Chapter 20
Eric
" S o, you know how yesterday I was being kind of insensitive?" Matt popped his head into my room as I packed my suitcase.
"You mean when you were being an ass?" I looked up at him.
He came in and shoved some of the clothes strewn across my bed aside so he could sit.
"I still stand by what I said, he started.
I scoffed.
"But... I ran into her yesterday," he continued.
My chest tightened. I still hadn't been over to visit her. I'd thought about it, yes. Sat in my car for a bit. Drove around, trying to get my head straight and wondering if I should go straight over there. I decided against it because I wanted to respect her wishes.
But if she had changed her mind about wanting to see me, that changed everything. My pulse leaped.
"What did she say?" The words tumbled from my lips.
"Nothing," he said. My throat clogged, and I cleared it."After seeing her though, I take back the part about not going to see her. I don't think she's hurt."
Creasing my brows, I studied him. For him to have such a turn around after being so against it yesterday, things must be bad as hell.
"Why? Did something happen?" I stopped packing altogether.
He shook his head, bafflement drawing lines across his face. He didn't have to say another word. I couldn't leave without seeing her again. She could kick and shove me; I wouldn't leave until I was sure she was ok.
Lily
It was dark out. I'd put my mother to bed, changed into a tank top and short pajama bottoms, and was about to fall face first into bed when the doorbell rang.
Who could that be at this time of night? Granted, it's only eight o' clock, but the streets get quiet early here. It's a lot better than it used to be back in the day, but us longtime residents ain't taking any chances. I let the doorbell ring, but it's insistent. That shit will haunt my dreams if I don't answer it. I don't think it'll stop.
Dragging my feet to the door, I called out,"Who is it?"
"Eric," the voice shouted back. Freezing, I considered whether to turn around and go back to my room."Lily, please hear me out," he begged.
Shouldn't he and his friends all be on a plane out of here and out of my life already?
"If you don't open this door, I'll sing love songs at the top of my voice. I promise," he threatened.
When I didn't open the door, the nightmare began. "Thornbread, I've been stuck in my head—" he screeched, and I popped the door open, red in the face and hoping no one heard that. He still knew how to embarrass the life out of me. I can't stand love songs. It's even worse when they're directed at me, and aloud? Must be out of your fucking mind.
"Hi," he said as I scowled at him.
"I told you to leave me alone," I grunted, stepping out on the doorstep and locking the door behind me.
He looked me up and down until I became conscious of the breeze against my legs and the fabric tight against the curve of my breasts. Our bodies were too close together, and I regretted my decision to leave the warmth of my living room door.
"Lily," he said my name again, deep and husky. I crossed my arms to hide my beading nipples.
"What are you doing here, Eric? Sketched across my face was a frown.
"I want to fix the mistake I made all those years ago." He reached out to brush his hands over my arms, and I shrugged them away.
"Why now?" I asked, breathing hot air as my eyes dampened."You know what? There's nothing left to fix. You're wasting your time." I opened the door and turned to go in.
His hand wedged into the frame in time to stop it from slamming shut. If any other man did that, I'd be shitting myself, worried about them forcing themselves inside, but his eyes put me at ease. In my head and with distance, I could think anything of him, but face to face, I'd always know I'm safe. Recalling the last time he stood at this doorstep, defending me from my father, how could I not feel that way? I knew that much about his true nature. That he'd opt away from violence if it made me uncomfortable. It's hard not to have everything I know about him rushing back when it's just us.
"Please let me in. Hear me out. And if you still want me gone after that, you'll never have to see me again," he reasoned.
Strange that the pang of loss hit me when he said that. I was under the impression he'd be sticking around, but the thought of never seeing him again had me clutching the door.
"The place doesn't look so great right now," I confessed, looking behind me, still looking for an excuse.
