Chapter 15
Matt
T here was a misconception about silence. It was defined as the absence of noise. But that couldn't be more incorrect. For a good few years, however, I'd agreed with the definition. During my backpacking trips, after a long hike, at the top of a mountain, observing the expanse below, I'd close my eyes. The air would be so fresh and light, my body would be so worn yet loose, my problems would become so inconsequential against the possibilities the view created, and my mind would go quiet. I'd surrender to the silence and let it take me on a journey that gave my brain, body, and soul a tender massage.
But when your conscience is loud, there's nothing you can do to shut it up.
"I can't keep this secret any longer. I have to speak to someone, other than my friends who are just accomplices at this point. I trust that this will remain confidential because I have to say it."
My hand shook. My heartbeat was roaring.
I shut my eyes against the voice telling me to shut my mouth, because if I kept it shut any longer, I'd implode. Eventually, that would leak out onto the outside. I needed to be able to share this secret and not leave it inside my head. Look at what it was doing to Ryan. It was killing him. I didn't want it to kill me, even if it was what I deserved.
I might have been making a mistake, but I trusted that this would stay between me and my trusted friend. A friend that hadn't judged me before and I knew wouldn't, now. With a deep, unsteady breath, I opened my eyes and found my voice. My throat burned as I forced the words out.
"I am complicit in the murder of Terry Thornbread and his accomplice, Carter." My feet, of their own accord, stopped walking. I froze, waiting for the sky to fall down on me and shatter like glass, piercing me with its shards. I held my breath and looked around at the darkening trees, expecting them to morph into monsters, ready to deal me similar cards. But you know what I got?
Silence.
My body had electricity shooting up and down my arms and legs, through my fingers and scalp. I was woozy and unsteady, sure. But my mind was blank as I stared at my selfie camera on my phone. Vlogging adventures was what I'd use my camera for. I hadn't cared for sitting before a camera and spilling my emotions for the world to see before, even for myself to see. I thought it was cringe as hell and wondered why those people didn't just get a therapist. But there are moments when therapists aren't available. This was one of them, since I valued my freedom and confessing murder to a therapist would have me locked in prison.
And I'd be throwing my friends under the bus along with me. Not to mention Tyler, who wouldn't hesitate to kill me to keep his name out of it.
I'd be putting Lily's life in danger.
But living with this secret in silence was not an option. Sharing with my friends only triggered them. I needed an unbiased, nonjudgmental friend, who didn't have a bag of shit going on in their own lives. I needed to trauma dump. I got it now. The perfect friend for these moments was your camera. And since I didn't have my camera on me, my phone would have to do.
A huge weight left my body and my walk became lighter. However, the closer I got to the main house, I remembered my other issue. I didn't know what Lily was thinking. I didn't want to look her in the eyes and lie to her. Looks like I'd be making a lot of use of my selfie camera to store my guilt, because I had to. If she had doubts, my survival depended on my ability to clear them away.
The gravel path beneath my feet grew shorter and when I got to the front gate, I braced myself. I'd never been an actor, but I'd have to learn the skill and put on the performance of a lifetime. In my head, I ran through all the possible questions I should ask her to gauge where her head was at after her mother's rants, all the questions she'd ask me and all the answers that I'd prepared in advance. When I was filled to the brim with anxiety and the temptation to run as far away from here as possible, I continued onward.
The air got denser the larger the main house became. My steps were slow on purpose, delaying the confrontation a little while longer. By the time I came across Lily, I was panting and sweating, from the exertion of my thoughts alone and I was slammed with the biggest relief in the fucking world when I realized that I apparently had nothing to worry about all along.
"I love you so much." Lily moaned against Eric's shoulder as he grunted, pummeling her from below.
I was breathless at the sight and panting for a different reason. Catching a glimpse of Lily's painting, I gotta hand it to Eric, he was working hard as hell at damage control. The painting was dark and tortured. It was hardly a painting that would send them into heat. And yet.
"What's going on here?" I asked as my own cock started to swell in my pants.
They both gasped.
The shock catapulted them both into their synchronized orgasm. Fuck, I watched them spasm for a good minute and my body grew hungry for its turn. Moaning, they shared a few more kisses before Lily rolled off him and onto her back. Her lids were lowered and the bliss on her face was in high contrast to her painting.
"I want to get married to all of you as soon as possible." She stretched and arched her body, allowing me to see her swollen red clit and rosy nipples.
"What?" I said as temptation trumped guilt and I became inspired to do some damage control of my own.
Her eyes sparkled at me and she smirked. Moving to her feet, she walked toward me. My cock strained against the zipper.
"I'm ready to meet the parents. Eric's parents are looking forward to us visiting soon, aren't they? We should push that forward. We could spend some time there." She turned to smile at Eric.
"What? How soon are we talking?" Eric's eyes went wide.
"A month? You're right, Eric. I don't want to waste any time. We could visit your parents in a week. But I don't think I can wait that long to start celebrating. We can throw a party..." She continued.
"Wow, that must have been a hell of a fuck." The words left my mouth and I gulped. I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. I hadn't even given thought about her meeting my parents; I hadn't spoken to them in years. I doubted they'd come to the wedding.
"It was." She turned around and grinned at me, her focus trained on me again.
"Do you want more?" I let her eyes follow my hands as they gripped my cock.
"I do." She nodded.