twists into knots and I hastily smooth down my hair and hope to God I don’t look too crazy before I twist the handle.
“Let’s go.” His eyes ghost up my body, leaving goosebumps in their wake and when they settle on the bright red nail polish Katelyn painted on my toes, I’m suddenly burning up from the inside out.
“What? Is everything okay at the inn?”
“Everything’s fine. Get your shoes on.”
“At midnight?”
“Do you have somewhere else to be?”
Bed.
Preferably his.
“Hurry up or we’ll miss it.”
A minute later and I’m locking the door behind me after sliding on some sneakers.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask, but he just takes my hand and pulls me down the sidewalk. My stomach dips at the feeling of his skin on mine. The warmth of his palm radiates through me, a stark contrast to the night breeze coming off the Atlantic.
“You’ll see,” he says quietly, pulling me down the main road and to the little side street that leads to the docks.
“We aren’t supposed to be out here at night.” God, I sound like a killjoy.
He just chuckles, moving a loose piece of chain-link out of the way for me to climb through.
“Rules are made to be broken, little bird.”
“Fine,” I grumble, climbing under and moving out of the way so he can slip in behind me. “You’re going to get me arrested.”
“I’ll bail you out.” He steers me toward the long narrow dock with the palm of his hand at my back. A shiver ghosts up my spine and I almost stumble because I’m too busy paying attention to the feeling of his hands on me.
“Should I be worried?”
“Be careful.”
“The water looks like glass.” I stop at the edge of the dock, a few feet back because, well . . . I really don’t want to get anywhere near the water. The waves are small and calm— unusual for Port Nova, and the moonlight reflects off the surface of the Atlantic. It’s beautiful, but haunting.
A sudden splash about fifty feet in front of us causes me to jump. Reid wraps his arms around me, hauling me back into his chest, so I don’t stumble over the side and my heart feels like it’s playing beat the Nova with my ribcage.
“What was that?” I ask, both scared of the water and warm with his body wrapped around mine. I’m not used to having someone so close to me. I’m definitely not used to him being so . . . easy to be around. This time last week, we’d either be at each other’s throats or at each other’s mouths. Whichever happened first.
“Whales.”
Another splash breaks the surface of the water, and the big hump of a whale breaks the calm water before dipping back. A smaller hump, a baby, matches the movements of its mother, swimming happily alongside her.
“What are they doing so close to land?” I ask, watching them in awe.
“It’s high tide,” he says, tightening his arms around me when I shiver against a light breeze. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Yes,” I breathe and before I know what I’m doing, I’m resting my hands over his.
It feels good to be held by someone. No . . . to be held by him. I’ve been pushing him away, but some part of me desperately craves to be close to him. To just be without having to worry about what I’ve done in the past. Who I’ve lost.
“What kind of whales are they?”
“Humpback,” he says quietly, his hand on my stomach burning through the thin material of my shirt. Just as he says it, the mother whale brings her head out of the water, dipping back in with a splash.
I laugh. It’s so childish, but it’s also magical. In all my time on the island, I’ve never paid enough attention to the ocean to see any whales nearby. “Why do they do that?”
“To communicate with each other.”
“You made that up.”
“I didn’t. The sound of the splash travels further underwater and other whales can hear it. She’s probably calling out to a mate.”
The whales fall back into sync, swimming slowly off into the distance. “I wonder where they’re going.”
“Anywhere,” Reid shrugs, releasing me when another shiver slides up my spine. He unbuttons his flannel and slips it off, holding it out to me without a word. I take it apprehensively, mostly because it will smell like him. Like the sea and warmth and everything else that makes my mouth water when he walks in a room.
Why couldn’t he smell like shit? Maybe then, it would be easier to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.
“You could wear this as a dress,” he murmurs, fingering the bottom hem where it meets my bare leg. He’s not wrong. It’s huge, but so is he.
I swallow hard past the lump in my throat when those dark eyes meet mine. If he weren’t watching, I’d check my pulse and make sure I’m still alive because I’m certain, I’ve just flatlined.
“So, which one’s yours?”
My voice shakes like a girl with her first crush.
God, Nova. Get it together.
“Come on.”
