4. KOA
4
KOA
Nash snickers beside me as I throw a medicine ball against the wall.
“Why are you here again?” I ask, as I wipe the sweat off my face with the bottom of my shirt.
He’s sitting on a workout bench scrolling through his phone. “To workout. I still need to train during the off season.”
“But you aren’t working out. You’re annoying me laughing at videos on your phone.”
Nash rises from the bench and walks over to the rack of weights, keeping one eye on me. He grabs a thirty pound weight and brings it back over to the bench.
“Happy now?” he asks, doing a few bicep curls with a smirk.
“Asshole,” I murmur, making him chuckle. “Are you going to tell me why you’re really here this early?” He’s normally getting to the gym when I’m leaving. I know he isn’t here just to get on my nerves.
“I have an agility training session with Clark. I thought I would come early and hang out with you since you’re so busy these days.”
“I’m busy? You’re the one bailing on me to go do homework.” Not that I’m complaining he left me alone with Sydney for the rest of the afternoon.
The moment I dropped my arm on her leg I didn’t move an inch. It’s a risk every time I touch her but I sneak them in when I can. A hand to her back when we’re walking, a quick hug when we say goodbye, or bumping my leg against hers when we’re eating.
It hurts to do it—to touch her—because I know she’s not mine to do it freely. Not yet, not the way I want. The pain is similar to that of getting a tattoo. Temporary pain for a permanent brand on my skin. She leaves one behind every time.
“You’re also the one doubling up your workouts and going out several times a week. Where are you spending all your free time? Ever since you became the starting quarterback you forgot about us little people,” I joke with him.
He hasn’t let anything about being a starter go to his head. If anything, the pressure has done a number on his mental health. The team ended the season with a winning record but Nash refuses to take any of the credit with his below average stats.
“If I remember correctly, you were the one blowing me off the last time I asked you to hang out with me,” he accuses.
I turn my back to him and begin throwing the medicine ball against the wall again. “I had school stuff I needed to take care of.” By school stuff I mean go to Ray’s while Sydney was working.
I did make notes for one of my assignments while I was there. Technically I’m not lying to him. It’s something I always battle internally over. We were young when Nash first said he didn’t want any of his friends to date his sister.
It was a request I wanted to honor but the more time I spent with Sydney the harder it became. Maintaining a friendship with both Pierce siblings has been emotionally trying to say the least. Every choice I make seems to be the wrong one.
Nash sighs and shakes his head as if he’s disappointed in me. “Next time you head up to The Armory I’ll be there,” I reassure him.
“Sure, man. I’m going to hold you to that.” He smiles but there is tension in his brow. I’m about to ask him what else is bothering him when Joe Clark approaches us with a clipboard in his hand.
“Mahina.” Joe nods a greeting to me. Joe’s a good guy. He knows his stuff especially when it comes to recovery and injury prevention. He mainly works with the football team but has been traveling with us for our away games during their off season.
He’s probably my favorite of the student trainers on the staff. He’ll be an asset to whatever professional team hires him if that’s the direction he goes after college.
I nod back but continue working out. I need to finish and get out of here. I usually meet up with Sydney and walk with her to our first class on Thursday mornings when I can.
“What’s the plan for today?” Nash asks, rubbing his hands together.
“I thought we would start with some drills. Are you warmed up?” Joe asks him.
“Yeah, I’m ready to go.” Nash grabs his water bottle and towel he has sitting on the floor by the bench. “See you back at the house later?” he asks me.
“I’ll be there after practice. Hart said the girls were bringing dinner over if you’re going to be around,” I reply.
“I would never turn down Lauren’s cooking. My sister’s on the other hand…” He scrunches his nose and makes a gagging noise in the back of his throat.
“Sydney doesn’t know her way around the kitchen?” Joe asks, butting into our conversation. “I’ll have to remember that.”
The twenty pound medicine ball I’m holding falls to the ground with a thud. Why the fuck does he need to remember anything about Sydney?
“You know my sister?” Nash asks, his eyes traveling over Joe’s shoulder to me. I attempt to mask my face into something that borders intrigue instead of a possessive caveman. I’m afraid I’m failing miserably.
