Chapter Fifty-Five
Royo
The Northern Pass, Khitan
We ride hard until we gotta stop and make camp. I find a spot that’ll work for the night, and I make a fire while Aeri…digs a hole in the snow. I stare at her because if she’s digging a toilet hole, it’s way too close to where we’re going to eat and sleep. But she just keeps digging with the stirring spoon.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Burying the egg.” She says it like of course I am .
I can feel my forehead wrinkle. “Why?”
She pauses for long enough to tilt her head at me. “We don’t want to risk predators getting at it, and I definitely don’t want amarth to see it from the sky.”
Both solid reasons.
She buries the black egg deep in the snow and then covers it, patting it down until she’s satisfied.
By the time she’s done, I’ve got the camp set up. The fire’s going, and a log is cleared for us to sit for a meal. She perches on the log, and then she starts laughing. I stare at her while sharpening my axe. She’s the oddest person I’ve ever met, but I don’t think I’d have it any other way. The strange thing is she’s not just laughing, she’s crying.
“Are you…okay?” I ask.
She sniffles and wipes her eyes, still crying and laughing at the same time.
I stop what I’m doing, stone on the blade. “Aeri, what’s wrong?”
She gestures around and laughs again. Then a weird thing happens. For some reason, I start laughing, too. There’s nothing funny. Not even close. But we’re alive and safe and we shouldn’t be. I tried to save her, and she wound up saving me instead. Well, her little owl saved us both.
Which…was fucking weird.
I’m happy, afraid, exhausted, awake, sad, and relieved all at the same time. Too much conflicting shit.
I laugh until tears run down my face. I’m not crying like Aeri, but my eyes leak. I sit next to her. She leans into me, and I brush her tears away, rubbing my thumbs under her eyes.
The next thing I know, her mouth is on mine. She moves so impossibly fast. Her arms wrap around me and she’s kissing me before I can even react.
Then I do.
I kiss her hard, like she may fade away.
I like it so much—kissing this girl under the monsoon moon. I’ve wanted her so badly. But alarm bells ring out in my head. I try to ignore them, to just shut off my brain and enjoy her, but the warning bells chime like a fucking gong. Her kissing me now is like her laughing and crying. It’s just because of everything we’ve been through, all the emotions boiling over like a rice pot. It’s not love or even lust. Not for her. If it was, she wouldn’t have pulled away when I touched her.
“Aeri,” I say.
I go to remove her arms, but she has me in a vise grip.
All right, fine—I’m not trying that hard. I like her around me, even if I know better.
“I don’t think…” I begin.
“Good, don’t think,” she murmurs.
Her lips are on mine again. Her taste is like fresh honey. It’s a cirena song, making it hard to think straight. All I want to do is dive in and drown in her. But I hold on to my last bit of control.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I say.
She stares into my eyes. “Then don’t.” She smiles. “Or do, and maybe I’ll like it.”
She’s playing with me again, and I’ve had just about enough of this game. I thought her hair was a lot shorter when we met, but it’s shoulder-length. I grab it as I kiss her.
Then I pull her hair so she looks me in the eye. “Do you want me?”
“For tonight,” she says. “And tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow.”
Feelings swell inside me, and I can’t stop them. I lift her up. Her eyes open in surprise, and then she sinks into me.
This is the stupidest shit I’ve ever done. Easy. But I rip the blanket out of the tent and lay it down by the fire. Then I lay her down on top of it.