18. Reid
I’ve made a mistake.
A fucking big one.
After leaving Nova, I headed back to the boats to get Hope’s Grace cleaned up, but I can’t get her out of my head. She’s there, a constant reminder that she’s something I can’t have. Not really.
I shouldn’t have touched her. I shouldn’t have taken it that extra step too far. I should care more about not doing it again than I do.
Make no mistake. I’m not na?ve enough to think it won’t happen again. Fuck, I keep checking the clock until I know she’ll be home, just so I can go see her. It’s just . . . I know it’s a bad idea.
I’ve become an addict. One night was all it took and now, I can’t think of anything else except my next hit.
And she didn’t even touch me.
When the sun starts to hang lower on the water, I decide enough is enough. I’ve scrubbed every nook and cranny of Hope’s Grace and while it doesn’t look a whole lot better, it’s clean and I can’t wait around any longer.
I need to see her.
I stop off at the inn for a shower (I know, I’m learning this whole civilized person bit) and then climb the hill to the cabin, feeling more and more like Nova’s a princess in her tower above the town.
Knocking on the door, I hear the muffled sound of her footsteps and then seconds later, it opens and every ounce of the agitation I’d felt coiling in my gut all afternoon washes away.
“Hey,” she smiles, blushing prettily as she steps out and shuts the door behind her. “Sorry, I’ve—”
I don’t give her time to reply, tugging her into me and pressing my lips to hers roughly. We fall against the house, her body fitting against mine perfectly. She melts into the kiss, her arms locking around my neck, and slips her tongue into my mouth. A groan tears up my throat and I suck on the tip, mimicking her move from last night.
“I had to see you,” I murmur darkly, my voice deep and my breathing ragged. Aimlessly, her hands slip down my front, coming to rest at my belt.
A loud throat clears to my right and Nova shoves me back like I’m on fire. An older man, probably in his fifties stands there smiling and waving cheerfully at us, not an ounce of negative emotion to having just caught me with his daughter’s ass in my palm.
“Dad,” Nova says, her voice higher than usual. “I told you I’d be back in a minute.”
Dad?
Fuck me.
“Oh, I wanted to meet your friends,” he says happily, like he didn’t just see me tongue-fucking his daughter seconds before. “Who’s this strapping young lad?”
I don’t think I’ve ever been called a strapping young lad in my fucking life.
Nova’s cheeks flame and she smooths down the front of her top. Under normal circumstances, her embarrassment of someone catching us would make me chuckle. Right now, I’m just worried about getting shot. “This is Reid,” she says, clearing her throat. “My friend.”
We’re back on the friend kick? I’ll punish her for that later.
“Reid, this is my dad. They arrived from Portland today. Wanted to surprise me.”
Nova’s dad sticks his hand out, taking mine and shaking it with a grip that can crush bones. “Will Fischer.”
“Reid Morrison,” I reply, glancing at Nova. I wouldn’t have come if I’d had known her parents were here. The hair on the back of my neck rises, like I’m seconds away from being shocked by electricity.
In all my life, I’ve never met a girl’s parents. I’ve never wanted to. Any girls I was with that lasted longer than a couple days eventually moved on to find more permanent relationships, so I never had to worry about it. Not that I would have. Meeting the parents symbolizes there might be something more to come and I’m not the guy to give that to girls like Nova. Women love me . . . for a time. Parents fucking hate me.
“You a local fisherman?” Will asks.
“Stationed out of Portland,” I tell him as the door opens and an older version of Nova steps out, the same wide smile her husband had. It’s almost terrifying how closely Nova resembles her mother. Like she hit copy, paste, and a little blonde-haired, blue-eyed brat was born.
“That’s amazing,” Will beams when his eyes land on what must be Nova’s mom and he holds his arm out to her. “And there’s my beautiful wife. Sarra, this is Reid, Nova’s friend. Reid, this is Nova’s mom, Sarra.”
I find the word friend leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I fucking hate it almost as much as I hate the sparkling in Nova’s eyes and what that means.
