23. SYDNEY
23
SYDNEY
Koa swats my hand away when I reach into the trunk for a bag of groceries. “I can carry something too,” I say.
“I know, but I want to do it.” He continues to load his arms up with bags until his forearms are straining.
“That means I’m getting the door.” I slam the trunk of his Camaro and race up the steps to the front door of his townhouse. I dig my keys out of my bag and unlock the door for us.
Koa side steps through the door, making me laugh. “I don’t like that you have that key,” he says, dropping the groceries on the kitchen island.
I rub my thumb down the jagged edge of the key Nash gave me a week after moving into the house his freshman year. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have used it as freely as I did had I known it bothered you so much.”
I drop my bag and my keys on the table by the door and move into the kitchen. I start unbagging groceries, trying to not think about all the times I’ve come over and let myself into their home without knocking when Nash invited me over. Being around Hart, Koa, and Nash reminded me of home. It was my Sunday thing I did while Lauren went to see her “family”.
Koa tips my chin with his finger, forcing me to look at him. “I said I don’t like you having that key. I want you to have my key. A key that I’ve given you. Not your brother.” He drops his hand from my chin and goes back to unloading and organizing our grocery haul.
“That’s ridiculous. They’re the same key,” I state.
“They might be the same key but they don’t have the same meaning.”
“It’s going to be irrelevant in a few weeks anyway. Once we graduate, we will be handing our keys over to Gage and Eli.”
“Nothing is irrelevant with you,” he grumbles.
I chuckle and place all the cold items we purchased in the fridge. I have a feeling we won’t need those for a while.
This morning we went to the police station and I gave my statement. I was nervous walking into the building. I didn’t know what to expect or how I would feel reliving all the events. Being able to hold onto Koa’s hand like a lifeline made it easier.
Apparently this guy was a repeat offender. Ray’s wasn’t the first bar he’s been arrested at and I wasn’t his first target. He won’t be seeing the outside of a cell for a while. That made moving through the rest of the day a lot easier.
Koa has been by my side for most of it—walking me to classes and eating lunch with me. It wasn’t any different than our usual routine, but it felt different .
Instead of cold stares and grunts, he engaged in conversation and held my hand. We still haven’t talked about everything. About us . I’m giving myself at least twenty-four hours to let him suffocate me with all his attention. Then we can have a real conversation about what we need to do in order to move forward or part ways. There is a deep pang in my chest thinking about that option.
“I think we've bitten off more than we can chew. All of this looks above our pay grade,” I say surveying all the ingredients we need to make a chicken pot pie and forgetting about the pain in my chest.
“That’s what the recipe is for. How hard can it be?”
“Famous last words,” I sigh.
Koa searches for the recipe on his phone. He zooms in on the text and squints. “We need to start with prepping all the vegetables.” He opens a few drawers until he finds the one with the cutting boards.
“How long have you lived here?” I ask, teasing him.
“I have a meal plan,” he says, swatting my ass playfully. “I haven’t made anything in this kitchen except bowls of cereal and protein shakes.”
I push all the ingredients to the side and he places the two cutting boards down. I take the celery and carrots over to the sink and quickly wash my hands before doing the same to the vegetables.
Koa places a giant knife in front of me then heads to the sink to wash his hands. “Do you know where the first aid kit is? I don’t want to be bleeding to death while you’re checking every cabinet for a bandage.” I tighten my grip on the knife and get used to the weight of it.
“Yes, I know where those are.” He opens the cabinet under the sink and places a small first aid kit on the counter. His eyes go wide when he notices the large knife in my hand. “Maybe you should start with peeling the carrots.”
“You don’t think I can handle the slicing and dicing?” I casually hold the knife out with the tip pointed in his direction.
“I don’t know if having sharp objects accessible to you is in my best interest until after we’ve talked.” He opens one of the drawers in the island and sifts around until he finds the vegetable peeler.
“What do you want to talk about?” I select a carrot to start peeling.
He removes the skin from an onion and then cuts it in half. Wearing a dish towel on his shoulder, he carefully chops the onion into uneven pieces. Chef Koa is hot. Maybe not as sexy as ‘ reads in bed wearing glasses Koa ,’ but it’s close.
“What?” he asks. “Are you judging my technique?”
“I wouldn’t dare. You’re doing great. They’re getting smaller. Mission accomplished.” I grin wildly at him.
He stares at me in awe. “I haven’t seen that smile in a long time.”
I chew on my lip as I peel a carrot, occasionally glancing over at Koa. He grins every time he catches me looking at him. My skin heats on my chest and up my neck. This reminds me of how we used to steal glances at each other from across the room .
“I haven’t been alone with you like this in a long time,” I say, keeping my eyes on the carrot in my hand.
“I want to talk about us,” he says, answering my earlier question as he transfers the annihilated onions into a pan but doesn't turn the stove on yet. We are going to ‘ sauté ’ them—apparently that is a fancy word for pushing them around in a pan.
“I thought about us a lot while you were gone.” Picking up the knife, I raise an eyebrow in his direction. He swallows hard, his eyes bouncing from the knife to me. “The chat situation felt like graduation night two point oh. Different incidents but the same outcome.”
He chops celery while I take some of my aggression out on innocent carrots. “My feelings were once again a second thought. It didn’t matter what I wanted as long as you got what you wanted. Not to sound like a selfish brat, but what about me?”
His knife clatters on the counter. He steps behind me and spins me around. Holding me on my waist, he smirks when he notices the knife is still in my hands.
“Baby, can we put the knife down?” He removes it from grip and places it behind me. “What did you want?”
“I wanted you. I wanted to wake up the morning after we slept together and have you feel the same. But you didn’t. You said it was a mistake. After the best night of my life, I couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth. Then you ignored me the rest of the day while you hung out with Nash. How do you think that made me feel?” God, I’m so fucking tired of crying.
“I wish the word mistake never left my mouth that day.”
“Me too.”
“I left your room in the middle of the night. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. I could have stayed wrapped up with you forever, but I wasn’t trying to get caught by Papa Pierce. When Nash and I woke up in the morning, I knew he was suspicious.”
“Of course he was.” I roll my eyes.
“He asked me if there was something going on between us.” His hands slide from my waist to my hips. “I said we were friends. Knowing what I do now, I think Nash was pushing me then to tell him the truth. All he wanted was for me to step up and tell him how bad I wanted you. I didn’t do that.”
“It wasn’t his choice to make. He had no right interfering in our relationship. Why did you say that being with me was a mistake if you didn’t feel that way?”
“You caught me off guard in the hallway. I was going to your room to talk to you about my conversation with Nash. You had this shy smile on your face. Fuck, you looked beautiful. I said it was a mistake. The words tumbled out of my mouth without thinking about you hearing me. But the mistake I was making was telling you we couldn’t be together.”
Oh God. I squeeze the back of his neck. I thought maybe I played a part in our breakup, but I didn’t want to believe it. “I did this to us. I said we should be friends. I agreed with you because I didn’t want to look like a fool. I should have waited for you to say something. I should have fought harder for us.”
I heard the word mistake and immediately felt hurt and got defensive. I should have marched into Nash’s room and told him to get over it and that I wasn’t going to lose Koa again.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who should have said more. I should have corrected you but I didn’t. I let you walk away and that is an error I won’t make twice.”
“I would have done it too,” I whisper.
“Done what?” He tilts his head and his eyebrows scrunch together.
“I would have done anything to get closer to you. If that meant talking to you like an undercover spy in a chat room, I would have done it.”
“It wasn’t quite like that,” he chuckles.
“I guess what I’m saying is I understand. I get it.”
“What does that mean for us going forward?” His hands slip around to my ass and he pulls me closer against him. I inhale a deep breath of his cologne and I freefall. I take the leap and dive into the deep end.
“I don’t think there’s anything else left for us to do,” I say. His head falls forward. I slide my hands down his chest and over his shoulders, loving the way the hard planes of his body flex under my touch. “Except get it right this time.”
Koa smiles back at me with watery eyes. I push up on my toes and press my lips against his. Tightening my grip around his neck, I pull myself closer and eliminate any space between us.
He sweeps his tongue between my lips, tasting my new peppermint gloss. When he does it a second time, I part my lips and allow him access. He pushes against my ass until I’m flush against his body and rubbing against his erection.
“How hungry are you?” he asks. I glance around at the mess we made. There isn’t anything that will go bad in the next hour…or two.
“I can wait.”
“Good because I’m fucking starving for you,” he says, lifting me off the ground. He cuts off my yelp with a fierce kiss and I wrap my legs around his waist.
He swiftly walks through the living room and up the stairs without ever removing his mouth from mine. He kicks the door to his room shut and locks the door.
I’m not surprised by his show of athleticism and dexterity, but I am turned on by it. He lowers me to the bed, kissing down to my chest until he hits the top of my breast.
Leaning back on his knees, he looks down at me with eyes full of lust and desire. He’s looked at me like this once or twice before but never with so much intensity.
I slide my hands up his forearms while his hands run up and down my thighs. Neither one of us are acting like we’re in a rush, but we are desperate to keep our hands on each other at the same time.
“Now that I have you here I don’t know where to start.” His eyes roam from the top of my head, to my breasts, over my pussy, and down my legs.
“We made it to first base downstairs,” I say. “Maybe we should give second base a try.” I lift my shirt over my head. Koa’s laughter over my silly analogy dies on his lips when he sees my bare breasts. Bras are overrated. I rarely wear them unless I have to. I think he approves.
“Look at you, trouble. Fucking gorgeous.” He lifts his shirt over his head and tosses the fabric off the side of the bed with mine. He levels his head to my body, and kisses, licks, and tastes me until he reaches my chest.
His mouth latches over my breast and he swirls his tongue around my nipple. I wrap my hand around the back of his head holding him in place. Switching to the other breast, he gives it the same treatment while fondling and caressing the one he just abandoned.
I move my hands down his back until I reach the waistband of his shorts. We are both wearing too many clothes. He grabs my hands and raises them above my head.
Laying flush against me, I feel every hard inch of him. I can’t stop myself. I lift my pelvis and rub my pussy down the length of him. Damn, he feels good.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “We need to set up ground rules.” His lips kiss up the side of my face. “No touching me from the waist down.”
I pout. “You are taking half the fun out of it.”
“You can touch me however you want up here.” He pushes his hand against his chest.
“I’ve touched your dick before and you didn’t complain. Pretty sure you begged for it,” I say, rolling my hips again.
“Trouble,” he groans. “Don’t test me.” His grip tightens on my wrists but not enough to hurt. “That was different.”
“How? ”
His head falls on my chest and he groans. “I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. One false move and it’s over.” His cheeks flush. “I want to take my time savoring every millimeter of your body. If you start touching me, I will lose control.”
“That sounds like something I might like.”
“Next time.” He smirks.
“Fine. Any other rules for me?”
“I want you bare. Nothing in between us anymore. It’s just us from now on. Are you comfortable with that?”
“Yes. I trust you. I’m on birth control. I’m clean.” The thought of going through our sexual history right now seems the opposite of sexy or romantic. I don’t want to discuss the two guys I slept with in my crusade of getting over Koa.
I definitely don’t want to hear about all the women he’s been with since me. The thought alone fills me with dread. I would rather swim in a pool of snakes. In case you’re wondering, I would really fucking hate to do that.
He nods. Maybe he’s thinking the same thing I am. “Good.” He kisses me and starts playing with my breast again.
“Wait,” I say in between kisses. “What about you?”
“I’m clean.” He moves down my neck. “You always smell so sweet for being such a little troublemaker.”
The way he moves over my body with his tongue and lips has me withering. He unbuttons my pants and pulls them off. My underwear follows shortly after another round of kisses and bites through the lace fabric. “Are you going to let me have another taste? I haven’t stopped thinking about how much I love having your cum coating my tongue.”
I pop my thighs open, letting him see how wet I am for him. Niagara Falls is drier than my vagina. He runs his fingers through my slit and collects my juices. Placing his fingers in his mouth, he closes his eyes and groans as he savors my taste.
I’ve never felt so turned on yet vulnerable at the same time. Other than when I fooled around with Koa, this is the first time I’ve been so exposed and open with a man.
I had my own set of rules with the others. Clothes stayed on, never in a bed, and no talking. It makes sense why I was never able to get over Koa. I wouldn’t let a man get close enough to try.
Emotions fill my chest and clog my throat. I swallow them down, hoping he’s too busy staring at my pussy to notice I’m about to cry.
“Baby,” he says, laying himself over me. He brushes my hair off my face and wipes a tear off my cheek. “This isn’t like last time. I’m going to prove it to you. Every day, and in every possible way. Starting now with my tongue on your pussy. Does that sound good?”
I nod and he kisses me with a sweet smile on his face. “Good girl.”
He slides back down my body and places open mouth kisses on my thighs and hip bone. Finally he licks me up my center and my back bows off the bed.
He slips a finger inside while he sucks my clit. It burns as he adds another finger, scissoring them and stroking them against my walls. “Fuck you’re tight, baby.”
I let out a low moan when he begins to caress one of my breasts in his palm. “Koa,” I plead with him. “More. I need…” My words trail off when my eyes land on him. His eyes hold mine captive, while his mouth does devious things to my pussy.
His fingers pump faster, dragging over my g-spot every time. I bite down on my lip and hold back a moan as my hands fist the comforter.
“Stop biting your lip. I want to hear you scream my name when you come. Don’t fucking think about being quiet,” he says, working his fingers in a slow and deliberate rhythm.
I arch my back and press my clit harder against the tip of his tongue. “Koa,” I say, in between whimpers and moans. I say his name over and over as I chase my orgasm and a few more times as I come down from the high.
He stands and discards the rest of his clothes. If I wasn’t already flat on my back, I would be now. He is fucking gorgeous. Broad shoulders, hard muscles, tattoos, and his large cock he’s palming in his hand. I want it all.
Climbing on top of me, he kisses me tenderly. “Go easy on me, baby.” He lines himself up at my entrance and pushes himself forward. His neck strains and he blows out a breath.
He pulls out and watches where we’re connected as he works himself another inch. “You’re doing so well. Look how much your pussy likes my cock. You got me glistening,” he says, and my body shudders.
I hook my arms under his and wrap them around his back. I want to feel as much of his skin on mine as possible. Sweat beads collect under my bangs but I refuse to let go of his warm body as he continues to thrusts his hips.
“Are you going to come for me again?” he asks.
“I don’t know that I can.”
“Baby, you can do anything.” He kisses me and the taste of me on his lips makes my clit pulse remembering his tongue was there a few minutes ago.
His eyes soften as they meet mine. “I love you, Sydney,” he says, slowing his rhythm. “I have for years. You don’t have to say it back but I need you to know that I do.” He kisses the tears that roll down my cheeks.
His admission has me squeezing him tighter as stars explode behind my eyes and everything goes black for a moment. He ducks his head into my chest and lets out a feral groan while he reaches his release.
“I love you too,” I admit to him finally. I kiss him again, weaving my fingers through his short hair and pressing my breasts into his chest. “I don’t think my heart knows how to do anything else but love you.”
“Thank you for loving me again. I promise I'll never hurt you again.”
“I know you won’t. I don’t think I was the only one hurting.”
“You weren’t,” he admits. “Let me get us cleaned up and then we can talk.” He pulls out and we both groan. “I can’t wait to be inside you again.” He kisses my forehead and then rushes off to the bathroom.
We clean up quickly and grab a bite to eat. We even cleaned up our mess in the kitchen. I guess we’ll have to learn how to cook another day.
“I like this,” he says, when I lay my head against his bare chest.
“Me too. Can I ask you something?” I lift my head and balance my chin on his pec.
“You can ask me anything.”
“Hmm…where have I heard that before?” I tease him, remembering he said that exact phrase to me once online. He just rolls his eyes. “It might ruin the vibe.”
“What do you want to know, trouble?”
I nibble at my lip, debating how badly I want to know the number of people Koa has been with. “How many sexual partners have you had?” I blurt out.
“Including you?” he questions. I nod. “One. You are the only person I’ve ever seen. You are the only person I’ve ever wanted. You were my first and you’ll be my last.”
I drop my head. He’s never been with anyone. He stayed faithful to me the entire time even though we weren’t together. And I…
“Don’t do that,” he says, lifting me onto him like a blanket. “I don’t give a fuck who you were with in the past. I knew they meant nothing before you even got with them because you were always going to end up here.”
“You seem pretty confident. ”
“I am. If you look close enough, you would have seen it all along too. Really look,” he says, pointing to his tattoos.
“I felt it. Loving you was too easy but I had to ignore it to protect myself,” I say then start looking at his tattoos on his chest and arm.
He sighs and kisses my forehead. “I hate that you went through that.”
“Trouble,” I read his tattoo out loud. I never thought twice about this word being tattooed over his heart. For years I saw the tattoo thinking it was about turning eighteen and being rebellious. “It was for me.”
He nods. “They all are.” He places my palm on his chest. I trace over the lines of the tattoo that coil around my nickname.
“What is all of this?” I ask, examining the decorative lines of his tattoo that covers his pecs and doesn’t end until it reaches his left shoulder. Upon closer inspection they look like leaves lined up end to end in various shapes and sizes to create a geometric pattern.
“What do you think it is?”
“It looks like leaves.”
“Willow tree leaves. One for every week since we were together the first time. I added to it every year,” he confesses. Water instantly fills my lash line. I inhale a deep breath hoping it can stop the wave of emotions I’m feeling. “While you were fighting hard to forget, I was doing whatever I could to hold on.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You were hurting because of me.”
“And you were hurting because of me.” I kiss the tattoo over his heart.
“But we’re together now. No matter what, remember?” he asks, twisting his right arm to show me his newest tattoo.
I gasp noticing the upgraded version of my body paint job from our date. I graze my fingers over the stars that seem to shimmer in the sky with whatever technique the artist used. I swallow hard. “You did it.”
“What did I do?”
“I don’t remember why I ever stopped loving you.”