21. SYDNEY
21
SYDNEY
“Did you find a place to live yet?” Zoe asks. She is one of the co-founders of Blooming Beauty Co. I’ve been joining them on their weekly business meetings ever since I signed my contract with them.
It’s been a great opportunity to see how they operate and get to know the staff I’ll be working with in a few months.
Their story is inspiring. Zoe and Jade met in college. Being two of the few Black women in their business class, they gravitated toward each other and struck up a friendship. After graduation they started small with only three products and have grown large enough to compete with the best in the industry.
This is exactly what I want. It's everything I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl crushing my mom’s blush into a powder and mixing it with coconut oil to make my own lip balm. Now I’m going to be working beside women just like me who are driven, ambitious, and know how to make things happen.
“I have.” I smile. The apartment is more than I’ll be able to afford long term. I looked everywhere for a studio or a one bedroom but there wasn’t anything available for my move-in date. All I could find remotely in my price range is a two bedroom. I’m hoping I can either find a night job bartending or a roommate. Otherwise I will be coming back to Alabama with my tail between my legs.
“If you need anything, you have our numbers,” Jade—the other co-owner—says.
“Thank you both. I appreciate everything you're doing for me. It’s going to be difficult to say goodbye to everyone at home. You’re making me feel so welcome. It makes things a little easier.”
Jade and Zoe exchange a look. “You are going to be a huge asset to us while you learn and create your own product line. Our hope is that while you’ll be working for us, we will also be creating a collaborative relationship for the future,” Jade says.
“When we started we didn’t have any help. We had to do all the leg work from figuring out how to get our business license to learning every FDA regulation we needed to follow. It was a lot,” Zoe says, shaking her head at the memory.
“It sounds overwhelming.” I knew there would be a lot I would need to figure out, but thinking about it is almost paralyzing.
“It was and sometimes still is but the purpose and the passion for what we’re doing in the beauty industry is always greater,” Jade says wistfully .
“With your knowledge of cosmetic chemistry and creativity, you're going to be a powerhouse. We look forward to watching you grow.”
“Zoe, thank you. I still can’t believe this is happening.” I press my fingers into my cheeks. They are warm from all the praise.
“How is that boy of yours?” Jade asks.
“He isn’t our business. You don’t get to ask about him.” Zoe smacks Jade’s arm playfully. When we were discussing my move to North Carolina, they noticed my hesitancy and asked what would keep me here.
Koa was the first and only thing that came to mind. It didn’t take much to get me to open up. His proposal for a second chance was so fresh at the time.
Look what that’s gotten me. I’m right back where I started. Maybe even worse. I got a taste of how good we could be together and then it was ripped out from underneath me.
“It’s fine. He’s fine.” I don’t think they would understand if I said it’s been very ‘Bella New Moon’ around here the last couple of days. If it wasn’t for everything that I have to do in order to start my new life, I would be staring out the window watching the world go by.
“You’ll have to bring him to the office sometime. Let him see where you’ll be working every day,” Zoe says.
“I’ll do that,” I agree, as if he'll be moving with me when I know for a fact he won’t.
“Until next week then. You take care of yourself, Sydney.” Jade gives me a knowing smile. She can see straight through my facade. It’s probably easy to see I’m barely holding myself together at the moment.
“See you both next week. Thank you.” I log off the video call and doom scroll through social media. After adding ten more books to my wishlist, I toggle over to the Fiction Forum.
I’ve been hesitant to log on since I found out who AverageJoe really was. I felt so angry and betrayed. I shared things I never would have if I’d known it was Koa. “Which was his point.” I remind myself of our conversation from a few days ago.
I open up our private chat and comb through the chats with a new lens. Reading all of the messages in Koa’s voice has my heart fluttering and my stomach doing flips.
He wasn’t subtle with his affections. On more than one occasion he was openly flirting with me. If I read everything line by line, it’s obvious he has felt the same burden I have the last few years.
Loving someone when you can’t be with them. Knowing you should be with them and there is no one else who understands you the way they do. I don’t know how to let go of that feeling.
I also don’t know how to move forward. Koa’s future is undecided. He’s still working out details with his agent over which team he’ll sign with. None of which are located in North Carolina last I heard.
A knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts. I have no idea who it could be. Everyone I know would just let themselves in. I look out the peephole and no one’s there. Probably someone accidentally at the wrong door. It happens all the time.
I open the door and glance down the hall in both directions. It’s empty except for a delivery man. Sure enough, he left me a package. My favorite kind of package, but I haven’t ordered anything recently. I mentally pat myself on the back for keeping my cart empty even with the current climate of my emotions.
With very little grace, I rip open the box like it contains life saving medicine. I would be right. It’s not medicine but the contents do mend my heart and feed my soul.
Jumping in place with excitement, I pick up a book I’ve been dying to read for the last few weeks and flip through the crisp new pages. I glance down and notice a second copy of the same book. “Wait, why did I get two copies? Who is this from?”
After emptying the contents of the box, I find a note at the bottom.
For the next time we get to spend a perfect day together.
Damn him.
I was a fool for ever thinking I could get over Koa Mahina. He was always going to be mine and I was always meant to be his.
“I can’ t believe it’s your last shift.” Lindsey frowns as she makes a couple of whiskey sours and passes them to the couple in front of her.
“I’m going to miss working here with all of you.” I finish taking the payment from the couple and hand them their receipt.
