21. Julie
21
“ N o.” There’s no way I’m going to go in…in that.
My wide-eyed gaze diverts to the ginormous ocean, my chest caving like the weight of it is taking a seat on top of me. All trillions of gallons of it.
He’s not serious, is he?
“Jules.” He drops to his knees, gripping mine with a firm grip, and oh shit, he really is serious.
My head whips from left to right like I’m possessed or something, because yeah, fucking fuck no.
“I can’t.” The words scrape along my throat with agony, barely enough oxygen to say anything.
“Breathe.” Trust me, I’m trying. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Let’s go.” He pulls me up as if I have no free will at all, and I blink like my lashes are gonna help me fly away from this situation.
I don’t want to do this, but I do nothing when he leads me toward the daunting, dark water.
Can’t we face my fears in clear blue water? You know, in the Bahamas or something? Wasn’t Kayla going to plan a group vacay?
I don’t want to do this, but I say nothing when we’re ambling over the dry and warm sand until it changes to moist and cold.
“When do you start freaking out?” I hear him, I do.
Replying is a challenge, though, especially when my toes hit the water and my heart threatens to break through my spine and back to the safe, warm, fluffy sand a couple of yards back.
“Jules?”
Oh, right, he asked me something. What was it? When do I start freaking out? Well, now comes to mind, but I guess that’s not what he means.
“Mid waist.” My eyes shut when the chilly water engulfs my ankles, igniting a ripple of goosebumps to move up my body.
“Okay.” Jason comes to stand behind me, his arms snaking around my belly before he pulls me deeper against his chest.
My heart vibrates like a roaring engine, the warmth of his body against mine feeling feverish and calming at the same time.
He held me close when I had a panic attack on the yacht. He had me straddling his lap when I had another one at the studio. Both times I loved his body close to mine. His touch connecting with my skin. The way his heartbeat was close to mine drowning out my panic attack.
But this time, it’s different.
It’s more intimate.
This time, I’m hyper aware of our lack of clothes and how it still feels like too many barriers between us.
I rest my weight against his, then take a deep breath to calm my senses. Fuck, am I really doing this?
A warm breath strokes the skin below my ear in a steady pace before he guides us forward. Fuck, I guess I am.
With each exhale, we take a step deeper, and I fixate on the comforting heat on my neck from his mouth close to my skin until the water reaches above my knee, and I forget to breathe.
A soft breeze feathers over my cheeks. My hands clamp to his, squeezing tightly.
“Keep breathing. I won’t let you go.”
Do you trust me? His question repeats in my head, and I do. I know he will do nothing to fuel my fear. I know he will never make me feel alone.
“Are you with me?” he whispers in my ear, and I hum in agreement. “Good. Now turn around.”
I do as he says, meeting his heartbreaker blue eyes. They are glinting with compassion and…pride? I don’t know what it is, but just staring into the dark depths of his gaze makes me forget where I am.
His hand slowly moves from the small of my back to finding the curve of my ass, before he dips even lower and lifts me in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist.
Holding on to his neck, I shut my eyes again, my forehead pressed against his. This is killing me. With my feet in the air, I have no control and it’s freaking me out as much as I want him to take control for me.
“Are you with me?”
I nod.
“Keep breathing.” This time, he walks with bigger strides toward the endless ocean at my back, and it doesn’t take long before the water hits my thighs.
“Jason.” I tense up more than I already am.
“Hey, baby. Look at me.” I obey his command. “I will never let you go. I’m cute when I’m jealous, huh?”
What ?
It takes me a second to read between the lines of his crooked grin, recalling my comment at the beach, then let one slip of my own.
“A little bit.”
“Wanna hear a secret? I am jealous when it comes to you.”
My heart bounces against the walls of my body again, this time with a little less fear.
“Jason.”
“I’m jealous,” he confesses, his voice all husky and needy, and felt all the way to my core. “I’m possessive. And truth be told, I don’t want to fucking take it slow. I want to kiss you all the damn time.”
I gulp, my lady parts tensing in excitement as he continues.
“I want to make my mark on you so that there is no question who you belong to anymore. Not to the world. Not to Jacob. Not to Jordan. Not to you. You are mine. I can’t wait to have you at my mercy and devour you. I’ve been patient for years. I’m done, baby.”
