Chapter Sixteen
“I ’ll expect you at Christmas unless you call to say you have a better offer,” Glenda said when Sophie hugged her on the wharf Monday morning.
Glenda was sailing south with friends; otherwise she would have to spend another three days here, waiting for the ferry.
“Thanks so much for coming. I couldn’t have got through this without you.” Sophie meant it. In every way possible, Glenda had always tried to fill the void that had been left after Sophie had lost her mom. She loved her endlessly for it.
“Anytime. I mean that.” Glenda gave her hair a smooth, exactly as Sophie did to Biyen. “Give Biyen my love.”
“I will.”
The whole Fraser crew had turned up so Glenda went down the line, hugging Logan and Trystan, then Reid and finally Emma, ending with a kiss on Storm’s cheek.
“You all be good now,” she said with a wave as they cast off.
“Has she met us?” Logan mused. “That’s a pretty tall order.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back to work, Soph?” Trystan asked her as they filed up from the wharf and paused on the grassy overlook. “I’m here until tomorrow morning. I can cover for you today, if you want.”
“It’s your only day off and your only time with Storm. I’d rather stay busy anyway.” And out of that too-quiet house. She was dreading going back to it tonight, even though Logan would be there with her.
He had slept with her last night, asking first if she wanted to talk. She’d said no, she just wanted to sleep so that’s what they had done, but she sensed something heavy building between them that she wasn’t ready to study too closely.
“But thanks, big guy.” She nudged Trystan’s arm with her shoulder. “I’m more concerned with what I’m going to do with Biyen once he’s back from camping.” He was at the awkward age of being too old for a sitter, but not old enough to be left alone for a full day.
“I’ll take him,” Emma said promptly.
“I know.” Sophie smiled at her. “And I won’t hesitate to ask you to take him if something comes up, but unless you’re starting an out-of-school program, I couldn’t impose. Not every day for the rest of the summer.” Unless she left. If she left, everything would change.
The marina needed her, though. In a month, by mid-August, the traffic would begin to taper off. At that point, she could consider leaving without causing too much disruption.
She noticed that Logan was looking at her. Did his gaze briefly measure the distance between her elbow and Trystan’s? He was being very circumspect and hard to read.
“Running an after-school program sounds like fun,” Emma was saying with a bright smile to Reid. “Technically, I’m not allowed to work until my residency is sorted, but I’m going to look into what’s involved. What do you think?”
“I think that would be a great program for you to run at the community hall, not in our basement,” Reid drawled.
“There’s a day camp in Bella Bella,” Trystan reminded Sophie. “My cousin runs it. I’ll get a number for you.”
“I forgot about that.” Some of Biyen’s school friends went, but she’d always had Gramps here so she had never looked into it. “Thanks.”
“Okay, if I’m not covering for Sophie, how about you and me go for a walk?” Trystan held out his hands to Storm.
She tipped herself from Emma’s arms toward him.
“I see who the favorite is today. I’ll go to the garden and eat worms, then,” Emma said.
“Or we could talk more about this after-school idea of yours.” Reid snagged Emma’s hand and turned her toward the house. “That sounds like resort business that needs further discussion at home.”
“Everything’s in the pram,” Emma said over her shoulder as she let Reid tug her toward their empty house.
“Spoiler alert,” Logan said dryly. “They are not going to discuss business. You know what else is going to happen?” he added with annoyance as he pointed to the office window into Reid’s office. “Everyone up there is going to use the new door into my new office to ask me where Reid is.”
“You better get to work then,” Trystan said as he strapped Storm into her fancy all-weather, all-terrain three-wheeled buggy.
“Does that thing have a seat warmer?” Sophie asked facetiously.
“And heated handlebars.”
“Are you serious? The company truck doesn’t even have a heated steering wheel!”
“Tiffany ordered it, but I gotta say, I don’t hate it.” He zipped the bug screen around Storm and straightened. “We’re going to see what the trail is like to the upper falls.”
“Home before dark or we’ll send a posse,” Logan said.
“Copy that.” Trystan steered the stroller toward the boatyard where a backroad would take them to the trailhead.
“And then there were two,” Logan said as they fell into step toward the marina office.
An air of expectation seemed to condense between them. When they came in the door at the bottom of the stairs, they could hear Randy machining something in the shop.
They climbed the stairs. At the top, Sophie stepped out of her Skechers and into her coveralls and boots. She tied the sleeves around her waist and walked in to sit at her desk while she tied her boots.
“Oh, look at your desk.” She craned to see through the window. “That looks good.”
“Thanks.” He hovered in the new doorway between her space and his.
She tensed, really not ready for the conversation he seemed to want.
Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by a knock on the door into the main office. Umi poked her head in.
“Is Reid coming in? I thought I saw him down at the wharf.”
“He had to run home for something. He’ll be in later.”
“Do you want to sign these?” She held up a folder.
“Sure.” He nodded at his desk and she left it there, then closed the door behind herself.
“We should talk,” Logan said.
