4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Rafe
Walking through Coldstone Creek on a bright spring morning is absolute misery for someone with allergies.
It’s beautiful with the blooming trees and flowers everywhere, but man, it’s hard to see them when you’re sneezing twenty-four-seven.
I blow my nose again and drop the tissue in a trash can along the sidewalk.
I had originally planned to drop by Mom’s bakery and have some breakfast, but I’m not in the peopling mood.
I never am, really, but this morning has taken on a mind of its own.
When I woke up, Mav was heading out early and the others were still asleep.
In fairness, I woke up earlier than I have in months.
For the first time in forever, I’m able to contemplate eating breakfast rather than scrambling for lunch.
My brothers are right. I’ve become a recluse.
A lazy, lonely sack of wasted potential if I don’t get myself together.
Ronnie had some good words of wisdom for me last night, and after Archer took care of his daughter, he basically seconded everything she said.
I know they’re right. Being direct with what I want, even if I stand a chance of getting hurt, is the only way to get any closure or move forward—whatever the future may hold.
Wandering the streets with no real destination hasn’t helped me think of a single thing I can do to show Luna how much I love her.
Sure, I could drive to Chatswain City, show her that I bought her a house and an engagement ring, but she’ll think I bought it to guilt her into coming back to me.
I don’t want her to have that kind of pressure.
I have to come up with something else. Something that says I love you, I want you, and I’m willing to do what it takes to prove it if you’ll only tell me what it is you need.
I’ve done all the little things in the past, but I window shop anyway, if only to get some inspiration.
Bethany, one of my mother’s best friends, has some new things in her window display at Bethany’s Baubles, but I’m not sure I can top an engagement ring.
Besides, Luna has never been one to love jewelry, even the local handmade kind.
With a sigh, I shuffle down Main Street past the new bookstore, past city hall, and well past the common shops. I’m almost at the split where I must choose—go to the dead end and make a left toward Mom and Dad’s house, or go right and circle the block to do it all over again.
And it hits me.
Over again…
As much as I love Coldstone Creek, I’ve done it all. We’ve done it all, and there isn’t a single place I can go in this town that doesn’t hold a memory of Luna and me together.
Suddenly, this little town I love so dearly closes in on me, crushes me until I’m suffocating with the sameness of it all. My skin begins to itch, and all I can think about is getting out. Escaping the monotony of it, even for a little while.
“Rafe? Son, are you all right?” Joe, the grocer, stands half in and half out of his shop, repairing the bell overhead.
Not for the first time, it’s fallen off the hook and probably bonked someone on the head.
I can’t count how many times I’ve been assaulted by the little brass bell. More of the same, my whole life.
I scrub a hand over my face and try to refocus on reality. “Yeah, just thinking.”
Joe chuckles. “That always gets me into a lot of trouble. I’ve learned a lot of deep thinking only makes more problems. For me, anyway. What are you thinking about?”
He drops his screwdriver back into his toolbox and tests the door.
It dings the same way it has every time I’ve ever entered his store for as long as I can remember.
Joe’s a staple in Coldstone Creek, someone who knew my parents even before they got married and had us kids.
He’s seen a lot in this town, in life, really, and I wonder if all his troublesome thinking ever got him out of town. Even for a little while?
“Joe, you ever take a vacation?” I ask, leaning against his storefront window.
“Oh, yeah. Gotta get out of town every once in a while. You thinking of taking one?” He fidgets with the bell a bit more, but I can tell he’s only stalling so he can talk to me.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t realize until just now how long it’s been since I got out of here.”
His wrinkled eyes squint a little, almost like he’s attempting to read my true intentions.
He must find what he’s looking for, because he nods a few times and hums a low chuckle.
“Boy, your heart must be really hurting. I get that. I surely do, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with wanting to escape for a while.
Coldstone is always here for those of us who need to come back home.
” He thumbs over his shoulder to Bethany’s store.
I know her story. Messy divorce, crummy ex-husband, a fresh new start in Coldstone, and a new love story with the town fire chief.
