Chapter 9
Rue
When I get home, Mom is talking to a random woman with a tall updo at the table in the dining room.
“And that’s what’s so great about this business,” she tells Mom. “You only have to work for thirty minutes every morning to watch your whole life transform right in front of you.”
My mother nods emphatically. “Just show me where to sign, Linda.”
I roll my eyes and head upstairs. This isn’t the first time Mom has spontaneously joined a multi-level marketing business, and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s crazy, because she makes good money in her current line of work, or at least plenty for just the two of us.
But she’s constantly trying to get out of it with all these MLM companies.
I close my bedroom door to shut out their voices.
With a sigh, I change into something comfy and lie down on the carpet.
Sometimes it’s easier to think like this, with the floor pressing into my back instead of my soft mattress.
It’s like having someone nudge me and say, Focus, Rue. Don’t be complacent.
While I’m lying here, I draft my next Little Birdie post, just in time for my deadline this week. Thankfully, this is totally something the old Little Birdie would post about, and it also happens to align with my goal of making Meredith believe my fake relationship is real.
But before I hit post, my thoughts spiral right back to the same question that’s been haunting me since the admin console opened in front of me.
Who signed me up? The app said nominations were allowed. Someone had to put my name in. And the more I think about it, the more two people rise straight to the top of my suspect list.
Carlton. Or Meredith.
Carlton because he already hinted at doing so.
He’s two-faced enough to do something messy like that and act innocent after.
Meredith because Little Birdie exposing my crush on Carlton hurt her more than anyone, and maybe nominating me would be the perfect way to punish me without getting her hands dirty.
Or maybe they both did it. Maybe they talked about me together and agreed I’d make the perfect next Little Birdie—quiet, observant, easy to overlook.
The thought makes my stomach turn.
Dearest fledglings,
Did my eyes deceive me? No! Spotted on the terribly romantic swan boats this afternoon were not one couple, but two!
Meredith Evans was there with Carlton Peters of course.
Their love could endure the strongest of trials.
And sitting in front of them were Ezra Davis and Rue Sullivan!
Best of all? Rue and Ezra shared an adorable moment during which Meredith captured photos.
We can’t wait to see them posted when it’s time.
Yours truly,
Little Birdie
I reread it once, heart pounding from leftover butterflies as I share the blast.
This is it…my second post.
I should be happy because it’s perfect: not harming anyone, uplifting Meredith and Carlton’s relationship, while simultaneously convincing everyone of mine and Ezra’s. But still, something inside me feels guilty. Icky.
At least after three months I’ll be done, I tell myself, and finally free to never spread gossip again.
My phone chimes with a text. It takes me a full minute to break away from my ceiling trance and pick it up.
Carlton
hey, can we talk?
Me
about what?
Carlton
I’m outside, can u meet me?
Dread crawls up the back of my neck.
No. What in the world is he doing here? He’s going to get me in trouble with Meredith.
And for one awful second, I wonder if he knows. If maybe he’s here because he signed me up and somehow found out I actually got chosen. Despite the negative emotions coursing through me regarding him, there’s still a tiny, minuscule curiosity at why he’d come over after I just saw him.
I sneak past my mom and Linda and slip right out the front door. If Mom notices, she says nothing, probably too entranced by the food storage container presentation she’s receiving.
As promised, Carlton is waiting on the porch.
His gaze roves over me as I come outside, making me instantly self-conscious of my baggy green sweatpants and matching sweater.
He’s still dressed in his quality jeans and thick, wool jacket from earlier.
The half-smile that lights up his face would usually make me swoon, but right now, all I can do is roll my eyes.
His grin falters. “Something wrong?” He nods toward my house, like it’s my mom upsetting me.
“You have no idea.”
The easy grin reappears. “Walk with me.”
“We literally just got done with the double date. What’s going on, C?”
“You act like I need a reason to come say hi.” He starts walking, so I follow beside him.
“You’re not worried about what Meredith might say?”
He turns to look at me. “Why should I be? We’re friends. She knows that.”
“Yeah, friends. And I’m the annoying puppy who can’t take a hint, apparently.”
He stops walking, but I don’t. I make a U-turn on the sidewalk and head right back home. If I knew he just wanted to waste my time, I never would have come outside.
“Rue, wait. That’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you. I need to apologize because I didn’t mean that, I promise. I just had to calm her down because she got mad that we were talking.”
I roll my eyes and turn to face him. “Well I’m glad she has nothing to worry about now. She knows you don’t have feelings for me.” The words don’t even taste bitter as they come out.
Carlton swallows. Takes a step closer. “Yeah…but she’s still worried you have feelings for me.”
It’s the first time he’s acknowledged it out loud to me—the fact that he knows. And of course he does. Everyone knows. But still, it’s weird to hear him say it.
I don’t know what propels my next words—exhaustion, maybe, or frustration at this whole situation?
Perhaps because of what he said at Dot’s party and how badly it hurt to hear.
But I say them. And once I do, there’s no going back.
“I don’t have feelings for you, C. Little Birdie got it wrong.
I fell for Ezra, and I was using you to cover the whole thing up. ”
He frowns. “So you really like him then?”
“Yeah. Sorry for the confusion.” I shrug one shoulder. “Please, just make sure Meredith knows she has nothing to worry about.”
“So just to be clear, you…you don’t have feelings for me at all?”
“Nope.” I bite my lip. Come on, Rue. You can sell this next part. Your friendship depends on it. “It was a secret relationship, for a while,” I say. “I wasn’t ready for everyone to find out yet. You know how gossip can be.”
He nods, but he’s still frowning. “Right. Yeah, I do.”
My stomach tightens, but I’m just glad he’s buying it. “I have a lot of homework. What else did you want to talk about?”
