Chapter 15 #3
“Neither did I,” I admit. “They’re like a pack of very large, very noisy puppies. Once one decides to go somewhere, they all follow.”
She places the cup carefully on the counter, handling it with a reverence that makes my chest tighten. “They care about you.”
“They’re nosy,” I correct her, but I can’t keep the affection from my voice.
“That too.” She glances around the space, taking in the details. The fresh flowers I put on the table this morning, the new coffee maker, the stack of books I thought she might like. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“I wanted to.” I step closer, close enough to catch that scent that’s uniquely her. “Is it okay? The space, I mean.”
She nods, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s perfect. And it means a lot, thank you, Shepherd.” Her eyes meet mine, and there’s something in them that makes my chest tighten.
For a moment, we just stand there in her new kitchen, the sounds of my teammates and brothers laughing in the distance. I want to touch her, to brush that strand of hair from her face, but I don’t. I’m letting her set the pace, just like I promised.
“You didn’t have to invite them to stay,” I tell her. “I know they can be a lot.”
She laughs, and that sound still does something to me. “Actually, I wanted them to. They make me laugh and I haven’t laughed in a while. I’m sorry to have put you on the spot about the pizza. You can charge me double rent if you want.”
For the first time since she ran straight into my arms at the bar the other night she looks like someone who might actually feel safe here, which means inviting a bunch of idiots to move some boxes might have been the best accidental decision I’ve made all week.
“Five dollars it is then.”
I offer her my hand and to my surprise, she takes it. “Perfect. Put it on my tab.”
I tug her hand as she heads for the door, my heart suddenly racing. “Wait. There’s one more thing.”
She turns back, those coffee-colored eyes catching the light in a way that makes my chest ache. “What?”
My fingers tremble slightly as I hold up a Portland Rush keychain. Two keys dangle from the ring, as I place them in her palm. “These are for you.”
Her fingers curl around them. “What is this?”
“This one,” I say, my voice dropping lower as I hold the silver key, “is a key to this house.” I brush the gold key next, letting my fingertips linger against her warm skin. “And this one is a key to the main house. My house.”
Her brows pinch together, and something vulnerable flashes across her face. “Shepherd, why? I don’t need a key to your house.”
“Non-negotiable,” I tell her, my voice softer than intended. “I need you to have it. Just in case.”
“Just in case what?” Her voice catches slightly.
In case you ever don’t want to be alone.
In case you ever need me.
In case you ever want…me.
I swallow hard. “Maybe you need something when I’m not here. Maybe you’re lonely. Maybe—” I pause, searching her eyes. “Maybe I just want to know you can reach me whenever you need to.”
She looks down at the keys, her fingers hovering uncertainly. I can see her walls threatening to rebuild themselves brick by brick. “Okay. Thank you. But I won’t be barging in. That’s your space.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” I say, trying to lighten the moment while my pulse hammers in my throat. “But you’re welcome. Any time.”
She grins, but there’s something raw behind it. “So, I can sneak in and whisper creepy incantations over you while you sleep?”
I laugh, grateful for the break in tension even as my chest tightens with something unnamed. “Do your worst, Price, but you should know my parents taught me to reach out and snuggle monsters in my room at night because they probably just need some extra love.”
“Hmm.” Her eyes search mine. “A lot to unpack there.”
“Yeah.” I hold her gaze, letting her see something I usually keep hidden. “Anyway, now you have a key to my place and you’re welcome there. Always.”
“Thank you, Shepherd.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
I clear my throat. “One more key.”
“Oh, for what?” Her voice lifts with curiosity.
I hold up the third key, a sleek black fob with the Honda logo, my pulse quickening as I watch her face. “And this one is for the CR-V in the garage.”
Her eyes widen, something like panic flashing across her face. “Absolutely not.”
“Sutton—” My voice breaks on her name.
“No.” She steps back, shaking her head, her shoulders tensing as if bracing for impact. “A place to stay is one thing. A car is something else entirely.”
I hold out the key, letting it dangle between us, feeling the weight of what it represents. “You need transportation. The guest house is a bit isolated. You can’t walk everywhere from here.”
“I’ve managed just fine with the bus system and my own two feet for years,” she argues, crossing her arms over her chest, her voice trembling with what might be pride or fear.
The bandage on her hand stands out stark white against her dark sleeve, a reminder of her vulnerability that makes my chest ache. “I don’t need your charity car.”
