Chapter Eighteen
River
I nod. I remember learning about that at some point, but I just wanted to check that what I was remembering was correct.
“So, the fact that you managed to control the ocean, and so spectacularly really, is a big deal then?” I ask.
Van nods, “Yeah, it is. I’m going to ask my parents about it when we go and see them tomorrow,” he replies. I feel his gaze on me, and he asks, “What about you?”
I shrug, “The same as you, really. I feel restless and like my kitsune needs out a lot more than it ever did before.”
Evander nods, seemingly unsurprised by my words. “Maybe it has got something to do with Neith? Your kitsune is clearly incredibly protective of her.”
I smirk, “Not just the kitsune in me, the man is incredibly protective too, and that’s what fuels the reactions from the kitsune.”
Evander grins, “I think we all are.” He pauses and then glances out the corner of his eye at me.
When he doesn’t say anything else I stop walking and raise my eyebrow at him.
“What? Spit it out,” I grin.
Still, he hesitates, and my smile falls slightly as I wait for him to tell me whatever is going through his mind.
“Have you considered that she might be your mate?” He asks me.
I shut down. I push the thought away, and I cross my arms over my chest. He sees the change in me immediately, and understanding fills his eyes. The mate thing is a sensitive subject for me. When it comes to kitsunes, we can fall in love and spend our lives with whoever we want, but our true mates can only be another kitsune. The level of connection that you have with your mate is so much more and something that I have always wanted.
However, I realized at a very young age that I was never going to be able to have a mate because a kitsune mate has to have the same power level as you, which means that they have to have the same number of tails. I have nine, and that’s not just rare. It should be impossible. There have been no kitsunes ever recorded to have nine tails.
I’m destined to never find my mate.
“No,” I reply bluntly.
Within seconds, I have shifted into my kitsune, and I take off into the trees. Van doesn’t call out after me. He doesn’t try to follow me. He just lets me go. For a while, I just run. I ignore everything else, and I let my feet pound through the forest. I’m moving at speeds that I have never reached before, but I’m too busy trying to outrun my thoughts to really take too much notice.
The thoughts catch me with ease, despite the speed at which I am going.
I don’t think I have ever wanted something more than I want Neith to be my mate. It’s undeniable what I feel for her, and how my instincts are triggered, and if I’m being entirely honest with myself, there’s a sense of sadness that encompasses me when I let myself think about it because she feels like she’s mine, and she owns me. There’s absolutely no doubt about that, but for her to be my mate, that’s impossible.
I know that it shouldn’t matter. I know that if she decides that she wants to be with me, with all of us, that should be enough, and it would be if it weren’t for the fact that my instincts are screaming at me and almost rubbing it in that it’s not something that I can have. Having a mate gives you a sense of security I guess, they are your perfect half, they love you for exactly who you are.
They won’t leave.
And that there is the crux of my issue. I have abandonment issues for more than one reason. Those reasons I definitely don’t want to allow myself to think about, not right now. But that’s why knowing that Neith can’t be my mate is hard to deal with.
She could leave. The quirks that I have that she seems to find amusing or match with her own quirks could become annoying to her. I could become annoying, and she could not want anything to do with me anymore.
It’s happened more times than I care to admit.
I shouldn’t have been so blunt with Van, but the truth is I have thought about it, I’ve dreamt about it, but I always reach the same conclusion. She’s not a kitsune, and that means she’s not my mate and never can be.
I’m just a swirling ball of emotion, and my magic is reacting to that. I can feel my magic start to buzz, becoming agitated, and I try to take a breath to calm myself. My panic rises further when it doesn’t work like it usually does. My hackles rise as it feels like something is beginning to tug on my magic. Flames engulf me without me calling on them. They are mine. It’s my fire, but I didn’t call it, and it’s stronger than it ever has been before.
I growl low in my throat as the world tilts and shifts, and I suddenly find myself in a different part of the forest. I barely have enough time to recognize where in the forest I am before my magic buzzes again, and this time, everything that isn’t rooted down and is in my vicinity lifts off the ground and starts spinning. Again it’s a gift of mine, I can move things, but usually not very well. In fact, it’s such a weak ability of mine that I never use it. I can barely float a spoon a couple of inches off the table, and yet I am surrounded by sticks, stones, boulders that are the same size as I am, and even a damn rabbit who looks as shocked as I am. They’re all just sitting there, the smaller rocks seem to be spinning, but that’s it.
