9
Gleb
“Would it have hurt you to lie for me?”
I whisper when Tatiana’s shadows disappear over a snowy knoll.
The forest returns to its stillness, but my life will never be the same again.
Hannah’s decision to deny our dushevnayasvyaz has cut me off from everyone and every resource I know.
I can’t hunt or gather plants where the clan works. My friends must force me away by clan law. I must find new grounds that aren’t too far from my homes.
How I will eat for the next year weighs heavily on my brow.
“Yes,”
she replies, pulling out of my embrace.
My arm flops to my side.
I haven’t the energy to fight to touch her.
“I’m not a cheater. I’m in a committed relationship. We are strangers and no matter what your religion says, we don’t know each other.”
“Oh,”
I reply, because I don’t know what else to say.
I thought the Universe’s plan was fairly simple—build a home, fill it with family, and provide for your family.
So much for love at first sight, soul recognizing their other half, and love conquering all.
As soon as I laid eyes on Hannah, I broke my arrangement with Manya. I knew. Why aren’t humans this way?
Life’s not fair, I guess.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her of Jack’s betrayal on the ice sheet, but she wouldn’t believe me after witnessing the blowout with Timor.
I’d look more jealous, immature, and stupid than I already do.
Worse, she could choose me as the next best alternative, instead of love.
Nightmares of drowning haunted my brief respite before confronting Serik.
Despite wedging my body between the tepid mud and my mate’s warmth cuddled at my side, I dreamed I sunk into frigid water.
Jack had my ankles and held me under the surface.
Salty water flooded my nose and water as I choked my final words of love to Hannah.
Thank goodness she was fast asleep and didn’t hear any of them.
“So now what? Will you still take me south? You’ve got to admit I don’t belong here.
I have no luggage, survival skills, or knowledge of the area.
People search for me—I just know it—and when they find me, your group will be all over the news.”
My jaw drops at her threat.
This is why Timor wants her dead.
I see red.
“It’s because of your people that Timor doesn’t want you to leave the Arctic.
Don’t you get it? I lost my family, my friends, my support network, and my way of life so you could be faithful to a male who abandoned you the first chance of rescue.
Who dragged you to shore? Who carried you from the wreckage? Who nursed you to health for days and who didn’t look after you once his ass was on solid ground?”
“As soon as I’m gone, I’m sure Timor will take you back.
I don’t need a reminder of who,”
she snaps.
“I’ve asked why a thousand times. Why me?”
“Because I’m Chuchunya and you’re my dushevnayasvyaz !”
“Why do you keep saying that as if it means something to me?”
“Because it means everything in life to me!”
I throw my arms over my head and walk in a circle.
“Where are the bags?”
“That’s a quick pivot,”
she says, folding her arms under her breasts.
My idiotic body stirs.
Damn, I hate this.
“We can’t draw attention to Serik’s house.
He has every right to challenge me for the ground I stand on, since I’m shunned.
Those bags contain my best knives, food which I now have to ration, and pelts I sewed into a suit for you.
Where are the bags?”
She waves me to follow her to the hollow where I left her hours ago.
My svet kamina ’s pride is wounded.
Her heart retreated to an icy burrow like a fox who stepped on a thorn in the boreal forests.
If she agreed to be my mate, she could guide our sleighs and chart the stars. I’d provide everything else. As a clan member, she would want for nothing.
We could be happy, but how can I show her this while fighting for our lives?
I puff my rage through my nose as we walk around the hill of Serik’s roof.
I’m not mad at Hannah.
She didn’t know the stakes when Timor took her aside.
It’s that I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do and not caused an ounce of trouble…for what? Serik and Adrik terrorize the males of our clan, but they aren’t shunned. Hell, Serik was rewarded with Kaitlyn’s affections. Artyom is missing most of the time our clan needs him because he wanders without telling anyone his plans. His reward is Vera’s love. Where did I screw up?
“Look,”
she says when I lift the tree branch for her to walk into our hiding place.
“There are women more suited to your way of life than me.”
I sit in a depression next to the bags and open my larger pack with violence.
“There is nobody once you develop dushevnayasvyaz symptoms.”
I hand her my wrapped pack of reindeer jerky.
Even pissed as hell at her, the need to provide for her and the prospect of watching her eat what I hunted beats in my heart.
The stupid joy from her little, blunt teeth gnawing into the tough sticks fills my soul.
“I need you to leave the fantasy and be in reality with me.
Some women wear fur suits where I live.
I’ll take you to California and help you get on your feet.
You couldn’t be a furry one hundred percent of the time, but there is a huge support community. I’ll reach out to my network and hook you up with a local chapter.”
“Fursuit? Do you think I can take off my fur? That a civilized human hides in my fur? Take it off me.”
She stares at me with doe eyes.
“Do it!”
I roar so loud it blows her hair from her shoulders.
With the unsteady limbs of a newly born fawn, she perches on her knees.
She holds my gaze as her tentative fingers reach for my collarbone.
My eyes roll back in my head with pleasure as her nails bury in my fur to scratch at my skin.
She leans inches from my chin as she parts the fur. She won’t find a seam, but I don’t dare move. If she escapes me, this memory will be my last contact with another sentient soul…one that holds my heart in her hands. Her elbows hit my shoulders as she examines the back of my neck.
“Ignore my body’s response,”
I whisper, keeping my eyes closed.
“You’re irresistible.
I don’t have to know everything about you.
Your scent tells me you were meant for me.”
