Chapter 17
McCrae
A bunch of guys from high school had surrounded me, and we were reminiscing about our childhood days; memories that were like old friends to me.
The party buzzed around me, a symphony of voices and music that blended into a familiar comfort.
The smell of my mom’s famous barbecue sauce drifted from the back deck, where Dad was manning the grill.
And I could see Kayla and Sky out of my peripheral vision.
Then I saw her.
Rose.
Our eyes met, and I didn’t know what to do. Rose was here. She was right here. It was like the sea of people parted, and she made her way toward me. She looked amazing.
One of my buddies tapped me on the shoulder. “I didn’t realize Rose was in town. Looks like she’s coming for you.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t realize it either.”
And how did I feel about the fact that she was coming for me? Maybe a week ago, I wouldn’t have minded it. I would have been happy, sort of. Yet after only a couple of days with Sky, it was like I’d suddenly gained perspective.
Rose got to me and then opened up her arms. “McCrae, it’s your thirtieth!” she called out as she wrapped me in a hug. The scent of her strong perfume wafted over me, a perfume I knew well. She pulled back, and then did something that surprised me. She planted a kiss right on my mouth.
I was confused, paralyzed for a second, and then I pulled back and wiped my mouth, feeling angry. “What are you doing?”
Rose kept her hands on my arms. “What do you mean, what am I doing? It’s your birthday and I’m back. I thought you’d be happy.”
I took a step back and extricated myself from her grasp. “We haven’t talked in a year and a half, Rose.”
She shrugged and looked embarrassed. “What do you want me to say, McCrae? I needed a break from this town. From my life.”
“From me,” I said quietly. Even though I could feel everyone watching us.
Rose’s cheeks went red. She scoffed. “I’m here now.” She batted her eyelashes. “I’m here for your birthday.”
I stared at her, somehow really seeing her for maybe the first time. Seeing the insincerity that others always told me about.
Again, she batted her eyes, now they had a sheen to them. “McCrae, come on, I’m here.” She moved to go back in and hug me.
I grabbed her hands and held them in the air, keeping her arms away from me. “Thanks for coming to my party. But you were gone for a year and a half.” I dropped her hands and turned away.
She grabbed my arm. “McCrae, don’t be like that. I was just having, like, a midlife crisis or something. I mean, this town … I don’t know. Can we just talk?”
I looked down at where she was touching me. My mind flashed to the fact Sky had been left. Seemingly abandoned. That’s what she had done to me.
“McCrae.” She stomped her foot like a child. Something I used to think was amusing about her, now I just found it annoying.
I tugged away. “You left. That’s on you.”
She tightened her grip on my arm. “McCrae, please.”
“Please let go.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “But …” she trailed.
“Let go,” I said quickly.
She dropped her hand. “I’m sorry, okay? I just needed some time to think about if I wanted you and I to continue.”
I grunted. “Well, time’s up, and I’ve moved on.” As the words came out of my mouth, I knew they were actually true.
She pushed out her bottom lip.
Another thing I used to think was cute. I turned my back to her and beelined it for the kitchen. To Sky, who was already staring at me, holding a knife right above some carrots.
She froze and met my gaze.
“You okay?”
I sucked in a breath. “Yeah, fine.” But I wasn’t fine. My gut was all tight, and the place felt like it was closing in on me.
She nodded to the back porch. “You want to go get some air real quick?”
I hesitated, searching for my mother. In a way, I would be disrespecting her if I left the party she was throwing for me.
I didn’t want to hurt my mom, even though I gave her grief.
She was kind of the best mom ever. But I spotted my mom talking and laughing with Isla and Ella, holding a glass of punch.
“Yeah, let’s get some air for a second; then we’ll come back. ”
I walked out into the night air, moving past a bunch of people who all tried to stop me and say something nice to me. I tried to be polite, but I kept walking. Luckily, Sky stayed with me.
An old buddy, Clint, called out to me. “McCrae, wait, I want to say happy birthday!”
“Thanks,” I said, waving him off. “I just have to run and get something. I’ll be right back.”
I grabbed Sky’s hand, and we walked faster and faster. I moved to the path past the gardens and the trail toward the treehouse.
The night air wrapped around us like a soft blanket, cool and refreshing after the warmth of the crowded house. The garden path was lined with small solar lights that glowed softly against the darkness, creating pools of gentle light along the stone walkway.
Sky cleared her throat. “McCrae, are you okay?”
I only stopped when we got to a little area that had benches along the path to the treehouse. A tree shielded us from the house’s view, its ancient branches spreading wide above us.
“No, not really.” I pulled my hand away and paced, running a hand through my hair. I felt weird. “You can go back to the party if you want to.”
Sky hesitated, and then she moved over and quietly sat on the bench. “I … can’t do that.”
I glanced over at her, confused by her teasing tone. “What are you talking about?”
She shrugged. “Well, in my book, you found me a couple days ago, and you have been there for me when I was freaking out and struggling and going through everything. So that’s what I’m going to do for you, because you’re clearly having a freakout.”
I glared at her. “No, I’m not.”
She let out a light laugh. “Yeah, you’re freaking out, and that’s okay. I mean, Kayla told me that that was Rose, right? The Rose who left you and went to New York and all that.”
It made me uncomfortable to hear Sky talk about Rose, and even worse was the fact that Kayla had told her.
In a way, it sort of felt like a betrayal, but I knew it wasn’t.
I mean, the whole town knew about it. It’s not like it was a secret.
