Chapter 42
Lily
O ver the past four weeks, we had been back and forth between the AirBnB and our home. Let me tell you, I had no idea just how colossal—is that the word?—our island was when I spent the first night there.
With two living rooms in the main house, two homes, basically—because the 'guest house' might as well be a mini mansion—an indoor swimming pool and an outdoor swimming pool in the main, so many bedrooms, three kitchens (two in our home and a ginormous one in the guesthouse), we'd had our decorating work 'cut out for us'.
I kept discovering new places every time we went back, new rooms, new trails. I was convinced it would take me at least a year to get to know the whole island islet. It had been a feat, but a welcome one. It certainly kept my mind off the memories.
By the end of the night, I'd been so tired, I hadn't been able to even look at my men. And my brain shut off completely, so no nightmares for me.
That was a win. I'd trade the sore shoulders, feet and back pain for the torture of my nightmares any day.
We'd gotten most of the furnishing and decorating done. There was enough space for all of our visions to have a place, but Matt and Ethan had basically just given me their cards and told me to go for it, do whatever I wanted with the place.
I'd never spent so much money on so many ideas at once. After a while, the guilt had me folding. I refused to keep buying brand new expensive stuff when we could get the used version for even cheaper. So, Matt and Ethan stopped giving me their cards, started coming to the store with me and started telling me to pick anything I wanted and not look at the price tag.
Insanity.
But exhilarating, I must admit. It was like living in a fairytale.
Overwhelmed, I'd also hired an interior decorator to help me because there was just no way I could have furnished and decorated two mansions without professional help. With all the work, I'd almost managed to forget that four weeks ago my life was hanging on a thread and that my worst nightmares were still out there, walking around free as a jail bird, ready and waiting to attack me at my most vulnerable.
Almost. Until today.
It was the last day before we moved into the new place permanently. I'd considered leaving everything behind at my mother's home and getting new stuff. Heaven knows I didn't need any of my stuff that was there. But it was also the day my mom would be moving to the island. She'd already endured so much change and we had no idea what she was thinking, that I didn't want to make another drastic change without at least taking care of her comforts. Just because she didn't speak, it didn't mean she wasn't terrified on the inside.
As horrifying as it would be for me to have anything from that house in my presence, the upside was that she would technically have her own home on the island. It was only fair she got to keep her memories. I wouldn't have to see them. Or at least, I'd be able to prepare myself before I did.
Just like I was doing now as we headed over to the old house. My body started shaking the moment our van made a turn onto the street. I could see the small, yellow house with the paint stripping off the walls, moving toward me, and it was like I was watching myself walk out through the door, ignorant to Terry and his henchman lurking in wait for me. My chest expanded until my back ached. Heavy like a thousand bricks, anticipation rested on my chest. There was no escaping his face. It was like the wraith of him was daring me to come closer. I could see him smiling that horrible grin, even though he was obviously not there.
My head throbbed.
"How're you doing, Lils? You sure you want to do this?" Eric asked from the driver's seat. My eyes flashed to him and his face was hard, his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel.
Ethan was rubbing my shoulder a little too hard. Matt was holding my hand a bit too tightly, and Ryan was shaking. His shaking resonated with me and I reached for him in the front passenger seat and gave him a squeeze.
"It's okay." I soothed him while soothing myself. I didn't know why he was shaking but it broke my heart to know that Terry not only had me trembling in fear, but his effect had passed down onto them as well. "It's okay." I cleared my throat and straightened my shoulders. "I can do this."
"Are you sure?" Matt scowled at the house. "We can turn around right now and leave. You don't ever have to see this place again."
"And I won't." I forced through my tightened lungs. "After today, I won't have a reason to come here again." I patted Matt's hand.
The moving van was becoming too small now. I pushed into Ethan to open the door and he did. I let the air fill my lungs and regretted it.
The scent was still the same. I recognized the neighbors cooking. It was the weekend. One neighbor in particular kept up a junk food tradition. Every weekend, they either bought it or fried it. That day, I could smell the onion rings and the fried chicken. For some people this would be comforting. For me, it was terrifying, because I had been kidnapped on a weekend, with the scent of fried, greasy food in the air.
I shuddered. "Let's just make this quick." I looked to my men for their support and the pace of my racing heart eased a little bit when they nodded.
"It's okay, no one's ever going to be able to harm you with us here." Ryan placed a shaky hand on my shoulder, stopping me from glancing behind me every five seconds. "We've got you."
"Wait!" I hesitated after stepping a foot forward.