Sarra shakes my hand, smiling brightly and a certain unease sets in my bones telling me to get the fuck out while I can. These people seem to be some of the nicest people I’ve ever met—on the surface—which makes me wonder what they’re really like. This man . . . doesn’t seem anything like what I pictured when Nova told me her father was a former alcoholic with a penchant for cheating on his wife.
I know, I know. Don’t judge a book by its cover and all that, but I’d rather that than end up running with a shotgun slug stuck in my ass. This island’s only so big.
“Reid’s a lobster fisherman,” Will tells his wife excitedly. “I’ve always wanted to try that. I grew up in Oklahoma. Not much ocean-front property there.”
“Oh, Will,” Sarra chuckles. “Everyone’s a fisherman out here. Fishing here is nothing like back home on the lakes.”
“Anyone can learn,” I say, hoping they can’t tell how uncomfortable I am.
Fortunately, Nova’s parents just laugh it off. “I like this guy,” Will says, slapping me on the shoulder with the power of an ox. “Say, where’s that accent from?”
“Dad,” Nova warns, face so bright I’m sure it could be used to guide ships into the harbor at night. “I’m sure Reid has things to do.”
So, my being around her parent’s makes my little bird nervous, huh?
Looks like I’ll be hanging around for a bit.
“No, nothing at all.”
Nova’s face loses all color and the look she shoots my direction when her parents aren’t looking makes it worth it. Serves her right. She’s gotten under my skin, burrowing herself there to where I can’t think, can’t fucking focus on anything else for more than a couple hours.
It’s only right I return the sentiment.
“I’m from North Carolina, actually.”
Will looks pleased. “You know, we took a family vacation there when Nova was just a kid. Probably six, or so. Of course, she only wanted to go because she saw an Animal Planet documentary and thought she could rescue a flying squirrel.”
“Dad,” Nova groans, rubbing her temples and I can’t help but chuckle. “Mom, he’s doing it again.”
“But sweetie,” Sarra says, rubbing her shoulder. “It’s such a cute story.”
“So, we go on one of the tours where they take you out, show you the wildlife—at least what they like to pretend it is—and we saw some bears and such. Nova wanted to take a cub home. Of course, we wouldn’t let her have one and she cried the entire way back to the hotel.”
“Sounds just like her,” I murmur, earning me another glare.
“Tell him the rest, though,” Sarra interjects, fixing her husband with a look.
“Well . . . I almost caved,” Will admits with a laugh. “She was just so sweet.”
“You did cave,” Sarra corrects.
“Okay, I stopped and got her a stuffed animal.”
“Can we go now?” Nova snaps, but Will ignores her.
“You’ll have to tell me more of these stories, Will.”
“Well, we were just on our way to the inn to get some dinner,” Sarra says excitedly, taking my hand. “You should come with us.”
“Oh, no.” Again, I’m not parent material. “I just stopped by to see Nova real quick.”
“Oh, please, you must. We insist,” Will says. “You can tell me all about life on the ocean.”
I look at Nova, who nervously bites her lip. I should say no. God knows we’re only digging this hole deeper, day by day. I told her I’m not the guy she needs to bring home to her parents. But . . .
If it makes her happy, I’ll do it because breaking my rules seems to be the only thing I’m fucking capable of when it comes to her.
“Alright, if you insist.”
The soft smile that forms on her lips is enough to know that I’m fucking done for. Her parents cheer, high-fiving like they won a game of football.
“Are you sure about this?” Nova asks when her parents descend the stairs, talking about how beautiful Port Nova is and not paying a single ounce of attention to us.
She looks so unsure, like she’s worried I’ll run the other way.
“Little bird, you owe me.”
We have dinner at the inn, and it’s more like a family reunion than just parents catching up with their eldest daughter. I’ll admit, I wasn’t prepared for Gran and Pap to join, but I definitely wasn’t ready for how well I just seemed to . . . fit in with their little family.
It’s a fucking joke. These things never work out.
I can see it in the way Sarra watches how Nova and I interact. She thinks there’s something here that isn’t. She wants what’s best for her daughter and to her, I’m it right now.
Pap’s eyes follow me, watching me like a hawk. I know what he’s thinking. He warned me away from her once and I didn’t listen. Now, I’m getting sucked in.
I hate myself for putting that thought into their heads. I hate myself for not leaving when I should have.
