Chapter 25 When The Moment is Perfect
When The Moment is Perfect
ELIAS
It feels as though my head is in a fog as I play with the cross around my neck and stare at the decorations on the Christmas tree. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, and yet I’ve barely acknowledged any of the festivities.
To my surprise my dad hasn’t said much about the end of our season, but he did ask where my girlfriend was. As usual I played along with the lie and said she was with her family, but I felt Juliana’s eyes on me the whole time.
She knew something was wrong the second I shook her “friend’s” hand and didn’t grill him about his feelings for my sister.
He looks at her with the reverence Riley deserves, so who the fuck am I to question his intentions when I’m such a piece of shit? I interrupted a moment between them last night that had me a little worried, but they’ve kept a respectful distance since and it’s obvious he wants us all to like him.
And I don’t even remember his damn name. I fucking suck.
We just got home from a church service I didn’t hear a word of, and as soon as her not-boyfriend disappears into the guest room to change out of his suit, I take the opportunity to ask her his name.
She gives me shit before she ever gives me the answer, dragging me for being so in my head the last few days, and when she’s done she switches to Spanish.
I guess she can’t have her best friend listening to her being nice to me.
“His name is Donavan, and I really like him. What’s going on with you? Have you talked to her?”
“Who?” The look she gives me says enough to have me deflating. “Not really. I told her Merry Christmas Eve this morning, but I’ve been giving her space. I really fucked it up.”
“Fucked what up?” our dad asks, and I sit up a little straighter, my stupid sweater vest feeling a little suffocating now.
Juliana looks between us with an amused expression before she’s grabbing Maci’s hand and tugging her to her old bedroom. “His relationship,” she shoots back into the room, and I have to fight the urge to chase after her and trip her.
“Cómo chingas,” I mutter under my breath, but my dad ignores me calling her annoying and moves on.
“The girl you were telling me about? What happened?”
Okay… not really what I expected, but I guess the season is over now, so it’s not like he can get on me for being distracted anymore. “Yeah. I think we broke up.”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You don’t know?”
I can’t tell him anything really, so I go with something simple.
I tell him how I didn’t treat her right, hurt her, and took advantage because I didn’t realize what I had when I had it.
I tell him about our goodbye on campus and how final it felt and how every text message she’s responded to has been short and to the point.
He sits there for a while like he knows giving me dating advice is rich coming from an eternal bachelor, but when he tries anyway, I think I feel closer to him than I ever have.
“You love her.” It’s not a question, but I nod anyway. “And she loves you?”
This one I can’t answer. I might have manipulated her into thinking she loves me, but is it real? Can it be real?
Maybe this time apart is exactly what she needs for some clarity there, but I have no clue which side she’ll land on.
“If you love her, you need to fight for her.” I open my mouth to tell him all the reasons why pushing myself onto her isn’t the right idea here, but he holds up a hand to shut me up.
“I wasn’t there for your mother,” he admits, and it’s probably the first time I’ve heard him take responsibility for what happened between them.
“I was gone so much I understand why that isn’t the path you want to take.
She left you guys because it got to the point where she was so overworked she couldn’t look me in the eyes anymore.
” He looks like it still hurts, and I feel frozen to the spot.
“You and your sister both have my eyes.”
It doesn’t excuse her abandoning us and forcing him into retirement, but it gives me more of the picture than I’ve ever had.
She was human, we all are, and the thing about humans is we all fuck up.
I sure have and after everything I’ve done to Riley…
maybe it’s time I unblock my mom’s number and listen to her side for once.
“I was so angry at her, I let her go. You two didn’t hear, but she gave me the choice and I told her to leave, and that night will always be my biggest regret.
I lost my wife, but you two lost your mother.
Don’t live your life with regrets like me, mijo.
If she comes to you with her heart open, you better fill it.
I know a lovesick man when I see one, and that sickness will fester and ruin every relationship after if you let it. ”
I’m too shocked to say anything for a while, both of us staring at the tree like we can see the lives we could have had through the Douglas fir. The lives we fucked up.
“I didn’t think you’d even want to meet her.” I also didn’t expect to admit that, but when I meet his gaze again I can see he understands why I felt that way.
“I put a lot of pressure on you.” It’s not an apology, but it’s more than he’s ever given me on the subject. “I just want you to be happy, my son. Of course I want to meet the woman you love. I should have realized it was serious when you told me about her at all. What’s her name?”
I’ve already told him her name, but it’s understandable he didn’t retain it when he was so focused on the season. I open my mouth to answer just as someone knocks on the front door. “Who’s coming over?”