"What is it?" Ethan's eyes widened and he looked around us.
"What if he came back? What if this is where he's hiding?" A chill ran across the back of my neck and I trembled.
"He's not." Matt asserted.
"How could you know that?" I narrowed my eyes at him, irritated that he wouldn't take my concern seriously.
He stuttered. "I-it's.."
"If he was here, the police, the military... they would've found him already. It's the first place I told them to look." Eric reassured me.
But I wasn't so convinced. The house wasn't surrounded by tape or cops or anything. He could've come back.
"Do you want me to go in and check first?" Ryan offered.
Air rushed from my lungs at his suggestion.
"Would you?" My throat stung.
I tightened as he stepped inside the house. Shoving Ethan in behind him, I waited there frozen, unable to feel Eric and Matt next to me.
"All clear," Ryan and Ethan announced from inside the house.
Only then did I feel my body again.
With one last inhale, I marched in. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time I was inside. The security cameras looked at me and instead of putting me at ease, I shivered at the thought of being watched. The front door itself scarred me. Muffled were the memories of the distant past as the more recent memory of him turning his key into that lock and entering the privacy of our space flashed back at me. Him prowling the hallways.
I stood dead still at my doorway, remembering the way he'd leaned up against the bedroom wall and made unsettling comments about my body after catching me in the act with my men. I gagged, throwing my hand to my mouth. Eric moved to stand in front of the door. Together all of them blocked it off as if they could read my mind. Eric steadied me with his hands on my shoulders.
"Breathe," he instructed. "That's it, my love. You don't have to look at it. You don't have to go in there. You'll be okay." He caressed my head and the warmth of his rough hand gave me something my father never could.
I found confidence in his words and hurried past the room, into my mother's. Ethan popped open the new suitcase and bags, and I just started throwing shit inside it. My dead brother's picture, my mother would need that. The rest of the stuff, I didn't even look at. I couldn't tell you what they were. I cleared off her dresser, emptied her closet, and just grabbed whatever looked important as fast as I could before rushing out the door.
I paused for an unnerving second and considered taking the brand new TV Ethan or Matt had bought and the new couch. Those memories washed over the torturous ones for a few seconds. They symbolized the first times we met, the butterflies I felt when I knew I was falling for every one of them. The renovated walls reminded me of the way they touched my heart, the moment I walked in on them all talking about how much they wanted to be with me. It was the first time I was hearing it and my pulse had stopped and restarted. It pulled together the memory of the garden I wasn't able to see on the way in, because the grass was overgrown and there were weeds taking over the flowers after Ethan had made it so perfect that day before he left.
Tears filled my eyes.
"Come on, we'll make new memories." Matt moved in to hug me from behind and kiss my cheek.
I sniffled. "How do you guys always seem to know what I'm thinking?"
"Because we're all one soul." Ryan took my hand and kissed my knuckles.
"If we aren't, we ought to be." Eric stroked his thumb across my cheek with a chuckle.
"Come on. Have you grabbed everything your mother will need?" Ethan asked.
I nod.
"Well, let's get out of this hellhole." Ethan shivers.
"Gladly." I finally let out the breath I'd been holding.
My men lugged the bags out behind me and we started rushing toward the car. As soon as I stepped into the van, I was brought to a nerve-wracking halt.
"Lily!"
I stumbled and Ethan was there to catch me. I turned around, hairs on end to find my neighbor calling out to me. In all the years I'd lived here, I hadn't spoken to them, because they'd take my father's side and listen to his moaning on and on about my mother. It would make me sick to my stomach.
The woman's red hair was tied up in a colorful scarf, secured around her head like a headband. There was grease on her apron. Behind her, her husband peeked through the window. The curtains fluttered shut when my eyes caught his.
"Lily, dear. I heard what happened. What a piece of work that man was, huh?" She shook her head.
My brows came together. "You weren't saying that when he used to beat on my mom," I fired back. I didn't mince my words.
Her round cheeks deepened in color.
My men turned their noses up at her. And I turned around to get back inside the van.
"Still, he was your father," she spoke to my back.
My breath failed me. "You can't be serious." I spun back around, ready to lamp her one. What can I say? I was comforted by the fact that I had my four men next to me.
She stepped back as if she could already feel the blow. "No, that's not... I'm just saying... I was wondering how you were dealing with the news."
Okay, now I was the one who stuttered. "What news?"
"Your father and the other man who kidnapped you. He showed up dead on the lake a couple days ago. Didn't you hear?" she asked.
And my heart and body detached.