What the hell am I doing? I leave for Alaska in a month. Nova’s too fucking sweet for someone like me and she’s definitely too sweet for no-attachment sex.
I should get up and walk away while I can. Before things get out of hand any more than they already have.
So, of course, my dumbass agrees to go back to the cottage with them to sit around the fire pit in the back yard.
The Fischer’s really are the nicest fucking people I’ve ever met. They treat me how I expect they treat everyone else. Part of the family. It explains a lot about Nova, even if she won’t let me in to those dark parts of her mind. I can see her father in the way she tries to befriend everyone she meets. Like when I first arrived. I can see her mother in her maternal instinct to take care of everyone. It should be a good thing, seeing all the qualities she pulled from each of her parents.
Unfortunately, it solidifies in my mind that someday, I’m going to end up like my dad. I’ve been running from it my whole life, but I knew, eventually, it would catch up with me.
Seems it’s finally here.
Men like me don’t deserve good women like Nova. We’re assholes. We swear too much and we fuck too hard. We’re not sentimental and affection is just a ploy to pull her in and keep her wanting more.
That’s who I am, right? Just like Dad?
You don’t wake up a monster one day. You’re born into it. Bred for it. My father was just the stepping stone to a long line of assholes who didn’t deserve the women who loved them.
I can’t be that man.
Not to her.
“And then,” Will exclaims animatedly, telling another story of Nova when she was a kid. I like these stories. The ones she wouldn’t tell me with a gun to her head. It gives me that tiniest glimpse into the side of her I don’t know. “She brings the thing home.”
“Got blood everywhere,” Sarra chimes.
“It was hurt,” Nova argues, talking of the opossum she rescued when she was twelve, whom they were forced to keep as a pet after it lost it’s leg to a car. “I couldn’t leave it there.”
“My little tenderheart,” Sarra smiles, patting Nova on the leg and Nova rolls her eyes.
“I just have compassion, right Sir Creamsicle?”
Sir Creamsicle Von Sweets. And Toast. Girl’s got a way with names. Nova pets the head of the huge orange cat purring in her lap while Toast lays at her feet, shooting passive aggressive glances at his mother for not giving him her undivided attention.
I feel it, Toast. I really do.
“She’s adopted every feral animal on the island,” I say, tipping my beer back at Nova who catches on, shooting me a look.
She’s been too fucking far away all day. As nice as her parents are, I need to feel her, taste her. Just fucking touch her without Will and Sarra getting the wrong idea about where this is going. Judging by the heated look she’s giving me, she feels the same.
Blood rushes to my cock remembering the way I had her moaning my name on the boat last night. Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have her in my bed, just the two of us, the open water, and not a single fucking scrap of fabric between us.
“I can see that,” Will says, completely oblivious as he nods at Creamsicle and Toast.
“Well, I’m beat.” Sarra stands, yawning at the night sky.
“It’s ten, Mom.”
“I know, but I want to get up early enough to have breakfast with Gran and Pap before we go.”
“You’d better get up at four in the morning, then.”
“Will you join us tomorrow?” Sarra asks, ignoring her daughter completely. “One last hurrah?”
One last hurrah . . . something about makes it feel like I’ve got concrete in my chest.
“I think I can manage.”
“Good,” she smiles. “We’ll eat at eight. Nova, dear, will you help me find the good linens inside? The stuff at the inn makes my skin itch.”
“Oh my God, Mom,” Nova grumbles. “They do not, but yes, I’ll come with you.” She lets Creamsicle jump off her lap and stands. “Are you leaving yet?”
Her eyes meet mine and something passes between us I’m not sure I’m ready to unpack. “No. I’ll wait for you.”
“We’ll be fine,” Will interjects, waving a hand.
With a last, apprehensive look, Nova follows her mom toward the house. Will tips his beer back and swallows the rest, watching the girls talk about the inn as they step inside. He’s quiet for a moment, neither of us sure what to say. Meeting the parents is something I’ve never done. One on one time with the father of the girl I want to drag to bed?
That shit’s for someone else.
“That girl’s something,” Will chuckles, shaking his head.