How many pitying looks had I gotten over the last year and a half?
“Yeah, that was Rose.” I sighed, then met Sky’s gaze. “Did you see her kiss me?”
Sky crossed her arms and then gave a little nod. “I did.”
I threw a hand into the air. “She’s gone a year and a half.
” I tapped a finger. “No call.” I tapped another finger.
“No text.” I tapped another finger. “Nothing.” Anger shot through me, finally hitting me after the shock of it all.
“And now she walks in here, on my birthday, and acts like nothing has changed. Then kisses me.”
Sky frowned. “It’s crappy.”
I nodded. “And do you know what she told me?”
Sky leaned forward, propping her elbows on her knees and looking interested. “Tell.”
I still couldn’t believe it. “She told me that she was back now and that she’d been having a midlife crisis or something, and that I shouldn’t have a problem with it.”
Sky shook her head. “That sucks.”
I let out a growl. “It does suck, because I’ve constantly been wondering what I did wrong. We were together. I was about to—” I waved my hand toward the house. “Never mind.”
Sky didn’t say anything.
I paced and then ran my hand through my hair again.
Sky leaned back, staring at the ground.
I let out a light breath and then sat next to her, trying to calm myself.
For a few moments neither of us said anything.
I leaned back, closing my eyes and putting my face up.
Suddenly, her hand rested on my shoulder. “You okay?”
I opened my eyes and stared at her. “Nobody knows this, but I bought a wedding ring for her. I was going to ask her to marry me on New Year’s Eve at the town dance, because our families would be there.
I had the whole thing worked out. I was going to talk to her about plans to possibly build a house.
I was—” I broke off, feeling out of breath and forlorn.
Sky lightly squeezed my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t help but think about how so much had changed in the past three days. Everything felt jumbled inside my head. “I can’t handle this.”
Sky pulled her hand back. “We don’t have to talk. I mean, you can just sit out here and breathe for a second.”
I sucked in a little breath, as if I’d needed her to remind me. “Okay.”
She got up.
“Where are you going?”
“Do you want to be alone?”
“No.” I was surprised to hear myself say it.
She sat back down, saying nothing.
The music kept going, but my head felt like it was being melted into Swiss cheese.
“She hurt me,” I said after a long minute of silence.
A sad look washed over her face. “I’m sorry.”
I took another long breath. “Yeah.”
Again, more silence.
Finally, I turned to face Sky, feeling more like myself. “Look, I’ve moved on. I mean, I’ve dated in the last couple months like everything’s been fine, but it’s just so weird that she walks in tonight on my thirtieth birthday and acts like the last year and a half didn’t happen.”
She nodded. “I mean, I might not be the best to ask about what is normal at the moment…”
I smiled for the first time.
She smiled back.
It was … amazing, talking with this woman and having her be there for me.
“It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
Our eyes held and so many feelings rushed through me. She frowned. “It seems like you do have unresolved feelings for her.”
Annoyed, I stood. Then paced again. “I don’t.
I mean, I guess I do. She acts like I should just kiss her back and we can move on with our relationship.
I guess what infuriates me is she acts like she doesn’t owe me some …
apology.” I yearned for a punching bag. I yearned for a bad guy to chase down and beat the crap out of.
“It’s frustrating when you don’t have answers.”
I stopped pacing and met her gaze again. I sighed. “I guess you know that.”
She nodded. “I do.”
I let out a sardonic laugh. “Though not remembering could be nice. Sometimes.”
She nodded. “True.”
I sat again. “Thank you.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“For talking it through with me.”
She shook her head. “You talked, I listened.”
“Thank you for that.”
Her eyebrow went up. “Of course.” She paused. “But it seems like you would have a lot of people to talk things through with you.”
I nodded. “My family, yes, when I want them to. But it’s hard too because they pretty much hate Rose at this point.”
“How do you feel about her?”
Her question took me aback for a second and I had to choose my words carefully.
“What?”
I felt nervous, but I pushed through it. “This is probably going to come out all wrong, but the last couple of days have been really nice.”
The side of her lip turned up. “Really?”
“Yes, it’s been so nice to talk to you, laugh with you, and see things through new eyes.
I don’t know. I mean, I’m probably saying way too much.
But you’re always asking questions like, ‘Why isn’t someone here?
Why hasn’t someone come for me, and do I have a husband or a boyfriend?
’ And every time you do, I feel scared that someone will come for you, that you will be married, and maybe I’ll never get a shot with you. ”
The moment went … quiet.
Even the crickets had gone quiet, as if nature itself was waiting to see what would happen next.
I turned away from her searching gaze. “I don’t know what I’m saying. My head’s not on straight.” I immediately regretted spilling all of that to her. “I shouldn’t have said that.” I stood and moved toward the house. “Here, let’s just go back and forget that conversation.”
“Wait, McCrae.”
I kept walking.
Suddenly, her hand found mine.
I stopped, turning to face her.
She smiled up at me. “I’ve had those thoughts too.”
Her hand was so warm. My heart pounded in my chest. Maybe it was wrong and I shouldn’t do it, but I found myself leaning in and gently pressing my lips to hers.
It was like everything stopped. Whether this moment lasted seconds or minutes or hours or days or years, I didn’t know.
All I knew was that this woman was everything to me.
Sky pulled back, searching my face. “But … what about Rose?”
I was horrified, thinking about how I ran out of my parents’ house to get away from Rose and then kissed Sky.“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. I won’t do that again.”