15. Rosy
FIFTEEN
ROSY
We reach my door, and my heart pounds a quick staccato in my chest. My palms feel sweaty, and panic keeps flickering through me over whether he can feel the dampness. In between those flickers, though, there is something else… Heat over having his hand curled around mine.
It was hard to tell whether he was interested or not. He’s not obvious in his flirting like Max is; instead, he’s quiet and watchful. But when he wrapped his pinky around mine earlier, my stomach twisted in knots, hyperaware of the simple touch.
He makes me feel intoxicated and breathless at the same time.
Turning to him, my gaze drops down to our joined hands, and I flounder, trying to decide what to say. The contact is both too much and not enough.
I think I want more.
His hand reaches out and cups my chin, tilting it up so we’re staring at each other, and a coarse thumb tugs the lip I didn’t know I was gnawing on away from my teeth.
I glance up into his eyes, but his gaze is fixed on my mouth.
My tongue slips out, soothing the bitten skin and wetting my lip. His breath stutters.
Mouth parting, I try to summon some words to end the awkward moment of silence, but I come up blank. The palm holding my hand tugs me forward into his space, and the air puffs out of my lungs.
Nate cranes my head further up, then he leans down. A thrill skitters down my spine, but he stops right before our lips collide, and I sway forward, desperate for a taste.
“Say yes, Rosy.” His breath caresses my parted lips, and I inhale, sucking his words inside.
“Yes.” It rushes out on a quiet exhale.
His mouth closes the distance and covers mine, not attacking but dominant. His tongue slides into my mouth and lays claim. Ownership; that’s what it feels like, like he’s taken claim and decided that I’m his.
The kiss finishes long before I’m ready. He steps back, his hand on my chin the only touch remaining as he strokes his thumb across my puffy, swollen lips.
Blinking rapidly, I try to calm my thundering heartbeat, as Nate casually leans against the wall, like we didn’t just share an earth-shattering first kiss.
The keys fumble my hand, and it takes an awkward number of tries before I can get the right key in the lock and open my door.
My heart lurches when I turn around and find him peering down at me, his bulk braced against the frame. He reaches out and strokes a thick digit down the side of my jaw, then grips me firmly and plants a lingering kiss against my lips.
“Goodnight, Rosy.”
He steps back and pulls the door closed with him, effectively closing my own door on me.
Cupping my jaw with my palm, I try to recall the feel of his touch on my skin again. Tingles charge through me, and a startled, excited noise bursts out of me. I quickly cover my mouth as the noise turns into a muffled laugh.
I just kissed Nate. Twice.
Fuck, no. He kissed me.
“That didn’t look platonic.”
Jumping at the sudden voice, my hand flies to my chest.
“Steph, you scared the shit out of me,” I rasp, trying to calm my racing heart.
Being around Nate, having him kiss me, then being scared by Steph all in mere minutes can’t be good for it. Willing it to return to normal, I push off from the door and walk down the hallway.
“Not my fault you were Nate-dreaming away. Honestly, not the one I thought you would have gone for. A bit too surly and grouchy for me. Noah has that clean-cut-but-will-ravish-you-in-the-bedroom-with-all-the-orgasms vibe about him. Or I bet Max would be up for a lot of fun. That man has so much energy, I bet he would go all night and even compete with himself.” She mockingly fans her face with a hand as we step into the kitchen.
I hand over a package of leftovers, then turn and grab a glass, filling it up with water before hopping onto a stool at the island.
“Do you want me to get their numbers for you?” I offer, but the idea has my gut roiling in protest, and that makes me feel guilty.
“Ew, no. I want them for you. I will stick to tits and vaginas, thank you very much.” Disgust crinkles her face, and she pretends to gag. “But I still want to know what led up to that kiss. How was it?”
I hide my face in my hands. “I don’t even know. One minute he was holding my hand and the next he was asking if he could kiss me. I said yes, then his lips hit mine, and my brain short-circuited,” I finish, peering out from between my fingers at her.
She tears at the foil packaging and removes a slice of the three-cheese pizza. “A consenter, nice. I bet it was hot, being nailed by that growly look of his.” Shoving the slice into her mouth, she chews, then smirks.
“What do you think it meant?” Not being able to sit still with all my thoughts and the static energy buzzing beneath my skin, I get up and pace back and forth in the small kitchen area. “Should I message him? What would I even say?”
“Oh my god, stop. You’re giving me heartburn with all this pacing.
” She grabs a napkin and wipes her mouth.
“Even I could feel the heat from in here, so I would say he is definitely interested. You can message if you want, but there’s no hard rule that says you have to, and you don’t even need to mention the kiss.
Just send a random message with whatever pops into your head.
” She shrugs, picks up her pizza slice, and continues eating.
“Also, this pizza is so good,” she groans.
Inspiration hits. I grin and grab my phone from the counter. Before Steph can clock on, I snap a quick photo as she takes another huge bite.
“You did not!” Her screech is muffled by the food still stuffed in her mouth. A string of cheese hangs connecting her mouth and the slice in her hand.
“I did too. You said text whatever pops into my head.” I snicker, and quickly send the message before I can second-guess myself…or Steph manages to tackle me in time.
Me
Thank you all for dinner tonight. It was honestly so good. I enjoyed spending time with you. Steph also says thank you. *inserts photo*
Shitballs.
“He’s typing back already.” The butterflies swirl inside my gut, and I can’t tell if it’s from giddiness or panic. How can people even tell the difference?
