34. Mila
Mila
I walked along the side of the river by myself, watching the sunrise.
The previous evening had been romantic and profound, but the sadness in my heart told me that things would never change.
Ryker was broken, even if he didn’t know it.
And he might never be able to love me in the way that I’d wanted.
I knew it in the way he’d pulled away from me when we’d awoken this morning.
He’d looked embarrassed and sad, and even more than that, he’d looked vacant.
That was what had broken me. I’d felt that after last night we were growing closer, but this morning it had seemed like we were further apart than ever before.
I walked over to the grass, sat down, then lay back and closed my eyes.
I knew I couldn’t stay here long. Ryker had to get back to work.
His phone had been ringing since about five a.m., and I’d heard him muttering that he’d be in the office as soon as possible.
I wanted to ask him what was going on at work, but didn’t want to seem nosy.
Plus, that wasn’t the conversation that I really wanted to have.
I wanted to talk about us, about him. About what we were really doing.
I wanted to tell him I wanted out. I didn’t want to be his four-week fiancée anymore.
Lara had been right. It was only four weeks, but I knew it would hurt for a lot longer than that.
I was fighting a losing battle. Ryker was never going to be mine, and the pain that I felt every time I was with him was almost as much as the love.
It was becoming too much for me to handle.
I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I didn’t want to feel like my whole day was made with his smile and my whole day was ruined with his frown.
I looked up as I heard footsteps approaching me.
It was Ryker. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, with a lopsided smile that looked nervous and anxious at the same time.
It was strange to see him this way. I was so used to the man who teased and made fun of me.
Seeing this vulnerable side of Ryker made me see him as someone different, still wonderful and fun, but someone deeper and of more character.
It was hard not to fall deeper in love with him the more I saw of him, flaws and all.
He sat next to me, not saying anything. I kept my focus on the sky, and we just stayed there in silence.
“I’ll tell you a story,” Ryker said finally as he lay next to me in the grass.
“I don’t want to hear a story.” I shifted away from him. Why had he followed me here? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Or just tell me that he needed to get back to the office and that we had to leave.
“There once was a girl. She loved a boy. With all her heart. All her soul. She loved him, even when she didn’t know him.
She loved him for everything he was. She loved him for everything he wasn’t.
She loved him for the way he smiled when she giggled.
The way he frowned when he disapproved of something she was doing.
The way he pursed his lips when he was cross.
The way he held her hand when she was tipsy.
She loved him for the way he always knew exactly how she felt.
She loved him even when he didn’t love her.
She loved him with so much hope and wonder.
And she waited. Patiently. She waited for the day when he would love her.
In fairy tales, soulmates always came together.
And she knew he was her soulmate. She knew as sure as there were stars in the sky that he was hers. ” Ryker’s voice broke.
My lips trembled at his words, and my eyes started to fill with tears. I hated him. I hated him for coming here, talking, and saying things that made my heart hurt even more.
“So then, what happened?” I asked him, my voice barely a whisper.
“He wasn’t good enough.”
“You mean he didn’t love her,” I interjected, fed up with his bullshit.
“I mean, he wasn’t good enough.” Ryker blew out a breath. “Life isn’t always a fairy tale.”
“No shit.”
“There once was a boy,” he said softly. “He loved a girl. With his whole being. With his whole heart and soul. He loved a girl to the point of distraction. He loved her to the point that he couldn’t sleep.
He loved her so much that she was all he could think about.
He loved her so much that her smile kept him awake at night because it was so bright.
He loved her so much that it broke his heart that he had made her sad.
He loved her to the point of infinity, yet he couldn’t tell her. ”
“Okay, and?” I turned to him then. I couldn’t avoid looking at him anymore. I so badly wanted to reach over, touch his hair, touch his face, touch his lips.
“He didn’t believe in magic. He didn’t believe in the stars. He was afraid to fly.” He rolled over and faced me. “He didn’t believe . . .” His voice trailed off. “It’s a long way to fall when you live in the clouds.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t fall.”
