Chapter Fifty-Seven
Landon
Allie looks out at the waves crashing on the sand. The clouds overhead are raging and threatening to spill at any moment, but she doesn’t notice.
She is staring out at the vast ocean like it holds the answers she is desperate to find.
I could sense she was having an off day and honestly, so am I. Stella was finally able to get in touch with Sutton’s parents and they are very open to bridging the gap between all of them, but Sutton is not in the right place for it at the moment. Allie understands it more than anyone, but I know she is feeling guilty and afraid of the unknown.
My guilt and feelings of failure have been rearing their ugly faces at the knowledge that Sutton was on Reslience’s radar for so long and we couldn’t find her. Factor in that we didn’t see the signs that Harrison was a snake in the grass. I’m really trying hard to not let the waves of guilt pull me under.
Allie has been meeting with Dr. Kim daily to help her through everything. I think being around her mom, Logan, and myself is what is helping her the most, because she knows she isn’t alone and will get through this. I know this is bringing up feelings she worked very hard to get a handle on, but this is just a setback. We have all reassured her that it is okay to have setbacks, especially when it comes to the betrayal she experienced. So all we can do right now is show her we love her and that she has plenty of people to lean on.
Recovery doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t just happen with the snap of a finger. It is an everyday battle between your mind, body, and the thing standing there waiting for you to take one step forward so it can swallow you whole.
Today is one of those days where I want to run to the closest store and buy any form of alcohol I can get my hands on.
The guilt comes rushing in and desperately tries to pull me under.
There was a time that I would have let it. I would have let it drag me under and consume me to the point of no return. But not today.
This girl. My bluebird won’t let me. Just by staring into her eyes that are like a kaleidoscope of crashing waves, I somehow feel all that pain drift away.
Allie turns to me with a faint smile on her face. Her hair blows in the wind and when her eyes meet mine, the smile grows bigger.
I meet her halfway, tugging her sweater down her arms before she wraps her arms around my waist. She instantly rests her head on my chest and lets out a sigh of relief. My heart fills with pride and joy at the knowledge of being her safe space.
Winding my arms around her, I rest my head on top of hers and we both look back out at the ocean.
In this moment, it’s like time stands still. It’s just us. There is no pain looming over our heads, threatening to take us away.
There’s nothing but me and the other half of my damaged soul standing on this beach.
She is my anchor, and I am hers. Together we support each other in our lowest moments because we know what it is like to hit rock bottom, but we also know what it feels like to stand in the light, no longer allowing our pain to control us.
I have no idea how long we stand there, but it’s Allie shivering as the wind picks up that breaks me out of my trance.
Glancing down at her, I nod to the car, and she shakes her head no and I know she is just as desperate to remain in this moment as I am.
The wind picks up, the waves crash harder, and the sky opens up.
I turn us to head back to the car because I know she is definitely going to be ready to go now, but she stops me.
Her eyes meet mine and I give her a questioning look when she breaks out of my arms, kicks off her shoes and starts running closer to the water.
I have no idea what she is doing, but I will follow her to the ends of the earth, so I take off after her.
She stops a few feet before the water touches her bare feet and I stand back, waiting to see what her next move will be.
Allie raises her arms out to the side and tilts her chin up to the sky. The rain hits her face and I watch as her chest rises up and down and that’s when I know this is more than just her feeling the rain on her face.
This is her finally letting go of that last thread of guilt and forgiving herself. I know she’s crying, but I don’t go to her. She needs this moment, and I am lucky to witness it because it gives me the strength to remind myself of what I am continuing to fight for.
Slowly she starts to spin and every time I catch a glimpse of her face, I can see her smile growing bigger.
I don’t know when the raindrops cascading down my face turn into tears, but I couldn’t stop them if I try. My chest is filled with so much happiness.
In this moment, my bluebird’s wings are no longer clipped. They are spread wide, and she is finally flying free of the weight that held her down.
Allie is the perfect picture of what it means to survive. She fought against her own mind, that was manipulated to believe a story that wasn’t true, and forgave herself for the chaos that happened in its wake.
This girl standing here is an inspiration that strength can be messy and the path to forgiveness isn’t always clear, but if you fight hard enough, you will get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
Every day she inspires me to fight for myself and ask for help when needed. It’s okay to not be okay, but as long as you understand your inner strength and surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally despite your flaws, you can survive your mind.
Allie stops spinning and faces me, her smile still there. Although, she’s completely drenched, she couldn’t be more beautiful.
In the blink of an eye, she is running full speed at me and jumps in my arms. A laugh escapes me just before her lips crash down onto mine.
Holding her tightly, I let her take as much as she needs. I will never get over the feeling of her lips against mine. Just like when our pinkies link and she grounds me, when we kiss, it quiets the voices in my head.
Allie breaks the kiss and locks her eyes with mine. She wipes my tears away, then leans down to brush her nose against mine.
I don’t want to let her go, but she slides down my body until her feet touch the ground. She tries to tug at my hand, but I stop her.
We can’t leave. Not yet.
Wrapping one hand around her waist and holding her hand with the other, I bring her flush against my chest.
I lean down to rest my forehead against hers and our eyes lock.
Our breaths become one as I sway to the nonexistent music. The waves and the rain are the only music we need.
The rain falls harder, but that doesn’t stop us.
I can’t stop myself and I place a gentle kiss on her lips, her lashes fluttering as I pull away.
We stand there wordlessly. Our silence is unique and one of a kind that can never be replicated. Allie and I have a love that can only be described as magnetic and beautiful.
I know all I need to do is look at her beautiful face and everything will fade into the distance.
Allie rises onto her toes and wraps her arms around my neck. Lifting her off her toes, I slowly spin us around and her arms go out to the side like she is flying.
Maybe she is just feeling free, but I choose to think she is sharing her moment of finally being free with me and for this, I will be eternally grateful.
I spin us faster and the sound of our laughter joins the sounds of the ocean and the rain.
As I set her back on her feet, Allie’s hand goes to cup the side of my face, her thumb brushing back and forth over my cheek.
Raindrops fall down her face and she tilts my head down, so I have no choice but to look into her eyes. She doesn’t look away and her eyes tell thousands of stories, but right now, I can see ours playing out in them.
The story of two souls, two broken puzzle pieces that somehow fit perfectly.
Completing each other’s shattered hearts that were seemingly unfixable.
Connecting and forming an unbreakable bond that can only be explained as fate.
“I love you, Bluebird.”
“I love you, Storm.”
Our lips connect and just as everything fades away, her lips pull away and my eyes open to a devious smile spreading across her drenched face.
“Catch me and I will let you win Uno tonight.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I will always catch you, but never let me win because my favorite thing is to see the look on your face when I beat you fair and square.”
Her grin grows, and she takes a step towards me, rising on her tiptoes and whispers in my ear, “I will always win.” With that, she takes off running to the beach and I chase after her.
I will follow this girl to the ends of the earth because she is my light, and I made a promise to never let that feeling go once I found one that shines the brightest.