“Just like your quick temper and lack of respect for authority tell me you’re an Aries…which is all I need to know about you.”
Her tone is harsh, but her touch is achingly gentle.
She leans further as she explores the center of my chest.
Her hands run down my left arm before she picks at my wrist.
“Fine,”
I grouse.
“But you must agree, I’m a Chuchunya—an adult, male snow monster in his prime who could be an Aries if I knew what that was.”
“Snow monster,”
she murmurs as she tugs the fur at my wrists.
I’m blasted with cold when she dives for my ankles.
Ugh, more fur pulling where my fur grows over my feet.
“I may have lost my marbles, but I can’t find any zippers, buttons, or seams. There aren’t holes for your hands, feet, or head to pop into a suit. You either had fur surgically implanted on your body—”
I can’t help but chuckle.
“Don’t judge,”
she snaps, poking my chest.
“ Americans do inhumane things to their bodies to mend their self-esteem.
If people can reconstruct their faces with bits of plastic or bacterial toxins, then you could have fur implants.
This will help me…tell me how you came to the Arctic.”
“I was born here,”
I reply, peeking at her through small slits.
Oh, I shouldn’t have shrugged.
The motion made my cock bob at her and now she’s staring.
I can’t read her, but women don’t lick their lips in fear, right?
“What about your parents? I know they’re gone, and you don’t remember living with them, but do you know their story of how they came here?”
“They were born here, too.
Dr.
Vera says our kind migrated from Siberia during the Ice Age.
When I asked how an Ice Age differs from every other zima , everyone laughed. I’m the youngest—besides Sveta, Timor’s missing daughter—so I get laughed at a lot. I’ll miss it.”
“So, you are Russian, but from many generations ago.
There goes my refugee hypothesis.
It’s funny how I’m less scared knowing you are a snow monster than guessing you’re a defected mobster.
And this dushevnayasvyaz ?”
“Chuchunya have another half who complements their best self—perfect for raising the next round of kits.
When my parents and brother died, our clan lost all the parents at the time—except for Timor and his mate, Polina, who were watching the kits during the celebration.
This makes dushevnayasvyaz all the more special because it is what the Universe gave us to save ourselves.”
I close my lips on my promises and declarations of love.
She’s as fragile as her namesake, the svet kamina, or firelight in her language.
“And you think this person is me?”
she says with a sniffle.
She’s crying.
My mate cries and I’m not in a position to comfort her.
Would she slap my hand away? “It can’t be. You’ve been kinder to me than anyone I’ve met, but would you be this kind without your religion telling you I’m your wife?”
“No.”
My honesty catches her off guard, and she scoots away a few inches.
“I chased Vera the first time she joined our mating chase because she was the first female to join our group in my adult life.
However, I didn’t desire her scent, form, or personality that I didn’t know.
When I got to know her, and her friend joined the next chase, I didn’t fight for either of them. Sydney was unattached and fair game, but I didn’t want her. You? I’d kill for you.”
“Aaannd I’m back to afraid,”
she says, curling into a ball.
“Good, because I’m terrified.
Without my elder clansman making up for my shortcomings, it will be harder to survive the zima season…but there are worse wa ys to die than starving.
There’s the endless loneliness.
If I get depressed, I wreck my dyla weturanya . You don’t know the number of times Sergei has saved me from myself on his visits. What will happen when he isn’t allowed to visit? What happens if I run out of candles? I’ll be alone in the dark for many moon cycles.”
“Rage response to other emotions? An Aries…and not a good match for me.”
She snatches the hat I made her from the bag I hold.
Every muscle in my body clenches in fear as she gingerly stands in the cramped space.
With her back bowed to avoid the tree limbs, she turns her back to me.
She’s leaving.
“Wait? Where are you going? You can’t just walk away on the tundra!”
“I can’t stay with someone who admits he has anger issues.
By your own accounts, you doubt you can feed yourself in the coming months.
Why add an extra mouth? If you think I’m going to support you, you’re dreaming…but somehow, I don’t think that possibility dawned on you yet.
Well, I won’t be here for it. You will find another woman who smells nice, but forget about me.”
“Forget about you?”
I rush to my feet and haphazardly throw the bags over my shoulder.
They hit the limbs overhead and shower us with snow.
I have a second of pride when Hannah jams the hat I made her over her hair.
To provide for her is my purpose in life! She’s a heartbeat from walking out of it.
“Don’t try to stop me!”
She pushes the branches aside and exits our haven.
Sleet smacks me as the branches fall back into place.
Her legs stomp with the power of her fury, but her strides are a quarter of mine.
“Are you okay? You’re holding your belly and walking with a strange gate?”
“Fine, just freezing,”
she snaps.
My arms ache to carry her.
How do I tell her I’d carry her to the ends of the earth if she asked? “I said don’t try to stop me.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,”
I whisper.
If she wants to judge my anger at living in the dark half the year, she should look at herself.
We’re walking into a strong northeastern wind with frigid sleet pelting our faces.
If she still wants to go south, she’s charging in the opposite direction, her vision cloudy with emotion. A strong, dominant mate would point out her mistake and coax her into a safe place until the storm passes. However, her anger and decision to abandon me leaves me in no position to correct her.
“Even if you traversed the tundra until you dropped from exhaustion, I would follow—not to convince you to stay with me, but to ease my heart’s need to keep you safe. ”
“Which makes no fucking sense,”
she grits through her chattering teeth.