"You know I don't give a shit about that." He waited, nodding encouragingly toward the door and smiling when I stepped aside. Knowing him, he'd screech again if I didn't, and no one deserved the assault of his terrible singing on their ears. Damn it, his smile was still disarming, except now; it had a lot more sex appeal with that sharp beard.
Gulping and lowering my head, I stepped wide to avoid him brushing against me. Sweet citrus, musk, and a hint of ocean breeze rustled the tiny hairs on my body, heating my skin. Letting him in is a dangerous move, I recognized too late.
"Look, say what you have to say and go. I'd like to go to bed." I remained standing at the door, afraid that going further with him would suck me into his heat and lure.
He turned around and laughed a little."Wow, you're not even going to offer me a cup of tea?"
"I'm out of sugar," I lied, crossing my arms.
"Okay." He folded his arms as well and leaned up against the wall."I could say sorry, but you've already heard that. I could tell you I've missed you, but you wouldn't believe me."
Hugging myself tighter as my heart skipped a beat, I dropped my gaze from his. Sweet words mean shit to me after all this time , I lied to myself. Rolling my eyes, I sighed and stepped away from the door because he managed to make the distance between us intimate; his piercing gaze did the opposite of moments before. I'm no longer at ease. I'm on fire. The quietness of the house doesn't help. I'm even more aware of the risk I'm taking being alone with him. My knees wobbled, and I took off toward the sofa. Now that I thought about it, sitting would be a lot more comfortable.
When I walked past him, he huffed. His breath fluttered strands of my hair, heating the side of my face as I took a seat at the far end of the stained couch.
"Okay." He sat next to me."I should've told you as soon as I knew I was leaving."
Tell me something I don't know.
"But I dreaded the thought of leaving you behind, just like the friends I left behind in the past. But you weren't just any friend. You were Lily. I couldn't bear it. It was stupid, I know. Still, I figured out of sight, out of mind."
I scoffed.
"No, not you. Never you. No matter where I've gone in the world, you haven't left my mind. not making sense. What I mean is, to me, as long as I focused on leaving, the longer I could live in the fantasy that I . Then, the timeline grew shorter, until I was sure had to tell you. But I panicked. Every day, I wrestled with the decision. You've got to understand, the only long-term relationships I'd ever encountered before you were with my parents and aunt. Even those were fleeting and laced with insecurity." He sighed. I didn't think I deserved you, to have something long term with you. Even if I wanted that more than anything. I learned not to want what I couldn't have. At the time, it seemed I couldn't have you in my life forever, so I tried to stop myself from wanting forever with you. Forced myself to live in the moment. Then you kissed me." He swiped his hand across his face, and my tapping fingers came to a stop. My cheeks heated in memory of that day.
"I don't know how to describe what I felt that day. Do you have any idea how many times I'd wanted to kiss you?" he asked.
My eyes flashed to his. Okay, I didn't know that. I should have looked away, but I couldn't. My heart was beating so hard, my lungs were competing to keep up.
His voice dropped, and his breathing picked up."But I told myself it would be unfair to us both. I was a coward. When you kissed me, it was like standing in the middle of the street with a truck speeding towards me. I knew I should jump out of the way, but my feet wouldn't move. I froze. Every fiber of my being wanted to kiss you back," he breathed. My lips burned for his.
He threw his head back against the couch. His wavy, brown hair fell across his shoulders.
"But I thought I was doing the right and honorable thing by not kissing you back, knowing what I did. And I thought,'Well, I definitely can't tell you now'. You made it impossible to forget you. Not that I'd ever want to. You were the best part of those two years I lived in North Carolina." He turned his face toward me, and he looked me over as if he's digesting every detail. "Damn, I was stupid. I wish I had kissed you back," he breathed.
My skin heated, and my breath caught. Frozen, I didn't say anything, and he pulled his gaze from mine.
"Anyway, by the time I turned eighteen and got my independence from my parents, I thought you'd have already moved on or hated me by then."
