Chapter 14 Raisa
RAISA
Istared at the closed door. For several minutes, I couldn’t move out of this spot. Zoning out at the wooden panel didn’t change a single thing. It wasn’t a step toward achieving anything. But now that I was here, I knew I wasn’t going to be “released”.
Luka Dubinin let me into his home. He’d only done so, apparently, because he got one look at my son and knew he had to be related to Ivan.
It was uncanny how similar Lev and Ivan were, but it was a combination of features I’d come to accept.
That every time I looked at my son, I could remind myself he wasn’t the man I hated for leaving me.
Just like he’d done now. Once more, again, Ivan walked away from me.
This time, it didn’t sting nearly as bad.
Letting out a sigh, I let my shoulders slump. Still looking at the door he’d closed after himself, I tried to reach some modicum of rationale about all that had happened.
“Yeah, he handled that well,” I muttered.
I shocked him by showing up out of the blue after no contact for years. I brought him a surprise in the form of a son he’d never known about. And then the second we were alone in a room together, we butted heads and fought until we combusted with desire.
“I can’t believe I actually did that…” I whispered to myself.
Shame wasn’t going to be on my list of strong emotions today.
I was not embarrassed to have flung myself at him.
He hadn’t been any better, just as ravenous for me as I had been for him.
It wasn’t a one-sided situation here. Yet, the enormity of acting on that old attraction was troubling.
I’d come here to secure my son’s future. To get protection.
Not to get laid by my former lover.
Shaking my head, I stood and began smoothing down my hair and clothes. I bet I looked normal, but deep inside, I felt anything but. Having Ivan pummel me like that, making me come so hard and fast, left me feeling raw and used, but somehow, in a good way. Not like scratching an itch but…
Coming home?
I barked out a single sound of laughter at that ridiculous notion. Ivan wasn’t my home. This mansion wasn’t my residence. But I wasn’t sure what to consider this “visit” at the Dubinins’ head house.
Now that I was here, there would be no leaving. Luka didn’t run a hotel here. He couldn’t welcome very many to his house. While it might have seemed appropriate to feel special to have been let inside, I knew what else it meant.
Luka Dubinin wouldn’t let me or Lev leave until he had all his answers.
He was a strict boss, but not like my father had been.
I doubted anyone could be as horrible as my father was, rigid, oddly puritanical in terms of his own rules and guidelines, and harsh in getting what he deemed was right or fit.
Now that I was here, I’d be stuck here. I wasn’t planning on wasting a single second of daydreaming about escaping or taking Lev out of here. Besides, I had nowhere else to go.
Bothered with this sensation of feeling trapped, I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to guess what my next step would be.
Luka and Ivan won’t let me go anywhere until they have the answers they want.
I’d told Ivan a crude summary of all I’d faced since the day he walked out of my life the first time.
But that wasn’t everything. I hadn’t provided him any explanation about why, precisely, I was here now.
Why I was here to seek help and protection despite hating the fact that I had to.
My reluctance wasn’t going to simmer down anytime soon, but I’d be a fool to bite the proverbial hand that fed.
If I plan on getting them to promise security for Lev, I’ve got to mind my temper.
And keep my panties on.
Sleeping with Lev again felt like a fantasy and nightmare mixed into one. I lacked the mental energy to know how to navigate my way past him if he made me feel so good and free with another impulsive orgasm like that again.
I checked my appearance in a narrow mirror, hating how the glow and rosiness of my cheeks had to be a dead giveaway that I’d been blushing. Or that I’d gotten up to something blush-worthy.
Whatever. Nothing I can do about this now.
It is what it is.
I wasn’t proud of how weak I was to succumb to Ivan, but I knew better than to mope and whine to myself about wishing it hadn’t happened.
Reaching for the doorknob, I set out to find Lev.
He’d be desperate for answers. Even though he was with that other boy and that woman, we were still on Dubinin turf, in their boss’s home.
This wasn’t a sanctuary—not for us. Not yet.
But I clung to the hope that Ivan would be able to convince the mighty and fearsome ruler that his uncle was that Lev deserved security as a half heir.
Before I could touch the doorknob, the door creaked and started to open.
I stepped back, defensive and tense. Perhaps it was Ivan coming back to have the last word, again.
It wasn’t, though.
“Mama!” Lev launched at me, wrapping his arms around me. The feel of his skinny little arms circling my waist calmed me. Knowing he was here and with me was all that I needed to reset my heart and head.
Behind him was the brunette. The boy wasn’t with her anymore, and I wasn’t sure how to proceed. She didn’t look like a member of the house staff, but with her tanned looks and long, luxurious, and wavy hair, she sure didn’t look like a member of the Bratva family either.
“Mama, Misha is almost as old as me.” Lev looked up at me, his happiness dimming as he noticed the worry on my face. “The other boy. He had some cookies with me.”
“I hope that doesn’t spoil his appetite,” the woman said, offering me a slight smile.
“Appetite for what?” I asked, not really caring how testy I sounded. “It’s almost midnight. Dinner would’ve been hours ago.”
She nodded, not quite narrowing her eyes but watching me carefully. “Yes. If you’d like something to eat, I can have the cooks prepare you something before showing you to your guest room.”
“Guest room?” I laughed, holding Lev close to me.
Fatigue hit me harder now. With the chaotic day I’d experienced, at work, walking in the heat, fighting those men and enduring the panic attacks, all the way to the flight here and the accidental fall into bed with my ex, I was beat.
