39. Jason
39
T he tension is thick, palpable. The silence is loud and annoying. I glance around the table, an automatic glare resting on Jacob. Even the food tastes like shit, and I love my mom’s cooking. The only way this dinner could be any weirder is if we're having it in a funeral home.
“This is delicious, Mama.” Jacob says. Suck-up.
Jordan snorts loud enough to wake the dead.
“Jordan,” my mother scolds.
“I’m sorry, but this is the most awkward dinner I’ve ever attended. Are we gonna talk about the fucking elephant in the room?”
Jacob tauntingly throws his cutlery on his plate, then slouches in his chair, meeting my eye as he speaks. “Don’t you mean the blonde whore?”
I almost choke on my last bite, then grind my teeth. “Call her a whore again, and I’ll rip your head off on the front lawn, but only out of respect for our mother.”
“Shut it.” My mother slams her flat palm on the table, then her glare lasers around the table. “All of you. I do not know where I went wrong with the three of you. Jacob, since when do we go around calling women whores?”
Jordan huffs, shoving his plate to the middle of the table. The kid seems angrier than I am and, secretly, the sense of loyalty is the only reason I have found the strength to not pull my oldest brother over the table and beat the shit out of him.
“Mama, with all due respect, open your eyes,” Jordan says.
“Excuse me?”
We’ve never told our mother anything about all the shit Jacob pulled over the years, wanting to keep her unconditional mother's heart intact. But I share Jordan’s frustration. She must have seen, even if it’s just a little bit, that it wasn’t just three brothers not getting along. There was a reason that Jordan and I would hang out all the time, but as soon as Jacob entered a room, we’d bounce at the first available opportunity.
We always wanted to shield our mother from his bullshit behavior, always avoiding fighting with him. But Jordan’s annoyance crushes my will to hold back the truth.
I sigh, finding my mother’s confused gaze. “What Jordan is trying to point out is that our older brother is an asshole. Did you know he cheated on Julie over and over again?”
Her big blue eyes widen in shock. “What? Is that true?”
“I’m a guy.” Jacob shrugs with not an ounce of remorse. “I have needs.”
Her mouth pops open. “Oh my god, you sound like your father.”
The utter disappointment that flashes through her gaze hits me in the gut. This is the reason I never wanted to tell her. I never wanted to be the son who ratted out the other. But it’s the lack of any kind of regret on his face that tells me it’s time to reveal the truth. It’s time she knows what an idiot her oldest son is.
A laugh bursts from Jacob’s chest, and my mother winces.
“Jacob. What is wrong with you?”
“Stop being such a prude.” He gives us a dull expression, no fucks given, then stops when they land on me. “Julie likes to get kinky.”
The ticking of my jaw is forceful, the grinding hard enough to turn grain into flower. Lava courses through my veins, as I breathe hard and deep through my nose.
“Didn’t she tell you?” He continues with a wolfish grin. “Next time you have her naked, film it. She’s into that kinda thing.”
He winks.
Confused, I look at Jordan, who shakes his head with the same sentiment.
I arch an eyebrow. “Excuse me?
“You filmed her?” Jordan asks for clarification.
A clarification I don’t want but need at the same fucking time.
“Oh, yeah,” Jacob confirms proudly. “I could sell it to Pornhub. Maybe OnlyFans. You know what, I should do that. I bet I can make a shitload of money with that. We’d call it: I fucked my brother’s girlfriend . You know, clickbait it a little?”
I’m not a hateful person. I’m not a violent person. But I hate this motherfucker, and I want to murder him with my bare hands. My heart is trying to pound out of my chest, ready to kick his ass.
He filmed her ?
I want to convince myself that, apparently, I don’t know her as well as I thought. Maybe she really is into that shit, and I totally misjudged her. But in my gut, the way the hairs on my back stand up, and the shaking of my hand all show me that’s fucking bullshit.
I do know her.
I know her better than anyone.
There is no way in hell she’d let him film her.
“Does she know there’s a video?” Jordan asks.
“She knows.”
“Wait, you and Julie made a sex tape?” my mother exclaims, finally catching up.
My hands grip the cutlery tighter, wondering what my aim would be if I threw my knife to his head. “Did she give her consent?”
He pulls a face, then laughs. “Give or take.”
That son of a bitch. “That’s a no.”
My appetite is completely gone; the only hunger I feel is the one that will be satisfied when my brother is walking around with a black eye to go with that diabolical grin of his.
“Are you sure?” He tilts his head, trying to get a rise out of me by questioning her character.
“Yes, I’m sure. Julie would never agree to making a sex tape.”
“I’m going to be sick,” my mother mumbles and takes a sip of her water. She is trying very hard to keep calm, but I can see the distress dripping from her entire body. “Is that why she broke up with you?”
“No, she broke up because she decided she wanted to fuck my little brother.”
“Jacob!” she shouts. “Can you please be less crude?”
“Just telling it how it is.”