“We met a couple weeks ago at running club,” he explains. Nash laughs.
“You must be confused. My sister isn’t a runner. There is no way she would have joined a club where you go running. Unless…”
“Charlie,” Nash and I say in unison.
“The redhead?” He chuckles. “She was definitely the ring leader in their duo.”
“She usually is,” Nash says with a deep sigh. Charlie may be the most unpredictable in their friend group but Sydney has always walked the line when it came to staying out of trouble. I’ve never seen her back down from a dare in the ten years I’ve known her.
“Charlie definitely made an impression on some of my friends,” Joe says.
“Sounds like my sister made one on you too,” Nash prods while I try to act disinterested even though I’m hanging on every word of their conversation.
“She did. Sydney’s great,” he admits.
Great? Great is how you describe your day when you want people to leave you alone but also be polite. That is not how you describe Sydney Pierce.
She’s a hell of a lot better than fucking great.
“We’ve been texting,” he continues. I give them my back otherwise I’m going to bite my tongue in half from holding in all the words I want to say. “We’re going out on a date this weekend.”
Releasing a quiet breath, I retract every nice thing I’ve ever said about this guy. I’m not jealous of him. I’m jealous he can say those words to Nash without any hesitation. It’s infuriating that he makes taking my girl out on a date look easy when I can’t do the same.
“Oh yeah?” Nash raises an eyebrow. I wait for him to tell Joe he’s not good enough for Sydney.
“I’ve heard your warnings about Sydney being off limits. I know you don’t want any of your teammates dating your sister. I’m not looking for permission. I’m just letting you know,” Joe states.
“You don’t need my permission. Sydney makes her own choices. All I ask is you treat her right. She deserves the best,” Nash says. My body tenses as I absorb the impact of his words.
His little spiel shouldn’t surprise me. He’s only ever told the people closest to him that Syd is off limits. Or maybe it was a rule set specifically for me. Either way I’ve heard him loud and clear.
“I agree. She’s a cute girl. I enjoy talking to her,” Joe says.
The muscle in my jaw ticks. Nash doesn’t miss the change in my demeanor. It’s getting more difficult to hide lately.
“Sydney does like to chat. I need to refill my water bottle. I’ll meet you in the other room,” Nash tells him.
“Sounds good.” Joe nods and walks toward the football annex where we have an indoor field.
“You’re going to let him take Sydney out?” I ask as soon as he’s out of sight.
Nash shrugs. “I don’t control her life. She can date whoever she wants.”
I scoff. “Right. That’s why you’ve threatened all of us within inches of our life for even thinking about it.” I swallow all the bitterness like a daily vitamin.
“He isn’t my best friend. He’s got nothing to prove to me. It’s all on Sydney if she wants to date him or not. ”
It’s bullshit. That’s what it is. What does that even mean? He’s got nothing to prove . What do I have to prove to Nash? My loyalty? I’d say I’ve done a pretty good job doing that. I’ve picked loyalty to him over my own happiness the duration of our friendship.
“Also, I know that guy is not the one for her. He might last a week and she’ll be done with him just like all the rest,” he says.
“She dated that Seth guy for over a month.”
“She tolerated him for a month. You never hung out with them together.”
“No, I didn’t.” I couldn’t. It looked like they were getting serious and that was hard to watch.
“He was basically friend zoned day one. He just didn’t know it. I have a feeling the same thing will happen with Joe.”
I nod in agreement but it still feels like the grains of sand are slipping faster through the hourglass and I’m running out of time. “Like you said, Sydney can date who she wants.” I try to act casual but my words are terse.
The idea of Sydney being with anyone but me is a knife to the heart every time I think about it.
“Exactly.” He slaps my shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I finish my workout, throwing the ball a little bit harder each rotation. I might have imagined tossing it at Joe’s head for a few rounds. I wonder if we could put together a friendly game of dodgeball. The athletic department gets together for a bowling night every month. Maybe we could do this instead. It would be a lot more satisfying .