I barely have the capacity to gasp at his brazen words, a side I’m learning just now he has. What happened to the sweet, caring boy who was always careful with his words? Who did his very best to be anything for everyone, refusing to be acting like an asshole no matter what the situation.
Don’t get me wrong. I love this Jason. I love how his mouth is foul, though I know his heart is pure gold. I’m enjoying every second of his dirty words, but seriously, what happened to that guy?
“Look around.”
I smile at the tingly feeling in my stomach before I do as he says.
Then I squirm like a little squeaky toy in his arms when I realize the water is below my shoulder. That nasty fight-or-flight kicks in again, but this time my panic trying to break free from his grasp.
I can’t fucking do this. No, no, no!
“No, no.”
He doesn’t release me for even an inch, and I start to moan for all the wrong reasons. “Keep breathing. Can you do this for me?”
I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t.
I shake my head, but he steadies by pressing his forehead against mine, the heat holding me hostage, but not enough to distract.
I want out. I can’t. I just fucking can’t. My heart pounds louder than a boat horn, and I swear the noise is heavy on my ears.
Doesn’t he get it? I can’t do—
My inner turmoil is rudely interrupted when his lips are pressed in mine and I’m too stunned to move. With one hand locked around my entire body, the other grabs my neck, forcing me to tilt back my head.
His tongue softly slides inside, and when I try to find my breath, it’s stolen with a single sweep. It’s demanding, setting my entire body on fire. That son of a bitch is distracting me, and fucking hell, it’s working.
The longer our lips stay fused, the more my heart hits the brakes. He’s such a good kisser. It’s the perfect balance of movements, slow, but steady, possessive and determined.
“Keep breathing,” he huffs between kisses. “Can you do that for me?”
“Keep kissing me.”
I haven’t been this deep in open water since I was a kid. The danger is looming in the back of my head, but it’s not as wild and strong as the feral need to keep kissing him. To continue feeling his tongue tangled with mine.
He doesn’t know what he does to me, but I’m sure he has an idea when I roll my hips, my center pushing against his groin. A moan hums in reply, his fingers digging into the swell of my ass, and he keeps kissing me until my lungs demand I come up for air, even though my mind wants to drown in his touch.
“I’m so proud of you,” he breathes out, eyes hooded and forehead pressed against mine. “But I’m not surprised. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
I scoff, because that’s hardly the category I’d put myself in.
“I mean it.” Another touch of his lips against mine coax me to believe him. “You’re strong. Resilient. You keep digging deep to find the good in people, not willing to give up. I bet your soul is made out of pure light.”
My heart stutters, and I close my eyes, just relishing this moment. The way his hands feel like they belong on my body. The way his breath evens out with mine, as if we’ve always we’re meant to breathe at the same pace. The way my muscles seem to relax at a level I can’t seem to reach without him present.
“You’re a good person, Jason.”
“I know. But I haven’t been good to you. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I walked out on you.” There’s so much regret when his lips collide with mine again. It’s just as potent as mine, but for the first time in months, it dissolves into the evening breeze. Both our buckets of regret leveling out like a negative with a negative becoming a plus.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I confess, then realize there’s so much more I want to tell him. “My brother drowned when I was six.”
“What?”
My throat aches. “He tried to save me. He did save me. We were on vacation at my grandparents’ lake house in Georgia.”
Chills run down my spine and I wrap my palms tighter around his neck, focusing on his blue gaze.
“We had been swimming in the lake all day. I had this pink floaty I loved with strawberries on it. A gust of wind knocked it into the lake, and I jumped in to get it. But I was tired.”
Tears swell, and I gulp. I was so tired . I knew the moment I moved my limbs that my tiny body was not capable of what I wanted to do. I’ll never forget that feeling. The lack of control in my body.
“I struggled to even get close within seconds. My brother threw his floaty in and made sure I held on to it so he could get mine for me. But the wind took it farther and farther away. He decided to come back, but it was too late. His head was going under a couple times and I tried to reach him. At some point he didn’t come up anymore.”
His thumb reaches up to swipe a tear away. “I’m so sorry, baby. It’s okay.”
