13. Oh Fuck
OH FUCK
It’s irrational.
It’s crazy.
It’s fucking madness.
I keep telling myself over and over how stupid it is to want to find out who my mysterious Mr. Wayne is, but then, the perfect opportunity lands on my lap.
Avalon is doing a masquerade night right before the Fourth of July.
I can go, cover my face, be incognito and drop some little hints and see if maybe he’s curious too. Hoping I’m not alone in feeling this connection.
I always knew my heart was in my vagina, but even for me, this is extreme.
But being with him with a wall between us just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Something tells me that Mr. Wayne might just be the man who can bring all my fantasies to life. The ones I’ve kept locked away, and didn’t feel safe talking about with anyone else.
It’s just a deep sexual connection—nothing else.
Either way, I need to go to this party dressed my absolute best. Jessa is with me flipping through dresses.
“So what look are you going for?”
“Sexy, mysterious, something bordering on slutty,” I tell her, walking down the aisle and picking up multiple dresses in my size.
“And you still won’t tell me what it’s for?”
“I have a date,” I lie.
“You have a date and you want a scandalous dress for said date?”
“Yes, I want to get laid after said date.”
She shrugs her shoulders and nods her head. She’s looking at cuter, more precious dresses for herself.
“You should get that light blue one,” I tell her.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I bet he’ll like it,” I say.
Her cheeks flame red. “Who?”
“Oh, no one in particular.”
She looks around and doesn’t comment on it. I’ve totally noticed her and Aiden flirting more and more at the office. No matter how much my cousin is actively trying to avoid her, he can’t keep his eyes off her.
They’d be perfect together.
Maybe I can find a way to push them together when we’re on the boat later this week.
“I went to Avalon,” she sighs.
“How was it?” I ask cautiously.
“Interesting, but I don’t see myself joining, at least not right now.”
Internally, I’m taking a sigh of relief. The last thing I need is someone seeing me at this masquerade. With how Aiden has been obsessing about Jessa, there’s no way he’s going either. He’s just not like that. If he has feelings for her, he wouldn’t be able to go through with anything at the club.
“Sorry it didn’t work out.”
“Just a little too rich for my blood right now,” she says.
I totally read through her shit. Jessa is like me, a serial monogamist. With her eyes set on Aiden, it makes sense why she wouldn’t want to go back, even if she isn’t willing to admit it right now.
Hopefully, these two idiots figure it out sooner than later.
“You could always try another time.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she says, shrugging, grabbing her cute blue dress and we try on our clothes.
I buy a tight black number and wait for my mask to arrive in the mail.
I haven’t spentany time in the main club before and I feel like a fish out of water. My little black dress hugs every curve and my bejeweled mask hides half of my face. My blonde hair is curled, and in loose waves as I grab a drink and walk around the space.
I’m not even sure how to approach someone. I’m not interested in meeting anyone new. The only thing I want is to know who my mystery man is.
All the men are wearing suits, which is so fucking unhelpful as I search for Mr. Wayne.
If only I had a little bat signal.
A man approaches me and I swallow thickly. His jaw is sharp, and his mask doesn’t hide his deep brown eyes well as he steps in front of me.
“Hello.”
“Hi,” I reply kindly.
“Is this your first time here?” he asks, and I nod.
“Yes, well, this part of the club.”
He tilts his head in confusion, and I already know he isn’t my mystery man. My interest immediately depletes.
God, I’m pathetic—at least I’m self aware.
“I’m actually looking for someone,” I tell him.
“Oh, room for a third?” he says, leaning against the table.
I look him up and down and actually contemplate it. You know, two guys fucking me at the same time doesn’t seem so bad.
“Fuck off,” a familiar voice says behind the blond man who didn’t even give me his name before suggesting a threesome—you gotta appreciate sex club etiquette.
He holds his hands up in mock surrender, not wanting to deal with our drama as he walks away. I watch the blond man leave, and my heart races as I prepare for this confrontation.
He said this place was for desperate, pathetic people. The thought of Lincoln being a member of Avalon didn’t even cross my mind—this place is supposed to be beneath him.
There’s a golden mask covering his face, his dark hair loose and his suit pristine as he glares at me with his piercing blue-green eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he grates out, grabbing my arm to lead me out of the entrance.
I tug my arm away and cross my arms.
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here? I thought this place was pathetic,” I say, sneering his words back at him.
“It is. It’s why I’m here. Go home, Penny.”
“No.”
His jaw ticks, and he exhales through his nose.
“You don’t belong here.”
I laugh sardonically. “You have no fucking clue who I am.”
He grabs his mask off his face in exacerbation and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“We can’t all go here. Isn’t that a little too royal family of us?”
“I’m not leaving until I get what I came here for,” I tell him.
