Chapter 22
Charlotte
Not only did he kiss another woman, he kissed her.
My gut flips so fast I think I’m going to get sick.
We’re in the cab, on the way to my place, and tears are streaming down my face. Images of Xander holding her in his arms, bent over, with her hands on his head, and passionately kissing him play like a broken record in my head.
And she’s beautiful. There isn’t a thing I could say about how she looks to try to make me feel better. She’s flawless from her head to her toes.
They looked like they belonged together. She fit in his arms perfectly.
My gut flips so bad I roll down the window, scared I might get sick.
“Char, you okay?” Vivian softly asks.
I shake my head and more tears fall. Vivian pulls my head onto her shoulder, and we say nothing more until we pull up to my building.
When we get into my apartment, I throw on pajamas and come back out to the living room.
“You don’t have to stay. I appreciate you coming with me, but I’ll be okay. Go have fun with Chase.”
“Nothing is going on with Chase and me.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t believe it.”
“Well, believe it.”
I stare at her. “Did something happen between you two?”
“Nope.”
“But you want it to?”
“No. He has his schedule of women, and I will not be one of them.”
“His schedule of women?”
She sighs. “When you were in the hospital, and Quinn and I stayed with Chase and Jamison, it was pretty clear.”
“He had them over when you were there?”
She scoffs. “No. But his phone kept ringing off the hook with them, and one girl must not have gotten the cancellation notice because she stopped by. When she saw me, she commented to him that Thursday was their day.”
“You have to be kidding me. She knows she’s a day of the week?”
Vivian shrugs. “Apparently.”
“Damn, Viv. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. We haven’t ever been together.”
“Yeah, but you like each other.”
She shrugs again. “Enough about me. Are you going to tell me what happened?”
My pulse increases, thinking again about Billie in Xander’s arms. “I walked out of the bathroom, and he was kissing Billie.”
“Billie? As in the Billie, he obsessed over for months?” she cries out.
“Gee, thanks for reminding me, Viv.”
“Sorry.”
Not as sorry as I am.
“How did...”
“I don’t know. All I know is one minute Xander and I were kissing. Then I went to the bathroom and then Billie was in his arms. He was leaned over, almost like in a dance pose, and she was gripping his head, and they were lip-locked.”
“Ouch,” Vivian mumbles.
“Yeah. Ouch.”
Vivian is quiet for a moment. “It doesn’t make sense to me.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Xander was adamant he was in love with you and not Billie.”
“When did you talk with Xander?”
“Yesterday. We looked at apartments, and he was heartbroken. Or he seemed it. He told me about his dreams and that you kicked him out of your place and car. Oh, and that Damon is harassing you? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sigh. “It all happened this week. It’s been a roller coaster.”
Let’s get off of it together. Xander’s voice flies through my mind. My heart rips open wider.
“What did Damon do?”
“Viv, I don’t want to get into it right now. Can I tell you about it later?”
“Okay.”
After a few minutes, she says, “Char, I know you think you saw what you saw, but are you sure Xander would do that to you? He told me he didn’t love her, that he loved you. He was distraught yesterday.”
“She was in his arms. He called her Billie. His lips were against hers. What else is there to know?”
Vivian nervously scans my eyes. “I don’t know, but maybe you should talk to him. He kept saying you had it wrong. Maybe you do?”
I sneer. “Not quite sure how I could get that one wrong.”
Vivian’s phone buzzes, and she types to someone, back and forth for a bit. She finally looks up and says, “I think you need to talk with Xander.”
“Tell me you aren’t texting him right now.”
“No, I’m texting Chase. But he said he saw Billie and her friend and that Billie is wasted and you need to talk to Xander.”
“Just because Billie is wasted doesn’t excuse Xander kissing her!” I snap.
“Chase says she kissed him, and he didn’t kiss her back.”
“Coming from a guy who cheats on girls with a calendar,” I shoot back at Vivian.
She appears slightly hurt.
“What?” I ask her.
“He isn’t cheating on them. They know about it. Those girls agree to it.”
“That makes it okay?”
She looks at me. “Yes, it does. If they didn’t know about it, then fine, but everyone involved knows about it. So he isn’t cheating on anyone, and it’s not fair for you to say that about him.”
