7. Chapter 6
Chapter 6
Eden
I get a sick feeling as I watch Roman descend the steps of our home.
"You mind if I see Father Briar off and say thank you for bringing me home?"
"Go for it," My dad says with a wave. "Your mother can reheat your food," He adds with a smile. Though the lifeless look in his eyes whenever he glances at her is always unsettling.
Aiden pokes his potatoes, his eyes following me as I make my way outside.
Roman has barely made it to his 4Runner as I step outside. As I move towards him, he seems lost in thought, his eyes staring blankly at the driver’s side door.
"Hey, I'm sorry my dad made you-"
"Give me your phone," He snaps, holding out his hand.
"Why would I do that?" I question, tugging the device free from my pocket .
At dinner, Aiden had silently handed it over to me under the table, avoiding my father's watchful eyes.
"Hand it to me, or I’ll get it myself," He warns, keeping his hand out in front of me.
I hesitate before unlocking the phone and handing it over to him. He snatches it quickly, his fingers fumbling around on the screen.
“Do you need help finding something? I assumed you knew how to use it since you asked for it. Unless...”
“Unless what?”
“Unless your looks have deceived me, and you’re too ancient to know how to work a smartphone.”
He shoots me a playful smirk as he finishes and locks the phone.
"So not ancient, huh? You can’t be my age. From what I know, priests start seminary around twenty-two."
"Tack on seven years. I’ll be twenty-nine in October." He hands my phone back to me, our fingers touching during the exchange.
"I added my number in there. I want you to call me in the morning once you’re up. You’ll be starting your service hours bright and early.”
"Service hours?" I question. "My dad really did sign me up?"
"That he did," He mutters, leaning into the side of his car. "You’ve got the most service hours, actually."
"I can't," I stutter, the idea of being isolated with Roman both terrifying and exciting. "I had to pick up a job. My parents are making me pay rent while I’m living at home. I work at Idlewood Coffee in the mornings, the cafe downtown- "
"Then you’ll come find me after that."
"And what if I already have plans?" I snap. "It's Monday-"
"You'll make time," He shrugs, looking toward the house. Taking a step closer, he pushes a strand of stray hair behind my ear. I close my eyes, hating how much I love the feeling of his touch, biting back the urge to step a little closer.
"Lock your door tonight."
"Why?" I question, his head cocking.
"Do it. I don't like it when you don't listen."
His hand falls from my face as he backs away, leaving my skin yearning for his touch. Dazed and confused, I watch him as he retreats to his car. I make my way back to the house, and as I make my way up the stairs to the front porch, I look over my shoulder to see him still waiting in the driveway. He doesn’t leave until I close the front door behind me.
Tossing myself on my bed, I shoot Zoey a quick text, asking if she’s working at the cafe in the morning. Quickly getting a "yes" back, I scroll through my contacts, rolling my eyes at the sight of Roman's name now in my phone. Clicking my phone off, I look down to see dirt still caked on my skin in places. My one prerogative for the rest of the night is to thoroughly cleanse my body in hopes of washing away the remains of the day, both physically and mentally.
The collar of Roman’s flannel shirt touches my face, and I take in his scent. I think of the way his hands explored between my thighs, wondering if he resented me even though I had no intention of tempting him on any level tonight. But now I’m the one tempted to explore this connection between us.
"Eden," Aiden's hoarse voice calls, his body lingering in my doorway. "Can I talk to you?"
I glance at the clock on my nightstand. It’s late, almost midnight. I’m surprised he’s still up. Surely his apology could wait until the morning.
“Sure.”
He enters the room, turning to quietly shut the door until it meets the frame. As he turns back to me and makes his way to where I'm sitting, I notice how exhausted he looks. He runs his hands through his hair as he takes a seat beside me on the bed.
"Did talking to Father Briar take that much energy out of you-"
"Dad's hurting me," Aiden blurts out, the compulsion to goad him about today’s events dies out completely the moment those words leave his mouth.
Staring at Aiden, I swallow nothing, my hand clutching my phone.
"What do you mean-"
"You remember how it was growing up? Yea, you got your share of shit, but you were always their favorite, and I could never do anything to please them," He says, his head bowed as he speaks. "Dad was always keen on using that damn belt on you, but when he took me into his room for my punishments, I never saw the belt," Aiden sobs, a million thoughts running through my mind. "I would have fucking loved for it to have been the belt. "
"Aiden-"
"When you went away, I had an opportunity to please him to the point he felt that his punishments weren’t needed anymore. Then you came home, and for some reason, he never felt the need to take his frustrations out on you like he used to. Once again, I was his outlet when he was angry. I don't hate you, Eden. I envy the fact he never went after you the same way he comes after me. I hate myself for expecting you to have done something about a problem you didn't even know about. I thought that you fucking up would make his focus go somewhere else. I was wrong," Aiden continues, tears dropping from his jaw and blotching his jeans.
