Chapter 4
I didn’t get too far into the book about my mother. Mostly because it was awkward reading about her relationships—especially her girlfriend.
It’s not that I was a prude. My mother was a succubus at the time, so it wasn’t a surprise that I’d find sex on the pages. Still, I’d never heard of the female muse that my mother had maintained a relationship with before she’d slept with Derek and Silvia.
Their relationship had been rocky, but it was obvious that my mother had loved her girlfriend. Instead of dealing with the challenges they faced as a couple, she gave her up.
It didn’t sit right with me. So when I reached the part of heartbreak that I knew wouldn’t be mended, I slid the book closed and frowned.
I’m not my mother.
I’d never give up on my mates like that.
Determination swept through me and led me to the conclusion that I’d avoided Logan for long enough.
Yes, I was angry with him. Maybe I couldn’t forgive him for what he’d done, regardless of the reasoning, but I wasn’t going to give up like my mother had.
Setting the book back on its place on the top shelf, I left the room and returned to the section of the west wing where the bedrooms were.
Kaito had said that Logan was asleep in the “other room,” so his room was likely close to mine.
Going past my empty bedroom, I knocked on the first door and waited for a response.
When none came, I opened it and found an empty room. I would have expected it to be an extra guest suite had I not spotted a stack of papers on the far desk.
Apparently this was where Kaito was supposed to be sleeping, but based on the state of the office he was using, I expected he was sleeping at a desk rather than in a bed.
Typical Kaito.
Shutting the door, I tried the next one.
This time a faint, familiar voice sounded in response. “Come in.”
My heart fluttered at hearing my wolf’s gruff voice. Even through the barrier of the door his low, husky tones sent a shiver over my body.
The healed place on my breast where he’d bitten me twinged in response. I wasn’t sure if that was a placebo effect, or if his voice would always remind me of that bite.
A bite of an alpha that he had wrongly used to control me.
My fingers flexed into fists and I forced myself to take a deep breath.
Once I worked up the courage to venture inside, I frowned at the tousled sheets of the bed. I’d expected to find my wounded mate in them, perhaps with bandages hiding the worst of his wounds from the cool air.
Instead, a quick scan of the room revealed Logan was near the window. He leaned his arm against the wall as he peered outside.
He wore no shirt. Just a simple pair of low-hanging pants that did little to hide the perfection of his body.
There weren’t any lights on in the room, but the golden glow of the sun revealed blooms of purple and blue bruises over his ribcage and his jaw.
He was slightly twisted away from me, allowing me to see enough of his back to spot the whip lash marks that were still healing. Crusty scabs had formed over dried blood, making me cringe.
Anger flared inside of me.
“Who did that to you?” I said, not hiding the rage in my voice.
Any thoughts of making Logan feel bad for what he did to me vanished when I saw the evidence of his love for me.
He’d tried to have me returned to Fortune Academy so that Hell would stop trying to drain me dry. This had been his reward for that logical request.
He swiveled at hearing my voice. The blacks of his pupils blew wide, overtaking his bright blue eyes with surprise.
“Lily?” he gasped.
Then he stumbled over himself to get to me. A laugh escaped me as he wrapped his arms around my middle and yanked me into the room, then planted kisses up and down my neck.
“Fuck, Lily! I was so worried. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” He put me at arm’s length and raked his gaze over me. He started lifting up my shirt as if looking for marks.
I giggled and shoved his hand away—to no avail because he continued to fight with my silky pajamas to get a good look at me. “Logan! I’m fine. What are you looking for?”
“Hand marks,” he said. “Damn demon likes to brand.” He yanked down on my shirt only to freeze when my boob popped out.
I was about to laugh until I realized that his bite mark was still there. It was faint, but it definitely hadn’t fully healed.
His throat worked on a swallow as he readjusted my shirt.
“Sorry,” he muttered, then backed off and hurried to a small bar by the window.
Because apparently all the bedrooms were stocked with drinks.
He yanked out an ice cube tray from the mini fridge and freezer, then started dumping in expensive-looking whisky into glasses.
“Sorry for ripping off my clothes, or for the bite?” I asked.
It was funny how I’d been so wrapped up in my emotions about that. Now that I was in the room with Logan, things felt different.
It was as if my body remembered his. Our dynamic made sense, and even though I couldn’t feel our bond, it was still there.
