Chapter 15
Ezra
When Sunday night arrives, I’m full of nerves. This isn’t the first time Rue has been to my house. She’s even had dinner here before, but that was back in middle school.
Seeing her here now? It’s surreal. She must think so too, because she keeps shuffling her feet under the coffee table while Mom prattles on about how long it’s been and about some new cooking trick I don’t have the attention span to understand.
Dad went to the store to get extra ingredients, snacks, and a few household items shortly after I brought Rue over, but he made it pretty clear how good it was to see her again.
Almost to the point where I had to beg him to stop, because all the fawning over Rue is just a reminder that I’m the reason she stopped coming around in the first place.
Olivia is the only one who has kept cool, but that’s partly thanks to her best friend Corinne being here.
Corinne has a calmness about her that’s contagious, and I can’t help but be thankful she’s here tonight as well.
Maybe her quiet energy will somehow rub off on Mom and make her stop talking at Rue so much.
“Ezra, come help me carry in the food,” Dad calls from the front door, his voice muffled behind the paper grocery bags.
I hop up and jog to the door, grabbing two of the many bags and shutting it behind us with my foot. “You guys got a lot of stuff tonight,” I mutter as I set the heavy bags on the kitchen counter.
“It’s lasagna night,” Dad says with a shrug. “You know your mother goes all out. Plus…” He gives me a loaded look. “We have a special guest here tonight.”
I don’t answer, mostly because I don’t know what to say. Instead, I grab two sodas and head back toward the living room, handing one to Rue.
She mumbles a quiet ‘thank you’ when I hand it to her.
But by the time dinner is ready, Rue is visibly more relaxed.
She looks so pretty, with her curls in a loose braid and blush on her cheeks that matches the color of her lips.
She fiddles with the sleeves of her oversized gray sweater as she helps Olivia set the table, and the two of them fall into an easy rhythm.
Corinne chimes in with quiet, sarcastic jokes that make Rue laugh, and every time she does, I hang onto the sound like I might never hear it again.
We eat at the long dining table, where Rue sits between Olivia and me. Mom keeps interrupting her own stories to grab napkins and ask how the food tastes.
“It’s so good, Mrs. Davis,” says Rue.
Mom beams. “You always were the most polite guest. I’m glad you two are dating because I’ve missed having Ezra bring over nice friends. He hardly does anymore.”
Rue blushes, then casts her eyes in my direction. I hold her gaze, and I feel a jolt in the pit of my stomach before she looks away.
After dinner, Olivia declares it’s time for a rematch at the video game we played as a family three days ago. “Last time, Ezra beat us all at Van Racer, and I don’t like to be defeated,” she tells Rue.
Corinne smirks. “Liv, you’ve only ever won because you sabotaged Ezra with that golden water balloon you never should have gotten in the first place.”
Rue cackles, and the sound makes me glance at her without thinking. She has a light in her eyes that I can hardly look away from. I have to check myself a few times, to remind myself this is all for show, and that she’s just a really good actress.
“Want to play?” I ask her as we all migrate to the living room.
“Sure,” she says. “But I’m probably going to lose.”
“Be on my team. You won’t lose with me on your side.”
She smirks. “How modest of you. But I know you’re probably right.”
We plop down on the big couch, side by side, a collection of snacks in our laps and controllers in hand. I show her the basic moves, like how to accelerate, use items, and boost. Her fingers brush mine a few times, but I pretend not to notice. My heart notices though. Big time.
The game starts. Olivia and Corinne are a powerhouse team, and Rue surprises me. She’s a natural.
Rue squints at the screen. “Have we played this before? This kinda feels like muscle memory.”
“Once or twice. The old version,” I say. “You used to beat me. I pretended to let you win, but I was trying. Hard.”
She laughs, nudging my arm. “Liar.”
We’re neck and neck for the last lap. The room is filled with shouts and laughter. Corinne calls foul, Olivia screeches like a wild animal, and my dad yells tips from the kitchen. Mom claps when I shoot Olivia’s van with a water balloon and take first place with Rue trailing behind me.
“We won!” Rue cries, dropping her controller as the victory screen flashes. “Okay, that was fun.”
“Right?” I grin. “And we crushed them.”
“Barely,” Corinne mutters.
We all laugh, and I wish I could hold onto this moment forever. I want us to be like this again for real. No, not want. Need.
This is exactly the kind of friendship my life has been missing.
None of my current friends would ever come over and play a video game with me and my family.
They’d want to go out and find a party instead, or shoot some hoops, which I’m not opposed to.
But this feels real. This, I haven’t had since I lost Rue’s friendship.
Later, while everyone is winding down and Rue is helping clear the snack wrappers, I find her in the kitchen rinsing her hands. Her brows are knotted together like she’s deep in thought.
“You good?” I ask, leaning against the counter.
“Yeah. I was just reading your homework for Bible class. You, uh, you did good.” She nods to the worksheet of verses listing why gossip is bad.
