Chapter 19
I watched him, his head tipped back against the back of the couch, eyes squeezed tight. It was late, and the moonlight shone through the large window in the living room, causing a hazy blue filter.
My hair was still a bit damp from the shower I’d taken at Samantha’s after I’d gotten her tucked back into bed.
I’d left her with the promise to check in on her later while also forcing her to promise to call me if she needed anything.
The last thing I expected upon coming back into the house was Lucian still being awake.
His eyebrows were too furrowed for him to be asleep. Moonlight washed over him. He tipped back the whiskey. Light glinted off the blocky bottle. He hadn’t heard me approach, I was sure of it. Lucian was always hyper-aware of my arrival, and that told me he was drunk.
Once I pulled my feet out of my shoes, I shuffled across the carpet until I stood in front of him, studying his scrunched face.
His lips were set in a severe frown, and dampness painted the bottom of his eyes. I went numb. Was he crying?
“Lucian?”
His eyes flung open, and he straightened so suddenly that the bottle slipped out of his hand. It thudded to the floor, and I dipped to grab it. I shouldn’t have worried; it was practically empty.
“Josephine,” he blurted with a deep sigh and flopped back against the cushions.
I set the bottle on the coffee table.
He watched me steadily.
“Let’s get you to bed,” I said, grabbing his arm. “I really don’t think. you should be drinking while—oof!” I landed on his lap, my thighs straddling his legs, and his arms wound around me.
“Lucian?” I wiggled to free myself, but was wildly unsuccessful. His arms only tightened, pushing the air out of my lungs. I grunted from the force.
“I love you,” he mumbled, burying his face into my chest. “I love you, Josephine.”
“Stop.” My words were ripped from my throat.
Panic bubbled to the surface. His vulnerable tone only made it harder.
I’d been avoiding any sort of conversation about us, and I would continue to.
I slid my hands between us and pushed. He fell back, and I took the opportunity to get to my feet, facing him with my hands raised. “Stop, Lucian.”
There was clear panic in my voice. I backed up until the edge of the table pressed into the back of my legs.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out.
My lower lip trembled.
“No,” I said, stiffening my expression.
To that single word, he reacted like I’d punched him. His red-rimmed eyes pinned me, his chest heaving.
“Please.” He inched forward until he slid off the couch, dropping to his knees. The wince that flitted over his features told me how much that had hurt. Being on his knees was the last thing he should be doing in his state.
“You’re going to injure yourself,” I snapped.
He turned his head toward me. Half of his face was awash with moonlight, making the dampness on his face easier to see. “I fucked up.”
He sucked in a breath. I couldn’t move, my feet cemented to the floor and the knot in my throat hurt.
“I’m going to sleep. You should, too.”
He wrapped his hand around my calf so suddenly. “Lucian?” I admonished, trying to pull away. Lucian captured my wrist. He lowered his head, his forehead settling against my belly.
“Please,” he croaked. “Listen.”
My heart roared in my ears, my breaths sawing from my throat.
“I struggle with softer emotions, Josephine.” He caressed the inside of my forearm. “I am . . . so lost without you.”
He lifted his head, reclining back to spear me with his hazel eyes.
They were glassy. “Before you, I didn’t feel this .
” He clawed at his chest. “I didn’t know .
. . It’s not your fault, it’s mine. My issue.
When you showed up again, I believed it was the Moon allowing me a second chance to make the right choice. The one I always wanted.”
He sat back on his legs, still on his knees, my arm outstretched because of his grip on my wrist. His hair was a mess, his shirt wrinkled, and the sweats stained with what I assumed was alcohol.
I’d never seen him so . . . messy.
This man on his knees was so different from the put-together, confident Lucian I knew. He looked like he was falling apart.
The lump in my throat throbbed. I didn’t like seeing him in pain. He’d gotten drunk and sat in this very spot before. Now it made sense what he had been going on about when he asked me not to leave him.
I hated seeing him in pain, and I hated that I hated it.
“Lucian.” I said his name more softly. He swayed forward, eyes wide. “Let’s get you to bed; you need to rest.”
“No.” He tugged my wrist, and I stumbled closer. “Please, don’t block me out.”
Every time I looked at him, it hurt. I closed my eyes and struggled to ignore the hitch in his breath.
“Please, Josephine. Please,” he begged. “I’ll do anything.”
He pulled me again, but this time, it was more forceful and with direction. My knees landed on the couch with my hands propped on the cushions, and he pressed against my back. I froze, my stomach swirling with nerves.
His arms banded around my stomach and pressed me flush to his front. The waft of alcohol reached my nose. How long had he been drinking?
“Don’t leave me, just give me a chance. I will show you I mean what I’ve said. You are everything to me.” His voice cracked along with my heart.
He sounded so pained, so sincere. As much as I didn’t want it to, his words chipped at my icy shield.