The words I'd been hiding from him bubbled to my lips, his openness inspiring my own. "You could've reached out. Come to see me. Anything. I waited for you," I confessed. "I even fell for an asshole, hoping to replace you. Before meeting you, I'd have probably been an 'uncertified and unqualified nun,' swearing off all men and being fine with it. Then I met you and lost you."
My breath was hot against my upper lip as tears stung my eyes."But you moved on quite fine. With your new friends and girlfriend. Seemed like you learned about relationships and commitment pretty quickly." I paused when I realized I'd exposed myself. He looked at me with a knowing smirk. Damn his amusement.
"How do you know I was in a relationship? Were you checking up on me?" he asked.
I groaned, getting ready to stand.
He took my hand."Don't run away."
Looking down at his hand on mine, his rough palms making sweet indents in mine, I gulped.
"I'm not running away," I protested.
To prove him wrong, I sat, and felt about to drown beneath the blood rushing through my veins.
"Why didn't you reach out, say something to me?" he asked.
Gasping, I pulled my hand from his."Me? Yeah right! Like I'm going to reach out to the guy I kissed who ditched me straight after and be like'Hey, I see you've moved on, and you're in a relationship, but I—'" I stopped myself.
"But you what?" he pressed.
"But nothing," I breathed.
"You should know that I got in that relationship hoping she could replace you. She was all right, but she wasn't you, was she?" He moved closer to me with that stupid smile.
"You're full of shit," I said, licking my lips as he cradled my chin. I'd stopped breathing. He lowered his focus to my mouth, and it shivered. Oh, pull away, Lily, I groaned inwardly, my belly dipping.
"You know I'm not." He moved even closer still, wetting his own lips as if he couldn't help himself. I didn't stop him. He hovered near my mouth, caressing it with the mint of his breath, and my heart went crazy."I've always loved you, Lily." He brushed his mouth against mine, still not crossing that boundary. Waiting for my permission. Damn, he's so good.
And damn, this was a bad idea. He's only saying all this now to see if he can get in my pants. The ego. The audacity. But oof, he's close enough for me to hear his own pulse thumping. Even if he's feeding me lies, it's what I hoped he'd say for a long time. It's dark outside and dim inside under the glow of a table lamp. He's close, and I'm all worked up.
I could deprive myself of what I want out of pride, but that would be such a waste, wouldn't it? Besides, he'll be out of here again before I know it. I'm a woman now, I can handle him leaving.
Before I talked myself out of it, I pressed into him, indulging in the heat of his firm but sumptuous lips. The contact was made even sweeter by the sharpness of his beard, teasing and taunting my skin—the years passed between us, of experience and the serendipity of us being here together, like this. Both grown and taking advantage of a moment that belonged in a dream.
His beard tickled my palms as I gripped his face and climbed onto his lap before I could stop myself. His hard package pulsated against me. Too many clothes were in the way. He pulled his lips away from mine, and I almost lost it. This couldn't be happening again. Throwing myself at him and him rejecting me. He stopped my hands at the edge of my shirt.
"Are you sure?" he panted.
"Why? Don't you want to?" I asked with trembling hands, about to climb off him.
"Of course, I do," he groaned, gripping my waist and holding me in place.
Moaning, I leaned forward."Well then, shut up and kiss me."
As soon as my top was over my head, his lips were on my breasts, kissing me at my request. He was hungry at first. He gobbled it down, teeth, tongue, and suction until I was digging my fingers in the silk of his hair and hanging on for dear life. When I cried his name, despite fighting the need to scream it, he pressed me against his hard cock, and his lips savored my breasts, one by one, as if we're not bound by time. I bought into the fantasy, my pussy wetter than ever.
He laid me on my back before standing. I couldn't meet his eyes as I pulled off my bottoms, needing to be fucked, not fall in love all over again. He undressed and when he leaned over me, it was hard to look away. He glowed under the streetlight streaming into the dusty windows. He wouldn't release my eyes from the captivity of his gaze.
