43. Caden
CHAPTER 43
Caden
“Where’s Millie?” I pull Elodie’s headphones from her ears, spinning her office chair towards me, forcing her to pay attention. “And why aren’t you picking up the reception phone?”
“Oh.” She spins the chair back towards the computer, returning to the game she’s been playing. Not what we pay her for, but whatever. “I had to mute it earlier, some moron kept calling over and over again while I was working on invoices.”
“That moron was me.”
I turn up the volume on the handset, hitting play on the new voicemails. “Whichever one of you shitheads doesn’t know how to answer the damn phone is getting fired as soon as I make it back to the lodge.”
She shrugs. “You’re not going to fire me, Caden. I’m your favourite.”
“Not right now, you’re not.” I sigh, this girl is exasperating. “Just tell me where Millie is. ”
She pulls up a map on her phone, a flashing blue dot outlining Millie’s whereabouts halfway along Pika Trail.
“Do some work, Elodie!” I call, jogging back towards the truck. “And watch my dog!” I point towards the office, prompting Doug to hobble towards the front desk. I need my full attention to be on Millie. I can’t afford to have Doug hounding wildlife again and making this situation even more of a mess than it already is.
I hate that I had to leave her yesterday. It was the worst possible timing giving how much she’d let me in, the trust she’d given me with her body, and her heart. I promised her I’d be back, and then I let her down.
Letting Millie down is the last thing I ever wanted to do.
I’m not even two minutes out from the lodge when I find myself lined up behind several cars and a swarm of tourists gawking at a herd of bighorn sheep.
Those sheep are the bane of my existence.
I honk my horn, hoping it’ll prompt the cars in front of me to at least pull over. Instead, the humans ignore me, and the sheep mock me. One of them looks me straight in the eye, getting down on its hunkers in the middle of the road as though it’s on a personal mission to ruin my chances with Millie.
Fucking wildlife.
I slam my truck into park on the shoulder, abandoning it there for the time being as I make my way towards the trail on foot.
I haven’t exerted this much energy since I was fighting fires back in BC and I’m still no closer to finding Millie. No matter how much my lungs beg me to stop, I won’t until I’ve got her in my arms .
My eyes finally snag on her figure up ahead, crouched down with her head in her hands. I’m sick of how many times I’ve had to see Millie hurt in the short time we’ve known each other.
I’m even more sick that this time it’s my doing.
“ Millie ,” I call out, desperate to make this right.
“Go home, Caden,” she pants between sobs, getting to her feet as I approach her.
“Millie, look at me.” I reach out towards her.
“Just leave me be.” She pushes me away, stepping back onto the trail. “I can’t do this… don’t make it harder than it already is. I don’t want to be the other woman, or your bit on the side.”
“ What ?” I grab her wrist, pulling her body back towards mine. “Millie, what are you talking about?”
“I saw you with that girl. You held her like she meant the world to you – I can’t compete with that. I won’t compete with someone else for your attention. I don’t want to embarrass myself waiting around for you to pick me when I know I’m not the one you want.”
“You’re making no sense!”
“The girl!” she shouts, I can’t tell whether her words are coated in anger or pure agony. “With the tattoos, the barely-there waist, the black hair. She’s beautiful and she’s nothing like me. I’m not going to pit myself against her.”
I take the pieces of her fragmented sentences and slot them into place.
“ Josie ?” I choke out. “You mean my sister Josie?!”
Confusion dapples her face.
“ Fuck, I’m sorry, Millie.” I try to cup her chin in my hands, but she jerks away from me, skittish, like she can’t trust my touch. “I should have straightened this all out last night, but my head was fried. The hospital called me, told me Josie was there, and I freaked out. Everything else fell to the wayside until I knew she was okay. And then my phone died, and Elodie wouldn’t answer the lodge landline. It’s all been a big fucking mess, I’m so sorry.”
“That was your sister ?” Relief washes over her, but it’s quickly replaced with shame. “What happened? Is she okay?”
“It’s a long story, but she’s fine.” I finally let out a breath, the tension releasing from my chest. “Now will you please let me hold you? I can’t stand seeing you like this.”
I expect her to soften but instead she crosses her arms as she backs away from me, her walls higher than I’ve ever seen them before.
“I…” Her voice cracks. “I don’t think I can do this, Caden. We’re hurting ourselves for no good reason. This—” she throws her hands up in the air, gesturing between us, “—it’s all temporary, I have to go back to the city at the end of the summer. And you’ve got all of this here. It’ll never work. We have to end this before it goes too far.”
I know that’s not what she wants.
“What!? Millie, no!” My legs are weak beneath me. “Don’t do this, don’t take the easy way out because you’re scared.”
“You think this is easy, Caden?” Her eyes are brimming with tears. “I didn’t come here for this. I came here to feel something good – to find myself. I wanted easy. But now I feel like I’m falling for you, and I don’t think I’m strong enough. I can’t afford to give my heart to you, knowing how much it’ll hurt when it ends.”
She can’t be calling this off right now, not when we’ve barely even scratched the surface of what we could be.
She’s everything I want, everything I need.
I’m not ready to lose her before I’ve even had the chance to call her mine.
“You’ve come to think that love is just something that’s going to hurt you, but that’s not what this is, Millie.”
“I know this isn't love!” She seethes, getting the completely wrong end of the stick and running with it. “You don’t have to spell it out for me.”
“No, fuck . That’s not what I meant.” I pause, dragging my palm over my stubble, knowing that whatever I say next has to hold the truth of everything I feel for her. “What I meant was… I love you, Millie.” I tilt her chin up towards me, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “And I’m not going to hurt you.”
Her face pales, eyes begging me to promise her that I’m telling the truth.
“You love me ?” Her bottom lip trembles.
“I love you,” I reply, knowing I’ll never get tired of saying those three words out loud. “Desperately… with everything I’ve got . ”