“And what the hell is that?” he asks. He’s scanning the room like he would rather be anywhere else instead of dealing with me right now.
“I’m looking for someone.”
“Who?” he asks.
How do I tell him I’ve been fucking a stranger, and this seemed like the best event to find them at?
Lie.
Because there’s no fucking way I’m admitting that. I’ll just use a play on words for the man I’m looking for.
“Batman, obviously,” I say laughing it off. I always wondered if he chose Wayne for Bruce Wayne and having a secret identity. I take a sip of my glass and look up to see Lincoln’s face covered in shock.
“What did you just say?” he says, his mouth slack as he stares at me.
“Nothing, it’s stupid. Just let me have this night and I’ll be out of your hair.”
I can see the vein in his neck pulsing, and I squint at him. I swear to God he starts fucking sweating and… no.
There’s no fucking way.
“Oh fuck,” I whisper under my breath, and he just blinks at me, his eyes wide with realization.
I go to walk past him and he just stands there, lost in his own thoughts.
My heart is thumping so fast in my chest it feels like it might just rip out of my chest onto the floor as I try to breathe as I quickly walk out of Avalon.
No. No. No.
There’s no fucking way, my stranger. The man I let fuck me through a wall, the one I’ve been fantasizing about endlessly, is my cousin. I rip the mask off of my face as my heels click against the marble.
My mind is a mess as I race my way out of the building. I forget about my keys and phone as I push through the heavy front doors and walk along the curb.
He didn’t say anything verbally, but his face said everything he couldn’t.
Lincoln is my Mr. Wayne.
My heel snags on one of Florida’s fine fucked-up pieces of sidewalk and I sag against the side of the building as I try to slow my frantic breathing.
In a series of wrong turns and men who are bad for me, this is my ultimate success at being a failure.
I’ve been endlessly thinking of a faceless man who happens to be my adopted cousin—who hates me.
I fucked Linc.
My breathing gets even more panicked and I feel like I’m dying. I’m having a heart attack at the ripe age of twenty-nine.
I want to rip off the slutty dress I wore to impress a man who’s known me my entire life.
Tears stream down my face, and I hold on to the wall for support.
Rock meet bottom.
A hand touches my back and I still for a moment. But it’s a soothing touch as their large palm circles my back.
“Just breathe,” Lincoln says, and I try, but hearing his voice just makes me panic even more.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Don’t move. I’m getting your purse and shit.”
His voice is calm, controlled, maybe even unaffected.
How can he be so fucking calm? How isn’t he right beside me on the concrete having a similar ultimate life crisis?
My throat feels constricted and I reach at my back to pull the zipper of my dress down so I can breathe.
Footsteps have me looking to my right where Lincoln is holding my purse.
“Come on,” he says, grabbing me by my upper arm.
He supports most of my weight as he leads me to his car. He has to lean me against the side of the vehicle before opening the passenger door and helping me get in.
How could I have let this happen?
Lincoln climbs over into the driver’s seat and I glance at him in my peripheral vision. He was the best sex of my life. He ate me out, fucked me, and somehow made it intimate in a way I can’t describe.
I was falling for a man through a wall, and it’s him.
Oh my God. I rubbed my cum all over his dick and sucked it off.
I turn and look out the window. This has to all be a bad dream.
I’m going to wake up and it will all have been some seriously messed-up nightmare my demonic mind came up with and everything will be normal. I’ll wake up tomorrow with no very in-depth memories of how Lincoln’s mouth feels on me, or how he has the most perfect cock I’ve ever seen.
“Are you done panicking?” he says softly and I nod my head. “You’re Honey?” he confirms and I nod my head. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he mumbles.
I’m not sure what words can be said between us right now.
“This is fucked up,” I say under my breath and Lincoln laughs next to me.
It’s not a cruel laugh. Maybe this is his way of handling the situation. He doesn’t cry, so he might as well laugh it off.
He rubs his jaw and parks by our apartment and neither of us gets out.
The silence is deafening and I feel like I’m being crushed by the overwhelming weight of what I learned tonight.
He turns, so his head is resting against the headrest while he looks at me. My position mimics his.
Mr. Wayne had to be beautiful. I knew that through a wall and I wasn’t wrong. Lincoln is handsome, and broken, and beautiful all the same.
His eyes are piercing mine and neither of us looks away. There’s so much to be said, to talk about, yet words don’t feel like enough.
Where do we go from here?
“We’ll keep this between us. We can act like it never happened,” he suggests.
His tone is unnaturally soft and kind. A small glimpse of the Lincoln I got to see that night after Collin’s funeral peeking through.
“Okay.”
He nods his head, his eyes searching my face like there’s so much to say, but no other words are spoken as we leave the car in silence and go to our respective apartments.