20. Brian
CHAPTER 20
Mighty Swallows Stick it to Chickens in a Total Shut-Out!
Three cheers for The Mighty Swallows! Our team took home the W at their first away match of the season against the Spring Chickens Assisted Living Center in a 6-0 shut-out! Though crowd morale was bubbling, team spirits seemed settled at a simmer for the Saturday, subduing the usually jubilant post-match celebrations.
Attendees also noticed that one Brian Gosling, Captain Gander’s recent catch, wasn’t present. Perhaps that contributed to her sour mood during the match?
The special Sunday edition of the Pecker catches my eye as I pick up my bacon breakfast sandwich and red-eye at Bun in the Oven. The little cafe is quickly becoming one of my favorite local establishments: the coffee’s good, the bacon is the perfect combination of chewy meat and crispy fat, and the bagels are fresh-baked.
Maybe there’s something to living in a small town with its charms.
And loathe as I am to admit it, even the Nosy Pecker with its insufferable gossip has its perks. For example, I’m able to keep up on town news: who’s engaged, what local businesses are having a sale, and what my supposed girlfriend is up to.
Kodi’s been suspiciously distant since her appointment on Tuesday. And as much as I understand her discomfort being around me after everything she saw (and I mean everything), I’m starting to feel a little offended. Sure, I’m not the most manscaped individual. But I mean, my equipment’s not lacking. I’d never gotten any complaints.
But my bruised ego isn’t the only issue. I need more one-on-one help with Medi-Cal, and that’s hard to schedule when she doesn’t return my texts. I was able to read through her notes and figure out how to set up a catalog of session and appointment types and bill for them appropriately, but my record keeping is still all over the place. I have no idea if I’m following HIPAA guidelines with my password management system. And while I’ve been trying to remember everything she pointed out during the brief tutoring session we had after her appointment last week, I keep getting distracted by everything else that pops up when I think of her.
It’s not just that she saw me naked.
She made me lose my healy hands.
It was just a second, I know. She likely didn’t even notice. But as I was following the line of her spine along to her hips my mind wandered, and before I knew it…
I wasn’t touching her like a doctor anymore. I was touching her like a man.
And that’s not okay.
I finish my sandwich and leave my folded Pecker on the table, heading out to get my to-do list sorted for the day. Of course, half the shops in town are closed on Sundays, so I need to drive to the outskirts of the city to pick up the few office supplies I realized I didn’t have this week: including a decent WiFi router for my office.
In fact, I should probably password-protect that too, right?
Damn cyber security. I didn’t go into health care to fight internet hackers.
By the time I arrive at the nearest Most Buy in Spitz Hollow, my brain is all sorts of twisted about Kodi. I’ve started to spiral: going from feeling conflicted, to feeling frustrated, to being angry about her not keeping up her end of the deal. At this point, I’ve adjusted her knee–what, three times? And all she’s given me is a couple kisses and some old notes. Good kisses, granted.
Really good kisses.
But that doesn’t mean I should let her take advantage of me. This is supposed to be a fake relationship we both benefit from, after all. And a scribble-filled binder from Tuft Swallow Community College and a case of blue balls are hardly benefits.
I’m fuming when I enter the store, storming over to the connectivity section where the routers and modems live. I’m staring at the selection for what feels like hours before I finally hear someone clear their throat behind me.
“Lost?”
“Actually, yeah I–” the rest of my sentence evaporates. Because standing before me, looking extra tasty in his Lucky-brand jeans and rumpled white button-down over a vintage Atari t-shirt, is Zeke.
“Hey B. Long time, and all that.” He grins, and the one dimple in his left cheek that was always my fucking Achilles heel dents in like a dream. I swallow.
“Hey Zeke,” I choke. “Y-yeah, been a minute. How ya been?”
“Alright I reckon. Won a toss yesterday, so feeling a little knackered after spending all night at the pub, but duty calls, you know?”