“I don’t know what to say, Logan.” She bent to double-knot her second boot. “I know that if you guys need to sell, it would go a lot more smoothly if you had an experienced manager-slash-marine mechanic in place here. I can’t give you that commitment right now.”
“That—I mean, you’re right, yes. But selling is our problem, not yours. We need to talk about us .”
Her heart tipped over in her chest. She scratched her forehead.
“I don’t know what to say about that, either,” she admitted. “Stay with us at the house if you prefer to give the honeymooners their space, but once Biyen’s back, I don’t want him seeing anything that might create expectations in him.”
“Expectations.” His blink was a small flinch. “Biyen’s not the only one who might have some of those. You realize that?” His mouth was tense, his voice tight.
“What do you want me to say? That I think you and I have a future? Do you see one?” she challenged gently. “Are you going to stay here forever? Here.” She pointed at the floor. “Or even in Canada?”
He was leaning on the other side of the doorway, scowling toward the dirty window behind her.
“Even if you said you did want to stay here, I don’t know that I do,” she said, quiet, but fervent.
“ I have to stay here right now. You know that, right?” He snapped his gaze down to hers. “But we want to sell. Once that happens, I would go anywhere with you.” His cheek ticked. “If you asked me to. I want to see where this goes.” He motioned between them.
An urge to weep rose in her. Not hard tears, but quiet wistful ones because this was the thing she had longed for back when she’d been mooning after him as a teen. She swallowed past the ache in her throat.
“But you don’t,” he said with understated devastation.
“It’s not just me,” she said in an equally soft voice. “This isn’t some sort of retaliation for what happened in the past. If I was making decisions just for me, I could take all sorts of risks. I could let you break my heart again. I already know I can survive it, but I can’t do that to Biyen.”
That hurt him. She saw him wince again. She read the tightness in his nod of acknowledgment and bit back saying she was sorry. She was only telling him the truth.
He opened his mouth, but there was another knock on the inner door. This time it was Tamara, the receptionist from the lodge.
“Is Reid coming in?” she asked.
“He’ll be late,” Logan said, leaving the doorway and stepping fully into his office. “What do you need?”
*
Logan ought to have finalized the redesign of the MissionaryII by now. He’d fallen behind because of the reno and covering for Sophie and attending the service. Now he’d blown off his first day back at his desk by brooding.
I could let you break my heart again.
He didn’t want to break her heart again. Did she get that? He didn’t want to break Biyen’s heart, either, and it stung really fucking deep that she thought he would.
Did she not have faith in his ability to be a father? Or his willingness to try?
Sophie had come in and out a few times, but had mostly been out, so they hadn’t talked again after she had said that.
He couldn’t blame her for being so ambivalent about their potential, but it ate at him that she was holding him off. His own feelings toward her were… Ah, hell. The word that leapt to mind was necessary . He needed her in his life. It wasn’t just want, and it wasn’t just sex. Everything he did with her felt right. When he thought of her leaving, the world fell away beneath him. He didn’t see a future where she wasn’t in it.
That was sobering. It was like sailing into mist without radar or charts. He didn’t know where he was or where he was going, only that he needed to find her .
The door at the top of the stairs opened. He leaned back to see through the window, expecting Sophie, but it was Biyen.
“Hey, bud,” he said with surprise. “I thought you were camping. Everything okay?”
“I wanted to see Mom,” he said glumly. “Is she here?”
“She’s down at the wharf, working on one of the boats. You can wait here if you want to.”
Biyen looked around with discontent, then with more interest.
“I forgot you guys did this. It looks weird.” He poked his nose into the painted bathroom, then studied the walls in Logan’s new office.
“You know what the best thing is? Now we can go steal cookies from the breakroom. Umi brought chocolate chip. You want to get us a couple?”
“Okay. But if I get in trouble, I’m going to throw you straight under the bus.”
“As you should,” Logan said with amusement, watching him cross in front of his desk.
Biyen came back a minute later with three cookies wrapped in a paper napkin balanced atop a coffee mug full of milk.
“Umi said I could have two, but this is your last one.” He held on to the cookie an extra minute until Logan met his gaze and understood he was serious.
“Got it. Pull up a chair, partner.” Logan nodded at the chair he’d stolen from the breakroom so he could have a meeting in here if needed.
Biyen scraped it closer to the front of Logan’s desk and set his milk on the edge so he could dip his cookie. He sucked the milk out of it and dipped again.
“How come you’re home early? Did you get another wasp sting or something?”
“No. I just wanted to see Mom.” Biyen’s shoulders were slumped, his voice heavy.
“Are you missing your grandpa?” Logan got up to close the door into the hall, instinctively wanting to protect the boy’s privacy if he was hurting and needed a cry.
“Yeah, but…” Biyen’s dark brows were low and disgruntled as he watched Logan retake his seat. “Are you, like, my mom’s boyfriend now?”
“Oh.” Shit. This was what walking the plank felt like. No way to go backward, nothing good if he went forward. “What makes you think that? Because I’ve been staying with you guys?” He’d been planning to continue staying there after Sophie’s half-hearted invitation. Now he wondered if he should.
