52. Eloise
52
ELOISE
“I’m just saying, if you’re into him—if you love him—then fuck Seven Pines!” Margot says, her eyes breathing fire. Not for the first time, I thank the universe for giving me a sister. Someone who has my back at every single turn, even—and especially—when I don’t have my own.
I let my head hang low as I breathe out a sad excuse for a laugh. “It’s not that simple.”
She shakes her head, her face taut with intensity. “Nah, sis, that’s where you’re wrong. It really is just that simple.”
I lean forward and whisper-hiss, “You think I can just give Nate the middle finger, and he’ll just— what ? Smile and say thank you? We owe him , Margot. He covered the buy-in for the fucking Gauntlet, and I know you’re not na?ve enough to think he won’t collect.”
That’s the tip of the iceberg for all the shit I feel like I owe Nate Thomas for. When we were close friends, it didn’t feel like he was doing me favors I’d need to repay him for. But after his little performance this morning, I don’t know what the fuck to think.
All I know is that wasn’t my friend.
Margot waves her hand in the air, batting my worry away like it’s an errant fly. “Nate won’t care. What’s five grand to a man who’s in love with you?”
It feels like an accusation, even though I know she doesn’t mean it that way. I had a little inkling, a gut feeling, that he might have more than friendly feelings toward me. But I wasn’t sure—fuck, I’m still not sure. I’m not going to take my younger sister’s angry tirade as gospel for someone else’s feelings.
Elbows to the counter, I rest my head in my hands, resignation weighing my words like boulders in my throat. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not up to Nate. It’s up to Levi. And there’s no way he’ll let me walk. And he’s not in love with me,” I add, almost as an afterthought.
“Oh my god, Louie. Just pay them the five grand and be done with it then. You must be making enough with all the runs you do for Seven Pines. I mean, you send us to private education, for fuck’s sake. You’re telling me you don’t have money hidden around here for your rainy day fund?”
I shake my head, my hair swishing against the tops of my shoulders. “I’ve tried to shield you and Vivie from this side of life for as long as possible, but you’re smart, Margot. I know you know there’s more going on. Other . . . places our money goes to.”
She’s quiet long enough that I lift my head to look at her. “Tell me,” she murmurs, face carefully neutral.
I nod a few times, buying myself a few extra seconds to bolster some courage. I exhale and straighten up, giving my sister my full attention. “I never wanted to bother you with this stuff. School should be your priority. So this is me telling you so you have the information, not because I’m looking for you to do something about it, okay? I’m not asking you to fix anything, yeah?”
“Yeah, I got it,” she says, face serious.
“We rent this house from Seven Pines, from Levi himself through Nate, and I pay a special rate that allows me not to participate in some of the . . . other things Seven Pines does.”
“What kinds of things?” she asks quickly, her brows dipping low.
“The kind that dance on the other side of the legal line.”
She throws her hands up, exasperation pulling her brows high. “Then we move. Problem solved. No more high rent and no more Seven Pines errands .”
“We can’t just move. We have to stay here for at least five more years.”
“Five more years . . . Shit . This has to do with Vivie. What happened? Is it Mom?” Her words tumble over one another, and I can almost see the ideas spinning around in her head.
I bite the inside of my cheek, debating on how to tell my sister that our mother would rather take my money than see her children. “I’ve been paying Mom a monthly allowance to keep you and Vivie with me since the night we left. I know you know that already, so no need to pretend to be surprised. It was fine for a few years, then she cleaned up her act and wanted you guys back. But really, she wanted more money. She was blowing through money faster than I could make it. And I made a mistake. I can admit that now. I went over Nate’s head and asked Levi for help. I thought he could connect me with a lawyer or something, someone to help me fight for custody of you two.”
Margot leans forward, her voice low. “What happened, Louie?”
I exhale, the weight of everything sinking my shoulders. “I pay Levi a monthly retainer . Should I run into trouble with Darla or Vivie’s school or anything like that, he’ll connect me with a lawyer who’s willing to look the other way on a few things. And since I started the Gauntlet a couple months ago, I haven’t gotten the same jobs as usual.”
“Jesus Christ,” she hushes out, her voice heavy with shock.
“Yeah, I mean, there’s more, but that’s the gist of it.”
She reaches out and grasps my hand. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do?” I whisper with a helpless sort of shrug. I will my eyes not to water, blinking several times like that’s somehow going to dam up the river of emotion threatening to overrun me.
Can you feel your heart break?
I read a book once, where the girl felt a breakup so acutely she felt like she was experiencing cardiac arrest. It stuck out to me, because I remember thinking how amazing it would be to be loved with such devotion.
Of course, she was a werewolf and her fated mate broke her heart, so it’s not exactly the same.
But maybe it’s the loss of hope. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I’m going to be the one who breaks my own goddamn heart.
Maybe I’m going to break his heart too.
The thought steals my breath, a sharp ache lancing through my chest. Because I know, deep in my bones, that Beau would fight for me. For us. He’d go to war with Seven Pines, with Levi himself, consequences be damned.
And that’s exactly why I can’t let him.
I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the burning tears not to fall. I can’t put him in that position. I won’t let him sacrifice everything he’s worked for, his entire future, for a girl with too much baggage and not enough to offer in return. My heart feels like it’s splintering into a million jagged pieces as the harsh reality settles over me like a shroud.
I have to end things with Beau. Today. Before either of us gets in any deeper. Before I destroy us both.
Margot squeezes my hand, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Don’t do it.”
I flip my hand over and squeeze hers. “I love you, and I don’t want you to worry about me, okay?”
“Listen to me?—”
“I appreciate you listening to me,” I interrupt her. I already know she’s going to talk me out of it. “I appreciate you so much. And I’d do anything for you and Vivie, you know that, right?”
She’s fuming, anger vibrating around her like a magnetic force. “Yeah? Well, what about your life?”
“I’ll be fine, Margot. I always am,” I reassure her, squeezing her hand. It sounds hollow even to my own ears.
“Why don’t you just talk to Beau? Isn’t he, like, connected? Can’t he help?”
My lips twist into a scowl. “I don’t need a man to run in and rescue me,” I bite out.
She rears back, her eyes narrowing on me slowly. “I know you’re not her, you know.”
I flinch, my eyes welling up with tears I won’t let fall. I fix my gaze on the small chip in the countertop. Use it as an anchor.
“You deserve to be happy, to be with someone who loves you. Don’t throw that away because of Levi’s bullshit.”
I don’t say anything back to her. I don’t even know what to say at this point.
“Jesus, Louie, why am I fighting harder for your relationship than you?”
“You’re not,” I insist, rolling my head from side to side. It’s so tense it’s giving me a headache.
“Oh, I get it now.” Her smile is sad and soft, and I fucking hate it.
It’s the kind of expression that makes it feel like something is slithering underneath my skin, not itchy, but uncomfortable and painful.
“What do you think you get, exactly?”
“You don’t think you deserve to be happy.”
Margot’s words hang in the air between us, a painful truth I can’t bring myself to acknowledge. My throat tightens, a lump forming that I can’t swallow past.
“That’s not true,” I whisper, but even I can hear the lack of conviction in my voice.
She shakes her head, a sad, knowing smile on her lips. “Isn’t it though? You’ve spent your whole life taking care of us, sacrificing everything for me and Vivie. But what about you, Louie? When do you get to be happy?”
I look at my sister and blink, letting a single tear fall down my cheek. I pull my hand out of hers and stand up, carefully pushing in the stool.
“I don’t.”