I was the problem. Hell had drained me so badly that I couldn’t access my magic. That included mate-bonds.
In some ways that was a relief. It meant that my mate-bonds perhaps were perfectly fine. I just couldn’t feel them in this state.
Logan cleared his throat. “Both, I suppose,” he ground out.
He finished making our drinks then turned and handed me mine. He kept his gaze on my feet until I took it, and then he sat in a chair near the window. He leaned on his knees and nursed his drink, only wincing once when he must have agitated his broken ribs.
“I thought you were supposed to be bedridden?” I asked, eager to change topics as I perched on the arm of his chair.
He stiffened at my proximity. But, after a moment, he leaned on my thigh and sighed. He wrapped his arm underneath my calf and lightly traced my bruises with his fingertips.
“I was, but a couple of hours ago I just felt… better.”
I grinned. “You probably have me to thank for that. I’ve been awake for a couple of hours.” Just because I couldn’t feel the mate-bond didn’t mean it wasn’t there.
He hummed in agreement, then glanced up at me. His bright eyes held a painful mixture of love, regret, and need in them.
“You’re cold, Lily. You shouldn’t be using your resources on me. I’m an asshole.”
That made me laugh and I found myself slipping into his lap.
He set our drinks on the windowsill and tucked me against his side with my wings awkwardly splayed out on the armchair.
My demon’s wing was the furthest away from him, leaving my angelic wing in close proximity so that the soft down of my feathers brushed his shoulder.
He hissed in pain as I adjusted my weight. Even though I was trying not to put pressure on his injuries, I imagined he had many. And his scabs were probably rubbing against the back of the chair.
“You are an asshole,” I agreed, making Logan chuckle and hold me tighter. I nuzzled into his neck and breathed in his fresh, evergreen scent. He always reminded me of a misty moonlit night deep in a forest. A place that only the two of us knew about where no one could intervene.
Not Calamity. Not Lucifer. Not even Balthazar.
Just us.
“If I’m such an asshole, why aren’t you yelling at me right now?” he asked.
His voice had gone husky and low. A growly, flirtatious tone paired with the pressing erection under my hips told me that Logan needed me. He didn’t move, though, not even when I pressed light kisses on the side of his neck.
“Because I’m not going to give up on you, Logan,” I said.
His skin pebbled as I released a soft breath behind his ear. I licked his earlobe, then explored his pulse with my tongue.
It was actually nice to be able to feel him without the pesky presence of my succubus’s hunger, or my cruel Demonspawn tendencies.
My magic was muted, leaving only Logan to fill my senses.
“Lily,” he said, the tone now one of warning. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Why?” I asked, continuing to lick and taste. If I couldn’t feel the magical pull of our bond, I would focus on the other sensations of our connection.
The way his taste made me hum with need quickly became intoxicating. The way his hands were on me made desire pool warmth between my legs, making him irresistible.
He was right. I was so cold, but in his embrace, a new fire burned inside of me and melted the rigid walls around my soul.
An emptiness made me feel hollow and a growing desire to have Logan fill me with him started to take over my mind.
“Because I don’t deserve you,” he said.
My heart twisted at the conviction of his words. He refused to move as I pressed kisses to his throat. “Then make it up to me,” I said, my words breathy with my building need.
He growled, surprising me as he took my arms in a strong grip and shoved me onto his lap so that I fully faced him.
“I’ll never deserve you,” he said, a ring of red surrounding his irises. He leaned in and ripped my blouse down with his teeth, sending buttons popping as my breasts bounced into view. “Not when I did this.”
I looked down, now seeing the full force of his bite.
My eyes went wide.
It had returned and was now bleeding dark blood as if it had just happened.
My gaze flashed up to meet his, and that’s when I felt it.
Not our mate-bond, but the pull of my alpha.
Pain twisted his features and his jaw flexed.
“That mark is permanent. If we separate, it’ll fade.
But the second we’re physically touching like this.
” He glanced down and licked his lips as if he wanted to taste the blood dribbling over my breast. “It’s going to come back and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Each alpha mark works differently on bonded mates, and our mateship is definitely different. ” He cursed. “I can’t undo this, Lily.”
It physically hurt me to see the pain making every part of him hard and tense. I ran my fingers over his jaw, then under his chin, and lifted his face so that he looked at me. “You were under the influence of Calamity. You—”