I place my fingers in his, letting him lead me to the second dock and almost to the end where a white boat with the name Hope’s Grace scribbled on the back.
“Here she is. Busted engine and all,” he says, stepping down from the dock and onto the boat. He looks back at me, still holding my fingers in his. “It’s safe, Nova. You can get on.”
“That’s okay.” Fear bubbles in my stomach, just watching the thing rock around. Reid’s fingers tighten around mine, and I’m almost embarrassed about how clammy my palms have gotten in the last thirty seconds.
“Nova,” he says, voice dark. Eyes like midnight. “Do you trust me?”
Do I? It’s something that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. I do trust him. I don’t trust myself not to have a panic attack as soon as I step foot on the boat.
Visions flash in my head. Mud. Dark, icy water. A yellow car breaking the surface and then slowly, sinking down.
Nothingness.
What if it starts sinking? Then what? I know it’s all open and I can swim up to the surface, but . . . a shiver runs up my spine and I pull his shirt tighter around myself.
“Nova, you have my word.”
He’s watching me with that stare that reminds me of warm, fresh chocolate. Demanding. Dominating.
I trust him.
God, what am I doing?
When I tighten my grip on his fingers, he steps forward to help me place my foot on the hardened rubber floor of the boat. It’s a big step, as the boat is a couple inches from the dock and I’m thankful he’s there to help steady me. I can only imagine what would happen if I fell in, especially when the water is as black as a void, full of ocean life and ready to suck me into the darkness . . . again.
I place both feet onto the deck, still adjusting to standing on it. It moves with the sea and it’s been years since I’ve been on a boat. Four, to be exact.
“Not too bad, right?”
“I’ll get back to you on that,” I say, sucking in a deep breath.
With my hands on his stomach to settle myself, I look around.
I’m on a fucking boat.
A fucking boat over the ocean and I’m not having a full-scale nuclear meltdown.
Reid’s hands are warm where they rest on my hips. He watches me, a cold, calculating look in his eyes, as if he’s putting something together in his head.
I don’t like it.
“Are you going to show me around?” I know I’m just trying to focus on literally anything to take my mind off however many feet of open water sit below us. I may have gotten on the boat, but I’m still not comfortable with it.
Carefully, Reid releases me and steps back. As soon as he’s gone, I want him back. He’s like a life raft, floating in the sea and right now, he’s floating the other direction.
“That is the wet tank where the lobsters are kept until we get them back home. It’s filled full of salt water, so they don’t die.” He steps around the boat, pointing to another large pot. “That’s where we put bands on their claws, so they don’t kill each other in the wet tank.”
“Sounds like corporate America,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sounds like the rest of the world, too.”
He leads me to the front of the boat, where the cabin sits. Stepping inside, it’s small and it smells like crustaceans, though I don’t know what else I was expecting.
“This is where all the sonar is.”
“You have sonar?” Pappap never had anything like that. His boat was old. Bare bones, but that’s the way he liked it.
He nods, pressing a button that makes the screen light up. It calibrates for a moment, before it shows a distorted grid.
“That’s a rock,” he says, pointing to a lump in the graphing. “That is a dinghy. Probably sprung a leak and was too far gone for anyone to care to pull it up.” He points to a number on the side of the screen. “That says the water here is nine-point-five meters deep.”
“How deep is that?”
“About thirty-one feet. Nothing to worry about.”
I rub the aching spot in my chest, sucking in a deep breath. Thirty-one feet is deep. I’m only five-three. That’s like six of me stacked on top of each other.
I sit down in a seat in front and take the wheel, looking out at the ocean beyond.
“It’s terrifying.”
“The water?”
“How deep it is. How dark it is.”
He’s quiet for a moment, studying me.
“What made you so afraid of the water?”
What are you hiding from, little bird?
I should tell him. Come clean and let this whole thing go to rest. Reid’s not going to want me. Who am I kidding? The weird girl who’s afraid of the ocean, rivers, and lakes. The girl who refuses to date because all she can feel when she thinks about being with someone else is guilt?
I’m not the girl I used to be. The girl who liked adventures and swimming. Who wanted to see the world.