My throat feels like sandpaper.“Yeah. What are you shopping for?”
“Flash drives. Never can have enough of the bloody things. You?”
“WiFi router.”
“Ahhh, hence the thousand-meter stare.” He chuckles, and I can feel my face heat. He always did think it was cute how terrible I was with anything and everything computer-related. He was my personal IT guy, back when…
Well, I guess not anymore.
He leans down and plucks a white box with blue and black lettering, the font color literally being the only thing to discern it from the twenty other identical boxes on the shelf. “You want to go with this one. Fast, good range, compatible with anything, and quick set-up.” He leans in close and places it in my basket, then murmurs next to my ear, “It’s the one I got my mum when she needed me to set up her flat.”
His proximity sends little pulses down my spine, but I do my best to keep my smile polite as I thank him.
He raises an eyebrow. “I could help you set it up, you know, if you need–”
“Oh, no thanks. Kodi can help me, I’m sure.”
I’m not sure. But I can’t let him follow me back to town. The trees have eyes. With binoculars.
His dark eyes flash. “Ah yes, the Captain. How’s that going, then? Between you two?”
“Good,” I lie. He snickers.
“Right, right. I hear they won their match yesterday too.”
“Yep.”
He grins. “You saw it in the paper?”
“Yeah, I–” I start to answer, then catch myself. He’s laying a trap. Testing you. I wasn’t at the match yesterday. And he knows that. His smile widens, baring his electric white teeth. “I mean, Kodi called me right after to tell me, of course.”
“Shame you couldn’t be there for her.”
“Oh, I–”
“I understand. You’re a busy man. Hopefully she can keep you on the hook. I’m sure someone like her wouldn’t want to let a catch like you swim away.” He winks at me as he says that, and I swear my ribs turn to putty.
What is he implying? That she isn’t good enough for me? That I’m not good enough for him?
Then he takes a deep breath and shifts his basket of flash drives to his other hand. “Well, B, it was great catching up. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
“Yeah, uh. See you around, Z.”
He turns the corner of the aisle, and I lazily swing one foot in front of the other down row after row of printing paper until I’m certain he’s left the store. Then I collapse into one of the display office chairs and put my face in my hands.
Oh God. He knows. He has to know that I’m not actually dating Kodi.
Otherwise, why would he ask those questions? And that grin when he realized I didn’t go to her game?
Fuck. He’s going to try to use that to fuck with her, I’m sure. With me.
Wait. I straighten in the surprisingly comfortable ergonomic leather seat. Why would he be interested in sabotaging my relationship with Kodi? Unless…
Does he want me back?
Unbidden, my brain plays back our entire interaction on repeat, slowing down in the moment he leaned in close to my ear. Offered to help me install my router. Winked at me.
Fucking hell. He wants me.
Leaning back, I let the leather wings of the backrest cradle my shoulders as I let that information sink in. This stupid plan of Kodi’s is actually working. It’s helping me win Zeke back.
Which means, I need to double down. Keep up the act until Zeke gets jealous enough to come crawling back.
But Kodi’s right. If the Nosy Pecker got wind I was seeing the rival team captain, everyone in town would know about it instantly. And all of them would boycott me for sleeping with the enemy.
Literally.
I lean my head back on the padded neck cushion and file through the implications of all of this. If this is going to work, my feelings for Zeke are going to need to stay under wraps until after the championship game. The easiest way to cover up those feelings is to get closer to Kodi.
I need to start going to these cornhole matches. I need to show vocal support for my girl, do the things that will make Zeke more jealous. But he isn’t going to believe it if it’s just a weak act.
I need to spend more time with her, learn more about her, be better about being seen with her in public. Otherwise, people will believe The Nosy Pecker and think we’re on the outs.
If I know anything about Zeke, it’s that he’s fickle. He won’t want to make something official until he’s sure he can’t get it any other way. And convincing him, and all of Tuft Swallow, that Kodi Gander is my girlfriend, truly is the best way to make him take a stand.