“Not much. Can you believe how weird it is that we’re having a musical?” Carlton shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’ve already got my song ready.”
My stomach sinks at the reminder. “Nice. I’m actually planning to sign up for the crew.”
“That would be perfect for you.” He grins. “I could totally see you thriving behind the scenes.”
He probably means it as a compliment, but it feels like a slap. “Thanks. I, uh, better get back to that homework. See you later.”
“You too.”
He waves goodbye, and I stand on the sidewalk the whole time as I watch him walk away.
Would someone who signed me up to be Little Birdie act like that?
Probably.
Carlton acts like a lot of things. Sweet. Sorry. Confused. Maybe all of them are real, or maybe none of them are. I don’t even know anymore.
Mom is still talking to Linda when I head back inside, so I go to my room. Checking my phone, I see a text from Dot.
Dot
auditions are tomorrow
Me
I know. are you nervous?
Dot
not really. neither me or Zayne are very musical, so it’s not like we’ll get the leads again. it’s kinda nice. at least I won’t have to worry about any drama this time around.
Me
nope. I’m currently the only one she’s hated recently.
Dot
not anymore though! I saw the LB post…you went out with her and Carlton?
Me
yeah, I’m just glad she forgave me
At least, for now.
And my thoughts are still in a swirl over Carlton coming to talk to me tonight. Alone. The way he was asking me about Ezra felt almost like he was jealous. But that doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t like me that way, and even if he suddenly did, I would never pursue him and betray Meredith.
Still, the idea of him being jealous, or experiencing just a little bit of the pain I went through at the sight of him with someone else, feels better than it should.
But that feeling is short-lived and quickly replaced by guilt when I remember what Mom always says about revenge, and how it only hurts the person trying to get it.
“The Lord wants us to forgive, not get even,” she’s said more times than I can count.
Deep down, I know she’s right. Please help me not to have a heart of revenge, God, but a heart of forgiveness, I silently pray. And I know I’m lying to everyone with this new fake identity, but please. Help the guilt to go away.
The next day, I sign up for the crew while all my friends are auditioning. Disappointment sits in my stomach like a weight.
I’m still a wallflower in the one place I could have shined. The stage is the one place I’m comfortable being more than just the quiet girl who stares at everyone.
I haven’t even told my mom yet because I know this will let her down. I won’t be branching out and turning heads like she’s always wanted me to.
I keep it to myself all week, and when the parts for Miss Fern’s musical are announced, I scan the list in the green room.
With surprise, I notice both Dot and Zayne got roles with minor singing parts, despite Dot’s claim that the two of them aren’t very musical.
I bet their acting had a lot to do with it.
Dot and Zayne are both fantastic, so Miss Fern probably couldn’t resist the opportunity to showcase them before they both go off to Underwood Academy next year.
I see Meredith’s and Carlton’s names at the top of the list for the lead roles, followed by Mabel right after.
They did it. I can’t help but beam with excitement, because I know how hard they both worked for this. They finally did it.
And then Meredith appears at my shoulder, grinning at the list.
“I knew it,” she says, almost breathless. “Carlton and I stayed up forever going over our songs. I told him we had this.”
Carlton steps up beside us a moment later, looking smug in that effortless way of his. “You should have heard her, Rue. She sounded insane.” He bumps her shoulder with his. “In a good way.”
Meredith laughs, then glances at me. “Honestly, this whole musical thing has been so crazy. It’s like Miss Fern flipped the entire department upside down.”
“Seriously,” Carlton says. “Nobody was expecting to have to sing. Good thing some of us can.”
Some of us.
The words scrape more than they should.
I continue perusing the names on the list, feeling downtrodden when mine is nowhere to be found. Of course it’s not, though, because I didn’t audition. Still, I want to know what I’ll be doing behind the scenes.
With my eyebrows etched into a deep frown, I make my way to the drama classroom, which is separate from the theater, practically stomping up the long, wooden staircase in the process.
My footsteps echo in the narrow, ancient corridors, despite all the other students making their way to their next classes. Their stomping has nothing on mine.
When I get there, Miss Fern is sorting papers on her desk, and Ezra’s basketball coach is sitting in one of the student desks. They’re both laughing at something together, and my cheeks burn when they notice my intrusion. It very much feels like I’m interrupting something private.
“Oh, hi, Rue.” Miss Fern’s smile slowly fades, but her cheeks remain bright pink. “Can I help you with something?”
I fidget with my hands. “I, um, came to talk to you about the musical.”
Silence.
And then the basketball coach gets out of the desk, still fighting a grin. “I’ll be back later.”
Miss Fern tosses a coquette wave in his direction before turning to me. “Rue. Please, have a seat.”
“Okay.” I choose the desk next to where the basketball coach was just sitting. “Do you know what I’m going to be doing yet?”
“Yes.” She nods so fast, I bet she’ll have a headache later. “Because of how much experience you have in the drama club, as you mentioned when you signed up, I think you’d be great in the sound booth. You’d be in control of the whole theater, actually. It’s a pretty big deal.”
Anxiety expands in my stomach. “Okay. But just so you’re aware, Miss Fern, I don’t know the first thing about that.
” It’s hard to keep the panic from my voice, but I still try.
The sound booth? I thought I’d be painting sets or something.
Maybe working on props. This is exactly what I get for joining the crew.
I should have just opted completely out this time.
Miss Fern waves away my worries with a smile. “You’ll learn quickly. I promise. I’ll let you know exactly how to mark your script during the table read at our first rehearsal.” Her tone is dismissive, so I get up from the desk.
“Okay. Thank you.”
Great. If Meredith signed me up for Little Birdie and now I’m getting shoved into a booth where I can spy on everyone, she’d probably think this is hilarious.
I exit the classroom without another word, despite all my inner worries currently screaming at me what a bad idea this was.