“It’s not a charity car,” I explain, keeping my voice calm even though my heart is pounding against my ribs.
I need her to take these keys, to accept this small piece of security I can offer.
“It’s transportation and I barely ever drive it.
It just sits there most of the time. Besides, you’d be doing me a favor. ”
“Oh really?” She lets out a noise that sounds like a half scoff and half laugh, but her eyes betray her. There’s hope there, and fear, and something softer. “How so?”
“Well, first of all, buses don’t come out this far. You’d have to take a taxi or Uber into town to the nearest bus stop.” I swallow hard, watching her face fall.
“Oh.” The single syllable carries the weight of disappointment.
“And so far I’ve been able to remain relatively isolated from the public out here.” I step closer, drawn to her like gravity. “There aren’t a ton of people who know where I live and…”
“And if I call Ubers and Taxis, people will start to figure it out.” Her voice softens with understanding.
I nod, relief washing through me. “Exactly.” I place the key in her good hand, my fingers lingering as I fold hers over it, feeling the warmth of her skin against mine.
“So that’s why you’d really be doing me a favor if you just drive my other car.
I promise it’s in pristine condition. Take it whenever and wherever you want. ”
Sutton looks down at the key fob in her palm, her expression a mixture of disbelief and something that makes my heart stutter—gratitude, maybe, or the beginning of trust. For a moment, she just stares at it, her thumb tracing over the Honda logo, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks as she blinks rapidly.
“I can’t accept this,” she says finally, her voice barely above a whisper, but her grip on the key tightens instead of loosening, her knuckles whitening.
“You can,” I counter gently, reaching out to brush my fingertips against her wrist, feeling her pulse jump beneath my touch. “And you already are.”
She glances up at me, and there’s that fire in her eyes, the one that makes my heart rate kick up a notch. “You’re making it really hard to maintain my independence here, Haynes.”
“I know,” I admit. “But I’m not trying to take it away, I promise. I’m just trying to make sure you have options.”
Her lips press together, and I can see her weighing everything in her mind. The practicality versus the pride. The need versus the want to stand completely on her own.
“Fine,” she says after what feels like an eternity. “But I’m filling the tank whenever I use it.”
I hold up my hands in surrender. “Deal.”
She lays the key on the counter behind her and then gestures toward the door with a quick nod of her head.
“Can we go eat now before you hand me more things I don’t need but have a hard time saying no to because I know you mean well and you’re not trying to be an overbearing dick?
At this rate, I’ll have a small island in the Pacific and joint custody of your firstborn by the end of dessert. ”
I mean…mothering my firstborn is not an idea I would frown upon.
I toss my head back in laughter. “Damn, you caught me. I was saving the deed to my vacation home for bedtime.” I take her hand in mine, feeling something electric pass between us.
“Come on. I’m starving, and the sooner we eat, the sooner I can show you the litter of puppies I got you to keep you company. ”
“Shepherd?” It’s her turn to tug my hand as I head out the door.
I turn back. “Yeah?”
“It was you, wasn’t it?”
I tilt my head. “What was me?”
“Portland Pantry. Kyler’s sister. You asked her to do that, didn’t you? You stocked that pantry full.”
My shoulders fall as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Are you mad?”
She silently shakes her head, but her eyes soften as she stares at me. “I’m not mad. I…I can’t thank you enough. For all of this. For everything. I’ll never be able to repay you.”
“I’m not asking you to. I’ll never ask you to. That’s not why I did it.”
“Why did you do it?”
I inhale a deep breath and cup her cheek in my hand. “Because you mean something to me. And because it was the least I could do and when you told me about it I wanted to help.”
“So why didn’t you just tell me?” Fuck me, she almost looks hurt that I kept the truth from her.
“Because I didn’t want you to think I was flinging money around.
And I didn’t want you to think I was trying to buy your affection.
That’s not me. That’s not the kind of guy I am.
But I am the kind of guy who wants to take care of people.
Everyone deserves to eat. I wasn’t about to let it go once you told me about it.
That would’ve made me an inconsiderate asshole especially when I have the means to help. ”
She stares at me for a quiet few seconds and internally I panic not being able to read her mind. “I’m sorry, Sutton. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t.” She shakes her head. “You’re….” She exhales a soft breath. “You’re incredible and I appreciate you more than you could ever know. Thank you for what you did for all those families. And for me.”
She reaches up on her tip toes and places a chaste kiss on my lips. Her warmth pressing against me like a cozy hug.
“Always.”