“Dad said you were.” Biyen looked at the cookie going into the milk.
“Ah.” Be very careful , Logan reminded himself. He scratched the tip of his itchy nose. “You’ve done the right thing by asking me directly. I can see where your dad might have got that impression, but that’s not what I am.” He should be so lucky.
Biyen nibbled off the damp side of his cookie and turned the half-moon shape into his milk. His gaze came up again, wordless. Patient.
Logan tried like hell to remember if he’d left his underwear on Sophie’s bedroom floor. He swallowed his dry bite of cookie and set it aside.
“Did you know that your mom was kind of my girlfriend a long time ago? It was before she met your dad. We all grew up here together here, me and her and my brothers.”
“I know. But I didn’t know she was your girlfriend.”
“It was only for a short time. To be honest, I didn’t deserve for her to be my girlfriend at all. I was kind of a jerk to her. I was actually a really big jerk. When we all came back here in April, she was still mad at me, but we’ve talked it out and I’ve apologized. The good thing is, she forgave me. Now we’re friends again.” Maybe that wasn’t the whole truth, but it was pretty close.
“Your grandpa was also a really, really good friend to me.” Good thing he had closed that door. His throat was closing and his chest felt like it was being sandblasted from the inside. “He felt more like an uncle. He was always really patient with me when I wanted to learn more about boats. You know how you feel about dinosaurs? That’s how I feel about boats. I’ve always been crazy about them.”
Biyen released a noise of amusement around his soggy cookie. “I wish someone here knew more about dinosaurs than I do. Then I could just ask .”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool when someone can help you with your interest. That made Art really special to me. If there is anyone here who feels as sad about him passing away as you and your mom do, it’s me. When you’re feeling this bummed, it’s kind of nice to be around people who feel the same way. In fact, when I’m with you guys, I don’t miss him quite as hard.” Very true, even if it did make him feel bloody vulnerable to admit it. “And I feel like your grandpa would expect me to do my best to look after you and your mom, now that he can’t.”
“Dad said you won’t let him live with us even though he wants to.”
Logan’s mouth fell open. He clapped it shut, making himself take a calming breath and think this through before he answered. Sophie had warned him to never get between her and Biyen. She might think Nolan was king of the shitknots, but she never deliberately wedged distance between him and her son, only held her own firm boundaries.
This wasn’t about Sophie’s relationship with Nolan anyway. It was about what kind of relationship Logan wanted to form with Biyen.
“I did say something like that to your dad,” Logan admitted. “I shouldn’t have. It’s not my decision to make. We all get emotional when someone close to us dies. I felt cranky that day so I was rude to him. He’s your dad, though. I like you so I should show your father respect. I will in future.”
He was starting to think parenting was one long exercise in self-control and personal accountability with a side of humble pie. It kind of sucked, but as he watched Biyen kicking his feet and frowning thoughtfully, he honestly didn’t care what it cost him so long as he protected this kid from life’s worst knocks.
“Dad said Mom might move away from Raven’s Cove. He said I could live with him if she wants to go live with you.” Biyen’s eyes were huge now. Worried. His cookie was forgotten.
Logan was instantly livid, not that he showed it. He took another slow breath in and out, even though he could hardly see through a haze of red. What kind of asshole laid something that heavy on an eight-year-old?
“I can see why you wanted to come home and talk to her. That would be a huge decision, but you know what? I am very confident she would never make a decision like that without discussing it with you first. Your mom is the only one who can say for sure what she wants, but I do know she loves the heck out of you. She would never move anywhere without you.”
“That’s kind of what I thought.” Biyen relaxed a little and dipped the last piece of cookie into his cup.
Logan could have left it there, but he wanted to be as truthful as possible.
“Look. I want you to know that I care about your mom a lot. If she did want to be my girlfriend, I would like that, but it’s a complicated time for both of us. The important thing for you to know is that I’m not a dickhead. If she wanted to become a big part of my life, I would want and expect you to be a big part of my life, too.”
Biyen’s teeth flashed as he stuffed the final bite of cookie into his mouth. “I don’t think you should let Mom hear you say that word.”
“Which one?” Logan played dumb. “ Girlfriend? ”
Biyen tucked his chin, looking so much like Sophie at her sternest, Logan had to chuckle.
“Gramps let me swear sometimes.” Biyen’s chin came up with pride as he gathered his mug in two hands.
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh.” He took several gulps to drain it, then swiped his wrist over his lips. “The d-word. The one like the beaver builds.”
“I know that one.” Logan nodded.
“The f-word. Fart,” he mouthed. “Not the other one.” His eyes widened.
Logan would have wondered what sort of fairyland they occupied if Biyen hadn’t at least heard the other one.
“And the s-word,” Biyen said. “The poop one. Except that was because I dropped my whole tub of LEGO.”
“What else do you say when that happens?”
“That’s what Gramps said!”
They shared a solid laugh of enjoyment over that one.