9. SYDNEY
9
SYDNEY
“Are you nervous?” Joe asks as we wait for the clerk to collect the bowling shoes we requested.
Glancing over at the lanes full of bowlers and hearing the clinking and banging noise of bowling balls hitting the pins, my palms begin to sweat. “I am. The last time I went bowling the ball bounced over into the next lane.”
His eyebrows furrow together. “Bowling balls don’t really bounce.”
“Mine did. One of my many talents,” I joke, making him grin.
“What other talents do you have?” he asks. After he pays for our shoes, I take my pair off the counter. They should really make these cuter. Maybe brighter colors. The dark red and blue is going to clash with my outfit.
We walk toward a rack of bowling balls. At least I can pick one of these that will match. Not that I’m vain about it. I just appreciate color coordination.
“I’m pretty crafty,” I reply hoping he will remember the comment I made in one of our chats awhile back.
“Is that so?” His eyes travel from my shoes to the top of my head. I’m wearing another set of hair clips I made and matching earrings. My thrifted jeans have colorful hand embroidered flowers on the back pockets. It was another project I had to try after watching a video online. They turned out pretty good for my first try.
“I did this,” I say, turning and showing him the pockets of jeans. I wince, realizing I’m telling him to essentially check out my ass.
“You did a good job.” He flicks his tongue over his bottom lip.
These jeans make ass look almost as good as my leggings do. Or maybe I just have a nice ass. I never really thought of that before .
“Do you know what size you need?” he asks, nodding toward the bowling balls in the rack.
“Hmm…I think maybe this one.” I point at the only hot pink one left.
“Solid choice. Follow me. We’re at the far lane,” he says after picking out his own ball.
Even with its close location to campus, the bowling alley is a lot busier than I expected it to be. “Are there always this many people here?” I ask, as we weave our way through a crowd of people by the snack bar.
“Not all the time. But on the nights we all come out and play it can get crowded. Once a month we have a mini bowling tournament. It’s supposed to be for fun but we’re a competitive group. ”
I shuffle the bowling ball until I have it cradled securely in my arms. “Who’s we?” I ask, but the words die on my lips when I see my brother and his friends at the lane next to ours.
“A bunch of us from the athletic department.” He drops his ball in the return and reaches out for mine. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah of course.” I smile assuringly. Who doesn’t want to spend their first date with their little brother as the third wheel? It’s not like this hasn’t been happening my entire life.
I find an empty chair and switch out my shoes.
“Hi, I’m Sydney,” I tell the girl sitting beside me.
“Julia. You’re here with Joe?”
“Yeah. What about you?”
“I work with these guys.”
“Lucky,” I remark, glancing around. I recognize several football players sitting with Nash along with a few of his friends on the soccer team. Behind me I’m almost certain are players of both basketball teams.
“It does make the day go by faster. It also makes every one of these guys off limits.” She laughs when I pout. “Don’t be too sad for me. I’m biding my time. In a few months, I’ll graduate and they'll be free game,” she says with a wink.
“You would like my friend Charlie. The two of you would have fun trading dating tips and secrets.”
“She sounds like my kind of girl.”
I chat with Julia while Joe greets all of his friends and helps set up the game. There are six of us in this lane. Nash and his three friends are using the lane on our right .
“Hey Jules,” Joe says, taking a seat beside me. She gives him a brief wave. “You’re bowling fourth. Should I warn everyone about your arm?” he whispers to me.
“Very funny.” I slap his leg. He takes the opportunity to hold my hand and balance it on his knee. It’s a little awkward but the gesture is nice. I think.
Nash steps up to the ball return in his lane. He’s laughing with his friend Gage when he notices me sitting here. His smile dims when he sees me holding hands with Joe. I knew he didn’t really want me to go out with him. I’m not going to let Nash ruin my date or my mission.