“I’m not looking to fall in love with someone new. And I’m not saying I want to leave this town, I’m only saying…” I sigh and drop my head back against the window. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”
Silence falls between us for a little bit while Joe fidgets with the bell and I stare at a bright blue sky, wondering what to do with my life. What do I do for Luna to show her how desperate I am to have her back? For anything in life to change, really.
Joe clears his throat and closes his toolbox.
“Listen, Rafe, I don’t know all the details about you and Luna, but I do know how it feels to lose the love of your life.
I got a friend who owns a rental in a sweet little town in Ireland.
If you want, I can reach out to him and his wife and see if it’s available. ”
“Ireland? I was thinking more like another state, I guess. A short trip to clear my mind.”
“Well, son, I’m not sure the kind of brain clearing you need can be found in more of the same. This little place is secluded, quiet and you can get a lot of talking to God done while you’re there. My friend will give you a good rate. What do you say?”
Ireland? There are worse places to visit, and I’ve heard it’s a beautiful country. There isn’t much else to lose, so I push off the window and nod. “Yeah, sure. Let’s do it. Maybe something totally different will be just the kick in the pants I need to clear my head once and for all.”
“Atta boy. Gimme a few minutes and we’ll get you set up.”
Before I know it, Joe has the cottage reserved for me for as long as I want it, and I’m on my way back to the town house to pack for an impromptu trip.
I’ll need to let the guys know I’ll be gone for a while, and I should probably let my parents know so they don’t go off the deep end worrying about me.
Suddenly, my future doesn’t feel as bleak as it did even fifteen minutes ago.
Even if I only spend a few days out of the country, it might give me a new perspective on life I hadn’t seen before.
If I’m lucky, it’ll also help me get my head screwed on right and affix my trust back on God.
Admittedly, I haven’t been asking for His help much lately.
Just before I have to turn right to head back to my place, I decide to turn back and drop in on my dad. Silas and Mav were right. If I call Dad from home to tell him about this trip, he’ll drive right over, insistent that something is wrong.
Well, it is, but it’s not something he can fix.
It’s a short walk from town to my old house, and I find Dad sitting on the front porch sipping coffee when I arrive.
He’s on the phone with his laptop on the table beside him, and I realize I’ve caught him during working hours.
He holds up a finger when I approach, so I sit in the empty rocking chair across from him.
“Yes, Mr. Lyons, everything is in order. Once you sign that paperwork, I can get it all filed and you’re all set.” After a pause he says, “You too. Thanks again.” Once he hangs up, he gives me his full attention. “Good to see you, Rafe. I was beginning to think you’d never leave your cave.”
“Ha, ha. Silas put you up to that?”
Dad chuckles. “No, but he’s not wrong. You do look a bit like a disheveled bear after waking from hibernation.”
“About that. I know you’ve been worried, and I came to put your mind at ease. To try, at least.” I ease back in the chair and start a slow rock like an old man, which probably reinforces my persona as of late.
“Is this about Luna?” he asks, peering at me from over his coffee mug.
“Yeah, of course it is. Isn’t it always?”
“Could it also be about how you have never been one to speak the words in your mind?”
“That too, yeah.” I nod and push off the porch again, gaining some steam with my rocking. It’s a nice distraction from my father’s steady stare.
“And how you’re too much like me for your own good?”
I glance his way and grin. “I guess.” I lean back and rock forward once more. “I’m going on a vacation to Ireland. Joe got me a rental through a friend of his, and I think it’s a good idea.”
Dad puts his mug down and crosses his arms. “Depends on why you’re going. You running away?”
“No, I don’t think so. I took a walk this morning and realized I haven’t left town in a while. Everything here is the same. I mean, I love living here. Coldstone is amazing, but sometimes a guy’s gotta…I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
“I think I understand. You need a break in scenery to wrap your mind around things. I’ve been there and done that. Heck, coming to Coldstone was me doing that. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find your mother, and things got a lot better for me.”
“I’m not trying to replace Luna, Dad,” I say with a stern enough tone that he knows I’m not going to wiggle on that.
He holds up a hand in defense. “I wasn’t implying you should. I was merely saying that I understand the need to start fresh. A vacation is as good of a fresh start as a relocation. I’m glad you came by to let us know.”