“Thanks.”
Her shoulders sag a little, but she clears her throat. “Your family is really sweet. It’s so weird being here, though. I just keep remembering what you looked like the last time I came over. You were a lot skinnier and wore glasses.”
“Ah, yeah, the famous glasses.”
She laughs. “Yep. I still remember how weird it was seeing you without them for the first time. I couldn’t stop staring at your face.”
Oh, I remember, too. But I don’t tell her that. Instead, I say, "That's so typical and cliché. Take off the glasses, and suddenly everyone sees you for the first time."
Rue’s gaze meets mine. We stare at each other for a long beat. And then she finally says, “I saw you way before that, Ezra. I liked what I saw, too.”
My heart thunders in my ears. Her words and the way she’s looking straight at me make me feel lightheaded.
I know it’s true that Rue saw the real me before I transformed into a shallow shell of myself.
One who cared more about popularity and proving himself than his true friends. That’s why losing her hurt so bad.
I lean in closer to her face. "I have something to tell you, too."
“Hm?”
“I’ve always seen you. Your new friends never have, but I do.”
“You’re wrong. I know what my friends think of me. I’m a lot more observant than you think.” She crosses her arms. “I pretty much know what impression I make on everyone I meet within seconds of interacting.”
“Oh, really? How?”
“That's the thing about being a wallflower. It has perks.” Playfully, she reaches over and taps my nose.
The casual gesture makes my stomach tighten with longing.
It feels like the kind of thing she would do to me if we were friends for real.
And now, that’s not all I want from her.
I want to be her friend again, yes, but I also want so much more than that.
I want to be the person she comes to, whether she’s stressed, happy, or sad.
I want to be the person she texts all day long when we’re not together, and I want to be the person who makes her smile the biggest.
I want to know what it’s like to kiss her for real, not to prove something to her lame friends. To inhale the scent of her hair while her eyes are closed and our breaths are mingling together.
I want the magic of being around Rue Sullivan, not just the fantasy.
I want her.
As she stares at me, I wonder if she can read my mind or feel the intensity washing off me. I just stare right back because I don’t know what to say. My throat burns with hope.
“Rue,” I whisper. My thoughts and emotions are in a dangerous swirl, with questions like, Can you feel the same thing I’m feeling? practically on my lips.
But before I can voice anything, Olivia bursts into the room holding two bowls of popcorn. “You guys coming? We’re starting a movie.”
Rue clears her throat. “Yeah.”
Breaking away from her feels like a band-aid being ripped off my arm as we follow Olivia out of the kitchen and settle into the living room with popcorn and blankets.
When the film starts, I hold up my hands. “What is this?”
Corinne sighs. “A movie none of us actually voted on. Olivia picked it.”
I groan when I see the nostalgic, animated classic. The worst part is that no one else protests. Rue takes the spot next to me without hesitation, curling her legs beneath her on the couch like she might actually be comfortable.
Here. With me.
I swallow hard.
Corinne sits on the floor with Olivia, and my parents have claimed the recliners.
Once the lights are dimmed, the screen glows soft blue.
It feels safe enough and dark enough to let my gaze travel to Rue.
Her pretty face is lit up by the flicker of the opening credits, and she has one hand buried in the popcorn bowl between us.
A few times, she checks her phone with her brows drawn downward.
The movie is blaring so loud, I have to lean in and whisper right in Rue’s ear. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. My mom is just checking on me. She, uh, had a lot to say about this.”
It takes me a minute to catch up with her words because I’m still caught in the sensation of her voice in my ear. “About what?”
“About tonight with you. She interrogated me while I was getting ready and implied I’m a masochist, which, apparently, I didn’t inherit from her.”
Ouch. I frown.
The movie keeps going, and Corinne makes some snarky comment about the villain’s eyebrows. Olivia tosses popcorn at her, and my mom announces she’s going to bed with a dramatic sigh about how “these kids never let me finish a movie in peace.”
I turn back to Rue. “So, uh, what did you tell your mom about tonight?”
“Just that we’re having dinner. But she knows we’re…dating.” Rue bites her lip, making my blood rush. Her mouth is so close to my face that my stomach flips.
“What did she say to that?”
Rue swallows. “She said she just doesn’t want me to get hurt and go back to the version of myself who took forever to branch out and make new friends again.”
That lands like a punch to the chest. I feel like I’m breathing through sand. “Rue, I would never…I hated myself for what happened. I still do.”
Rue looks down at her hands and presses her lips together like she’s thinking.
“Thank you. That means a lot, Ez.” Rue leans closer, shoulder brushing mine. “And this is nice and all, but I should probably get going.”
I nod. “Okay. I’ll take you home.”
As she says goodbye to everyone and we walk to my car, the cool air wakes me up a little. That haze I was just in with her is already slipping away, and I’m desperate to somehow hold onto it.
But I know I can’t.
There’s no holding onto something I killed a long time ago.
But still…I wish I could.