I don’t know how I’m going to be able to find out if Joe is my Joe online while we’re bowling but I’ve got to try. He didn’t take my bait with the creativity thing. I’ll need to try a different angle.
“This isn’t what you expected for our first date is it?” he asks.
“It’s fine. Fun I mean. It’s fine and fun.” I smile awkwardly. “I admit I wasn’t expecting a group thing but this is cool. Julia is nice and we can talk and get to know each other in between turns.”
“We can definitely do that,” he says, giving my hand a quick squeeze before letting it go. “My turn.”
“Good luck.”
Joe jokes around with a few of his friends on his walk up to the lane. With perfect form, he easily knocks down nine pins on his first try. He tosses a confident smile in my direction .
I sit on the edge of my seat as he stares down his last pin. He sends the bowling ball pummeling down the lane. I think for sure he’s going to miss the pin, but at the last minute the ball curls and knocks it down.
I jump from my chair clapping and let out a little scream. “How did you do that?” I ask after he’s finished being congratulated by all of his friends.
“Lots of practice. It’s your turn, babe. Are you ready?”
My insides jolt at the word babe. He says the term so casually it holds no meaning. It doesn’t make me feel special but more like another ‘ babe ’ on his roster.
When Koa called me baby my heart rate increased, my knees went weak, and damn if it didn’t turn me on. My body didn’t get the memo that it was all fake.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I retrieve my ball and get a feel for it in my hands. Swinging my arm back and forth a few times until someone stops me. Looking over my shoulder I see Joe with a playful smile on his lips.
“You almost took me out,” he teases.
“Sorry.” I wince.
“Do you want help?” he asks.
I stare down the lane for a moment. “I think I got it. You just throw the ball down there. I can handle that.”
“Good luck, babe.” He squeezes my shoulder while I try not to visibly cringe. Is it rude to ask him to stop calling me that?
I line myself up in the center of the lane, shuffle my feet to the line, wind my arm back, and let the ball go. It lands with a hard bounce and slowly rolls down the lane. It has just enough momentum to get to the pins before falling into the gutter. Damn .
“You got this,” Joe shouts from his seat. He takes a slow sip of his beer.
“Didn’t expect to see you here tonight,” Nash says from his lane.
“I didn’t either.” I sigh.
“He must not know you very well if he took you bowling,” Nash snickers, picking up his bowling ball. I yank mine off the return and cradle it with two hands. It’s not heavy. I’ve carried books bigger than this before. It’s just awkward. I’m not trying to break my toe.
“I know you aren’t educated in the aspect of dating, seeing as you've never had a girlfriend. Usually on dates that’s when you get to know each other. Furthermore, a lot of people like to surprise the other person on their first date with something fun to do.”
“As long as you’re having fun. Why don’t you try to knock down a pin this time?” he jokes as I set myself up at the line. Maybe if I start here I can throw it harder. “Oh and Sydney,” he says. I glance at my brother over my shoulder. “Stay in your lane.”
Nash can be such a jerk sometimes. It was at Koa’s fourteenth birthday party when my ball went bouncing across the lane like a rock skipping over lake water.
When you’re trying to get the cute boy to notice you, that is not the way to do it. I was so embarrassed. Koa was the only one not laughing. He was mad. I guess I ruined his party and he probably didn’t want me there in the first place. I was the only girl thanks to big sister benefits. A nice little pity invite.
I throw this ten pound ball as hard as I can, picturing Nash’s head as the pins. I don’t even care if I knock anything down. That felt good. I walk away before the ball even makes it down the lane.
There is a bunch of clattering behind me. Joe’s eyes go wide. “Holy shit, babe! You knocked them all down.” He lifts me up and spins me around just in time to see the pins being swept off the lane.
“I did it! Oh my god!”
“You did.” Our eyes lock for a moment and his green eyes search mine. He leans forward slightly. He isn’t going to kiss me for the first time here? In the middle of a bowling alley? In front of my brother?