I rub his back, but he flinches and jerks away.
"If he isn't using the belt, Aiden, what is he-"
"Kids," My father snaps, both of us jolting at the sound.
Nudging the door all the way open, he stands with his belt in hand. My mother lingers behind him, a sheen over her dilated eyes, not doubt from the handful of Xanax she’d probably taken after dinner.
"Aiden, let's go," He urges. "Morgan, you go enjoy your shows. Eden, get some rest-"
"No," I snap, standing in between my father and Aiden, staring him down.
"He’s already apologized and confessed. We are far too old for physical punishment, Dad," I hiss. "Aiden is-"
My mother gasps as my father’s hand coils around my neck. He uses his body to force me back into the dresser. Aiden moves quickly from the bed, clawing at my father’s shirt, trying to get him off of me .
"It's disrespect like that which made it easy for me to let Father Briar take charge of cleansing your sinful mind," He hisses, the thought of them agreeing on anything seeming absurd.
As my airways tighten, I'm thrown back to my childhood, recalling every time my father's drunken beatings went too far. His grip tightens slightly, and suddenly, I'm in my dorm room again, with Eric's drunken eyes watching me as he–
Aiden kicks my dad square in the crotch from behind. He releases my throat, and I crumple to the floor, gasping for air. My mother’s cold hand touches my face, a broken look in her eyes as I look up at her, my vision blotchy. I hear my father’s footsteps move quickly to Aiden as he tries to get beyond his reach.
"Wait-"
"You'll make it worse," My mother whispers, her lips pressed to my ear, my neck throbbing with pain from my father's grip. She holds me still as I look over to see Aiden trembling, the kind of fear written across his face something I’m intimately familiar with.
He's been hurt like me.
By our own fucking father.
And my mother knows.
Grabbing Aiden's collar, he begins tugging him towards the door as my brother struggles to resist him. Nudging my mother off of me, I follow after them.
I don’t care if this is a dumb idea. I have to do something.
"I told Aiden to smoke the weed," I hiss, watching as my dad pauses his steps. "I told him to smoke the weed and dared Zack to take my car on a joy ride to scare Aiden while he was still high. None of it was his idea." My breaths are quick and shallow as my mind works to come up with a way out of this. Fuck the consequences.
"You believe in God's divine faith, as well as truth. Don’t punish Aiden for my sins," I beg.
He releases Aiden, a mixture of confusion and irritation written across his brow.
"You allowed your brother to take the fall for your own immoral behavior?"
Looking at Aiden, I know what needs to be done.
The focus has to shift.
Forcing on a smile, I lower my head.
"Happily."
Like a feral animal with an instinct to kill, my father grabs me by the hair, dragging me into my bedroom. A scream is ripped from my throat as pain sears over my scalp.
"Go to your rooms, now!" My father yells to my mom and brother. I can hear their sobs from the hallway, my mother’s soft voice saying something to my brother I can’t make out.
Slamming my bedroom door shut, my dad tugs me to my bed. Panic washes over me as he forces me down on my stomach, bending me over the mattress. He pulls my wrists behind my back, wrapping them with his belt. My body goes rigid when he grabs the back of my head to keep me down.
No.
He wouldn’t. Yeah, his punishments were physical, but they’d never been like this. Shock paralyzes me, images of Eric flashing through my mind. This can’t happen again. I can’t let it happen again .
Wailing into my mattress, I feel him drag down my sweats, my ass fully exposed to him, nothing but a thin layer of underwear concealing the most vulnerable parts of my body. Clicking his tongue, he looks over my exposed skin, the cuts on the front of my thighs hidden from his vision. I squirm, but I’m unable to get free, his hold on my neck pushing me further into the mattress.
Fuck.
Aiden wasn't lying.
"While your punishment will be much different than Aiden’s," He hisses, his lips close to my ear. "Believe me when I say that I look forward to seeing Father Briar and the church show you what real discipline looks like.”
"What are you doing to Aiden-"
"Shhh," He coos. "Aiden is confused, as are you. You both have no idea what it's like to be a parent. Your mother and I have given you everything," He mutters, his hand touching my ass. The necklace of my cross digs into the skin around my neck as I continue to struggle against him.
Dear God, if you are listening, please-
"Dad, get your fucking hands off of me-"
I yell out in pain as his open palm connects to the bare skin of my ass, the sound of the contact echoing through my room.
"Just like when you were a little girl," My father hisses. "I thought you’d learned your lesson, but –”
His hand comes down again, this slap more painful than the first.
"I suppose not."
Seconds turned into minutes. His hand repeatedly drove down on my ass, my legs threatening to give out each time his hand met the already raw flesh. When he tugs the belt from my wrists, I swing my arms out, ready to start a fight I probably won’t win.
As I try to pull myself up from the bed, I feel the metal from the belt buckle slap against my skin, my back arching as I plummet to the floor. Dragging my pants up before he can see the front of my thighs. I fall onto my side, my body in unbearable pain, a small sob exiting my lips. Standing over me, my father staggers, and I can smell the alcohol leeching from his pores.