“There once was a boy.” He stared directly into my eyes, a bleak expression burning into my soul. “He had a secret. He had a secret that he knew would break her heart. And he knew that the fall was inevitable.”
“Maybe he should have trusted the girl.” I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the racing of my heart.
“Maybe he should have believed in the magic. Maybe he should have jumped out into the universe and screamed and shouted that he didn’t care what happened.
Maybe the boy shouldn’t have been afraid to fly.
” I opened my eyes then. “We could have been in the air, barely breathing together. Risking it all.” I smiled and jumped up.
“Maybe he should have lived in the clouds with her.”
“Mila.” His voice broke as he jumped up as well. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I’m not afraid to fly, Ryker. You are.” I paused, wondering if this was finally going to be the end for both of us. “I love you,” I said, my voice cracking as I decided to put it all out there.
“I want you,” he said.
“I need you,” I said.
“I miss you every time I’m not with you,” he said.
“I can’t live without you,” I said.
“I can’t breathe without you,” he said.
“I’m falling,” I said.
“I’ll catch you,” he said.
“I’m tired,” I said.
“I’ll hold you,” he said.
“I’m crying,” I said.
“I’ll wipe away your tears,” he said.
“Love me,” I said.
“I don’t know what to say,” he said.
“Just love me,” I said.
“It’s not that easy,” he said.
“It is,” I said.
“It isn’t,” he said.
“My heart is made of glass, and you have just cracked it,” I said melodramatically and hit him in the arm, hard.
“I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate you.” He stared at me for about ten seconds, and then his expression changed, and he started laughing.
“Oh, Mila, I’m a fool,” he said and stopped laughing.
“Why are you a fool?”
“I never wanted to fall in love with you. I never wanted to feel this way—I don’t even know why I’m admitting this now.”
“What are you admitting?” I asked hopefully, my breath in my throat, waiting patiently.
“I love you, Mila Brookstone. I don’t know how or why, or what’s going to happen, but I know as sure as there are tears in your eyes that I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I couldn’t bear to hurt you.”
“You really love me?” I asked hesitantly, not believing what I was hearing.
“I think it’s been obvious.” He smiled. “I’ve just been scared to say the words.
I’ve been scared to say it out loud because then it becomes real.
And once it’s real, it means it’s in the universe.
It’s out there. I belong to you, and you belong to me, and we’re in love.
We’re soulmates and that scares the shit out of me. ”
“It doesn’t have to,” I whispered, and he reached over and held my hands.
“After yesterday, talking to you about my mom, it made me realize so many things. It made me realize that a lot of my hurt and fear comes from my mom and dad’s relationship.
He was mentally and emotionally abusive, and she didn’t know how to cope.
I think she probably suffered from depression as well.
And my dad did nothing to help. I hate him for the man that he is, but I also realized this morning, when you left me in bed and came out here, I didn’t want to be him.
And I didn’t want to be the man hiding away from my feelings because I was scared.
I love you, Mila. I love you as I’ve never loved anyone before in my life.
We were destined to be together. I feel that in my soul.
Do you know that? Do you know how much you mean to me?
How much you’ve always meant to me? It’s scary,” he said, his eyes blazing into mine.
“If I mean half as much to you as you mean to me, then yes, I know,” I said, smiling at him.
“Look, there’s something I need to tell you.” His face changed to one of anguish.
“What is it, Ryker?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this.” He sighed, and I could see that he was worried. “It might change everything, and I understand if it does, but I can’t not tell you.”
“You’re scaring me, Ryker. Please just tell me.”
“So, all the calls I’ve been getting, and this whole engagement, well, it’s not what you think.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.
“Our engagement—it wasn’t about me, or impressing the board, or any of that.
” He took a deep breath. “It’s about your family’s company.
It’s in trouble. Real trouble. Your parents will probably be bankrupt in the next three to six months.
Nonno knew, has known for a while, that it’s not doing well.
They haven’t listened to any of his advice, so he came to me.
” He took a deep breath. “He wanted me to help him make sure that his company, his investment, and legacy to you didn’t go down the drain. ”
“What are you talking about, Ryker? How could it go down the drain? How could you help?”