“Alright, break it up,” Julia says, moving us out of the way. “Let me get in here and show you how it’s really done.” Julia pats my arm and gives me a nod. Did she notice the panic in my eyes?
“Show us what those magic hands of yours can do Jules,” Gage says, biting down on his lower lip.
Joe ushers me to a table just outside the bowling area. “I ordered you a beer and some food. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got a little bit of everything.”
“This is great. Thanks.” I gladly take a sip of the beer. I’m not much of a beer drinker but at this point, I’m not going to be choosy. I need something to calm my nerves.
“We have a few minutes before it’s our turn again. What do you want to talk about?” he asks, grabbing a slice of pizza for himself.
“Oh um.” I take a plate and add a slice of pizza and a few fries. “When did you start bowling?”
“My granddad was part of a league. I spent the summers with him when I was younger. I guess all his lessons stuck with me.”
“That’s sweet. I got my infatuation with crafting and making things from my grandmother. She was really big into decoupage.”
“Decoupage?” he questions. “I’ve never heard of it before.”
“It’s when—” I start to say but someone else begins to talk over me.
“You take pieces of paper and glue them on to different objects to decorate them or create art,” Koa says.
The sound of his voice coils around my heart and squeezes in an attempt to bring it back to life. Suddenly it feels wrong to be sitting here next to Joe with his arm draped over the back of my chair.
“When did you become so well versed with arts and crafts?” Joe jokes with him. Koa doesn’t seem amused.
“Never. I’m well versed in her.” He nods in my direction. His admission shocks me. It’s unexpected. Why is he pretending he knows me so well when we barely have conversations anymore? I have more conversations with myself than I do Koa. What is he trying to prove?
“Oh, right, you and her brother are friends.” Joe’s thumb grazes against my shoulder. I fidget in my seat. Koa stares at Joe’s hand like the protector and watch dog he has always been. He looks like he is ready to tear his entire arm off.
“We are,” he replies.
“Maybe you should go say hi,” I suggest. Koa ignores me and pulls out a seat across from me.
“I’m good here.” He reaches across the table and lifts my beer to his mouth. I gasp. “You don’t like beer,” he says with a shrug.
“You should have said something. What do you like?” Joe stands.
“I like beer just fine,” I assure him. Koa huffs a quick laugh. “It’s your turn next anyway. Don’t worry about it.” I take my beer back from Koa and drink the rest of it. “See? It’s delicious.” Or is it better knowing Koa’s lips were pressed against this glass before mine?
“After my turn, I’ll get you something else, babe.” He squeezes the top of my shoulder before leaving to take his turn.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Koa once Joe is out of earshot.
“Well, babe , last I checked this was a public bowling alley.”
“I thought we agreed to plan Nash’s party and stay away from each other.” I glance over at Joe. He’s getting ready to throw his second ball.
“I don’t remember agreeing to anything,” he replies .
My teeth grind as I stand from my seat. Why is he here? Why is he purposely making this harder for me? I can’t focus on forming a relationship with someone new when he’s here reminding me of everything from my past. Our past .
I feel Koa’s eyes on me the entire walk to the lane. I hastily grab my ball but take my time setting up my shot. I feel more confident than I did the first time. I can do this .
This time I picture Koa’s face on all the pins. Unfortunately the ball slips out of my fingers before I’m ready and bounces straight into the gutter. A few people laugh, bringing me right back to Koa’s birthday party years ago.
I’m once again trying to impress a boy that will never see me. Except he does now. Koa watches me with concern. Like I’m this fragile thing that will break at any moment.
With my sights set on the front door, I walk past the ball return.
“Where are you going?” Joe stops me before I can get too far. “Ignore them. You get another chance. It’s all for fun anyway. No need to get so worked up.”
“I know. I just need a minute,” I say through clenched teeth, willing myself not to cry. It’s too much. I already feel silly for having this freak out moment over the situation. Joe reminding me that it’s for fun isn’t helping me feel better.
