11. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Foster
Staying cool was proving difficult. As I perched on the edge of my bed, waiting for Arnav to finish using the bathroom, I frowned. This house only had one bed. I’d only ever needed one bed. The couch downstairs was too short for me, let alone Arnav, who was several inches taller.
Do I admit the truth or just play along with his casual suggestion we share the bed?
A bed certainly big enough to hold two grown men.
He hadn’t suggested we’d do anything sexual.
I shuddered. Not that I minded. Actual sex wasn’t bad. I hadn’t enjoyed anal intercourse much before but, in retrospect, that had been my abysmal choice of partner rather than the act itself.
Or so you tell yourself. Maybe sex with everyone sucks .
Yeah, I didn’t entirely buy that. Otherwise, why would people keep doing it? And maybe the guys at work were just bragging about how good they were and how much they loved sex. But their wives regularly got pregnant and had children. No correlation between sexual pleasure and the number of offspring one might produce—but causation was pretty clear.
“Hey, you okay?” Arnav stepped into the room. “You look really deep in thought.”
“Just…” I swept my hand across the bed.
He put his neatly folded pile of clothes on my relaxation chair. “Are you worried I might try something?”
I made a point of gazing at myself—with considerable heft and muscles—versus him. All sinew and rangy muscles. Unless he had a black belt I didn’t know about, I wasn’t really worried. I also wasn’t worried because he just didn’t come across as that kind of guy. A guy who would take advantage. Who would coerce. Who would force.
But you’ve been wrong before.
Fucking hell. I tried to silence my inner critic. He could be a bastard sometimes. “No, not that you’ll try something.” I glanced down.
He advanced to just before me, so I could see his very naked tanned feet. At least I had plush carpeting in this room.
He tucked his finger under my chin and slowly coaxed me into looking up at him.
His luminous dark-brown eyes sparkled in the lamplight. Whether that was just a trick of light or because his actual amusement, I couldn’t be certain. Then his expression sobered. “What aren’t you telling me?”
I winced. “I, uh, don’t usually sleep in a bed.”
His eyes widened. “Okay, you’re going to have to explain that. You’re sitting on a bed.”
I nodded.
“It’s the only bed in this house—that I saw, anyway?”
I shook my head.
He cocked his head.
Even as I held his gaze, I reached under the bed and tugged.
His eyes widened as he took in the tartan fabric.
“You sleep on a dog bed?”
“Yeah.” Slowly, I used my foot to push the bed back under the frame of the adult bed. “I, uh, put it away when people come over. Well, I should clarify that aside from when I had a couple of buddies from work help me with construction, you’re the only guy who’s actually been here.”
“Okay.” His brow was still furrowed.
“So, see, we don’t have to share the adult bed. You can have it to yourself.”
“Foster?”
“Yes?”
“Do you want to sleep on your dog bed tonight? What would you have done if I wasn’t here?”
“I sleep on it every night. Well, many nights. I mean, it’s the size of a human bed…just in the shape of a dog bed. I like to curl up, and this sounds way too weird. Normal people don’t do this.”
“I loathe the word normal . What’s normal anyway? Growing up straight, cis, and boring? Marrying and having two kids? Staying together until one or both of you dies? How many people do you know who actually do that?”
I winced at his sharp tone.
“Sorry. Truly, I apologize. I mean, my parents are in the midst of that. Only seven kids, not two…but you get the gist. And—” He winced again. “—okay, most of my sisters are doing that. I’d hoped at least one would be a lesbian, or even bi, but no such luck. I’m the only queer member of the family. Well, at least the only one who’s come out.” He waved his hand. “None of that was the point. We are humans with free will. We have to conform to certain societal norms—like not breaking the law. Beyond that, whatever we do in our own homes, as long as we aren’t hurting anyone, is fine.”
“So, me sleeping like a dog—”
He arched an eyebrow.
Right. Apparently he doesn’t want me demeaning myself. “Sleeping in a dog bed,” I quickly amended.
His expression softened a bit. “Why don’t you show me your bed?”
I tried to judge his thoughts, but that proved challenging. I’d never told anyone else about this. Howard knew, of course. Had threatened to tell people on a couple of occasions. Which should’ve been a warning sign, but I hadn’t taken it as such. In the end, that hadn’t mattered anyway. I rose, grasped the edge of the dog bed, and pulled it out. Fortunately, the room was big enough that I had adequate floor space. Because this bed was big enough to hold an adult and a large dog. The two were meant to cuddle. I just had a dog stuffie I cuddled with at night. I wanted a dog of my own…but that was a whole other story.
“Foster, that’s a lovely bed.” Arnav looked at the blue-and-green tartan fabric over a super comfy bed with a raised edge that kept me snug inside.
