17. Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Sixteen
Foster
Much as I’d predicted, digging Arnav’s SUV out of the snow proved easy. Well, for me. The snowplow had packed the slush in pretty compact, but I used a hoe to break it up and then a shovel to remove enough chunks so he could drive away.
We might’ve kissed a whole lot before he left.
He might’ve whispered he was going to give me a completed blow job the first chance he got.
I might’ve promised more steamy nights in our future. And I didn’t mean I’d turn up the baseboard heater.
He left, and I pulled out my laptop. For Arnav, I could at least look.
Healing Horses Ranch.
Finding the counseling center’s website proved easy. Clicking on each counselor and reading their bio was simple. Verifying my insurance covered all the therapists based on their qualifications was a breeze.
Figuring out what to do next was complicated.
Do I really need therapy? What if I go and someone else needs the spot more and I’m taking that from them? What if I can’t say anything that makes sense? What if I just sit and cry for an hour?
Then I gave myself a stern talking to. Arnav wouldn’t have suggested this if he didn’t feel I might benefit. I’d seen how much it helped Gerry as he dealt with his kid’s cancer.
I didn’t have to tell anyone I was going. Not that I was embarrassed. Gerry told everyone he’d gone and how it’d made a difference. He wanted the other folks on the crew to know that getting help was a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. He was my best framer. Worked his ass off. I’d poached him after he’d finished a project in Abbotsford, and he now worked on my crew. I counted on him.
He'd never let me down.
Just like I never wanted to falter with my crew. I’d come a long way since I’d been Howard’s…plaything. I didn’t look back fondly on those ten years. Ten fucking years. He’d moved on.
So had I.
Or so I told myself.
But every time I thought about Arnav—and the possibility of making things more serious—I flashed back to Howard. How I’d felt so lighthearted at the beginning. Had believed we had such promise. How I’d found my soulmate. Even how much he cared about me when he asked me to stop working. He’d said he wanted me to have an easy life. No more hard labor.
I hadn’t seen the trap. Maybe because I wasn’t the sharpest nail in the pile. Maybe because I wanted what he offered. What I’d only ever had with PJ—security. Well-being. Happiness.
All that had turned to shit, and yet I’d never found the strength to leave him. I’d kept believing things would get better.
They never had.
Because I hadn’t fought back. That wasn’t my nature.
And Howard had known that. Had exploited that. Had turned my life into a nightmare. The worst part was I’d still be living like that…if not for him booting me to the curb. With literally nothing.
I glanced around the house. I didn’t own this place, but I’d fixed it up. Had put blood, sweat, and tears into doing the work. That sense of accomplishment sank deep into the marrow of my bones. Frank would need to rent it out at full market price soon. With all the work I’d done, he could fetch quite a lot for it. More than I could pay. My down payment fund was still anemic…but every month it increased. Maybe if I could find a room in a house and pay as little as I could, I might be able to save up faster.
The idea of sharing a house rankled. I didn’t want people in my space—and I didn’t want to be in theirs. I liked living alone.
You wouldn’t mind living with Arnav .
Well, okay, that was true. He didn’t make fun of me when I needed to sleep in my dog bed. He’d yet to see me as a full pup. From everything he’d said and done, though, I believed he’d be respectful. And rambunctious was beyond me. Sure, I liked playing. More, though, I liked to curl up and be petted.
Be loved.
And that was a hell of a leap with a guy I’d known for less than a week.
Except for the blow job .
Yeah, okay, that too.
An auspicious beginning. To a relationship I’d never seen coming. I hadn’t thought I’d ever see Arnav again. Let alone at a puppy party in Vancouver. And I kept circling around to that. He’d chosen to be there. Clearly without any reservation. Obviously knowing what the night was about.
He chose you.
Yeah, he had. And I wanted to be worthy.
I found the phone number for Healing Horses Ranch and dialed. I could leave a message and hopefully someone would call me back tomorrow. This had to be done before I chickened—
“Healing Horses Ranch, this is Rainbow, how may I help you?”
I nearly dropped the phone. “Uh, hello?”
“Hi. How are you today?”
“Surprised you answered the phone.”
“Ah, you thought you’d leave a message and someone would get back to you tomorrow?” She laughed. “I have a bad habit of grabbing the phone whenever it rings. Since I live and work on the ranch, it’s kind of all smooshed together.” She paused. “But I can hang up, you can call back, and you can leave a message.”