“You have fifty-one percent of the shares in the company. You can make all the decisions.”
“But that’s just in name.” I shook my head, still confused. “I haven’t done anything.”
“When we got engaged, you gave me power of attorney. I’m able to control the company.
” He gazed into my eyes. “Today I’m going to sign a contract that allows my father to purchase your company for ten million dollars.
This is what Nonno wanted. This is what he wanted me to do.
And he didn’t want anyone to know. He knew your parents wouldn’t do it.
He knows my dad might tear the company apart, but he doesn’t care.
He wants to make sure you’re taken care of, Mila.
He loves you with all his heart and, well, he can’t live knowing that you might be left with nothing. ”
“What? What are you talking about? You’re signing my family’s company away to your dad?” My jaw dropped. “You used me?”
“I didn’t want to do it. I haven’t even done it yet.
It’s been killing me, Mila. I’ve been going back and forth on what to do.
I feel like I’m betraying you every time I even think about the contract.
I hate myself. I’m only doing it because I made a promise to Nonno.
He begged me to help him with this. He said if I cared about you at all, I would do it because it was in your best interest. I agreed before I fully understood what it would be like to have to deceive you. ”
“Why the fake engagement?” I asked, my heart pounding and my chest constricting as I tried to comprehend what he was telling me.
“Because it was the only way to get the power of attorney through a contract.” He paused. “It was all Nonno’s idea.”
“He knew I loved you. How could he do this to me? Didn’t he know it would just hurt me even more?”
“I think he could see that I loved you as well.” Ryker gave me a half-smile. “Maybe he was trying to give me a push. See what we could have.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” I looked away from him, deeply hurt.
“And it worked, Mila. I did come to my senses. I love you more than life itself, and I might not have realized that if not for this craziness.”
“I suppose.” I rubbed my forehead, not sure how I was feeling. “It’s a lot to take in, Ryker.”
“I know.” He nodded. “There’s something else.”
“Oh, God,” I groaned. “What now?”
“So, Barbie? She kinda knows the plan, and she’s kinda dating my dad.”
“WHAT?” I screamed out loud. “Are you kidding me? Fucking Barbie knows?”
“Well, she doesn’t know everything. She thinks I’m doing this for my dad because I want a seat on the board.
She thinks I’m doing it begrudgingly. She doesn’t know that Nonno is in on it, and she doesn’t know that we’re way overpaying for the company.
” He smiled at me. “So while she’s gloating, I’m smiling inside. ”
“Smiling inside?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Smiling for the great deal. Not the deception.”
“Oh, Ryker.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “This is so much to understand and take on. I just don’t know how to feel.”
“Can you forgive me?” he asked, his eyes worried. “Do you still love me?”
“I can forgive you, Ryker. Promise me there are no more secrets.” I looked deeply into his eyes. “Moving forward, we have to be honest with each other.”
“There are no more secrets,” he said, his eyes earnest. “I—I love you more than life itself. You know that. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing I wouldn’t do to be with you. Everything I do is to protect you. Please always know and remember that.”
“I love you, Ryker. As long as we are honest with each other, nothing can break us apart.”
“So we’ll sign the paperwork?” he asked me stiffly, and I nodded.
“If that’s what Nonno wants, then we’ll do it.” I sighed. “My parents will kill me, but I trust Nonno with everything. I’m going to kill him when I see him next, though. I can’t believe he would keep this a secret from me.”
“I think part of it was him hoping we’d get together,” Ryker said. “I think he wants me to take over his role. He wants me to love, protect, and guide you. He must have seen how much I loved you from the start.”
“I don’t need anyone to guide me.” I rolled my eyes at him, and he laughed.
“Shall we go back to the office?”
“Only if you promise me I can bitch-slap that ho, Barbie.”
“You have my blessings.” He laughed, and we grinned at each other happily. I felt as if my heart would burst with happiness and excitement, yet I still had a sense of unease and worry. Was everything going too perfectly? Had it all turned around too easily?