Sometimes I needed to stretch, and so I’d flop my legs over the side. Mostly, though, I just cuddled within with my stuffie and a warm comforter.
“Why were you afraid to show me this? Were you worried I’d judge?”
I nodded vigorously.
“Do you want to sleep in your bed tonight?”
I nodded vigorously.
“Then you shall. I always want you to be honest with me, okay? In our relationship, honesty is critical.”
“Uh…”
“Yes.” He prompted me with both the word and a bob of his head.
“Are we in a relationship ?” Such a big word. Such massive implications.
“Do you want to be?” He put his hands on his hips, but I had to hold in a laugh. The drawstring was keeping the sleep pants from falling down. They rode low on his hips, and were still a good three inches too short. Who knew ankles could be so sexy?
“I don’t know what I want, Arnav.” I held his gaze. “I tried a relationship. Once. In forty-five years. It ended disastrously. I don’t know where I found the courage to go to Kink three nights ago, but I did. And I met you. I just…don’t know what any of this means.”
His expression softened, with his eyes losing some of their flint. “How about we discuss this in the morning? Do you have bread, milk, and eggs? Well, you have milk, of course, but the others?”
I nodded.
“Great. I’ll make French toast, and you can talk.”
Because maybe he thought I’d be more comfortable if he was occupied? Yeah, good luck with that.
He grinned. “I can make French toast. I don’t cook much. Oh, I could fry up bacon if you have it.”
“Bacon?” That didn’t seem right, but I wasn’t sure how Indians felt about pork.
He shrugged. “Well, my diet is quite Canadian. My mother would prefer I adhere to more rules, but she’s also pretty much given up. I mean, I make a mean roti and add a nice curry mix, but something tells me you don’t have curry.”
“Uh…no.” I barely had garlic.
“So, I’ll whip up French toast, and you can tell me as little or as much as you want. Now…” He eyed me. “Do you have a bedtime routine? Is there something you need to do?”
I stood very still.
“Foster…” A bit of bite in that tone.
“I get my stuffie and blankie and get into bed.”
“And do you want snuggles or petting before bed?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Because what he asked might’ve been simple to him—but it meant everything to me.
“Well, why don’t you grab your blankie and stuffie? If you want petting and scritches, you can ask for them, and if I’m way off the mark, then I’ll just get into bed, turn off the light, and we’ll call an end to a very long day.”
After a moment, I scurried over to the closet and retrieved both my down comforter and my stuffie.
“May I see?” Arnav held out his hand.
I didn’t read it as a command…more of a request. I placed Chili in his hand.
The black lab was a bit of a chunk, but Arnav handled him easily. He examined my favorite toy. “You really love this.”
I nodded.
“You’ve lovingly repaired him several times.” He met my gaze. “Him?”
“Yes. Chili. He’s my favorite. I try to take care of him, but he’s getting old.” I blinked.
Arnav handed him back. “You treasure him and that’s great. We all need some source of comfort in our lives. I have my family…although I’m not going to snuggle with them in my bed.”
I forced a laugh. Jealousy ripped through me and threatened to bring me to my knees. I wanted that. But had never been privy to it.
“Lie down, Foster. I’ll get you tucked in.”
I nodded furiously. I got into bed and pulled Chili protectively to my chest.
Arnav pulled the comforter over me and tucked it around me.
I’d likely be too hot at some point and I’d stick a naked foot out but, for the moment, I was incredibly grateful for his kindness.
Slowly, he stroked my head. “You’re a good boy, Foster. You know that, right? That you’re perfect? That I’m so lucky to know you?”
I wasn’t perfect. He would’ve been more lucky if he’d hooked up with one of the younger pups at Kink the other night.
He narrowed his eyes at me.
After swallowing hard, I uttered, “thank you.”
He nodded slowly.
“Uh…” I scrunched my nose. The next words felt critical. That using the right name was so important. Something that showed how much I respected him. How I hoped he might have a place in my life. If only for tonight. I was scared but, in that moment, I acknowledged what I wanted most in the whole wide world. “Daddy?”
A broad grin spread across his face. “Good choice.”
For me, that was the only one that felt right. His easy nature and kindness leant itself to me being at ease. Daddy felt…just right.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Goodnight, Foster.”
“Goodnight, Daddy.”
He rose, headed over to the bed, got under the covers, checked his phone, and smiled. He met my gaze. “My sister sent a funny text. I’ll show it to you in the morning. If you wake up and you need something, you just let me know, okay?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Goodnight, pup.”
“Goodnight.”
I’d assumed it would take me forever to fall asleep. After all, this was the first night I’d ever had company. But no, with Daddy’s breathing clear across the room, I settled into a feeling of contentment and fell right asleep.