Leaning on my son, I shook my head. “I’m no guest. I don’t know who you are, but it’s obvious Luka hasn’t welcomed us here. ”
She tipped her chin up, surprising me with her defiance. “Fine. Then I’ll welcome you in his place.” Crossing her arms, she gave the sign that she wasn’t going to let me think I had any authority here.
“You?” I rolled my eyes. It hardly mattered who she was. Luka ruled. He ruled Ivan, and he would condition how Ivan would react to my request for protection. “Whoever you are, I know I’m not welcome here.”
She shrugged. “I have no clue who the hell you are either,” she replied, almost sassy, “but if my husband says you can be in our home, you must pass some degree of welcome.”
“Your husband?” I took a chance to look her up and down more slowly. Luka had to be twice her age, but I wouldn’t call her out on a lie just for that. These Mafia men never cared how young their brides were. In that regard, Luka was no different from the way my father had been.
Still, I wouldn’t let her fool me. I wasn’t welcome here all because I came from a family he didn’t exactly get along with.
Luka Dubinin disliked my father and didn’t trust him, therefore, he’d dole out the same treatment on me and my son.
I didn’t need to investigate that matter.
It just was. These old-fashioned men were always so caught up in Mafia politics.
Ever since my father disagreed with the direction Luka took the Dubinin Dynasty years ago, we’d been more like enemies than rivals within the realm of Bratva leadership.
“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” This woman was wasting her breath to convince me that I was wanted here. If Luka had ever been the kind of man to be more open-minded than other Pakhans, Ivan and I wouldn’t have worried about being accepted as a couple back when we were together.
No, that’s not the whole problem though, is it?
Ivan didn’t want me in the end. He went after Serena.
No matter what he said, I only had that proof from eight years ago to guide me.
“Don’t tell me what does and doesn’t matter in my house,” she replied.
“Mama?” Lev peered up at me, interjecting. He was so perceptive, clued in to when my temper was rising. “Miss Gabriella was kind and welcoming while you talked and…” He furrowed his brow when I shook my head.
“It doesn’t matter if you think we’re welcome guests or not. I’m well aware that I will be expected to stay put until Luka and Ivan have their answers.”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Gabriella replied coolly, “showing up and acting like it’s a given that you should stay here at all. Like you are owed a chance to be in this house with us. No one knows where you came from and—”
I huffed a loud laugh again. “No. Trust me. They do. They all know exactly where I came from.” My association with Konstantin Petrov would always be a stain on my identity, one I never asked for or had any control of.
“Unlike you. I don’t know where you came from to act high and mighty here, but I don’t have the patience for it. ”
“I would watch it if I were you.” Gabriella narrowed her eyes more, looking ready to seethe and shout.
She could try that beady stare on someone else.
It wouldn’t work on me, and I was way, way too fed up with bullshit after the day and night I’d survived.
“Oh, yeah? And where did you come from, huh? What gives you the right to try to persuade me your ‘husband’ is welcoming me here? I’m more or less trapped here now. ”
Gabriella only stared at me, upset and likely trying to figure out how to reply.
“Again.” I lifted my hand in a dismissive wave.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re clearly new to all of this.
You weren’t born in this family or another.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so na?ve to assume the Dubinin boss would ever be okay with a Petrov sleeping under his roof.
” I couldn’t help another sarcastic huff.
It was ludicrous to imagine Luka being happy to see me.
To think that Ivan would be overjoyed with my presence again.
I hated how bitter I sounded, talking down to this new bride. But it was what it was. “Listen, things are a lot more complicated than you can realize.”
“No shit,” Gabriella retorted. She wasn’t docile, giving me a taste of my own medicine.
At her testy tone, I sighed and almost regretted being so defensive with her. But I just couldn’t help it. I was at my wit’s end. I was here for help. I was thrown off-kilter and in a mess from falling into bed so quickly with Ivan like that.
The bottom line was that I’d come here for Ivan’s protection and long overdue support. But that included Luka’s approval too.
“Follow me to your room,” Gabriella said curtly, turning and leading us out of the room.
I opened and closed my mouth, too exhausted to figure out what to say or if I should even say anything at all.
Lev took my hand, and I held it tight. Regardless of how tired I was, I would be up quite late, explaining things to him the best that I could. Or perhaps he’d have mercy on me and fall asleep quickly, too worn out from the seismic shifts in his life today.
Following Gabriella through the house, I realized that I was well and truly an enemy in disguise here. I was no Dubinin, but my son had their bloodline in him.
Everywhere I looked, I saw examples of the Dubinin wealth and power. All the finery and expensive décor. The crest of the family on decorations. All the guards who’d sworn loyalty to Luka and his top men.
I was surrounded by power and strength, a system of a family that I’d never fit into completely.
As we were led further into the Dubinins’ main house, I knew that I was walking into a test. A test for Ivan, one where he would have to decide if he’d side with his family and loyalty to them to keep me, a Petrov, away, or if the old love we’d once shared would be enough to make him have a heart and provide for Lev.
Before we could reach this guest room where Gabriella was deluded to think Lev and I could be “welcome”, I had to be honest with myself and admit I was already tired from these politics and headaches.
It would never end.
Being here and knowing I couldn’t just get up and leave now, it seemed like the biggest headache of my life was only starting.