Chapter 23
Lily
W ant to fall asleep? Cry your eyes out. That will work. You'll be so drained, your eyelids will be too heavy and shut on their own. I didn't have a clue when I managed to fall asleep, but I was grateful as hell that it happened. I didn't have a second nightmare, so that was good. According to my phone, it was past midday, so yay?
Showered, I could either stay in my room and starve all day, or square my shoulders up and face the music. Dragging my ass to the kitchen, the scent of breakfast food tempted my rumbling tummy. I considered forgiving them just to get a bite. Besides, that day I was too tired to be wary.
At the kitchen's entrance, my eyes met with Ethan's.
"Hey!" He put his coffee down. "How did you sleep?"
"Fine." I lied.
My eyes drifted off toward the source of the delicious aroma and there was Ryan.
I gulped. He spun around to look at me, then back at the eggs in the pan. Stove off, he started walking toward me. I noted his trimmed beard and shaved head but backed away as a knee-jerk reaction. He stilled.
Ethan stepped in front of me. "I only allowed him back in the house because he says he's going to start turning his life around."
Ryan fought back tears and my heart broke.
"Last night shouldn't have happened, Lily. Please, can I talk to you?" He looked past Ethan to ask me.
Hunger forgotten, I glitched for a second or two, before nodding. Because of his hazel eyes. And because I must have loved pain.
Ethan puffed out his chest. I had to stroke my hand down the middle of his back to get him to back away. "I'll be right over here."
He headed toward the buffet of food Ryan had prepared and shared a plate.
Ryan took a breath and I could tell he was doing his best to not turn into a puddle at my feet. I was relieved he didn't cry, because I would have had to put my feelings aside to comfort him or I would have had to harden myself. I didn't want to do either.
"I don't know where to begin asking you for your forgiveness." He opened, and I had a visceral reaction to his words. His unfallen tears aroused the need to reach out and lie, tell him it was okay.
But I said nothing. I had nothing to say.
"I'm not telling you you have to take me back." He continued.
Did we break up? My cheeks trembled at that. Why did my cheeks tremble at that? I cleared my throat and steeled myself, sticking up my chin at him and crossing my arms.
"But I thought you should know that I'm taking your advice. You were right. I am going through a lot mentally." Ryan's voice cracked and his shoulders jerked. My eyes filled with tears as he shook it off and waited until he wasn't a crumbling mess to look at me again. When he did, I saw him. In the torment storming through his eyes, I saw his purity, the part of him I fell in love with. His soul.
His eyes reflected disgust over his own actions. They were big and dominant, filled with fear and love...oh, love. I couldn't help the tears that started pouring from my eyes. "I– " I started, but couldn't finish.
He sniffled.
I sniffled.
"But I promise you, I'm working on it. This is not an empty promise." Ryan commanded my focus on him. "I'm sorry I freaked out." He breathed. "Thanks for calling the therapist."
Okay. Awkward silence. I cradled myself.
Ethan stopped chewing midway to look between us.
Ryan rubbed the back of his neck. "I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since last night, you know? Thanks to Matt. He also...um...guessed that you were speaking to a therapist from the Women's Shelter. We didn't want to disturb you, so he went ahead and called, and got through to the therapist you spoke to. I have an appointment booked for next week."
My eyes popped. "That's awesome. I'm happy for you."
Another awkward silence that Matt came in and broke, thank goodness. His anchor tattoo was on full display. There was sweat trickling down his happy trail. I pulled my eyes up and cleared my throat as he tossed his sweaty shirt over the backrest stool and downed some water from his bottle.
Ryan turned back to the food he was preparing.
"Hey." Matt lit up when he saw me. "Did Ryan give you the good news?"
"Yeah." I half-smiled and nodded. Ryan came strolling toward me with a hefty plate of food. I paused for a second, but the rumbling in my stomach told me to take it.
Matt picked a sausage off my plate and surprised me with a kiss on my cheek. Ryan headed out the glass doors to shout for Eric to come out of the pool for breakfast. Eric dripped water all over the tiles, his hair slicked down past his shoulders, abs catching water droplets. He narrowed his eyes at Ryan; they had a silent stand-off, but he accepted the food. And just like that, they fell back into a routine as if all was well with the world, stopping every so often to flirt with me.
I almost believed that it was as I picked at my food and watched them.
Terry Thornbread would have never been caught dead in the kitchen looking after food for the family. And that's what we were, weren't we? A family?