15. Millie
CHAPTER 15
Millie
My body aches.
I shouldn’t be this sore so many days after a hike. It feels like somebody has pulled out every muscle in my body, tied them up in knots, and then put them back in all the wrong places. To compliment my broken body, my ego is still in tatters after being carried down the mountain over Caden’s shoulder.
My stomach cramps as I roll over, throwing my feet off the edge of the bed and begging for the energy to bring myself to standing.
Maura is headed into town for her weekly errands, and I’m unfortunately tagging along. I made arrangements to join her long before I realized how much agony I’d be in today, or how ridiculously early 7 a.m. would feel.
I could call off.
Maura wouldn’t mind me rearranging my plans for another day where every step doesn’t feel like certain death, but I promised Elodie I’d grab some of those apple turnovers she loves from Stella’s. And who am I to come between a girl and her favourite pastry?
I throw on a pair of oversized grey sweatpants from the dirty laundry basket, inspecting them for any stains that might make it obvious that I’m wearing unwashed clothes. Satisfied there’s no evidence, I finish the outfit off with my teddy-bear fleece and what is becoming my trademark half-assed bun.
Troll-under-the-bridge chic.
I make my way out of the staff house, tossing a waterproof anorak over my arm while wrestling my dusty pink rucksack onto my shoulders.
The cool morning is a tonic for my flushed cheeks. My eyes fall closed as I walk across the grassy yard towards the creek, letting alpine air fill my lungs.
With each passing day, I love it here a little bit more.
“You might want to watch where you’re going.” The husky voice comes from somewhere outside of me, breaking through my sweet reverie and reminding me that there are still some things I’ve not grown to love about this place. “It’s my day off… don’t want to have to save you from drowning.”
I peel one eye open, assaulted by the man that comes into view.
Caden is jogging across the creek bridge, his T-shirt notably removed, tucked in at his waistband. A glistening sheen of sweat covers his torso. I follow its path over his pronounced muscles towards the deep V above his shorts. A lump forms in my throat as I take in the thick line of dark hair running down his lower abdomen, trailing off towards a place I have no business venturing.
“Eyes up, Adams,” Caden goads, slowing his pace until he’s stationary in front of me, resting his hands on his hips. “City boys don’t look like this?”
Damp hair falls across his forehead, framing his face as he catches his breath.
“Bore off,” I balk, attempting to push past him towards the lodge. I don’t plan on lingering here any longer when he’s looking like that . “You’ll trip over your ego if you’re not careful.”
I aim for a quick exit, but my butchered ankle drags behind me, voiding all attempts to disguise my suffering.
“Looks like you’re struggling a bit on that ankle.” Caden crosses his arms over his broad chest, watching me with amusement as I hobble away from him. “You just trying to get me to throw you over my shoulder again?”
“No,” I mutter, returning a prompt middle finger in his direction as I work to leave his intolerable ass behind. “I’m trying to get away from you.”
“Millie, love.” Stella envelops me in a hug as I make my way into the bakery, the scent of cinnamon and vanilla rich in the air. “It’s so nice to see you again, how are you getting on at the lodge?”
It’s only my second time in the bakery, but Stella greets me like she’s known me forever.
“Hi, Stella.” I break the hug, feeling like it’s already gone on too long. “I’m doing good, settling in now.” I’m not sure how much truth there is to that. Things have certainly been getting better, but I’m a long way from settled . “I’m still learning everything, trying to turn my hand to a few of the jobs around the lodge. The weather has been gorgeous so far – you can’t beat the sunrise from up there.”
“Quite right.” Stella nods. “I’ve lived here all my days, and I still pinch myself sometimes when I step out under those clouds. Anyway, what can I get for you this morning?”
I wince, noting the snaking line of customers in front of me. The younger staff member behind the counter laughs, shaking her head, as if Stella makes a habit of prioritizing locals over tourists.
“Just a couple of apple turnovers,” I whisper, hoping not to draw attention to my unintentional queue jumping. “And a tray of cinnamon rolls.”
“Right you are,” she beams, making no attempt to quiet her own voice. “Coming right up.”
A sea of wronged eyes bore into me as they catch on to the preferential treatment.
I mouth silent ‘sorrys’ as I bustle past them towards the cash register.
“There you are, honey.” Stella hands me a brown paper bag across the counter. A quick count confirms that she’s given me at least double the pastries I asked for. “How have the staff been?”
“They’ve all been great,” I answer. “I’m fitting in really well.” Another half-truth. Some of the staff have been lovely, but others are proving more challenging .
“I hear young Caden wasn’t all too thrilled about your arrival,” Stella adds, dropping change into my palm.
I raise my eyebrow.
She’s not wrong. Caden wasn’t shy about making his feelings known when I arrived, but I didn't anticipate it becoming town gossip so quickly.
“Maura told me he asked her to send you home,” she adds, as though reading the confusion on my face. “He was quite wound up apparently, blew up at her over dinner, barely touched his food.”
Send me home.
“I… uh…” I try to swallow. “He wasn’t the most welcoming, but I didn’t know he felt so strongly about getting rid of me.”
The revelation hurts me more than it should. I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but as a founding member of the please-like-me-or-I’ll-die committee, I do.
“Ohhh!” Stella throws a palm in front of her mouth, as though just realizing she might have put her foot in it. “Well, don’t you worry about him, he’ll come around eventually. That’s just what Caden does, he puts on this tough, grumpy exterior, but he’s soft deep down. A sweet boy once you get to know him.” She throws her arm around my shoulder as she walks me back out of the bakery into the early morning. “You’ll see.”