Crouching down, he watches me, regret spanning across his face.
"I never wanted to hurt my little girl, Lord," He whispers. "Please forgive me." His fingers graze my cheek.
I remain on the bedroom floor, shaking uncontrollably
Standing up slowly, my dad glances toward my door.
"I expect respect from you and your brother moving forward."
Swinging open the door, he exits my room, leaving me alone in the silent aftermath of his drunken fit of rage. I want to go to Aiden, to my mother, but the pain is almost unbearable. I roll over to the edge of my bed, placing a hand on my mattress to hoist myself up. When I get to my feet, Roman’s command echoes through my mind.
Lock your door.
So I do.
What does he know that I don't?
Does he know about my father's violent tendencies?
What did Aiden really tell him during confession?
Stumbling my way to my bathroom, I grab my phone from my dresser on the way in, being sure to lock the door behind me .
Outbursts like this from my father are always fueled by alcohol and a horrible week at work.
He’s never touched me like this.
Do I really know how far he’s willing to go?
He already seems to think Roman is going to turn me into the perfect, god-fearing woman he's always wanted me to be.
I need to find a way out of this.
I need to find a way to get Aiden out of this.
My mother might be able to turn a blind eye to what my father is capable of, but I won't.
Aiden does not deserve this.
I don't deserve this.
I turn the dial on the tub, letting the warm water fill with as many bubbles as I can, desperate to feel something other than the burning pain scraping like glass across my ass cheeks. Slowly dragging myself to my feet, I face the mirror and begin peeling off my clothes, layer by layer. I examine my body, a mosaic of scars and fresh cuts tracing up my arms, thighs, and sides, stopping near my breasts. Shades of purple and blue cloud my skin, with a nasty bruise already blooming around my neck from the vice grip my father had me in earlier.
Glancing at my phone on the countertop, I know how foolish it would be to call the police.
If they never believed my mother the few times she did call when my dad took it too far, they’d never believe me.
Sheriff Acosta locks hands with my father every Sunday.
Aiden and I are alone in this.
"What the fuck has my life become?" I mutter, no longer able to look at my reflection .
Crawling into the bathtub, I bite back the pain of the warm water touching my inflamed skin. Feeling the bubbles surrounding me, I settle into a soapy sense of relief. My mind begins to wander.
My father had taken his anger out on me.
Is that all I'm good for?
An outlet for men's pain.
The pain from that night tries to cloud my mind.
I feel his nails digging into my thighs as he tries to pry my legs open. His voice has a rough, uneven edge. Like sandpaper as he leans down to whisper in my ear. The smell of alcohol is heavy as he opens his mouth.
"I'll take it slow for you, Eden," He whispers. "I'll take it so slow, you'll be fine," He mutters, my eyes barely open, my arms next to my body, like dead weight.
"Eric," I sob, the farthest thing from ready to feel anyone's touch as I try to figure out why I can’t move.
Only moments ago, I’d been drinking with my roommate, and now, I lay sprawled across Eric's bed, his phone in hand, the light from his camera blinding me.
Just weeks ago, I’d broken down to Eric in this very room, spilling my life story to him, detailing everything my father had done to me, the feeling of his belt and fist permanently seared in my body.
"Eric, please-"
"Quiet, Eden," He growls, covering my mouth as he forces his fingers into me, my body tight and unwelcoming to their intrusion.
"God baby, I can barely get them in-"
Dragging my head out from under the water, I gasp for air, the ringing sound from my phone pulling me away from the memories of that night. Blinking back the pain, I glance around, reminding myself that I wasn’t really back in that dorm room.
As my vision clears, I see my phone screen light up again, the ringtone blaring on its second loop. I quickly wipe my hands on the towel next to the tub before swiping the screen to answer and holding it up to my ear. My hair drips water down my face and into my eyes and mouth as I sit back into the warm water again, almost dropping the phone down my front between my breasts.
"H-Hello?"
"Eden?" He questions, his voice low.
Roman.
"Oh. Hey, sorry I didn't answer sooner," I turn my head away from the phone speaker, hiding my sob, as another wave of pain rips up my spine from my backside.
"Did you need something?" I question.
"Have you been crying?"
"No," I choke, gasping for air. "I'm fine."
"Where are you now?" He questions.
I laugh, hoping it will hide the sobs that escape me. "Well, I’m actually soaking in my bathtub, easing some aches and pains.” That’s believable, right? Technically, it was the truth.
"Do you have any other suggestions for easing my aches and pains, Father?" I question, resting my head on the rim of the tub, expecting nothing from the man.
A low growl comes through the phone’s speaker before he answers.
"Are you alone?"
"Yes, why- "
"Put me on speaker," He demands. "And listen to me carefully."
Proverbs 6:20-22: “My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching."