3. Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Mack
It was Friday night, I'd survived three weeks at college and was finally beginning to feel some semblance of peace. Hugh and Ace had become fast friends, I'd spent every minute with them both. They had been amazing, meeting me in the carpark after parking my motorbike and walking inside with me. Don't get me wrong, the whole experience was still vomit inducing and I still spent countless hours overthinking every single interaction, somehow managing to talk myself into thinking that I must come across like a total needy idiot.
Hugh and Ace didn't make me feel that way though, they'd given me no indication that they felt that way about me. They seemed to like me if that was even possible. We laughed and joked and got to know each other well. I'd learnt that Hugh had a girlfriend called Grace, she was here at college too studying art. Apparently she was an amazing artist. I'd yet to meet her. Her classes were different times to ours. I'd also learnt that Ace had a younger brother called Jax, he was his legal guardian as their parents weren't around anymore. I don't know where they are, I kind of got the impression that it was a no go subject with Ace. Which was fine by me, we all have our secrets. Jax had just turned eighteen, they still lived in their childhood home. Along with Hugh who had moved in just before the start of term.
Hugh and Ace had known each other since high school, growing closer over the years, deciding to start college at the same time. Hugh's girlfriend Grace often spent time at their house too. It sounded like fun, living together with friends. I'd only ever lived with my parents and whilst I felt incredibly safe and secure there, I was beginning to feel more ready to step out on my own.
We spent four days in college and then next week we were starting our one day a week work placement at the local fire station. The teacher had separated us into different groups, sending us all on different days. When I found out that I'd been separated from the guys, they each watched on as every ounce of colour drained from my face and the panic began to build. I hated feeling so incredibly weak, especially in front of everybody. I was barely able to concentrate for the remainder of the lesson, driving myself to insanity overthinking every single detail. It didn't last long though as within an hour of getting home for the evening, I'd received an email telling me I'd been swapped into a different group. The email didn't give any further details but I had a feeling I knew who had made that happen.
I'd never had friends before, not proper friends anyway. Not friends that actually liked me for me and weren't there with some ulterior motive. It felt good, it felt like I could show snippets of who the real Mack was. I wasn't meant to be the anxiety ridden, trembling idiot who couldn't cope with life. I knew I wasn't, that wasn't who I was destined to be.
"Hey buddy, you fancy coming over to play Xbox and have a few beers?" Ace slung an arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly. I didn't flinch anymore, I'd come to learn that Ace was a very tactile guy and I'd grown used to it.
"Erm …" I hesitated. I wanted to, more than anything.
"It'll just be us … and Jax. He's pretty quiet though, you remind me of him. I think you'd get on well. "
"Alright?" it came out more like a question but I could do this. I wanted to. That's what normal guys did wasn't it? Not all twenty two year old guys spend their Friday nights watching countdown with their parents whilst eating a Friday night curry.
"Cool cool, come round for eight?" Ace rattled off his address before sauntering over to his car and climbing in with Hugh sitting in the passenger seat. They both gave me a thumbs up before Ace pulled out of the carpark like he was being chased by the police, I saw Hugh smack him on the back of the head as they pulled out. I couldn't hold back the chuckle that left me as I saw the red brake lights flash and Ace slow to a crawl. I really loved that guy.
They were both so different yet somehow so similar. Hugh was a pretty serious guy, he was well spoken and put together. He was sensible and loyal, careful and responsible. Whereas Ace was more of a live wire, he was confident and had a swagger in his step. He came across as a really cocky dude, a joker …. a man whore if the stories were anything to go by. But he had the biggest heart of anyone I'd ever met, he checked in with me all the time. He was patient and perceptive. Reliable and honest. He had managed to bring me out of my shell by just being himself. If I hadn't met the two of them on that very first day then I can honestly say that I wouldn't have come back that second day. That panic attack would have completely floored me. When I got home that first day my mum burst into tears as I walked through the door with a smile on my face. She told me how proud she was of me, I could tell just by looking at her that she'd spent the entire day worrying about me. Probably waiting for a phone call to come and collect me, I knew she would, that woman would drop everything to be by my side if I needed her.
She looked tired, exhausted with worry and I hated that I was the reason for it. One day I hoped that I could take that fear and concern out of her life. I wanted her to enjoy her life with my dad, not spend every second burdened with worry for me.
So I slipped my bash hat on my head and revved my Suzuki VL 125 Intruder, it was an old bike but I loved it. It used to be my Dad's but he'd given it to me on my eighteenth birthday, hoping to give me some independence I think. I headed home to get ready for my evening out, how sad is it that I'd never had an evening out with friends before. Some twenty two year olds were out there getting into serious relationships, moving in together and getting married. Yet here I was about to experience something that I should have experienced years ago.
"You look gorgeous love, very handsome," Mum patted my cheeks and smoothed a stray bit of hair across my forehead.
"Thanks Mum," I could see the unshed tears in her eyes. This was just as hard for her as it was for me. This was something we should have been doing years ago and she was incredibly protective of me. I suppose when you find your son of the brink of suicide that's not something you can ever forget.
"You ready to go? I'll drop you off in the car, just call Dad when you're ready and he will come and pick you up ok? And don't forget, if you need us you call us okay? Don't you hesitate. We're only ten minutes away."
"I know Mum, you don't need to worry. Hugh and Ace are good guys, I'll be fine," I tried to console her.
"I know love, I know …" she trailed off.
"It's okay Mum, I know …" I pulled her into a hug, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. This woman was my best friend, she'd been my only company for the past eight years. Dad was always at work, but Mum was always here.
Ten minutes later, we pulled up outside Ace's house. It was in the rougher part of town, Bedgebury Place. But I wasn't one to judge, the house looked nice enough. It was clean and tidy, with a perfectly mown lawn. I just knew that was something to do with Hugh, he was an organised kind of guy. We sat in the car looking at the house as the door opened up and out stepped Ace with a huge grin on his face.
"Alright then …" I trailed off before moving to get out of the car. I looked back at Mum who was staring out of the window at Ace, her small body was trembling, her shoulders silently shaking as I heard a small sniffle. She pulled a balled up tissue out of the sleeve of her cardigan and gently swiped away her tears.
"Mum, what's wrong?" Mum and I were so connected, it hurt my heart to know that she was in pain.
She turned towards me then and all I saw was pain and fear in her eyes.
"I'm okay love, this is hard is all. I just want you to be okay." She tried to give me a small smile but it just made the tears fall faster. I reached across the centre console and pulled her into my body as she wept.
"I'm okay Mum, I promise. They're good guys," I could see Ace still standing in the doorway, smile long gone as he watched on, concern etched on his face. I saw him turn his head and shout something back into the house. I couldn't hear what he said but soon enough Hugh appeared next to him and the two of them began moving towards the car. Ace made eye contact with me and gave me a small nod, he was so perceptive. I don't know how he did it but he seemed to be able to read situations without having any details. He knew I'd been through something traumatic and he had a way of knowing what a person needed before they even knew themselves.
"Come on Mum, I have some people I'd like you to meet," I hopped out of the passenger side and rounded the car before opening the door and helping Mum out. Mouthing a silent "thank you" to the guys.
"Mum, I'd like you to meet Hugh and Ace. Guys this is my Mum, Rosie," Hugh stepped forward first and reached out a hand to shake my Mum's.
"Nice to meet you Mrs Richards, I'm Hugh."
"Nice to meet you too Hugh."
Ace wasn't quite so restrained as he stepped forward with his arms outstretched,
"It's nice to meet you Rosie, I'm Ace. You have a good boy here you know."
Mum didn't even hesitate as she moved into his arms and held him tightly, I barely heard her as she whispered to him,
"Thank you for looking after my Mack." Tears burned the back of my eyes, it was different seeing her being so open with somebody else. She had always tried to be so strong in front of me. I'd told her all about the guys and how they'd helped me that day, she knew I wouldn't have walked back in that door otherwise.
"Always Mrs R, he's a good man. We've got him now. I promise." With that sentiment, Mum let go of him, patted him on the cheek and moved to say goodbye to me. The torment in her eyes had lessened somewhat.
"I'll see you later love, have a good time."
"See you later Mum." The three of us stood on the edge of the curb and waved her off.
"Thanks for that guys. She … worries."
"All good." Hugh piped up. Before turning and striding back inside the house.
"Come on man, let's go and have some fun." Ace's arm was around my shoulder again as he led me inside the house.