“Tell him if he shares that picture with anyone, I’ll chop his balls off,” Steph threatens, but with her cheeks puffed up like a hamster overloaded on dough and cheese, it’s hard to take the threat too seriously.
GymAlpha
I enjoyed every moment with you, especially the goodnight kiss.
GymAlpha
Come for dinner tomorrow? Bry said he’s glad that Steph liked it. She’s welcome to join us, or he can make extra to take back for her.
His second message pings through before I have time to digest the first. Pursing my lips, I try to contain the smile that wants to break free. Letting it out feels almost like I’m jinxing this bubble of happiness.
“What’s the smile for? You can’t leave me hanging. What did he say?” Steph’s pizza’s forgotten now, her attention fixed firmly on me and the phone in my hand.
Turning it around, I show her the screen, letting the memorised words float around in my mind.
“Definitely interested. See I told you,” she gloats, resting her chin smugly in her palm, elbow mere millimetres away from being planted into the gooey cheese.
My eye twitches slightly, and I kind of wish she’d stuck it right in; karma for her gloating.
“That is a seriously ugly photo of me. Do I really look like that when I eat? I’m never going on a dinner date again,” she rants.
“Also, you better say yes to the invite for tomorrow, but tell him I’ll just take the doggy bag” she fires off, reaching out to snag my glass of water and taking a sip before continuing. “I’m never eating around people again.”
“No one thinks you’re ugly when you eat. No one can actually make eating pizza look attractive,” I placate, then turn my attention back to Nate’s message.
I blow out a breath. This feels like a lot and so fast.
Exhaustion invades my bones from trying to juggle two jobs, the rescue, fostering, and now them…
No, not them.
Just Nate.
He made a move, I reciprocated, so now that decision has been made for me. Max and I will just be friends, and the same goes for Noah and Bry. A pang hits my chest, and it feels like it’s being tugged apart.
Steph leans over the counter, her hand settling on my wrist as I stare blankly down at my phone. “Why do we look sad? That was a good message, right?” she asks, clueless to the selfish emotions curling inside me.
“No, it is a good message. I think I’m just a little overwhelmed and exhausted,” I half lie, not wanting to tell her the whole truth.
“Oh, sweets, that’s okay. You don’t have to go there tomorrow. Saying no doesn’t finish anything you two might have started.” She shrugs, her head tilting as she watches me. “Why don’t you suggest another day? Take a little time to recharge your batteries.”
Leaning back, my face furrows as I try to figure out how to respond.
Me
I’d love to come over for dinner again. Would Friday be okay?
GymAlpha
Friday’s good. I’ll let the guys know. You can save the kisses I’ll miss. Get some sleep.
Even when he’s not with me, it still feels like he’s trying to look after me. I’m so used to looking after myself and other people; it feels good to have someone want to be there for me too.
Steph raises her eyebrow. “So? What did you say?”
“I suggested Friday instead. He replied already and said yes,” I update, trailing a fingertip across my lips as I recall the feel of his mouth pressed against mine.
“Good plan. Plus, that doesn’t mean you can’t message each other until then. Get a little flirty…” she drawls.
I roll my eyes.
Nope, nope, nope.
There’s no way I’m continuing this conversation any longer.
“So how’s it going with coffee shop girl?” I drop the question in, knowing it will distract her from pushing the topic further.
A dreamy smile spreads across her sharp features, and she cups her chin with both hands.
“I think I like her. She’s just so intuitive and thoughtful, you know?
Like, she just seems to know what to say or do without me needing to voice it.
We went to an amazing bakery for our last date, picked up some snacks, then sat in the park and had the cutest picnic. ”
“A picnic sounds so nice. Do you think it’s becoming more than something casual?”
Her nose scrunches, and her brows dip slightly.
It’s unusual to see Steph like this. Since I moved in, she’s been adamant she doesn’t have time for anything serious and usually has short flings, then moves on.
Whilst I’m happy to support whatever option she chooses for herself, it’s been nice seeing her this excited and wrapped up in another person.
“I don’t know. I did my usual spiel at the start and told her I’m not looking for anything serious. She seemed okay with it. But now I’m not sure I’m okay with it…”
Concern for her creeps in. I hop off my stool, round the counter, then wrap my arms around her from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder and holding her in a tight squeeze.
“You don’t have to think about it or make any decisions yet. But you’re also allowed to change your mind too.”
A long sigh escapes her, and I feel the weight of it.
“Thanks. I know you’re right; I’m just feeling a little confused, I think, and I’m unsure what I want.
Part of me wants to dive in headfirst with her, get caught up in the whirlwind of it.
But the other part keeps reminding me I wanted to avoid something like this, and it’s hard to ignore that part. ”
Giving her one more squeeze, I let go and walk around to lean on the counter in front of her.
“So don’t ignore it. Keep listening to both parts.
Don’t rush into something you aren’t ready for, and see where things go for a bit longer.
You can also talk to her about it too, but if you don’t want to, then you can just vent it all out to me,” I promise, unsure what the right thing to tell her to do is. Is there ever a right or wrong way?
“Thank you.” Her words feel weighted with her thoughts, but she manages a small smile.
“When are you next seeing each other?” I enquire, trying to stifle a yawn as the ever-present exhaustion rises again.
“Friday,” Steph confirms, and her serious thoughts are brushed away as she smiles wider with her words. “So you're more than welcome to bring Nate back here after dinner,” she says with a sly tease.
For someone adamant about avoiding getting attached to anyone, she’s very keen to push me towards someone.
“And that’s my cue to go to bed.” I push off the counter with a laugh, then grab my phone and glass of water.
Loud cackling follows my hasty retreat.