“No se,” he answers, his chin jutting out at me in expectation, so I get up to go answer it.
Who I find there completely takes my breath away. “Riley?” I look past her like I might find answers. “You okay?”
I push open the screen door to invite her inside, but she steps back for me to join her on the porch instead. It’s a much better idea than mine, because out here we can actually have privacy, so I don’t fight it. It doesn’t make my heart beat any slower when I close the door behind me though.
“I wrote an article with the intention of getting your entire team suspended,” she admits, rushed and breathless.
“I was going to turn it into my professor and spill all the dirty details about the hazing and all the fucked up shit that happens to the people who get involved, or happen to be caught in the crosshairs.”
Frowning, I take a second to let those words sink in, and the fact that she isn’t slapping me about what I said in my video catches me off guard. “O-kay. You said was… as in you decided not to?”
She looks so fucking cute right now in my hoodie that I have to stop myself from getting my hopes up. She very well could be here just to come clean like I did in my video.
“Yes. It was due a couple of weeks ago and I turned in something entirely boring.” She pulls out a thumb drive and shoves it into my hand. “That’s the only copy. I swear.”
I take it without any real intention of looking at it, because really there’s only one answer I need. “Why didn’t you?”
She stares down at the ground, slipping her hands into the pockets of her sweater.
“I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to hurt you for everything you did, I couldn’t.
I turned in some boring, nothing article instead and swore I’d never tell you because we were supposed to be done. It was supposed to be over.”
Pathetic hope flares in my chest. “Supposed to be? Did you watch my video?”
Her jaw ticks. “Yes. Which is why I came here. We have to end this stupid fake relationship, Elias. I’m not waiting until New Year’s. We’re breaking up now.”
Fuck.
I used to know how to breathe, but the muscle memory of the act fails me for so long I have to slump back against the screen door. I had a feeling this was where we would end up, but that doesn’t ease the blow in the slightest. It… hurts. Why does it hurt so bad?
“But I love you,” I manage to croak out through the emotions, rubbing my chest to ease the pain.
It isn’t fair of me, but I need her to hear those words at least once.
“Mmhm, which is why you’re going to ask me out again. For real this time.”
“Please don’t do this,” I beg, reaching out to touch her hand, but I stop midway as what she said hits me. “What?”
She grins, closing the distance until she’s standing right in front of me, but doesn’t touch me.
“You’re an idiot and kind of an asshole, but I have delusions that you’ll get better.
Most of what we’ve done to each other — or threatened to do — has been because of the lie.
So fuck the lie. Make it real. Ask me out again, Elias. Right now.”
Holy shit, she means it. She’s actually giving me a second chance — no, a real chance, and I know there won’t be another. This is it. “Will you marry me?”
Wait, that’s not right. Goddamnit, I fucked it.
“Elias.”
Okay. I got this. Breathe.
“Riley, will you be my girlfriend?”
She looks me up and down, her grin growing wider. “No.”
Thank god — did she say no?
She’s smiling.
Am I having a fucking stroke today? Is any of this real?
To be sure I don’t ruin this once again, I step far out of my comfort zone and drop to my knees right there, khaki slacks be damned.
“There are so many things I can do from this position, but I’ll start with begging if I have to.
I’m sorry for everything I did and will probably do in the future, but I give you my word you won’t regret it.
I’ll love you every single second you’re mine, but I need you to take this leap with me, cupcake.
Will you please be my girlfriend? For real this time? ”
Still smiling, her hands cup my face. “Yes, you idiot. Yes.”
I get to my feet and lift her up in one go, my lips crashing to hers as I spin us around so I can press her against the door. “I thought I was going to throw up,” I admit a little breathless, then repeat something I told her the last time I held her. “You fuck me up.”
“I love you too,” she whispers back, lips finding mine again.
I let our tongues dance for a while as our longing for each other turns to desire, and then I force myself to break the kiss. “Say it again.”
She meets my eyes as she shakes her head gently. “I love you. You’re insane and potentially a little dangerous, but I love you. I’ve felt more alive in the last few months than I have in my entire life.”
“Me too,” I admit. “I’m fucking crazy about you, baby.”
“So then invite me in, soccer boy. I want to meet your dad.”
“He wants to meet you too.” She blinks at me in surprise, and I kiss the holy hell out of her again. “I’d carry you in there like this, but I’ll get hard. I’m just not done touching you yet.”
Riley melts against me and holds me close, proving this is real. We had our secrets but it’s all out there now, the power balance has tilted in her favor, and I’ll keep my promise to make it all up to her for as long as she’ll let me.
This is only the beginning.