I’m still debating dragging him out to the yard and beating the shit out of him when the doorbell rings, and we all freeze.
The energy in the room is crackling, and I swear you can hear our hearts beat collectively as glares fly around the table.
“Ya’ll sit and eat,” my mother commands as she gets up. “This conversation is not over.”
We keep staring at each other, Jordan and I trying to make our oldest brother disappear with our glares without any luck while we listen carefully for who’s at the door.
Please, don’t let it be Julie.
I’m still mad at her, but I don’t want to expose her to this shitshow. That’s the last thing she needs.
“Good evening, Officer. What can I do for you?” Her tone is a little shaky.
“We’re looking for Jacob Spencer. Is he home?” All three sets of our eyebrows move up, the cockiness in Jacob’s eyes toning down a little.
Cops looking for Jacob? What the fuck?
“Can I ask what this is about?”
“We have a warrant for his arrest.” My shock turns into a frown before a full glare returns.
“Excuse me?” Mama’s voice is confused, shocked, indignant, and audible throughout the entire house.
“What did you do?” Jordan hisses over the table as Jacob gets up.
“Shut the fuck up.” He disappears into the hallway. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Jacob Spencer? You’re under arrest for first degree rape. Please turn around so we can read your rights.”
My mother gasps, the sound piercing and cutting through my bones.
Holy shit.
Jordan and I scramble out of our seats, almost tumbling into the hallway, just in time to see the officer turn Jacob around, putting him in cuffs.
“No, you’re making a mistake.”
“What?” My mother shakes her head, her mouth covered by her hands as the officer reads Jacob his rights.
“Rape?” Jordan groans when Jacob’s gaze briefly meets ours.
When I look into his blue eyes, I suddenly see a truth that’s big enough to knock me off my feet. Dots are painfully connecting in my brain, frying the gray mass at the same time.
A chill runs down my spine, the little food I’ve just consumed slowly crawling its way back up. Rape? Jacob is arrested for rape ? The same man who has been dating the woman I love for years?
My throat dries up, the voices around me hollow and far away like I’m trapped in a bubble. Julie’s face flashes in front of my eyes, before it turns into an image I can’t erase. Fear in her eyes. My brother is on top. I thought after our fight two days ago, my heart couldn’t feel any more pain than it already has.
I was wrong .
This hurts ten times more.
The thought of him hurting her. Abusing her . I want to throw up.
Jacob is escorted outside, pulling me out of my head.
I storm after them, almost running through my mother. “Did you hurt her?”
“Oh, please, you have no proof,” he huffs, rolling his eyes with his hands behind his back.
I stop in front of him, pulling his shirt until we’re nose-to-nose. The officer who places his palm on my chest mumbles something like let him go , but I can’t.
“Did. You. Hurt. Her?”
His breath fans my face, a sly grin slowly slipping onto his lips. “Don’t worry, nothing she didn’t enjoy, baby brother.”
That’s it.
I knock my head against his. The sharp pain is welcoming, especially when he hunches forward, held on to his feet by the police officer hanging on his arm.
I launch back to finally plant my fist against his jaw the second he’s standing upright again, but another officer grabs my arms from behind.
“You son of a bitch!” I yell, trying to break free. “I will end you! How dare you! You sick asshole!”
“Calm down, son. You get one pass before I have to bring you in as well.”
I groan, I struggle, but I also register what he’s saying.
“Calm down. He’s getting what he deserves.”
“He deserves a good beating.”
“I agree,” the man rumbles in my ear. “And prison deals in their own way with sex offenders.”
I hear the words, and I stop fighting him. My heart is still racing, my jaw still hard as steel, but the officer lets me go.
“I want a lawyer. Mama, call my lawyer!” I follow Jacob’s gaze to our crying mother, and my heart breaks all over again.
Shit.
I whip my head back to my brother. “If I find out you hurt her, I will make sure you rot in hell for the rest of your life.”
Jacob stands in front of the cop car while the other officer opens the door. “Don’t you get it, Jason? I’ve already been in hell since the day you were born.”
He means it. I can see it in the depths of his eyes. He means every fucking word, and I believe him. I’ve always believed it, because I could feel it growing up beside him. But I never understood why.
Taking a few steps closer, I’m shaking my head in confusion. “What did I ever do to make you hate me this much?”
He glares at me with a humorless, wolfish grin. “You exist.”
It’d be a lie if I said it didn’t hurt. If I said I understand. Because I don’t and it does hurt. I never wanted to be his enemy. But I guess I never really had a choice in the matter.
“You wanna know why I taped her?” he sneers, and I meet his gaze again. “Because I knew it would kill you.” Don’t do this, Jacob. Don’t make it any worse. “I bet you’re getting eaten from the inside out, knowing that I jerk off to watching her tape over and over and over again.”
Look, brother or not, I only have so much restraint.
“I will kill you,” I say, then finally, finally , connect my fist with his jaw.
And it feels glorious.