18. Caden
CHAPTER 18
Caden
I couldn’t care less whether you stay or go.
I replay the words over in my head, wishing I could take them back. Not just because saying them out loud makes me sound like a complete asshole, but because they’re also starting to feel like the furthest thing from the truth.
She infuriates me.
And yet, I can’t seem to get enough.
She’s everywhere I look, doing dumb fucking shit.
This morning, I looked out of the kitchen window to see her immersed in sunrise yoga by the creek with Elodie. It might’ve been the perfect advert for the stretch on her yoga pants had her downward dog not looked so much like a constipated chihuahua trying to squeeze out a shit.
If she’s not falling over something, waltzing around with her eyes closed or finding the most inane way to complete a task, then she’s putting herself at risk by wearing those stupid over ear headphones everywhere she goes. It’s like she forgets that we live in a National Park with wild animals that would happily eat her for breakfast.
She’s clumsy, and uncoordinated, and careless.
But aside from all of that, I can’t help but notice that she’s kind too. I’ve caught her in her sweeter moments – laughing with Maura, or taking the time to chat with the quieter new hires while they’re still settling in. Throwing the same ball for Doug over and over again.
There’s a softness to her that I wasn’t prepared for.
Then in the moments where she thinks nobody is watching, she takes enough deep breaths for me to know that what I’ve seen so far is just what’s on the surface. There’s a side of her that she doesn’t show to the world freely.
And that’s the side that draws me in the most.