Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Devon
Xed's house is beautiful.
An open floor plan, warm tiled floors, big picture windows that let in the desert warmth. Smells even better, too—like roasted vegetables and fresh bread.
I drift away from the kitchen and wander the hall, hands in my pockets as I take it all in.
Framed photos line the walls—Matty in his NFL uniform for the Cardinals, Hannah at every age, Xed on vacations and holidays.
I stop in front of one picture in particular, Xed holding Hannah on his shoulders, both of them grinning under the dusky sky. Happy.
A strange type of sadness hits me so suddenly that I have to look away.
Behind me, laughter echoes from outside. Huck’s voice carries the loudest, Salem’s right behind him. Christian’s laugh joins in easily too, like he belongs here.
I don’t.
Alone, I shuffle into the toy-riddled living room and trace the edges of the sofa with my fingers.
The material is soft and lived in, not staged for company like it was when I was growing up with my grandparents.
Everything had to be neat and orderly, not a single speck of dust out of place.
And God forbid I ever sat on the nice furniture.
Hannah's lucky to have a home like this.
“Hey.”
I rotate in place to find Xed leaning against the doorway, arms crossed loosely over his chest. He’s changed since the last time I saw him over two years ago. Softer, maybe. Lighter. Marriage looks good on him, which is a thought I immediately hate myself for having.
“Hey,” I reply.
“How've you been?” he asks, causing my lips to twitch.
“Fine. Just admiring the place, it's nice.”
Xed hums and glances around like he’s seeing it through my eyes for the first time. “Yeah. Matty bought it for Hannah. He wanted her to have all the room she needed to grow.”
“Sounds like him.”
Another pause settles between us. I can feel him studying me, a pensive look crossing his features the longer we stare at each other.
Finally, he speaks again. “You seem… I don't know. I wouldn't say different, because you look the same, but there's definitely some kind of change.”
“I mean, I'm sober now,” I huff, reaching up to drag a hand through my hair. “Things got rough there for a minute, but I'm trying—”
“I never got a chance to thank you,” he interrupts suddenly, catching me off guard.
“Me? For what?”
“Keeping me alive.”
He says it so simply that all I can do is search his features in disbelief, unsure of how to respond.
When I say nothing back, he shrugs and continues. “I was drowning back when we were… hanging out. Without Matty and Hannah, life felt pretty meaningless. If you hadn't been around, I'm not sure I would have made it.”
“Xed,” I rasp, swallowing hard. “I got you addicted to drugs. Literally used to make you and Salem suck me off for payment. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I know,” he says quietly. “I remember.”
“Then why would you—”
“Because it’s not the whole story,” he cuts me off again, advancing into the room. “I was already looking for ways to hurt myself, Dev. You didn’t cause that. You just met me where I was.”
“That doesn’t make it okay.”
“No, it doesn’t. What you did wasn’t healthy. What I did wasn’t either. We were just… two people bleeding on each other.”
Something sharp twists inside my chest.
“But,” he says, “you also listened to me. Made me laugh when I didn’t think I could anymore. Maybe it wasn't in the best way, but you showed up when I needed you, and I won’t forget that.”
Shaking my head, I drop my gaze to the rug. “That’s not how I remember it.”
He studies me thoughtfully. “You know, despite what everyone else might think, I've never seen you as the villain. Every single person here has messed up at one point or another.”
“Yeah, but I almost killed someone.”
“So did Taylor. Not directly, but... Does that make him a bad person?”
With a heavy sigh, I turn toward a large bay window and stare out at the desert landscape. “I don't know Taylor enough to answer that question.”
“Well, I do. And I think I know you enough to tell you that neither of you are bad people. Life just dealt nearly everyone in this house a shitty hand.”
“Nearly?” I say, raising a brow over my shoulder.
Xed smirks. “Christian's home life seemed pretty sweet growing up.”
Directing my attention back to the window, I lift a shoulder. “Not everything is always as it seems. I'm sure from the outside, my grandparents looked like role models.”
No immediate response follows, and the silence stretches so long that I look to find him studying the wall with that thoughtful expression on his face again.
When he meets my gaze, his gold-flecked eyes seem guarded. “All I want to say is be careful with our friends. They've been through so much already, you know? I'd hate to see anyone get hurt again.”
“I know.”
His gaze sharpens slightly. “Are you sure?”
The implications of what he's asking make my throat burn. “I don’t want to be that guy anymore. The one who always ruins shit, like Matty said.”
“Then don’t be.”
“Wow.” A humorless laugh leaves my lungs. “Groundbreaking advice.”
Xed gives me a small smile. “I’m serious. You’re here, and you’re sober. You’re trying. That's all that matters. Don't let anyone make you feel like shit for it.”
Before I can answer, Matty calls his name from the kitchen.
“Dinner should be ready soon,” he says, turning to leave. Something makes him pause, though, and he faces me once more. “I’m glad you’re here, Dev. Really.”
With that, he leaves me alone in his living room, surrounded by the life he's built himself over the past two years.
Glad you’re here.
The words echo around me, unsettling in their sincerity. No strings attached, no expectation that I give something back in exchange. Just… glad for my presence. As if that makes any fucking sense.
And I don’t know what I'm supposed to do with it.