36. Caden
CHAPTER 36
Caden
We’re going to have to hire a contractor if we’ve got any hope of getting these rooms online before the end of the month. I’ve barely got any work done in weeks. The main lodge renovations should have been finished now, but I can’t focus on a single task for more than five minutes.
Every minute of my day is filled with thoughts of her, all of the things I want to do to her, and everything I want to give her.
I’m ready to give her all of the things I’ve never even considered giving to someone else.
I wipe at the sweat beading at my forehead, throwing another plank of wood into the scrap pile. I think Maura might use the off cuts of wood to make a crucifix for me if she ever finds out how much money I’ve wasted this month. I’ve had to cut boards for the same section of paneling at least three times already.
I’m distracted.
Letting the tape measure recoil, I accept that I’m not going to get any further along with this project today. With the temperature sitting over thirty, and Millie taking up every corner of my thoughts, I’m as much use here as a chocolate teapot.
I prop open the back door with my toolbox, stepping out into the afternoon to cool off – disappointed to find there’s not even so much as a slight breeze, just blistering sun. I wasn’t built for this. I’ve always preferred the frost of winter and days like today back up my testimony that summer sucks.
I swat a mosquito on my arm, watching my own blood seep out of its tiny body.
Little fuckwit.
Pouring a trickle of water from my bottle over my forehead, I lean back against the siding of the lodge and close my eyes. I’d take this moment to pray for summer to be over sooner, if it didn’t mean that I’d be willing Millie’s departure closer.
I can’t hold that thought in my head for any length of time. Having her here only to lose her again feels like a punishment I’m not quite sure I deserve.
My skin prickles as I catch the sound of soft, feminine mutterings getting louder as they move closer. I can already picture Millie lost in her own world, headphones over her ears, paying zero attention to her surroundings.
She rounds the corner, jumping back with a fright as she almost comes into contact with my shoulder.
“Holy shit!” she exclaims, dropping the basket of laundry that was resting on her hip at my feet. “You’re not supposed to be there.”
“Oh really, where am I supposed to be? ”
“Well actually—” she nods in the direction of my unfinished work, “—inside that lodge until the renovations are done. Maura’s a few days out from disemboweling you for your tardiness.”
“Pfff, don’t I know it.” I take another swig of water, trying to stave off the headache that’s forming between my brow.
“This heat is unbearable.” Millie lets her weight fall onto one hip as she tosses her hair up into a lopsided bun.
“It is.” Stifling now that she’s close enough to touch and I can’t do anything about it. I’m in the right mind to grab her and push her up against this wall, taking her lips in mine like I’ve been craving for far too long.
“What are you thinking? Your face just did that weird thing.”
“What thing?”
“The thing where your jaw goes tight and you look like you’ve seen red.”
Shit .
“I’m just too hot.” It’s not a lie, just a slight omission of the truth. “I’m going for a dip at the lake when I’m done to cool off. Come if you want.”
Come if you want.
Like that has ever convinced anyone to go anywhere. I need to cut my bullshit and tell Millie how I feel. The summer is too short for me to keep stumbling around my words like a coward.
“If you want to see me in my swimsuit again, you could just say that, Caden,” she laughs.
She has no idea how much I want that.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Adams.” She wouldn’t be getting ahead of herself at all. If anyone is, it's me. I’m starting to see a future with her that she never promised to give me.
“I’ll be done at four,” she says, hip checking me as she moves past me towards the laundry room. “Meet you at the truck.”
I’ve reversed the truck up towards the shore at a secluded spot on the side of the lake. It’s a little detour off the main road, an old hiking trail that’s rarely used anymore. I come up here often enough in the summer that the branches have stopped growing across the tracks I’ve driven into the dirt.
It’s the perfect spot for some privacy away from the tourists and prying eyes.
I pull a length of rope from the truck bed and loop it around the tow hitch, getting it set up for Doug. He’s splashing around in the water, the waves bringing out his inner puppy as he paddles after the sticks Millie tosses and drops them at her feet. It doesn’t take long for him to tire, flopping down in the shallows when he’s had enough, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.
I can’t stand to see him ageing. I know it’s just the way things go, but I’ll be fucked when the day comes that I have to live without him.
I roll a blanket out in the shade of the truck, pouring fresh water into his dog bowl before whistling for him to come back to me. He moves slowly, shaking the damp out of his coat before he slumps down, looking about as grumpy as you can expect a long-haired dog to look in this heat. I tried to leave him at home, but he was having none of it. He likes to be wherever I am.
Knotting the rope around his collar, I leave him enough length to roam around the clearing without venturing off into the thick of the trees.
Millie is already up to her knees in the shallow water, her hips dipping from side to side as she eases herself into the cool waves with each step.
I can’t keep my eyes off of her, and I’m done trying.
If I’ve only got a limited time left on this earth, then I’m going to spend every minute of it looking at her, making up for the lost time before we knew each other.
The black two-piece she’s wearing is in a completely different league from anything I’ve seen her in before. There’s so much more skin – the soft folds along the back of her waist, the plump curves of her chest. I’ve spent a lot of time imagining her body recently, but every time I see a little bit more of her, it’s so much better than any picture I could ever have painted in my head.
I’ve been dying to get out here all day, to let the water take off the heat of the day. But now that we’re out here, and Millie’s looking every bit the fucking dream, I’m stalling.
“Do you plan on joining me? Or are you just gonna stand there like a lamppost all day?” She’s lying back in the water, her legs splayed out like starfish as she floats with the gentle ripples.
I’m already hard under my shorts, my mind instantly flitting to fantasy. I want her in my bed, spread just like that, with my tongue all over the parts of her I crave the most .
I pull off my shirt, throwing it into the truck bed.
Sharp rocks bite at the soles of my feet as I stumble across the shallows towards the deeper water.
Millie looks like she learned to swim in a bathtub.
I bite down on my laughter as she moves through the water in some sort of makeshift stroke, halfway between breaststroke and a doggy paddle.
She looks ridiculous, but she looks free, like she’s found a little bit of the peace she’s been looking for.
This would be the perfect time to say the right thing, to let her know what I see in her. I should tell her that she’s all of the things I never knew I wanted, that I need her like I’ve never needed anything in my life.
“Millie.” I choke on her name as I move closer, hoping she’ll keep swimming, and the words won’t make it far enough.
“Yeah?” She turns with a little flip, treading water as her amber flecked eyes catch mine.
“Uh, I…” My mouth dries as I take her in, losing my nerve.
“What is it, Caden?” She’s inches from me now, slow waves pushing her body towards mine.
“Just… uh.” The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to say them. Fucking pussy. I dunk my head under the water, cursing myself for chickening out. Confusion dappling Millie’s face as I resurface. “Just watch out for the eels.”