Chapter 16 Raisa
RAISA
Honestly, I was surprised Ivan hadn’t cornered me sooner. For almost a week, Lev and I were guests here. I wasn’t going to agree with Gabriella or anyone else and admit that I felt “welcome” here.
Ivan questioning me so directly now was proof that I was an “other”. That I was under Luka’s suspicion. Ivan’s too.
Shrugging off that sudden bolt of lust I’d felt when he got too close and put his hands on me, I sighed and faced him squarely. “Protection.”
He narrowed his eyes, perhaps surprised that I was obeying his command to explain myself and my presence.
“I’m here for protection.”
The fabric of his shirt strained under his bunched muscles as he crossed his arms. “Protection from…?”
I licked my lips, not looking forward to talking about that day when the Italians snuck in. When my illusion of peace was shattered.
“Lev and I were living outside Paris for the last few years. I worked in the laundry room of a hotel, paid under the table. The day I came here, I had walked home on my break because it was hot and I wanted to change into a spare uniform. As I walked to and from the hotel, I felt like someone was watching me. Then I spotted someone in my neighbor’s backyard. ”
“Who was it?”
“Italians.” I wanted to sit, not even caring that I could choose his bed to lower to.
Talking about that day was something I’d rather do sitting down.
It tired me, and stress swamped me all over again.
Yet, I stood strong, not breaking my tone.
“I was determined to walk back to work and get my last paycheck, then relocate with Lev.”
“You did that often?”
“What?”
“Relocate?”
I nodded, but it ended as a shrug. “I was often paranoid. That someone would find me and drag me back into this world of violence. We relocated whenever I felt like someone was watching. But that time, someone was near. It wasn’t a fear, it was a fact.
A man was near my property. I headed back to work to get my last check, but when I changed my uniforms, I left my key fob on the other one.
I doubled back to grab it, but I saw the same man again.
He was near my house, so I snuck in. But that’s when the other man revealed himself.
He broke in and was waiting to attack me. So, I fought him back.”
“On your own?”
“Lev was at school.”
He furrowed his brow. “You fought back this man?”
I rolled my eyes. “I did train in self-defense.” He, of all people, should at least respect that I was no dainty coward.
I was raised amid violence and I knew how to fight back.
“I killed him. The other man came in too, right when my neighbor overheard the commotion. Fortunately, he hit his head when he fell, so I didn’t need to answer any of his questions.
But this second man told me that I would ‘never win’.
Before I got his gun and killed him, I demanded to know who’d sent him.
He said that he was from a faction of the Rivera Family.
The Italians saw me as a ‘weak’ link to your family.
They were pursuing me as a way to get to the Dubinin Dynasty. ”
“Fuck.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Which didn’t make sense. I am no link. But Lev is. That was when I knew I couldn’t handle this on my own anymore.”
He stared me down as I paused, collecting my thoughts again.
“No one ever got close like that. I was paranoid, of course, and always looking over my shoulder, but no one ever actually found me like that. No one succeeded in reaching me and invading like that. That was the first time since Lev was born that danger came close enough to make me run.”
“And you ran to me.”
I didn’t miss the possessive pride in his words.
“I came here to demand that you support Lev and keep him safe.”
He narrowed his eyes. “After deliberately keeping him away from me and never giving me a chance to know he existed.”
“I kept him away from your family and mine to make sure he wouldn’t be dragged into these stupid politics and games.”
“And how did that turn out for you?”
“I’m not in any mood for you to gloat. I did what I thought was best as a single mother after you rejected me and left me without a word.
I came here to find you and request for protection because it’s your”—I jabbed my finger at his chest—“family that they want to hurt me for. They targeted me to get to you and your family. They tried to use me to strike out at you.” A sharp burst of laughter couldn’t be held in.
“And that couldn’t be further from the truth.
That I matter to you. I’m nothing to you.
I was nothing to you when you left me. And all these years when you never made an effort to come back for me, you’ve driven in that point even more.
I was nothing to you and I never will be. I am insignificant to your family.”
“That’s not true.” He protested with a firm shake of his head.
“It is.”
“You matter—as the mother of my son.”
I glared at him, letting my eyes slit together. How dare he call Lev his son, implying with that tone full of authority that Lev wasn’t mine, or ours. Just his.
“You hid my son from me. He is my heir, and he isn’t going anywhere.”
Such possessive talk over the most important person in the world set me on edge. But I knew better than to argue when he got that intense look in his eyes.
“You’re not going anywhere either.”
This was exactly why I debated coming here at all. Why returning to Ivan was a last-resort idea. He’d take over and take charge when I’d been handling it myself all this time.
“And that’s the last fucking time I’ll be patient enough to hear you claim that you don’t matter.” Admonishing me like this wasn’t sweet or kind, but beneath the rage of what he said, I could almost feel the desperation that vibrated off him.
“You matter, Raisa. You’ve always mattered. And you sure as fuck matter to me.”
“Just not as much as Serena, huh?”
He stepped in closer, taking hold of me again. His fingers curled around my upper arm, but with his other hand, he set it on my neck. Canting my head upward with his thumb under my chin, he reminded me of how easily he could reassert his dominance.
“You’ve been here for a week now. Tell me where you’ve seen her.”
I rolled my eyes. It prompted his to turn darker. More serious.
“She’s not in the picture, Raisa.”
For all I knew, she could be at his house, waiting for him to come back.
If not her, then another woman. There wasn’t a chance that he had been celibate all this time.
“She will never be in the picture.” Smoothing his thumb over the line of my jaw, he stared at my lips with hunger. With lust. “No one will ever matter to me like you do.”
I swallowed hard, trying to force it past the emotion clogging in my throat. He was being too kind. Seductive, yet honest.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he confessed in a raspy whisper. “And it kills me that you could ever think that you don’t matter to me.”
I closed my eyes as he lowered his head.
Resting his brow against mine, he wrapped his free arm around me.
Being held close like this felt like a step in the right direction.
This snug up against him was a test, a strained pressure to deny myself the opportunity to lean against him and let him shoulder the burdens of stress weighing me down.
“Because you do.” He rubbed his thumb over my jawline again. His breath wisped against my skin, warming it and teasing me to seek out all the heat he could provide me.
As I licked my lips and tried not to cave under the need for him, suspended in this tense wait to give up and show him how badly I’d missed him too, I hesitated.
You matter, too.
Not just as the source of protection I needed for our son, but as the one man who would always hold my heart.
The one I wanted to hate even though he tempted me to lose control and race for that bliss we could find together, no matter the circumstances standing in the way of true happiness and peace.