Chapter 9
Charlotte
Present Day
It’s three in the morning, and my alarm rings. I have had little sleep, but I’m not overly tired.
Xander’s text and phone call surprised me. When his name popped up on the screen, I froze and quickly debated about texting him back. Then he FaceTimed me.
My heart broke again, seeing tears in his eyes as he struggles with his amnesia.
He’s having a hard time, which is understandable, but a big part of his frustration is now me.
He told me he read our messages...messages I’ve spent too many hours to count rereading. He claims he feels something for me.
I curse myself for the resurgence of hope. Pull it together, Charlotte. He doesn’t remember you, and he’s still in love with Billie.
I get ready and head for the hospital. Before I can even contemplate what I’m doing, I text Xander.
“I don’t know what hotel you’re at, but do you want me to pick you up?”
“I’m at the Claybourne. Is it on the way?”
“Yes.”
“Sure. That would be awesome. Thanks.”
What am I doing?
As much as I reprimand myself for putting myself in the position to be hurt further, I can’t help but feel excited.
I hope it isn’t weird being in a car so close to him.
What am I doing?
I pull up to the doors of the hotel, and Xander is already waiting outside with a black wool cap on and holding two cups of coffee. I hadn’t seen him in a hat before, and he looks straight out of a magazine ad.
As he opens the door and gets in, his sexy scent flares in my nostrils. He sets the coffee in my cup holders, leans over, and kisses me on the cheek. “Good morning.”
I freeze.
He freezes. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t think before I did that.”
“It’s okay. There are worse things you could do to me.”
“I realize I lost my memory, but let’s hope I don’t go down that path.”
I laugh and pull the car out.
“Thanks for picking me up.”
“Sure. You look hot in that hat.” Shit! My face flushes.
“Thanks. I’ll have to wear it more often.”
I try to concentrate on the road.
“I took a chance and listened to my gut. It told me you take your coffee with cream and two sugars, but real sugar, not that fake crap.”
“Xander! You remembered! That’s great!”
He throws his arm in the air for a victory pump. “There’s hope for me yet.”
“There’s always hope. I learned that as a kid.” I focus on the road.
“You mean because of the orphanage?” Xander says quietly.
I jerk my head at him. “You remember that?”
“No. I read it in our text messages.”
My heart falls in disappointment. “Thanks for the coffee,” I say quickly, not wanting to talk anymore about my childhood.
Xander blessedly changes the subject. “So, how often do you get to pick the music in the OR?”
I glance over at him. “Not a fan of Club Hip Hop Radio?”
He laughs. “I am. I was hoping we could listen to it again today, or something else besides Dr. Croy’s fifties channel. The last week, before you were back, I thought I would go crazy.”
Rolling my eyes, I tell him, “One week is nothing. I had to endure two years before I won a bet, and now he has to play rock, paper, scissors with me.”
Xander groans. “I would transfer units if I had to endure two years.”
“It was torture for sure.”
“So, what was the bet?”
“That green pus instead of yellow would come out of the patient’s knee.”
Xander laughs. “That’s awesome.”
“Yep, it was,” I agree. “He also had to buy me blueberry muffins from the lobby every day for a month.”
“Blueberry muffins?”
“Yep. They make these mini ones, and they’re beyond delicious.”
“Well, I hope you win rock, paper, scissors today.”
“I hope so, too.”
“Did you get any sleep?” Xander asks.
“A little. You?”
“Same.”
“Did you dream about me?” I tease, then realize what I said. “Shit. I’m sorry.” Heat blazes across my face.
“As a matter of fact, I did.”
My face flushes further.
“At least you weren’t faceless this time.”
“Faceless?”
“You’ve been faceless all these months.”
“Then how do you know it was me?”
Xander blurts out, “Because I could smell, feel, taste, hear, and see all of you except your face.”
“You could taste me? Jeez, what were you doing to me,” I say, once again not thinking, then put my hand on my face in embarrassment. “Shit. I don’t know what’s wrong with my mouth today. Just ignore me.”
Xander laughs. “I think we both have that problem. Why don’t we stop saying we are sorry and not worry about it?”
I glance over at him. “Okay. No more sorry.”
“And I’m doing everything possible to you. That’s how I taste you,” he states.
My lower body pulses at the thought.
“In last night’s dream, we were in a shower. Am I creating scenarios in my head, or did that happen?”
My face is officially on fire. I glance over at Xander, and he has a cocky grin on his face. “It happened,” I say and focus back at the road.
“You’re pretty adorable when you blush,” Xander says.
My heart is racing, and my stomach flutters. Simmer down, Charlotte. The guy is just having flashbacks.
Life is so not fair.