He always wants what he can’t have.
Which means I have to make myself undeniably unavailable.
It isn’t easy, but I pull myself from my thoughts and the indecently comfortable chair and take my purchases up to the front to check out.
“Anything else I can help you with today?”
“I’m goo–” I start to say, and then pause. “Actually, can I get one of those office chairs, too?”
The next day as I’m sitting at my desk in my fancy new executive lounger and messing with Medi-Cal, again. Rain pounds against the windows of the foyer, and the taps and splats are loud enough to battle the sound of Louis Prima playing in my office. After about twenty-five minutes of battling with preferences menus, I finally cave in and realize I need help.
Kodi’s help.
“You have reached Kodi Gander. Please leave a message.”
Fuck, I think to myself as I hear the voicemail tone beep. “Hey, Kodi, it’s Brian. Wondering if we could do another barter soon? I’m messing with Medi-Cal and it’s just kicking my ass right now. Hope your knee is doing okay. And congrats on the win this weekend! Anyway, call me back when you get this?”
When I hang up, I already have a text from her waiting for me.
Kodi
Hey, sorry I missed your call. Doc’s on a rampage. Call you back during lunch?
Me
Sure.
Once that’s sent, I remember my realization the day before about needing to make more of an effort as Kodi’s fake boyfriend.
Me
Actually, why don’t I take you out for lunch? I know a good pizza place.
I don’t hear back right away, but that seems to be par for the course when Kodi is at work. Dr. Cratchet, who I already have a pretty low opinion of after seeing the kinds of prescriptions he’d written for Kodi’s knee pain, seems to be just the worst kind of boss. Micromanage-y, weirdly inappropriate… I’m not entirely sure why she even puts up with him. Surely with her skills she could find a decent office job just about anywhere?
My phone buzzes, but this time, it isn’t Kodi.
Nick
Brian. Emergency at the gym. Can you get here and help out one of the fighters? He twisted something real bad.
I jump out of my chair at the message from Nick. After seeing him last week, he’d made it absolutely clear he wanted to work with me to see to his fighters’ health. This is my chance to prove it to the rest of the guys there.
Me
Put ice on it. I’ll be right there.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” D’Shawn groans as I palpate the muscle around his hip. “Goddamnit, Doc, that hurts like a bitch!”
“Yeah he doesn’t fuck around.” Nick pats D’Shawn on the shoulder, and he flinches. I’m not sure if his reaction is to Nick, or the fact that I just found another bunch of angry fascia across his iliotibial band.
“Well it’s no wonder you twisted it,” I say. “Your IT band is crazy tight, man. It was only a matter of time before something got out of alignment. You need to stretch more.”
“I stretch!”
“Not these muscles.” I stick my thumb into the proximal end of his sartorius, which happens to be located in an unfortunate spot under the ridge of his pelvis. It doesn’t exactly look pretty when seen by outside observers.
“Jesus Christ, dude, he’s gonna crush your nutsack.”
Nick glares at the guy who muttered, putting a stop to a chorus of chuckles behind me. “Brian’s a pro. He knows what needs crushing.”
“We hear you fight, too,” One of the fighters, a young blonde guy who I’m pretty sure I’ve seen in uniform once or twice around town. “When are we going to get to face you in the ring?”
“Pretty sure he’s coming to class on Wednesday.” Nick catches my eye and smiles. I nod.
“Yep. That’s the plan.”
D’Shawn’s breathing has finally smoothed out a bit, now that I’ve tackled the worst of it. He gingerly stretches out his leg and swings it back and forth.
“How’s it feel?”
I watch him get up off the folding table I brought with me to the gym and slowly walk around in a circle on the mats.
“Uh…” He takes a few steps before committing to an answer. “Good? Yeah. Yeah! I feel pretty good!”