“No. No. No.” I shook my head vigorously. “You don’t get to do that.” I swallowed hard, fixing my gaze at the wall across from me. “It’s not fair.”
“I know, darling,” he murmured, his thumb rubbing against my belly. “I know what damage I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for it, more than you will ever comprehend.”
My heart couldn’t take this; it pulsed in my temples from how hard I was struggling to keep my composure. But it was too much, my emotions overflowed.
I let out a sob, and my elbows gave out, and I landed on the couch with my cheek against it. Another sob burst free. I cupped my damp face, trying to drag the tears back in, but it was like a dam bursting.
Lucian lifted my legs onto the couch and rolled me onto my back, all while I held my face—crying.
“Shh, my precious mate,” he breathed. His weight fell on top of me, more comforting than I wanted it to be. I wept, my shoulders jerking. He caressed the side of my head with soothing, gentle sounds, letting me cry.
He pressed butterfly kisses along my jaw, the brush of his lips reverent.
He kissed down to my throat to where his mark rested.
The touch of his lips stilled me. Pleasure spiked through my nerve endings.
He kissed the claiming bite again. My head fell to the side, exposing my throat.
He ran his tongue over it, and I gasped, my hips twitching.
Pressure built between my legs with the urge to be fucked. A soft growl left his lips, and he licked it again. I jolted, my fingers curling into his T-shirt.
“My mate,” he rumbled and placed a kiss there again. He inched down with shuffling scoots until he hovered over my waist. “Please give me a chance to show you how much I worship you.”
Lucian slid his fingers into the band of my leggings and dragged them down, along with my panties. The cold air caused goose bumps to rise along my skin. I could only watch my mate slowly remove the clothes with shaking hands.
He set his palms on my thighs, widening the spread until my sex was exposed to him. My lips parted on a harsh exhale.
“Mmmm, such a beauty.” He stared, devouring every inch of me. His eyes flicked up to mine, remaining half-lidded as he inched down on the couch.
With his attention on me, he lowered and glided his tongue up the slit of my sex. I cried out, my back arching.
“Watch me eat your pretty pussy,” he murmured.
I pushed to my elbows. Lucian angled his head to the side and thrust his tongue inside me.
My slit parted to his skillful tongue. He dragged his tongue up to my clit, and he flicked it.
I jerked, gasping. Lucian kept hold of my eyes and repeated the motion, eliciting the same reaction from my body.
The corner of his lips turned up, and he angled his head down to suck the bundle of nerves between his lips. Electricity spiked through my veins and caused my toes to curl. The roll of his tongue continued at a steady pace.
A tremble started up in my legs. Pants and moans fell from my mouth. Lucian ate me out like I was his last meal.
Throbs from my orgasm caused tremors throughout my body. I panted, my fingers digging into the cushions. My body jerked with each throb in my channel. The couch shuddered under Lucian’s weight.
Sleepily, I opened my eyes. He swiped his tongue across his lower lip, and the image of him licking my need off his mouth did something to me. I flexed my sex, and it wrung free another throb.
Lucian caught my mouth, kissing me with skill. His tongue danced against mine. With careful flicks, he coaxed me into the kiss until I was shoving my tongue against his.
He moaned.
The swell of my orgasm faded, but all his kisses did was make me want more. I lifted my hands to his chest and slid them down, feeling every inch of his muscles.
“We shouldn’t fuck until you’re feeling better,” I breathed.
He stilled over me.
It took me a moment to realize the undertone of my comment.
“N-not that I’ve decided to stay with you—” I cut off with a squeal, waving my hands in front of me.
Lucian shoved his pants down, and his cock bobbed free, the tip coated with precum. With one arm, he hooked it under my knee and lifted. The stretch worked through the joint.
He rose over me, his eyes gleaming with need. He rammed his cock inside me. I shouted, my hands settling on his chest. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to push him away—he thrust—Oh . . . I shivered, squeezing his cotton shirt under my hands.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”
Lucian growled and ground his pelvis against mine. His cock touched me deep, his knot rubbing against my clit.
Pleasure rippled with every twitch.
He didn’t say a word, just kept fucking me, driving me wild with his claim.
Another orgasm rocked through my limbs. I screamed, clawing at his chest. I slid my hands up into his hair, burying them in the strands.
He thrust and thrust, each movement echoing with his grunt.
“I love you.” His eyes were feverish as he widened my thighs.
He rammed into me again and stilled. His knot throbbed, the sensation of stretching pulsed where he’d fit himself flush against me.
He stilled and breathed out slowly.
“What are you doing?” I whined. He pressed his hand flat on my stomach to calm me. I gasped, the pressure becoming more intense.
“Shh.” His lips twitched, and he cupped my jaw and swept down to kiss me, twining his tongue with mine.
“I will always worship you,” he whispered against my lips.
He was so tender. Touching me with reverence that made my stomach flutter.