She has a point I can’t argue with her about. “I’m sorry. I’m just upset and pissed at Xander.”
“Maybe he’s not to blame for this, either.”
A tear slips down my cheek. “Why did it have to be her? Why couldn’t he have been kissing some other girl?”
Vivian puts her arm around me. “I know it sucks it was her, but if he kissed someone else, you wouldn’t like that, either.”
She’s right. I don’t want Xander kissing anyone except me.
“Char, do you really think Xander would do that to you? I just don’t see it.”
I only love you. Xander’s words roll into my head and cut me like a knife. Do I think he would do that to me? No. But thoughts and reality are two different things, and I learned that a long time ago.
“You didn’t see it. I did.”
“I know, but don’t you think you should at least listen to him first? I don’t think you have the entire story.”
I’m getting exhausted explaining myself. “I’m not talking to him. I can’t keep doing this. For six months, all I’ve had is constant heartache. I’m so tired of hurting.” I cry again.
Vivian hugs me tighter then takes me by the shoulders and looks me in the eye. “Char, do you love him?”
I cry harder and nod.
“Then you need to talk to him.”
Even though Vivian tells me to talk to Xander, I don’t. I can’t get the visual of Billie in his arms, or her lips pressed against his, or her hands gripping his head out of my brain.
And it gets worse over the weekend.
Now I put Xander’s sleeping words with a face.
I see them dating.
I see them kissing.
I see them fucking.
Over the next few days, Xander sends me text messages and tries to call and FaceTime me, but I don’t answer or return any of his messages.
“I love you and only you.”
“You don’t know what happened. I did not kiss her back.”
“Charlotte, call me. We’ve come too far for this to keep us apart.”
“You’re killing me, Charlotte. Seriously. Please, answer me.”
When my doorbell buzzes, I don’t answer it. But he must have slipped in when someone left because he is soon banging on the door. “Charlotte, please,” he begs through the door and my heart bleeds even more. His voice alone is enough to tear me apart. He finally slips a piece of paper underneath.
Charlotte,
You’re my only. I would never cheat on you. Please. We need to talk.
I love you forever,
Xander
I want to open the door and let him wrap me in his arms. But I don’t.
Betrayed. That is how I feel, and I allow it to eat at me and guide my decisions.
Is Vivian right and any girl would make me feel this way? Maybe. But the fact it was Billie, the woman he obsessed over for six months, the woman he dismissed me for without a second thought, is extra cruel.
When Sunday comes around, my heart aches so much I decide I need to hear him out, at least let him tell me his side.
It’s about two in the afternoon, and I bundle up to go out into the cold.
I am walking to Xander’s hotel, since I haven’t been outside in two days, and that’s when my heart gets another stab.
About a block from Xander’s hotel, through a coffee shop window, I see them. All of them.
Noah, Chase, Jamison, and Xander are sitting in a booth. A chair is pulled up to the end of the table, and Billie is sitting in it.
I freeze, not believing it’s her. But it’s without a doubt the same woman I saw at the club.
The five of them are deep in conversation, and I don’t know how long I stare, as anger and devastation grip me. My chest tightens and I have to remind myself to breathe. Tears fall down my cheeks.
As if in slow motion, Xander looks over at me. He blinks, like he’s not sure it’s me, then pushes Jamison out of his seat and tries to get out of the booth.
I turn and run down the street and hear him yelling my name. I’m not paying attention, and instead of stopping at the crosswalk, I bolt right through it.
I feel the jolt and see Xander and hear him screaming as I go flying. Then everything becomes dark, then light, then red lights.
“Charlotte,” Xander is saying my name. I can’t move my neck or my body. Everything hurts. Lights are flashing, and I can hear a lot of people talking about me.
I try to speak, but my words come out mumbled.
“Shh,” Xander whispers, as a tear drips onto my cheek, and his hand pets my forehead.
His eyes come into focus, then out, then back in. Everything disappears except for his eyes, and his voice.
Suddenly, I feel like I’m moving, but I can’t move my body. “Xa…”
“It’s okay, baby. Shh. We’re almost there.” I feel his hand on mine, and his eyes once again come into focus.
Pain courses through me and I moan and struggle to focus.
“Stay awake, Charlotte. Just stay with me,” Xander pleads.
And I try. But the darkness overpowers me.