“I should’ve just asked my dad to take the boat out.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is.” I shake my head, but he roughly cups my cheek, demanding my attention.
“Look at me. It’s not. You don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t. Chances are, your brother would’ve gone after it either way, because he’d probably slay dragons for his little sister, wouldn’t he?”
Fuck, ain’t that the truth , and dammit if that doesn’t lift the corner of my lips just a tiny bit.
“He would.”
“It’s not your fault. It was an accident.” His lips crash against mine again, filled with force, but it doesn’t take long before it turns into something more.
Something affectionate. Soft, sweet brushes of his lips against mine. Gentle. Filled with the essence of his heart of gold.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I miss him.” I’ve never talked about my brother before.
Not even to Charlotte. But for Jason, I want to tell him everything to show him he can trust me. Or at least everything I can tell him without ruining our lives.
“I’m sorry you have to miss him, Jules. Come on, let’s call it a day.” He turns around, ambling us back to the beach.
My heart pumps a little faster, afraid he will expect me to walk out of the water any moment now, but he carries me all the way out until he gently lets my feet fall to the sand.
The warm beach literally grounds my body, relief settling in my shoulders.
I can’t believe I just did that. I was in the water!
Grateful, I breathe Jason in, happy to have faced my fear but to feel solid ground below my toes.
I don’t wanna let go, though. I don’t let go. I tilt my head to lock our eyes, my hands still firmly tangled around his neck.
“Thank you. For helping me.” For kissing me.
“I’d do anything for you.”
He would, wouldn’t he? I pull my lip between my teeth, then nod, letting go of the warmth of his body against mine, but not before I give him one last kiss. A kiss that says, I know . I hear you. I love you .
Panic makes my muscles jitter, creating a fog in my brain.
What are you doing, Jules? You love him?
Fuck, Julie. Hold your horses.
We both get back to our stuff and we take it all to his car, then get dressed beside the vehicle. We move in silence, but I’m fully aware of the small glances my way.
“You two heading out?” Jordan runs a hand through his wet hair, his board tucked beneath his arm.
“Yeah, I’m gonna drive her home,” Jason says before Jordan’s eyes cast over my shoulder and he tips his chin.
“Look, you got a new friend.”
Before I can open my mouth, he nudges his chin behind me, and the cutest dog carefully moves my way with a wagging tail.
“Well, hello, little fella.” I lower myself to his level, scratching the scruffy thing behind his ears.
He’s not a big dog, spotted like a Jack Russel and shaped like a small labrador, with friendly eyes to match it. Fluffy fur smooths below my palm, and he’s definitely not as dirty as you expect him to be if he’s a stray.
“Who are you? He doesn’t have a collar.” I look up at Jason, pulling a white t-shirt over. His head.
“So?”
“So? He’s probably a stray.”
“Okay.” He keeps looking at me with questioning eyes, and I roll mine.
“Jason, we have to take him with us.”
“No, we really don’t.” Jason shakes his head while Jordan chuckles. “What are you laughing at? You take him.”
“And that’s my cue to go. Bye!” Before his brother can throw out another argument, Jordan bolts to his car twenty yards away, every intention to ignore whatever might be bellowed against his back.
“Asshole!” Jordan calls out, then his frown finds me again, then flips it to the cute little mutt.
My furry friend’s eyes are softly closing, his neck angling so I can scratch him exactly where he wants. He’s such a sweetheart! He reminds me of Charlotte and Hunter’s dog, though he’s at least a foot shorter than their Leonberger. Not an ounce of attitude in him, though.
“We should get him checked out at the vet. Maybe he’s chipped.” I glance up at Jason again, admiring how handsome he looks with the sun cascading behind him, though his frown only deepens.
“Baby, there are tons of strays in LA.”
I swallow. Every time he calls me baby, it sounds so good.
“We’ll just take him to the vet to see if he’s chipped.”
“Jules.” It’s a groan, but I also hear victory.
“Come on, Jason. Look how cute he is.”
“He’s a mutt.”
“You said you’d do anything for me.”
His eyebrow lifts as if he’s saying really ? But like, yeah, really . I bite back a grin.
“Brat.”