His stride grows more confident and his steps more sure as he realizes his leg can hold his weight. I grin at him.
“Well, take it easy for the next few days. No running. Let me show you some exercises you should do a few times a day to loosen up that IT band, too, otherwise you’re gonna be right back where you started in a week.”
“Yeah, you got it, Doc!”
“And everyone else, clear out! The 1:00 class gets here in five.” Nick claps his hands, and the fighters bow themselves off the mat and head to the changing rooms.
“Wait, what time is it?” I snap my head around to look at the clock. Dammit! I’ve been here way longer than I thought. Kodi’s lunch break is practically over, and I totally left her hanging. “Ah, fuck. One sec, D’Shawn, I gotta check my phone…”
“Uh-oh. Miss a date?” Nick winks at me as a knowing look crosses his features.
“Your lady ain’t gonna be too happy about that,” D’Shawn drawls.
I wave at them to hush as I check my voicemail.
“Hey Brian, this is Kodi. I just got off for lunch, wondering where you are. I tried texting, but didn’t get an answer… I guess we can try for dinner or something later? Let me know. Bye.”
“Damn,” I grumble, sending out a quick apology text and shoving my phone in my pocket. “I was supposed to take Kodi to lunch.”
“Oh shit, that’s right. Your girl is Kodi.” D’Shawn shakes his head at me, and I wonder a little at his expression. “Oh Captain, my Captain.”
“Yeah.” I let out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, you two have history or something?”
“No, no, just wondering how on earth someone got the ice queen to thaw long enough to get her number.”
Ice Queen?
“We talkin’ about Coach Kodi?” The blonde fighter from earlier comes out of the changing area dressed in his cop uniform, next to another blonde guy who seems to be a couple years younger. I see B. Pecker embroidered above the officer’s pocket.
Oh yeah, Pecker. What was his first name? Bill? Bob?
“Watch what you say, Brad, we got her boyfriend right here,” Nick chimes in from where he’s setting up some heavy bags.
Brad. That’s it.
The other blonde speaks up. “Tell us, man. Is she as intense in the sack as she is at practice? You like ‘em in control?”
Brad punches him in the arm, and the kid winces. “Not cool, man. Be respectful.”
“Uh…sorry guys, I’m a little confused here. What’s Kodi like at practice?”
“Brutal.”
“Tough as nails.”
“An absolute bitch.”
They all answer at the same time, and Brad punches the rude kid in the arm again.
“Hey!”
“Seriously, Logan, knock it off,” D’Shawn scolds him. “I get she embarrassed you at practice, but you were at least asking for it. Now the rest of us have to put up with her bad attitude.”
“Bad attitude? Really?” I look back and forth between the three guys. “She’s never seemed that way around me.”
“Maybe you got something special then, man, cause she’s never been anything but pure righteous determination ‘round us.”
I shake my head. None of the guys (except Logan) are saying anything particularly damning, but it’s clear in their stances and expressions that they don’t have the highest opinion of my fake girlfriend.
Are practices really that bad?
“Huh. I’m sorry, guys. Maybe I’ll talk to her about it.”
“No!” All four of them–even Nick–shout at me in unison. I flinch.
“Okay, okay, sorry for suggesting it!” I laugh nervously at their visceral reactions. “You all act like you’re afraid of her or something.”
A few glances are shared between them. I blink.
“You’re not, right? Afraid of her?”
There’s a pause, and then Officer Brad says, “she is a little scary, dude.”
“I can’t believe this. You all are literally fighters. You were just knocking the shit out of each other in here an hour ago. You’re telling me Kodi, my Kodi, at five-foot-four with a bad knee, scares you?”
“You haven’t seen her at practice.”
I chuckle in earnest then, shaking my head. “This is too much. How bad can she be?”
Again, silence rings across the gym. This time, no one offers any answers for me. I run my fingers through my hair.
“Alright. I guess I’ll need to see for myself then.”