By the time I’m done showering and ready for class, I have to run to reach Sydney or I’ll miss her exiting her residence hall.
As I make my approach, she’s scanning her surroundings before taking the first step onto the sidewalk. Was she looking for me?
Her dark brown hair bounces with every move she makes. Tight spirals of curls graze over the top of her bare shoulder. My lips crave to do the same thing. Her loose fitting cream blouse exposes just enough of her dark brown skin to tease me.
Her body relaxes as soon as she realizes I'm close by. “You’re running late this morning,” she says as I slow my pace and fall in line with her shorter stride.
She smells like warm vanilla and whatever essential oil she’s testing this week. I try to figure it out but I’m usually unsuccessful. Raking my teeth over my lower lip, I stare at the side of her neck. I wonder if she tastes as sweet as she smells.
“Good morning to you too.” I swallow down the term of endearment that begs to be said. I haven’t called her anything other than Sydney or Syd in years. Not to her, but God do I want to. I want her to know exactly what she is to me. She’s my girl, my baby, my little trouble maker.
She peers at me from the corner of her eye. “It doesn’t sound like a good morning. Is everything okay?”
Everything is great. I met the new guy you’re dating. He’s nice. I hope you break his heart. “Yeah. ”
“Why are you late?”
That’s better than her asking why I’m here. It makes me think she might not mind me walking with her even if she acts like she hates it. “Are you tracking me now?” I ask. My question is comical considering what I’ve done to her the past few years. She knows it, too, as she snorts a laugh.
“No. I don’t care what you do. You’re going to do what you want anyway,” she says, readjusting her backpack on her shoulder. “Like walking me to class. I told you I didn’t need you to do that. Yet, here you are anyway.”
“I thought you were walking with me,” I joke. We both know I’m the one who goes out of their way to see her. It would be much faster for me to go straight to my class from the gym, but I can’t seem to stay away. “If you must know I was late because I got caught up talking to Nash and one of our athletic trainers, Joe Clark. Do you know him?”
Sydney bristles at the mention of his name. Interesting .
“I know him,” she says matter of fact.
“He’s a nice guy,” I remark. Sydney narrows her eyes. “What? He is. But I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I’m edging near dangerous territory with her. I don’t comment on her dates. I have plenty of thoughts about them but I’ve never voiced my opinions out loud.
Unlike all the other guys she’s dated, this one runs in my circle. Not exactly out of sight out of mind. I thought maybe she was avoiding all athletes. Turns out she’s only avoiding me.
“Nothing. I overheard him talking to Nash about your date. That’s all.” I shrug.
“Let me guess. Nash told him he couldn’t date me.”
“No. He got the green light.” Nash might as well have rolled out the red carpet for the guy.
“Good. Like you said. He’s nice. We have a lot in common.”
The vice on my heart tightens with every word. Does she even care how it makes me feel seeing her with other guys? I don’t blame her if she doesn’t give a fuck. It kills me that we’re living in this emotional battlefield with each other.
I don’t want to hear about Sydney and this guy but she’s talking to me. It’s a rare event especially with half a smile on her face. I’m going to pretend she’s smiling because she’s aware she’s making me jealous. Not because she’s looking forward to her date with Joe.
“Right, like running club.”
She smacks my arm. “Shut up,” she says laughing. My brain starts recording the sound so I can replay the melody in my head the rest of the day. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Did you actually run?”
“What else would you do at running club?”
“Pick up guys apparently,” I grumble. “Maybe I’ll go to the next one. I need to see you in action.”
“Do you think you could keep up with me?” she teases. The challenge in her eyes reminds me of the old Sydney .
The girl who would push me to try new things and to be more adventurous. It’s one of the things I love about her. She may enjoy staying home and reading but she’s also not afraid to try something new.
I miss her teasing me. This is how our relationship was in high school. Every now and then when I see a glimpse of it, a tiny bit of hope enters my heart making me believe we can get things back to how they used to be.
“I’d give it my best shot,” I reply as we reach the steps leading to the life science building.
Shaking her head she silently makes her way up the steps. Once again, leaving me to watch the best thing that’s ever happened to me walk away.