Taking a breath, I try to pull the magic back to drop all of the objects to the floor. I need to talk to the guys and tell them what’s going on. Hopefully, Raiden will have an idea of why my magic is doing this. The magic won’t come back to me though and instead it starts to grow again, and I’m pulled somewhere else. Fortunately, I’m still within our land, but this time, I don’t stay in the area for longer than a couple of seconds before I’m pulled somewhere else again.
Evander’s eyes widen as I suddenly appear at the edge of the pool that he’s swimming in, but as he opens his mouth, my magic plays up again. My body cools rapidly, my breath leaving my mouth in plumes as the air around me drops in temperature too.
“What the fuck?” Van asks incredulously.
Ice spreads around me, and snow starts to fall where I am. This is fucking insane. In a big circle around me, the temperature is so obviously lower than everywhere else that snow is lying on the ground. That’s not a gift that I’ve been known to have before.
“What’s going on? Why are you making it snow right now?” Van asks as he starts to get out of the water and approaches me. He frowns as he adds, “How are you making it snow right now?”
I move back, my magic is so fucking unpredictable right now, and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I hurt Van. He stops, his frown deepening as I shake my head. He starts to open his mouth, no doubt to ask me another question, but before he can, I feel my eyes widen in panic, and a whine leaves my throat as I feel the magic once again start to build around me, within moments I’m pulled away.
I really fucking hope that Van gets that I need fucking help and doesn’t think that I’m messing about. I’m hoping that the fact that I have never been able to teleport or whatever the fuck it is that I’m doing is enough to make him realize that I need help. Although I have no idea what the fuck they’re going to be able to do to help me. As I appear in yet another part of the woods, I have to push away the panic that is starting to rise. What if I never stop? What if this carries on until I exhaust my magic and die? I can’t even switch back to my human form.
Fuck.
Neith
I ’ve pushed myself hard, I know that, but I’ve needed to. I didn’t realize that I had quite so much that I needed to work through until I started running on the treadmill. I’ve done cardio, and I’ve spent a long time on the bag. I feel a hell of a lot better for it. I’ve got this. Whatever the Choosing is going to throw at me, I’m going to be fine.
More importantly, I will be put on the guy’s team and not on the Draconian Team. While it would be good to be with Coen, they are doing something to him, something really fucking bad. Coen is an extremely strong supernatural, on the same level as the guys actually now that I’m thinking about it, but the Draconian Team has managed to stop him from shifting. Not only that, but they are controlling him as well. I am not a super strong supernatural, so it’s terrifying to think what they would be able to do to me or make me do.
I will not be fucking controlled like that, not again.
I had to tell myself a few times that I would end up with the guys and not with the Draconian Team. It has become a fear of mine. Probably because ever since I have gotten here, everything seems too good to be true, and I have been waiting for it to be taken away from me, like Evander, like Dimitri, like Coen, like everyone who has ever made me feel safe.
I step away from the bag and wipe my face, getting rid of the sweat that has gathered there, and unwrap my hands. I remembered to wrap them this time. My lips tilt up into a smile as I think of Doc and how he asked me to wear them after he healed my hands when I had a freakout when I first found out about the Choosing and my ironic lack of choice in taking part.
Placing the hand wraps on the bench, I reach for the water bottle when I suddenly lose my eyesight. The voices become louder, but they don’t sound panicked, and that is the only reason why I try to remain calm. I slowly move forward, finding the bench where I just put my wraps. Feeling around with my hands, I carefully sit down and grip onto the edge tightly, using the feeling of it under my hands to ground me.
The magic begins to build in the air around me, and suddenly, my vision clears. I’m no longer in the gym, but instead, I’m surrounded by trees. I don’t know what this is, but I do know that I can still feel the bench under my fingers, so my physical body is still in the gym, but the rest of me isn’t.
Suddenly, River appears in front of me. His hackles are up, and he’s whining as the ground around him ripples and cracks. I can feel him, and it’s his magic that’s doing this, but it’s clear by his body language and the fear in his eyes that he isn’t in control of it, and he’s panicking.
He disappears.
Fuck, I’m standing before my vision has come back, and it takes until I’m at the door of the gym for my vision to be back to normal. I practically fly up the stairs and into the hallway.
Shouting at the top of my lungs, I call for the others, “Guys! River’s in trouble!”
I don’t know if they hear me, but I know that I have to get to River. Following my instincts, I haul ass through the kitchen and out the back door onto the deck, just in time to see Evander racing across the vast piece of land out here, and the guys all suddenly appear around me.