“No you won’t. You already have one foot out of Alabama,” she says, her blonde ponytail swinging with every word she says.
“That might be true but I’ll still miss you and the rest of the girls.” I hip check her as I pass by. Walking the length of the bar, I check on customers’ drinks and clear any empty glasses.
I’m a little nostalgic thinking back to my first night working. Lauren and I broke so many glasses and messed up too many orders, but we still managed to keep our jobs.
I know Ray wanted Lauren because she helped with all the dance routines. I didn’t bring anything to the table. It wasn’t until I started messing around with different liquors and mixes—creating new drinks—that I found my place.
Seeing customers ask for the “Sydney Special” is an ego boost to say the least. Working here has given me the confidence to try new things and not be afraid to fail. It’s something I’ll need in my next job.
Flipping my wrist, I check the time on my watch. “Drink up fellas,” I tell the group of regulars in front of me. “It’s almost time for a little show.” I wink. I wipe down the bar with a dry cloth and clean up their empty glasses.
The DJ signals us to get ready. I move to my spot at the bar and wait for the music to change. Lauren didn’t mention there would be dancing involved with this job until after we had turned in our paperwork.
It has been an unexpected bright spot. Reading a book is how I cope with my emotions internally. Music is how I express myself when I want to share my emotions with other people.
I straighten my cropped Ray’s Bar tee and pull at the inseam of my cut off shorts—that sucker likes to fly a little too close to the sun from time to time.
The music switches to one of my favorite songs and I’m all smiles. The five of us walk up the miniature steps we keep behind the bar and work our way to our spots.
We stomp our feet and clap our hands to the beat while a couple of the girls waitressing at the tables make their way to the dance floor. Gazing out to the crowd, I can’t stop myself from checking the back corner.
I know he won’t be here tonight, but I look for him every night I work out of habit. Koa coming to babysit me was infuriating in the beginning. He made me feel like he didn’t think I was capable of making my own decisions.
I see now that he needed to be here for himself. It had very little to do with what I’m capable of. His need to be my protector required him to make sure I made it home safe for his own sanity.
Spinning around a few times on my heel, I stop in front of a customer and extend an arm to remove his cowboy hat from his head. He laughs as I playfully pretend to put it on my head before giving it back.
This is usually the part of the routine when I would glance over at Koa and see how tight he is gripping his beer bottle. The whitening of his knuckles always made me want to shimmy and shake a little harder for the rest of the night.
His text earlier led me to believe he wasn’t going to make it tonight but I check one more time anyway. I stumble over my steps, but manage to recover before it's noticeable to others. Koa isn’t in the corner, but the sleazy customer who tried to corner me in the storage room is sitting in his place.
I ignore the way my heart is pumping out of my chest and how my hands start to tremble as I work through the rest of the routine. I’m safe here. Nothing has ever happened to any of the girls while we’re working.
Sure the place gets out of hand from time to time, but there are several bodyguards on scene. They don’t mess around when it comes to the women working here. I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two of them have a crush on the girls.
When the song ends, I climb back down the stairs and get right back to work refilling drinks. I don’t allow myself to think of the man sitting in the back corner. He is no one to me.
It doesn’t stop me from wishing Koa would walk through the door. I’m still not sure if I’ve forgiven him, but I wouldn’t deny myself the opportunity to seek comfort from his presence.
The shift continues without any incident. I gladly let Lindsey help me restock the alcohol and beer for the night. The bar begins to clear out as everyone pays their tab. We work efficiently cleaning the bar top, wiping down chairs, and mopping the floors.
It’s a lot of work but we turn up the music and we get everything checked off the list in no time at all. The girls hug me goodbye and I wipe a few tears as I walk toward my car.
There are only a few vehicles left in the lot. Quite the contrast from when I arrived for my shift earlier tonight. I get inside my car and immediately lock the door. Starting the car up, I get my phone plugged in and check to see if I have any messages.
The girls honk and wave as they pass, exiting the parking lot toward the two lane road that leads to the highway.
I smile when I see a message from Koa.
KOA
Hope your last night goes well. Wish I could be there to see you dance one last time on the bar.
I’ll text him later. He’s probably asleep after a day on the road. I put my phone on the charger and shift the car into drive. As soon as I start to move I know something is wrong.
I put the car back in park and open the door. Walking to the front of my car, I notice the tire is flat. My heart rate picks up as I make my way around my car, noting every tire is flat.
I glance around the parking lot hoping maybe someone lingered behind, everyone has already cleared out. Damn it. How did I manage to do this? I must have driven through some broken glass or something. That's what I force myself to believe. The other option will make me spiral and I can’ t afford to do that right now. What I need is a ride home and a tow.
I get back in my car and call my brother. He owes me at least one late night rescue after all the times I picked his ass up from a party in high school.
My hands shake as I put the phone on speaker. No one is here. I’m fine. It’s just a coincidence. “Come on Nash, pick up.” Fear prickles over my skin. What if he doesn’t answer?
“Hi, baby,” Koa says, answering Nash’s phone. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear his voice.
The tough facade I’ve been holding onto starts to crumble and tears begin to fall. My body shakes and snot starts to run down my nose. It has nothing to do with being frightened or worried. It’s because I know that he’ll be here soon.
Koa will always be there for me when I need him. I just have to stop pushing him away.