“Four years ago, I wrecked into the Mississippi River and almost drowned.”
His jaw clenches, his eyes flashing with something dark before being replaced with an unreadable mask that I hate.
“Sorry,” I shake my head, looking back out at the water. “I did drown. Only they brought me back.” He doesn’t say anything, though his jaw feathers and his eyes harden. “I’m surprised you aren’t asking me what happened. Everyone always wants to know the full story. Everything that happened up to the car crashing against the surface of the water.”
“It doesn’t matter. You drowned.”
I shake my head. “No one asks what happened after. It’s too garish to think about for most people. The struggling to get out of a sinking car. The moment where your ears and lungs are filled with so much water that you can’t hear. You can’t breathe. Almost like you just cease to exist.” I suck in a deep breath, surprisingly calm, despite retelling the story I don’t share with anyone. “I told everyone I forgot what happened up to the moment I blacked out. I lied, though. It seemed so easy for everyone to believe. Like who could remember such a thing?”
“You aren’t your fears, Nova.”
I shake my head, my hands twisting in my lap. “No. That’s the thing. I want to move past it. I just . . . haven’t been able to.” I force my gaze to his and something in his eyes makes my mouth run dry. “Not until now.”
Slowly, he steps toward me, boots thumping against the wooden floor in time with my heart beat ringing in my ears. He drops down in front of me, placing a finger under my chin to lift my gaze to his. His eyes are scorching in the moonlight overhead, burning into me and wrapping my windpipe in an iron fist.
“My mother used to say there’s no going back. Only forward,” he murmurs, voice so quiet I can barely hear him against the waves lapping at the bottom of the boat.
He’s never shared anything with me about his family before.
I want to know what his mother would be like if she were still alive. He doesn’t speak about her, nor the rest of his family, for that matter. The truth is, I can’t force him. If he doesn’t want to tell me, he doesn’t have to.
Still . . . those burning questions lie just beneath the surface.
I told him days ago that eventually, secrets catch up to you.
What a hypocrite I was.
“She sounds like a smart woman.”
“She was.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a boat this small. The last thing I was on was the ferry when I moved here and that took a lot of coaxing. And a doctor to prescribe me anxiety meds that made me feel like a zombie. ”
That was an experience I would never like to live again. Katelyn practically dragged me to the center of the ferry, so I couldn’t see the water.
“Well, stick with me, little bird. I’ll have you driving this ship in no time.”
“Ship?” I ask, raising a brow and looking around us.
“Okay, that’s it,” he says, eyes full of amusement. “Insult me all you want but Hope’s Grace is a marvelous vessel.”
“Why Hope’s Grace?”
His lips quirk at the side. It‘s the closest thing to a real smile I’ve ever seen out of him. “You really want to know?”
I nod and he smirks.
“My first love was named Hope. Had to name the ship after her.”
God, why did I ask?
He chuckles. “Relax. It was the name when I got it.”
“You ass,” I scold, shoving at his arm. He catches my hand and stands, hoisting me out of the chair so fast, I stumble into him.
“Am I? Letting you sit in my seat. It clearly says captain on it.” He maneuvers me until he can sit down, pulling me down on his lap. I can feel his hardness pressing against my ass, like it’s teasing me, and every bit of Katelyn and I’s earlier conversation comes rushing back.
Sex with Reid. I’m not sure I would survive.
I laugh, though it’s breathless from how quickly he moves me. I settle on his lap and he plucks an old timey captain’s hat off a hook above the window beside us, plopping it on my head.
“Now, you’re the captain. Where to?”
I chuckle, grabbing the wheel and looking out ahead of us. “Wherever those whales were going.”
“Let’s stick to the coast for now. I don’t think Hope’s Grace would look good at the bottom of the Atlantic.”
“What’s the matter?” I taunt, leaning back into him. I’m being really daring right now, but something about it feels right when his arms wrap around my stomach. “Worried your ship will sink?”
“Faster than the fucking Titanic. She’s not made for deep water,” he says, reaching up and tugging the brim of my hat down. He falls quiet, searching my face. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”
Your bed, I think immediately, then I scold myself.
“I don’t know . . .”
“Money’s not an issue. Travel’s not an issue. Where would you go? There has to be some place.”