I’m not so sure I will, he strikes me as many things but sweet isn’t one of them.
Maura and I have entirely separate lists of errands, something I’m grateful for now that hot tears are brimming in the corners of my eyes. The last thing I need is for my new boss to watch me break down over the opinions of a man who hasn’t even taken the time to get to know me.
I make my way down main street, going through the motions as I window shop and attempt to push down the emotions burbling inside of me. I drop a postcard for Mom & Maddie at the post office, dip into the bookstore and candy shop, and then finally, step into the warm hug of The Coffee Pot.
I’m lost in my mind, replaying that first encounter with Caden, trying to work out the exact point where I went wrong. I barely register the cashier as she calls out to me, motioning for me to move forwards towards the service counter.
“You read?” she asks, nodding to the book in my hand as she folds a dusty red wave behind her ear. “We have a book club here every Thursday. You're more than welcome to come along, it’s mostly romance books.” There’s a twang to her accent that I can’t quite place.
“We really just drink wine and drool over smut,” another girl chimes in, leaning over the cashier’s shoulder before disappearing through a staff only door.
“Oh, no…” I shake my head, tucking the book further under my arm to conceal the exposed chest on the cover. “I just picked this up for my roommate. I think she’s one cowboy romance away from going full yeehaw and running off to join the rodeo in search of a man.”
“With that description, that’s gotta be Elodie.” She laughs, passing me my receipt and a stamped loyalty card. “I’m Brenna by the way, I’m guessing you must be Millie?”
“Uh, yeah,” I reply, wondering how yet another person seems to know who I am before I’ve even had the chance to make my own first impression. “Yeah, that’s me.”
She hooks a thumb in the direction of the barista by the coffee machine. “Evan’s brother Luke works out at the lodge in the kitchen. ”
I’ve met Luke briefly, tall, scrawny and quiet – one of the line cooks I’m sure.
“He did a pretty good job of describing you, babe,” Evan adds, dusting chocolate over a love heart stencil before sliding my coffee across the counter.
“He did?” My eyebrows furrow together.
“Yeah,” he nods, resting one dainty hand on his hip and the other over Brenna’s shoulder. “I’d put money on him having a little bit of a crush, the way he was talking about the short brunette with the peachy ass,” he shrugs, “and here you are.”
“Huh,” I laugh, shaking my head, “I highly doubt he has a crush, but I appreciate you hyping me up anyway. Lord knows I need all the good vibes I can get today.”
“Well,” he sighs, returning to the coffee machine and grabbing the next order from the printer. “Unfortunately, I’m here five days a week, so you know where to find me if you ever need an extra dose.”
“Noted,” I say, grabbing my coffee as I clock the long line of customers forming behind me. “Thanks for this—” I hold up the mug “—it was so nice to meet you both.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Millie,” Brenna calls out, her smile soft as she adjusts her monitor to take the next coffee order.
Light rain starts to fall outside as I slump down into a padded armchair halfway between a wall of foggy windows and the open fire.
There’s a lingering heaviness in me today that I can’t seem to shift.
People all around me are making their own assumptions about me, good and bad, trying to place who I am, when I’m not even sure if I know that myself .
“Looks like there’s a thunderstorm going on up there.” Maura pulls out a chair across from me. “You need a listening ear?”
She places her tray on the table, passing me a slice of carrot cake and adjusting the knitted tea cosy on her pot.
I scramble for my wallet, pulling out some change and sliding it across the table towards her.
“For the cake, you didn’t need to.”
“Nonsense.” She shoos my hand away, pouring herself a cup of breakfast tea, mixing in cream and sugar. “I’m glad we’ve got some time together this morning. How are things now that you’re here?”
“Work is great,” I say, trying not to let my mood overshadow the gratitude I have for this job. “I’ve been getting used to the lodge side of things while it’s been slower, and I think I’m an expert at cleaning the inside of a toilet bowl now.”
She leans back in her chair, taking a sip, and holding me in place with a look. “I’m not asking about the work, Millie. I know you’re doing a good job. I wouldn’t have hired you if I had any qualms about that.”
“Then, what are you asking?”
“I’m asking how you are… really.” She loosens her cardigan at the shoulders, letting it fall back against her chair. “When we first spoke, you said you were looking for a change. It sounded like you needed an out, a chance to start over.”
“Oh… yes.” I sulk into myself a little. “I’m doing okay, but honestly, I thought this would be easier,” I confess. “I thought getting some distance from where I grew up might help me, but in some ways everything seems harder. I’m pu shing myself out of my comfort zone and my brain doesn’t seem to like it.”
I don’t bother going into more detail – about the dreams, or the moments of panic, or how I’m finding myself triggered in ways I never have been before. If I’m too honest, I don’t think I’d be able to hold back the tears for much longer – my sadness is a dam, just waiting for its release.
“These things take time.” Her words are soft, bound by the sort of knowing that comes with age. “Be kind to yourself in the in-betweens, you don’t have to have it all figured out.”
“I know.” I bite my lip, running a finger over the rim of my cup. “I just wish there was some sort of shortcut to the part where everything feels okay.”
“I get it… I was like you once too, you know – starting over, not really knowing where my life was headed or how I was going to get there.” She takes my hand across the table, rubbing her soft thumb over my knuckles. “It’s okay to be scared, unsure, lost with it all. But you will find your way, darling. Maybe not right now but soon enough. Braggan Valley is a healer – this place has a way of giving people exactly what they need, when the time is right.”