“What about your turn?”
“Just throw it in the gutter. That’s probably where it would go anyway. I’ll be right back.”
Ignoring the worry etched on Nash’s face, I push my way past oversized athletes and other bowlers having a night of fun, avoiding eye contact with everyone until I reach the front doors.
I breathe in the cool night air. It feels good on my warm skin. All the attention was making me feel flush. I lean against the brick facade. How long can I stay out here until it’s beyond awkward?
My body straightens when Koa pushes through the front door with my shoes in hand. I want to be mad but I’m actually grateful. I’m definitely done bowling for the night.
“I told them you weren’t feeling well and I was taking you home. I’ll text Nash to take your bowling shoes inside once we’ve left.”
“I’m on a date. I can’t just leave. It’s rude.”
“I let him know,” he says evenly. The slight tick in his jaw makes me believe there is something he isn’t telling me.
“He didn’t want to say goodbye?” I ask. He doesn’t say anything as he stares at me. “What did he say?”
“He said ‘ okay .’”
“That’s it?” I can’t hide my disappointment. The Joe online wouldn’t have let me walk out on our date. And if I insisted, he would be out here with me. I should go back inside and finish my inquisition. I need to know if it’s him or not. You already know it’s not him.
He confirms with a slow nod. “He’s not good enough for you.”
“You don’t know anything about him and you definitely don’t know what type of man would be good for me.” I snatch my shoes out of his hand. I slide my left foot out of the rented shoe and shimmy it back into mine.
I hop on one foot as I attempt to balance and tie my sneaker. Koa grabs the back of my heel and places my foot on his thigh. “I know that if I were him I would have followed you,” he says as he ties the laces.
His hands should be too big for this task but he does it with ease. He switches my feet and it knocks me off balance forcing me to grab his shoulders. His hands freeze in the middle of making a double loop. Maybe I should remove my hands. It's clear he doesn't want me touching him.
“I would have made sure you were okay. I wouldn’t have let another man do it. That’s for damn sure.” He tugs hard on my laces, tightening them on the top of my feet.
“You’re such a prince. I’m sure that’s exactly what you would do for your date.” I push off his shoulders. I’m feeling more confident with both of my feet back on solid ground.
“I’m here for you now, aren’t I?”
“We both know why you’re here.”
A smug smile distorts his full lips. “And why’s that?” He crosses his arms over his muscular chest waiting for me to answer the obvious.
“Nash. He was worried and sent you out here.”
Koa grunts a derisive laugh. This seems to be the only way he knows how to laugh anymore. At least around me.
“I’m not your brother’s lap dog. I don’t heel to his commands. He didn’t ask me to do anything. I saw the panic in your eyes. I made the call to find you.” He tips my chin with his hand to get me to look at him. “I’m here because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m here for you because I want to be. Not because anyone asked me to.”
His eyes soften around the edges. A silent plea for me to believe him. I have no reason not to, other than it contradicts every conclusion I’ve come to as to why he chooses to do certain things for me.
Any other time we're in this same situation I was told he was sent by Nash. Excuse me for being a little skeptical.
“Thank you for bringing me my shoes. As you can see I’m fine.” A breeze wraps around us, blowing some of my hair over my face. I try to shake it back but it doesn’t work.
He lifts his hand, his fingers grazing the side of my face as pushes my hair aside. I hate myself for closing my eyes and enjoying his touch. I add it to the list of memories that will continue to haunt me at night.
“Good. I’m going home. Do you want a ride or are you going back inside?” he asks. I should finish my date and see if there is anything salvageable. I’m afraid I already know the answer.
Joe is just another man who will never measure up.
“Take me home.”
Koa opens the passenger door to his Camaro and waits until I’m safely inside before walking around the front of the car. For a brief moment I think about what it would be like if this was our date and he was really taking me home.
My heart races and butterflies go wild in my belly, but then I remember that isn’t my reality and it never will be.