I struggle for a moment, unable to think of a tourist attraction, world wonder or country that would interest me more than being right here, with him, right now. If I can’t think of anything, that must mean no one knows about it, right? “Something secret. A place no one’s ever been.”
“How would you get there?” he asks, placing his hand on my stomach. I can feel the warmth radiating from his palm through my shirt and it makes my skin tingle. Heat gathers between my legs and I shift uncomfortably on his lap. He growls, low and quiet and his hand grips my hip to still me. A small voice in my head urges me to keep doing it. Keep pushing him until he breaks and takes me, right here in his old lobster boat.
The other half is screaming at me that I’m a disgusting cheater. A disgrace that doesn’t deserve Jack or Reid.
Stop thinking, I order myself, desperately trying to shove the thoughts to the back of my mind. It’s been years since I’ve enjoyed the touch of another person. Years since I’ve felt anyone’s body against mine. Something in me is begging for this. Something deranged.
“My captain, of course,” I smile.
“Oh,” he taunts, voice husky. “So, I’m taking you?”
“Well, yes. In this fine ship of yours.”
“Might need a couple weeks on that.”
“What about you?” I ask. He’s so close I can taste the mint of his toothpaste on his breath, feel the warmth fanning across my face. I lay my head back against his shoulder, allowing myself to relax into him.
I’m finding I like this more carefree side of Reid. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still the same rough fisherman he was before, but I’m finding I would say just about anything to make him laugh and that’s a dangerous thing.
“What about me?”
“Where would you go?”
His hand slides up my side, teasing at the bare skin where my tank top’s ridden up. His fingers against my skin set a fire in my blood, warming me from the inside out until all thoughts of betrayal and guilt slowly start to slip from my mind.
If I kiss him right now, I’ll be breaking a promise I made to Jack. If I don’t, I’ll be losing out on something that could pull me back from those dark depths of the Mississippi.
“Right here,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against mine.
Heat explodes through my body from the single kiss he placed on my lips and I realize . . . I want more.
“Right here, in this shitty little boat, with a girl who paints and rescues every fucking animal she sees and drives me so damned crazy I can’t think straight.”
My stomach clenches, my breath catching in my throat.
Slowly, I lean into him, pressing my lips to his and an explosion of fireworks dance across my skin.
Reid kisses me back, gently, at first, but when my mouth opens up for him and his tongue slips against mine, he groans. The deep sound reverberates through my body and straight down to my core.
I want to fuck you, Nova. Hard.
His hand is in my hair and he fists the blonde curls to angle my head, granting him more access to my lips. I don’t know what to do with my own hands, so I rest one over his on my stomach and reach behind me with the other to cup his face. The scratchiness of his stubble feels good against my palm, grounding me in the moment.
When the kiss burns hotter, Reid pulls back, just enough to press his forehead against mine. His breathing is ragged, matching my own and my heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest.
“Fuck, Nova,” he growls against my lips. “We have to stop before this goes too far.”
I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to not upset me again. I understand, but right now, all I want is to give myself to someone—no—him. I want to give myself to him.
The man that makes me feel safe, despite his rough exterior. The man who takes me whale watching and buys me cat food for the local stray cats of the village. Who fixes the inn without accepting payment and stitches me up with more care than a seasoned nurse.
The one who said I drive him fucking crazy.
“I’m ready, Reid. Touch me,” I breathe against his lips, chancing another kiss.
“Nova,” he warns when I shift on his lap again.
“Please?”
His hand slides down my front, his thumb absentmindedly rolling in circles around the button of my shorts.
“You’re sure? If I touch you, there’s no erasing me.”
I nod, hoping he can’t tell how nervous I am.
I’ve only been with one man. I don’t know how dating works or how to seduce a guy. Reid’s been all over the world. He probably wrote the book on seduction.
Reid hisses out through clenched teeth, his eyes wild like a man on the edge of control when I reach between us and grip him in my palm. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but this me—Port Nova Nova—she’s dangerous.
I feel the moment he gives in.
Fisting my hair and pulling my face back his, he presses his lips against mine and groans deeply.
“You’ll be the fucking death of me.”