“No.” For God’s sake, you’re an adult. Speak . “I…I don’t remember seeing you on the list of counselors.”
Another laugh. “Oh, I’m not. I’m the manager. I wrangle horses, dogs, and therapists.” She paused, as if letting that sink in. “Do you know which counselor you’d like to see? Everyone has different availabilities—”
“Soon.” I took a breath. “I mean it’s not urgent and I’m, like, okay. Just…a friend suggested I might benefit from talking to someone. Someone other than him. I don’t think he minds, but I think he believes a therapist might be a better sounding board. Does that sound right?”
“It does. You don’t have to tell me your issue, but was there someone in particular?”
“Like…” I drew in a deep breath. “I’m gay. And…kinky?” Okay, that was the first time I’d ever referred to myself that way.
“Okay, no worries. Kennedy has several clients who live alternative lifestyles. Justin is gay. Not giving anything away—he’s upfront about that. Avery has also seen queer clients. Denise focuses on children, so she’s not likely who you want to see.”
“No, for sure not.” I pulled my lower lip through my teeth. “Does Justin have an opening?”
“He does.” The sound of her typing on a keyboard came through clearly. “He’s got a cancellation tomorrow night. Does six o’clock work?”
“Evenings?” Somehow, I’d assumed the counselors only worked days.
“Yes. Everyone takes a turn doing an evening shift. We recognize not everyone can get here during the day. If daytime is better, he’s got an opening on a Wednesday next month—”
“No. Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off.”
She laughed. “Oh, no worries. I’m here to help you. To figure out what would work best for you.”
“Tomorrow night at six works. Just…I won’t have time to shower after work.”
“We’re a working ranch. Well, we have horses, hay, and, this time of year, plenty of mud and snow. In fact, I’m offering this appointment, but I should be checking to see if you have snow tires. Our street was just plowed, and we’ve got a woman we hire who does our driveway, but it might still be slippery.”
“Pickup truck with snow tires.”
“Then you should be fine. No more snow in the forecast.” She typed something else. “If you’re comfortable, you can give me your email address, and I can send you the intake form. If you’re able to fill it out and email it back, Justin can read it and have some idea of what’s going on. Or you can just come in. Oh, what’s your name?”
“Foster.”
“That’s a lovely name. You know I’m Rainbow. Justin’s last name is Bridges.”
I’d seen that on the website, but I appreciated her taking the time to let me know. His photo wasn’t on the website, so I had no idea what he looked like. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow. “Uh, email.” I rattled it off.
She repeated it and then, as if by magic, her email arrived in my inbox. “Now, if you’ve got questions, you’re better off emailing them. I’m heading out to feed the horses, and I can’t be certain Kennedy will hear the phone. I’m trying to encourage her to take time off every so often.”
“Hazards of the job?”
“Living and working in the same place? For sure.” She paused. “Oh, how are you with dogs? We can keep them out of the way—”
“I love dogs. Truly.” I like to pretend to be one.
“That’s great. I think Tiffany will be available, if you want her in your session. She’s the official therapy dog. Rex, Avery’s dog, is the unofficial one. He loves people, but sometimes takes a bit of time to warm up to strangers, which doesn’t work for a therapy dog. Still, he’s a sweetheart. But he won’t be here tomorrow night. So, Tiffany’s okay?”
“Uh, yeah, that would be wonderful.”
“Awesome. If you can email the form back along with any questions, that would be great. General instructions including directions are included. Again, if you have a question, just ask.”
“Thank you.” I blinked. “This was way easier than I thought it would be.”
“It’s meant to be easy. Asking for help can be tough. You were brave and took the first step. Let us help you. Okay, Foster?”
“Yes, that would be nice. Uh, thanks.” Then I hung up before I could rattle off a third thanks. Appreciation mixed with relief washed over me.
Diligently, I completed the intake form and read all the documentation about the ranch. Truthfully, the place sounded lovely. Serene. Friendly. And when I searched for reviews outside of their website, I spotted many positive ones. Along with a couple of negatives, but I didn’t mind that. I usually worried if a place was too perfect.
Arnav.
He felt, at times, almost too perfect. And that thought led me to do what I should’ve done days ago.
I searched him.
And was reassured the professional reviews were mostly positive. Except one person who’d clearly been on the losing end of a confrontation with the lawyer with whom I was falling for. Hard and fast. So unexpected.
Yet I had very few worries and precisely zero regrets.