"I've dreamed of this moment for so long," he said, and my heart swelled.
"Less talking, more fucking." I spat in my hand and grabbed his cock, shutting him up and saving myself from reading more into this moment than was necessary. He groaned, and I pulled his head down to mine, controlling the kiss. He let me as he gripped the couch handle behind my head and groaned into my mouth. My belly turned into liquid.
When he could take no more, he pulled my hand away from him and restrained them both at my side as he trailed soft kisses against my neck. Tugging at his restraint, I moaned when my body became overloaded. He pulled his slow kisses over my sore nipples, and I shuddered.
"Eric," I breathed, unwilling to beg him.
"What?" he asked.
My answer was to thrust my hips upward and rub myself against his hard, warm tip. Fuck. My eyes rolled over.
"What do you want?" he groaned, teasing my lips, sucking and nibbling.
I tried to show him again, but he just kissed my neck. "Tell me," he panted.
Damn it. "You," I confessed.
His fingers tested me first, and I rubbed myself against him, losing all manner of control. He swore at how fucking wet I was before positioning his dick and shoving it inside me. I cried out, forgetting where I was.
It was the perfect fit, filling me up until I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.
"You feel so good," he grunted, gingerly dipping in and out of me before pulling out.
Gripping his arms to stop him from going, I looked up at him in a hurry. "Wait, what are you doing?"
He grinned, flipping his hair back. Sweat rolled from the side of his face, dropping on top of me. "This is embarrassing. But I thought I was about to bust right then." He took a breath.
Creasing my brows, I exhaled. "Oh."
"Don't look so disappointed. I'm not done with you yet. I just can't believe this is happening, you know? I'm just a bit excited." He kissed me. "Can you blame me? Look at you."
He trailed his kisses down my neck and between my small breasts, going lower and lower, until he licked my erect clit.
"Looks like you're just as excited." He licked my center before sucking on my hard, pulsing clit.
"Eric..." His name tumbled from my lips, echoing outside my body as if someone else was saying it.
It activated the feral side of him, the savage part I knew all men possessed and didn't think I'd enjoy seeing in him. His groan was like a growl as he spread my legs apart, holding them down with his hands and feasting on me like something wild. Fear and desire created a heady, thundering mix as my body exploded in waves. My hips tried to break free from his hold so I could rub myself against him. But he kept me still and helpless against his mouth. Tears surprised me as they welled up in my eyes, pleasure so sweet, I'm dripping from my lashes. This was a first.
"Eric!" I cried, gripping his hair with ferocity and suffocating him with my pussy. His mouth was full of me, muffling his grunts as I shook against his face. He sucked me clean, pulling at my center with his lips as I orgasmed and became stardust.
"Now it's my turn," he growled, pulling my limp body on top of him. The room swayed with me as my eyes became unblurred. I steadied myself with my hands behind his head, clutching onto the back of the sofa. He spat in his hand, looked me in my eyes, and stroked his dick before pulling me down on top of him.
"Uhnn," I sighed.
"Fuck." He shook his head before rolling it back, along with his eyes as I rode him. "Yes." He grabbed my ass, kneading it and pushing me further down on his dick that was crafted for me.
My head was also thrown back as my hips picked up speed, but he injected me with a dose of ecstasy when he took over, bringing my head forward so he could look at me as he fucked the ever-loving hell out of my tender pussy. I loved this position; it made me feel like I'm in control as I watched his face contort, helpless against his pleasure. Warmth crept through every single nerve as I, too, grew less cocky and just as helpless against the way he kept stroking that same fucking spot.
"Ohhh." My voice shook as I approached my next release, tightening around him.
"Shit." He bit down on his lip, pounding me through my orgasm. It's so fucking good, I grabbed hold of his neck and tried to match his strides with my own. "Lily!" he gasped and choked out before filling me with his hot seed.