“Yeah, she is,” I murmur, eyeing the fire that’s slowly starting to die down.
“You know . . .” Will clears his throat, sitting forward in his chair and resting his elbows on his knees. Everything in me tells me to get the fuck out before we have the dad talk. Unfortunately, I can’t get away fast enough. “Nova’s a good girl. Got a good head on her shoulders. Best thing I ever did was raise her and her sister to be kind, giving people.”
“Is this the part where you tell me you’ll kill me if I break her heart?”
Will doesn’t say anything, but he also doesn’t laugh either. It’s the most serious I’ve seen him all night and I would bet money that this side of Will Fischer doesn’t come out often. At least not in front of his daughters.
“This is the part where I tell you if you care even an ounce about her, you’ll leave her alone.”
Fuck.
“You’re leaving in September . . . I hate to say it, but I don’t think this will end well. You’re a good guy, Reid. I can see that. So can Nova and I can bet that’s why she likes you.”
“But . . .”
“But she’s been through enough heartache. Most people wouldn’t come back from it.”
“Jack.” Something in my gut churns. I fucking hate him, even if I know nothing about him. Moreso, I hate the idea of him, as if his existence could have been stopped. Like it would change anything for this very moment had he not been born at all.
She’d probably be married. Have kids.
Maybe then, this wouldn’t be happening.
“So, she’s told you, then?”
“No,” I murmur, squeezing the bottle in my hand until I fear it may break. “She hasn’t.”
“Well, that’s her business, so I won’t tell you, but . . . if you aren’t planning on sticking around for the long haul . . .”
“Leave.”
Will doesn’t have to agree with me for me to understand what he’s saying.
“I’ve picked her up off the bathroom floor too many times; seen too many tears in her eyes. I can’t do it again.”
I don’t move, listening to Will. He’s right. Fuck, he’s right. Judging by the heavy silence that falls, I don’t believe he’s told anyone else what he just said to me. A sinking feeling fills my gut, like I’m on a boat in the dark as night waters of the Atlantic, sinking to the bottom some two miles down. No way back to the surface.
“Just . . . think about it. “
“She deserves the best,” I murmur, not even realizing I’ve said it as I watch the light come on in the bedroom upstairs.
“She does,” Will agrees, following my gaze. “Maybe you can be that for her, but if not . . . I trust you’ll know when to cut it off.”
“Will. Tell me this.” Fuck, I can’t believe I’m asking this, but I need to know. “Did Jack die?”
Will looks like he’s seen a ghost. Fuck, on this old island, maybe he has.
“Jack didn’t survive that crash into the Mississippi, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Fuck. I feel the weight of the world crash down on me, like I’m a thousand feet beneath the water.
Fuck.
So that’s what happened, then. She didn’t tell me the whole truth last night and though part of me is pissed off, I know why she didn’t.
Does she miss him when we’re together? Was she thinking of him when I had my fingers buried inside her?
Am I going insane, chasing thoughts of a man who’s dead because we love the same woman?
Fuck me. Not love. This is an obsession. Not love. The moment we separate, I’ll think of her, but I’ll move on. So will she. That’s not love.
Love doesn’t exist. It’s just fairytale bullshit people make up, so they have an excuse to stop trying. They shackle themselves together because it’s easier than really living life. It’s holiday scams and cheap hearts and cards. It’s damn sure, not for me.
My chest aches thinking about leaving Nova in a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor. Can I really cut it off? Walk away as if none of this ever happened?
“Yes, sir.”
Will gives me a kind smile and nods off into the distance. “Well, I suppose it’s time to hit the hay. Sounds like the wife’s got big plans for the morning.”
“Yeah, I should be getting to bed, too.”
The fire has died down and all that remains are a few red-hot coals and some ash at the bottom of the pit.
“Thanks for talking with me,” Will says, patting me on the shoulder before he stands and heads into the house in search of his wife.
I don’t say anything. I can’t. I’ve dug myself in too deep and now, it’ll be hell to claw back out before this turns sour.
Because where I’m concerned, it always does.
Nova Fischer may feel like she was made for me . . . but at the end of the day, she will always belong to someone else.
Even if he’s just the ghost that haunts her nightmares, now.