“Since you didn’t taste me yesterday in surgery, how did you know it was me?” I tease him but also want to know.
“I smelled you when you stood by me. Then you pulled your hair cap off and said my name. You only say my name in my dreams.”
Eyes on the road, Charlotte.
I’m sitting in a car, next to the man I want to be with but can’t, while he tells me he’s having dreams of us having sex. This is so fucked-up.
“So you dated Damon?” Xander asks in another change of subject but not one I welcome.
“Yeah. I broke up with him the week before I met you.”
Xander shifts in his seat.
“What?” I glance over at him.
He shrugs and raises an eyebrow.
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t see you with a guy like that.”
“A guy like that?”
“Arrogant, moody, full of himself...should I keep going?”
I’m not sure why I stick up for Damon, but I do. “He wasn’t like that when we dated.”
“No?”
To the best of my memory he wasn’t. “I don’t think he was like that to others, either, when we were together.” Well, at least when we dated. After is a different story.
“Really? That’s not what the others say.”
Jeez. What did Damon do all these months to make everyone hate him so much? He can be a jerk but I don’t recall him being one at work.
“Well, he wasn’t like that,” I say quietly.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t talk bad about your ex.”
“It’s okay.”
“Did you love him?” Xander blurts out.
Did I love him? No, but I fell in love with you.
I quietly say, “No.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t pry.”
“I thought we weren’t apologizing anymore?”
“You’re right. I’ll still try not to pry into your life. I don’t know why I feel like I can blurt anything out to you today.”
“Probably because that’s what we used to do,” I reply. “Like that. I just did it without even thinking.”
“Hmm.”
“What does hmm mean?” I ask.
“I’ve never had anyone I could do that with before.”
“Yeah, me, either,” I say sadly and will myself not to stare at Xander.
The rest of the ride is quiet, but it isn’t an uncomfortable silence. It’s another stab to my heart about how good we are together. Doesn’t everyone want someone they can talk to about anything?
I pull into the parking garage and find a spot.
We step out of the car and stroll into the building, and when someone walks toward us, Xander rests his palm on the small of my back, like it’s normal, letting me go ahead of him but staying close to me.
I hold myself back from leaning into him more or turning around and wrapping my arms around him.
Ugh. Why do we still have to be so good together?
We get to the locker room, and someone is leaving, so Xander puts his hand on my back again and has me go through the door. We are almost to the lockers when Damon glances over at us. He scowls at Xander’s hand, which is still on my back.
“Hey, Damon,” I say nicely.
One dark eyebrow lifted. “Playing in the sandbox rather quickly, aren’t you, Charlotte?”
I glare at him. “Excuse me?”
Xander pushes me back a bit and steps between me and Damon. “I suggest you keep your nose in your own business and stop talking about things you know nothing about.”
Crap. This isn’t good.
Damon steps closer, almost nose to nose with Xander. “Is that right?”
Xander moves in. “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”
I’m about to say something when Dr. Sear comes around the corner from the other aisle of lockers. “You two can both cool it.”
They glance at Dr. Sear but neither moves.
“Is something wrong with your ears? I said to cool it. That means, step back.”
Xander obeys, continuing to stare at Damon who doesn’t move.
“Damon, are you deaf?” Dr. Sear sternly asks him.
Damon glares at Xander. “We’ll finish this later.”
“No, you won’t,” Dr. Sear says.
Damon scowls. “Yeah, okay. Whatever you say.”
Dr. Sear walks up to him. “Do you have a problem we should discuss in private?”
Damon purses his lips. “Nope. I’m good.” He shoves his bag in the locker and leaves.
Dr. Sear turns toward me. “Charlotte, is he harassing you?”
I shake my head. “No, that was the first incident.”
“If he does, I want to know.”
“Okay. I’m sure it will be fine, but thank you.”
Dr. Sear focuses on Xander. “I need you to use your head, or you’re on the first flight out of here. We don’t need any lawsuits.”
Xander clenches his jaw.
“Do you understand me, Dr. Kane?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I would hate to see that happen. You’re an excellent surgeon, and I have big plans for you.”
Xander goes over to his locker, and Dr. Sear goes back to his side of the locker room. I put my bag away. Xander is not happy, and I can tell.
Great. This is all he needs. More stress won’t help his memory.
I want to tell him I’m sorry, but I don’t want to with Dr. Sear around. I’m getting my scrubs and hair cap on for surgery when I finally catch Xander’s eye. I mouth, “I’m sorry.”
Xander mouths, “Not your fault,” and gives me a panty-melting grin.
I read the operating list and see Xander and I are in the same surgery. “We’re in operating room five.”
Xander reads the list then draws a deep breath and lets it out. “Charlotte, please make sure you win rock, paper, scissors today.”