“What’s happened?” Raiden asks.
“What’s wrong with River?” Doc asks, concern flooding his features.
Before I can answer, Evander appears, “Something is wrong with River!”
“We know. Neith just told us, but I don’t know why,” Griff says.
Evander looks at me in shock, “How do you know? Did he show up here as well?”
I shake my head, “No, I think I had a vision. That’s not the important thing right now. River is panicking, and from what I saw, I think his magic is going haywire. I didn’t realize that he could teleport like Doc.”
“He can’t,” Raiden says, and then adds, “shit, this is not good.”
Evander and I quickly explain what we both witnessed to the guys and how he seemed to have no control over what was happening to him.
Evander switches into leader mode, “Raiden, Griff, and Reed, you head into the sky and see if you can see him. He was on our property. Hopefully, he still is. We’ll look from the ground.”
“We can use the kelpies,” I say, and I don’t bother waiting for them to agree before I whistle, calling Mael.
The guys who aren’t flying call their kelpies too. Mael appears within seconds, and I gently stroke his nose before he ducks so that I can get on him. He seems to be aware of the urgency of the situation. The guys are soon on their kelpies too.
“How are we going to trace him?” Reed asks. “There has to be a quicker way than just flying around and hoping that we’re going to find him. He may not even be on our land anymore, especially if his magic is freaking out.”
“We need to find him quickly,” Doc says, his concern and agitation making his kelpie dance beneath him. “His magic source will be getting low, and that’s really dangerous. Especially if he can’t stop.”
“Fuck!” Griff exclaims.
“I can try and trace his magical signature, but if he’s moving around as erratically as you guys have said, then I might not be able to get a good lock on him,” Ransom offers, worry creasing his forehead.
“Try anyway,” Evander orders, his expression grim.
I feel Ransom’s magic grow and reach out, but after a few moments, he shakes his head, looking frustrated.
“I could feel him, but as soon as I got a lock on the location, it would change again,” Ransom says. “The good news is that he is still on the property. My magic was at least able to identify that.”
“How are we going to find him then?” Raiden asks. “And what are we going to do when we do find him? He’s moving so quickly; how are we going to get him and stop him from moving again?”
“I should be able to help with that. I can contain him in a kind of cage that should stop his magic, but I can’t hold it for long,” Ransom says.
“Hopefully, once he sees us, his magic will calm down. I imagine that it’s being fueled by panic at the moment,” Doc suggests.
“That still doesn’t help us find him,” Reed says impatiently.
My intuition pings, “Let me try my tracking gift. Maybe I can get it to predict where he will be rather than where he is, it’s done it before.”
“It’s worth a try,” Van nods.
I take a breath, but instead of pushing away my panic and fear for River, I pull it closer, and I use it to fuel the magic and what I’m asking of it. It must work because quicker than it ever has, the mental map shows up, and I think about being able to show the guys.
“Whoa,” Doc says, his eyes wide.
“That’s fucking insane,” Van mutters.
Raiden shakes his head as he looks at the aerial map of the guy’s land and the little glowing kitsune, “I have never seen anything like that before.”
“In theory, that should be the place that he is going to be, not the place that he is. So we should get there either before him or just after him, but we need to hurry,” I explain, ignoring everything else because there’s no time to get into my crazy gift right now and the fact that I intentionally used my magic and projected it to the guys.
No fucking, way.
“Incredible,” Reed mutters, and a sense of pride flows through me.
My pride is quickly snuffed out as my fear for River grows, and we set off. I ask it to switch from a map to the glowing ball of magic that I can follow, and I can feel the guys staring at me in shock.
I’m done talking as I urge Mael to go faster.
I have an incredible need to get to River to help him. I don’t know how, but it’s all I can think about. My stomach twists, and my heart beats faster. We need to get to him and quickly.
I don’t like this, I really fucking don’t like this, and neither do the voices. They’re urging me to move faster, and there’s a thread of panic to their tone that I don’t like. The voices very rarely panic, and it’s never a good sign when they do.
We thunder through the forest, and I am so glad that we’re on the kelpies because they move so much quicker than anything else that we have, although the guys in the air seem to be keeping up easily enough. We arrive at the location just in time to see River disappear again, although our eyes connect just before he vanishes. The panic and fear in them drives a spear through my heart, but fortunately, my glowing tracker doesn’t disappear and instead takes us to another part of the property. I’m hoping that we get there on time this time.