Chapter 44
MATTEO
When was the last time I spent the night with a girl on a beach? Having sex or just holding her, nothing much to worry about?
It was so long ago, the memories are fuzzy.
And when was the last time I took a girl’s virginity? That memory is even fuzzier. I remember it felt good. Not as good as taking Goldie’s though. Nothing was ever quite as good as it is with her. Not the kissing, not the sex, not even just talking.
Sunday is dawning now. It’s still just a hint of light along the horizon, but it’s here. And after today, all the good I had with her will just be a faded memory. If I’m lucky. Or it will be a horrible waking nightmare every time I look at her face.
Because whatever else happens, I plan to look at her pretty face every day from now on. She may not like it, but she won’t have a choice. Because she’s mine now. I claimed her. And I’m not letting anyone else have her.
The pure fire those thoughts bring is enough to convince me they’re the truth, that they’re our future.
For years, the only thing I’ve been feeling fire towards is my plans for revenge against Dante Moretti.
Now she’s a source of that fire too, the means to my revenge, the sacrifice I must make, but also my reward.
We need to get going. She back to the last day of her normal life. Me to the first day of the rest of my life.
Her head is on my chest and she’s lying atop my arm, which has been numb for ages. I didn’t move it, because I wanted the cozy closeness to last and last.
But it’s time now.
I call her name softly a few times, but she doesn’t stir until I use her nickname, Goldie.
Then she picks up her head and looks at me in the darkness, her eyes only partially open, but still somehow holding all the shine and glitter of gold.
“You should go back to the house now,” I tell her softly.
“Can’t we stay a little longer?” she asks.
There’s a gleam in her eyes that tells me she’s ready for round two and I want nothing more than to oblige her. But that’s already yesterday. And today is Sunday. The dreams of yesterday turn to nightmares today.
Unless she’ll be happy that I took her away from her tyrannical father. Gave her freedom. Such as any of us have. Maybe that’s a possibility too. In this pre-dawn cold, I burn for it to be.
“No, we have to go.” I rise up with her in my arms. Kiss her again once we’re standing, getting one last taste of the happy, golden dream. She melts into me, her soft skin pressed mine like an immaculate blanket. So willing, so ready, so very much mine to have. I want her more than I want revenge.
The voice in my head that tells me that is faint and quieter than a whisper. But it sends my heart thundering in my chest. There is nothing I crave more than my revenge!
I break away from the kiss, ignore her disappointed sigh, ignore her imploring eyes, as I search for her dress.
“Put it on,” I tell her as I push it into her hands.
Then I ignore her again while I dress too, not even bothering to remove the sand from my clothes or out of my shoes.
“Will I see you again tonight?” she asks once we’re both dressed.
“Yes.” That’s no lie. She will see me tonight. Just not in the way she thinks as she smiles at me, that golden radiance around her intensifying.
I’m holding the raincoat up to wrap it around her.
It bears the stains of what I took from her last night—her virginity.
Like the sheets she’d be obligated to show to her entire family on the morning after her wedding night.
A dumb Sicilian tradition. And yet, she’s taking it to her family now.
Showing it to them. And in a way that means our union is complete.
“Goodbye for now then,” she says and turns to walk away.
But she only takes a few steps before facing me again.
“My father is coming to spend the morning with us,” she says. “But afterwards, at night we can meet. I will ask to stay here. Maybe for the whole week. We can be together every night.”
“I’d like that.” I smile and nod and mean my words with all my heart.
It’s just too bad my heart is a black thing that even her golden light can’t penetrate. It yearns only for revenge. Only for blood and vengeance. And there’s no place for love in it.
I know that now, as my mind drifts to thoughts of killing her father.
Doing it here when he arrives. Making short work of it.
Destroying her life to resurrect my own on its ruins.
That’s what my heart burns for the brightest. Not even the yearning for her kisses and her sweet, young, soft body can match it.
So long, Goldie. You were the best I ever had. But it’s over now.
The thought seems to echo over the empty beach as I watch her walk away, sliding on the waves, making it all the way to the Pacific Ocean, to a time when I wouldn’t have had to make such a goodbye. To a time when she could stay whole and still be mine.
But the memory of that time and her is already growing fuzzy.
Because my mind is already on tomorrow. The first day of the rest of my life when all my dreams of revenge will finally start coming true.